Does a guy have to be financially stable if he wants to date casually?

June 19, 2015

Stayed tuned for posts from a needy, clingy, smothering dating partner that that says she thought things were going so well with a guy she threw herself at and can't understand why he won't date her anymore

throwing oneself at others tends to cheapen perceived value

June 19, 2015

Well, just cuz you're in something casual doesn't mean you treat the person like an un-paid ho.

That's why I felt so bad when my FWB and I ended. We weren't serious - but he bought me flowers, he was nice and a gentleman when we were together. He'd take me out to eat and stuff. That was nice...

- if you were dealing with a guy who actually loved you, chances are higher he would not want to leave you and would still be with you - this is the point I was trying to make.

June 19, 2015

- if you were dealing with a guy who actually loved you, chances are higher he would not want to leave you and would still be with you - this is the point I was trying to make.

Oh, I thought the point you and a couple others were making is that: a woman you see casually is not someone you have any requirement to spend money on.

And, my point is/was that - while I may have volunteered for casual RLs, that doesn't mean you're gonna treat me like an un-paid ho. You don't just call me up and expect me to drop everything to "serve" you. You gotta have some "suave" about you when arranging our meet ups (ie bringing over a bottle of wine, txting, sweet talkin' me).

What's so hard about what I want? If you went to a real hooker, she'd charge you - either by the hour and/or "activity". And she sure isn't gonna show any genuine enthusiasm. So, would it kill you to treat your casual chick with more sweetness?

See, these duffisses out there now a days are so clueless. They can't even do a casual thing with some tact.

My last FWB, he said from day one what it was...no, I didn't think he was in love with me. Additionally, I believe I was his "exit affair" that pushed him to end his marriage and like most people coming out of a LTR (especially the kind of horrible marriage he had), he didn't want to be tied down to me or anyone. Some men (like they said on Sex and the City) are like taxi cabs - if they aren't available (cab light on), doesn't matter if you're the best thing that happened to them.

And, while it hurt me, I respect his decision not to "jump" into anything with someone he was rolling around in bed with. Eh, but I was so hurt from all of it that I blocked him from emails, social media - etc. So, for sure he ain't gonna try to look me up for any reason. And yes, when I am done, I am done, and I want the guy out of my life...I don't look back.

June 19, 2015

Oh, I thought the point you and a couple others were making is that: a woman you see casually is not someone you have any requirement to spend money on.

And, my point is/was that - while I may have volunteered for casual RLs, that doesn't mean you're gonna treat me like an un-paid ho. You don't just call me up and expect me to drop everything to "serve" you. You gotta have some "suave" about you when arranging our meet ups (ie bringing over a bottle of wine, txting, sweet talkin' me).

What's so hard about what I want? If you went to a real hooker, she'd charge you - either by the hour and/or "activity". And she sure isn't gonna show any genuine enthusiasm. So, would it kill you to treat your casual chick with more sweetness?

See, these duffisses out there now a days are so clueless. They can't even do a casual thing with some tact.

My last FWB, he said from day one what it was...no, I didn't think he was in love with me. Additionally, I believe I was his "exit affair" that pushed him to end his marriage and like most people coming out of a LTR (especially the kind of horrible marriage he had), he didn't want to be tied down to me or anyone. Some men (like they said on Sex and the City) are like taxi cabs - if they aren't available (cab light on), doesn't matter if you're the best thing that happened to them.

And, while it hurt me, I respect his decision not to "jump" into anything with someone he was rolling around in bed with. Eh, but I was so hurt from all of it that I blocked him from emails, social media - etc. So, for sure he ain't gonna try to look me up for any reason. And yes, when I am done, I am done, and I want the guy out of my life...I don't look back.

Gloria, you shouldn't attempt to be in "FWB's" because you don't understand the concept or have the constitution for them. The fact that is you want to be treated like a priority, taken out on dates, and have effort put in. These things come with expectations which lead to feelings developing. This is why you ended up getting hurt and it defeats the whole purpose of a FWB/f**k buddy set up.

If you want a guy that will put in that effort, then focus on guys you can be in an actual relationship with. On a basic level FWB/f**k buddy relationships boil down to staying in, having sex, and enjoying good conversation/movies together. There are no dates, meet ups, or any romantic sentiments. If that's what you want, stop agreeing to be in a FWB/f**k buddy set up.

June 19, 2015

Ok, I'm certainly no authority, but I'll tell you my experience.

I don't know what your definition of financially secure is, but for me dating was expensive. I make 6 figures and it still beat me up financially. Now I am the kind of guy that likes to pay every time and if I'm going out I want the nicest places I can find. Matter of fact, I am going on a date tomorrow that will likely cost me somewhere around $700. Of course this is with a girl I am seeing steady, so it's a nice hotel in the city, front row tickets to Blue Man Group and a table at the best steakhouse in the city. It should be awesome. But even casually dating I found it was a good thing I drove a nice vehicle, had my own house and very good career. Some might call women who value this as shallow, but honestly, if I were a woman I would be looking to spend time with someone that has enough money to have fun and live the good life too.

Now the second part of your question has an answer that may surprise you. Casual dating in your 40's is in-friggin-sane. Never have I had the opportunity to bang so much strange in my life, and that includes when I was in college. Women my age are HORNY. Many are divorced and looking to have fun, so as much casual sex as you want is out there. WAY more than when I was in my 20's. They are either in mid-life crisis mode and looking to bang everything that moves, or they already had kids and marriage and are done with that and now it's their time to have fun. Yes, you will find the women that are desperate to settle down, and some are even trying to beat the baby clock (yes, mid-forties and still wanting to fertilize that egg). But there are plenty that are done with the drama and garbage and just want to party. Beware of the scores of married women that are looking to cheat- unless you are into that!

I agree with most of this....except for the part about it needing to be expensive.

Coffee or a couple of drinks only costs a few bucks. Banging is free.

June 19, 2015

If you want a guy that will put in that effort, then focus on guys you can be in an actual relationship with. On a basic level FWB/f**k buddy relationships boil down to staying in, having sex, and enjoying good conversation/movies together. There are no dates, meet ups, or any romantic sentiments. If that's what you want, stop agreeing to be in a FWB/f**k buddy set up.

Yeah, this is true. With the guy I mentioned in the multi-dating thread last week, he only saw us as casual and nothing every more. And when really thinking about money spent afterwards, I realized I was the only one who spent anything in our second time around (we were seeing if we could be a thing after breaking up). I learned from this, setting expectations and clear communication are key, so if it's a casual thing, don't expect him to spend a single dime on you, but that should be set from date one.

June 19, 2015

Gloria, you shouldn't attempt to be in "FWB's" because you don't understand the concept or have the constitution for them. The fact that is you want to be treated like a priority, taken out on dates, and have effort put in. These things come with expectations which lead to feelings developing. This is why you ended up getting hurt and it defeats the whole purpose of a FWB/f**k buddy set up.

If you want a guy that will put in that effort, then focus on guys you can be in an actual relationship with. On a basic level FWB/f**k buddy relationships boil down to staying in, having sex, and enjoying good conversation/movies together. There are no dates, meet ups, or any romantic sentiments. If that's what you want, stop agreeing to be in a FWB/f**k buddy set up.

I hear ya, but cuz of my intimacy issues, independence, and no desire for kids, hard to find a guy willing to stick around for just "me".

I mean, I ran into one on OLD, but he was far away and some LS posters discuss how they are in childless RLs that are working out, so I guess I'll just have to look harder for "me" out there with a penis...

June 19, 2015

Yeah, this is true. With the guy I mentioned in the multi-dating thread last week, he only saw us as casual and nothing every more. And when really thinking about money spent afterwards, I realized I was the only one who spent anything in our second time around (we were seeing if we could be a thing after breaking up). I learned from this, setting expectations and clear communication are key, so if it's a casual thing, don't expect him to spend a single dime on you, but that should be set from date one.

But see, I don't see it as "spending money" on me as if we were in a RL... I see it as tact and courtesy. I mean, I've seen guys with sugar babies, escorts, mistresses that aren't just a cold "hey, let's hook up" type thing...

Eh, but maybe the guys in casual things FWBs/FBs are so cold and "matter of fact" cuz they don't want women looking more into it. This chick called a radio show the other day confused that the guy just wanted to boink her, but cuddled, treated her nice, etc. And, the guys on the show reminded her not to look into the cuddling, etc cuz he already told her he only wants something casual.

Also, the spending money is also courtesy. When I go to visit family, friends, etc. I usually "bring" something (ie a box of cookies and/or something they need) and I'll even take them out for food/drinks...it's just what you "do"

June 19, 2015

And yes, there is the animalistic - let's hook up and just go at it times...

But then again, like the "ladies man" (lol) sometimes you gotta "put the moves" on a chick...and, that may require you bringing over some wine, brewskies, and/or taking her out for a drink - meal even

June 19, 2015

Oh, I get all of that. From my experience, I know not to expect anything if it's established that we are FWB and nothing else. Of course, I did learn from this and will never be in one of those situations again, but at the end of the day, I got hurt, he got some booty, and there's a no us now or ever again.

This thread echoed what I am feeling now which is why I wanted to reply. I'm having all the negative hurt feelings right now.

June 20, 2015

In short, yes. You want a non-committed relationship (don't call it a girlfriend because that cheapens the title. A girlfriend is someone you commit to) and want to date around. That's going to cost you, financially.

But in a non-committed relationship, the couple are still exclusive right? As in not allowed to see other people

June 20, 2015

But in a non-committed relationship, the couple are still exclusive right? As in not allowed to see other people

Yes, that is the way it should be. However, that's something you need to make sure you're on the same page there as well. Some people take exclusivity to mean only in terms of sex and not declaring boyfriend/girlfriend. They will only be sexual with that one person while still casually dating others without intimacy until they find another one they want to be intimate with. In which case, they "owe" it to the first one to tell them and move on. If they want a more committed relationship for themselves, it's likely they weren't as interested in the first one anyway if they've found one they want to be intimate with. For them, exclusivity is the period of evaluation before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend and commiting on that level.

Remember, even though neither of them want marriage, but want a long term committed relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend is all it would be and the point of, let's say, quasi, married

June 20, 2015

But in a non-committed relationship, the couple are still exclusive right? As in not allowed to see other people

Depends on the "contract" you lay out together when you decide - this is just casual.

But if it is truly casual then both can see other people.

Exclusivity in a casual relationship is not guaranteed, you are not bf/gf so why would you want to stay loyal?

If you want a loyal relationship then bf/gf is the way to go.

June 20, 2015

Like let's say the guy wants a girlfriend but at the same time he is not looking to get married or settle down yet, he still wants to play the field, does the guy still need to be financially stable, well-established, be living on his own if he just wants to date casually?

Also is there an age in which a guy is too old for casual dating, in which the older he gets, the only women he will be stuck with being able to date, are women that are looking to get married or settle down, are looking for a serious, committed, long-term relationship, etc.?

And should a guy pursue a certain age-range of women if he is not looking to get married or settle down, just wants something casual?

No, you do not need to be financially stable to date casually and play the field, but it helps. If you look at the qualities women are most sexually attracted to (again, not talking qualities that make women want to settle down), then money is not necessary.

No, there is never an age that you are too old for casual dating, and you will never be 'stuck' with only dating women who want to get married or settle down. I believe most women are open to a wide variety of romantic experiences, and depending on the guy in front of them, that will determine a lot. As long as you don't mislead women or act like a jerk, you're fine.

No, you don't need to pursue a certain age range. Women of all ages want to be swept off their feet.

June 20, 2015

No, you do not need to be financially stable to date casually and play the field, but it helps. If you look at the qualities women are most sexually attracted to (again, not talking qualities that make women want to settle down), then money is not necessary.

No, there is never an age that you are too old for casual dating, and you will never be 'stuck' with only dating women who want to get married or settle down. I believe most women are open to a wide variety of romantic experiences, and depending on the guy in front of them, that will determine a lot. As long as you don't mislead women or act like a jerk, you're fine.

No, you don't need to pursue a certain age range. Women of all ages want to be swept off their feet.

Can anyone else confirm this? More than likely i will be pursuing women in their 20's, especially early 20's women, because I want to experience dating the type of women I missed out on when I was younger

June 21, 2015

Is there an age range in which a man is stuck in cougar town? In which the only women he will be able to date and sleep with are women in their 30's and older?

June 29, 2015

does anyone know of any guys in their mid to late 20's, and older, who are not financially stable but still have good luck with the ladies, still able to get a girlfriend, have a dating life/sex life?

June 29, 2015

does anyone know of any guys in their mid to late 20's, and older, who are not financially stable but still have good luck with the ladies, still able to get a girlfriend, have a dating life/sex life?

Nearly all of my single male coworkers who are in that age range.

June 29, 2015

I knew a guy back in Jersey who lives either in an RV or a motel who is utterly disgusting and only makes his income from illegal activities and still gets women. He is like a real life version of Trevor from GTA V and he gets plenty of action.

June 29, 2015

Nearly all of my single male coworkers who are in that age range.

awesome, so they are like aged 25 and older, even 26, 27, 28, 29 and early 30's, not financially stable yet, don't have their career and finances in order yet but are still able to have a dating life/sex life?

June 29, 2015

Depends on the guy.

The more desirable, the less financially stable he's required to be, casual or not.

June 29, 2015

does anyone know of any guys in their mid to late 20's, and older, who are not financially stable but still have good luck with the ladies, still able to get a girlfriend, have a dating life/sex life?

I've only ever seen that happen with guys who are very violent and/or dangerous but also often broke and get things by stealing them. I guess that's also an income in a way though so they kind of still are financially stable

June 29, 2015

I've only ever seen that happen with guys who are very violent and/or dangerous but also often broke and get things by stealing them. I guess that's also an income in a way though so they kind of still are financially stable

Well I don't want to be that type of guy

June 30, 2015

I remember reading somewhere, it says that guys who get laid are more productive in their lives than guys who don't get laid

June 30, 2015

awesome, so they are like aged 25 and older, even 26, 27, 28, 29 and early 30's, not financially stable yet, don't have their career and finances in order yet but are still able to have a dating life/sex life?

Yes.

Granted, the vast majority of the men I know are married or in a relationship.

The ones who are single though, there's only one out of all of them who never dates and is a virgin. And that's moreso due to his own choices. He does not pursue girls, ever. I've watched him turn 2 women down actually.

But my single mid 20's - early 30's male friends, acquaintances, and coworkers who want to date, do date.

They're normal everyday guys, working everyday jobs, and they're dating and having sex with normal everyday girls.

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Does a guy have to be financially stable if he wants to date casually?

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