Ouchouchouch Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I met this guy and our first date went really well. We had a lot in common, there was definitely the spark. we're both in our early 20s and it seems like we both dont have a lot of experience with dating. after our first date though, he texted and said that he was sad that we didn't hang out more. we texted confirming we both wanted to meet again. This got me really excited because it seemed like he was interested. I waited a few days and on saturday I asked him if he wanted to go hiking at all over the weekend. No response......so yesterday, i texted again. I figured i put enough days between texts not to come across as needy. I said : "Hey, I'm terrible at the whole passive guessing game stuff. So I'm just gonna say that I think you're awesome, it felt great being in your company, and I'm interested in hanging out again. You game?" He responded with: "Sure, I just don't know if I want to break into the physical immediately. I'm sorry I'm a bit flaky chat wise, I don't mean to be, I've never tried the dating thing and I'm bad at allocating time" I'm not sure how I respond to this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Here is what I have put together so far. "I'm in no rush for any sort of physicality, though it did feel good kissing you and I'd be open to that . But, in all seriousness, that stuff can wait, that's not why I'm talking to you. I'm way more interested in the nerd in you than anything else. But, with that being said, I'm not going to waste my energy trying to get to know you if its not mutual". Thoughts? We're both hyper nerds encased in deceivingly athletic bodies.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I met this guy and our first date went really well. We had a lot in common, there was definitely the spark. we're both in our early 20s and it seems like we both dont have a lot of experience with dating. after our first date though, he texted and said that he was sad that we didn't hang out more. we texted confirming we both wanted to meet again. This got me really excited because it seemed like he was interested. I waited a few days and on saturday I asked him if he wanted to go hiking at all over the weekend. No response......so yesterday, i texted again. I figured i put enough days between texts not to come across as needy. I said : "Hey, I'm terrible at the whole passive guessing game stuff. So I'm just gonna say that I think you're awesome, it felt great being in your company, and I'm interested in hanging out again. You game?" He responded with: "Sure, I just don't know if I want to break into the physical immediately. I'm sorry I'm a bit flaky chat wise, I don't mean to be, I've never tried the dating thing and I'm bad at allocating time" I'm not sure how I respond to this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Here is what I have put together so far. "I'm in no rush for any sort of physicality, though it did feel good kissing you and I'd be open to that . But, in all seriousness, that stuff can wait, that's not why I'm talking to you. I'm way more interested in the nerd in you than anything else. But, with that being said, I'm not going to waste my energy trying to get to know you if its not mutual". Thoughts? We're both hyper nerds encased in deceivingly athletic bodies. You've made your interest in him very clear. You just have to let it ride. If he's interested enough in you, he'll figure out how to "allocate" time. You could respond to his "allocating" time message and say something like "I've got a ton of things going on myself, but I have X day(s) available. And, leave it there. Technically, the ball is in your court because he did text you back. Answer it and wait.
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Do not send the 2nd message. It's too much. You will scare him. He already said he wants to take things slowly so back off. Instead reply, No worries. I'd still like to go hiking with you. Can you allocate 4 hours on Saturday? Meet me at ____________
umirano Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Move on. He's not into you enough to commit to freaking hike, or any meet up? Lol. Waste of time. You're not that needy, are you?
Author Ouchouchouch Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 im definintly not that needy. but this guy probably has never dated anyone ever lol.
smackie9 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 If a guy is really into you, he wouldn't let his anxiety, inexperience or anything else get in the way. You have made it real easy for him to setup another date.....If I were you I wouldn't believe his excuses, and ditch him.....move on, and learn from this experience....don't accept flakiness ever....find yourself a real man. 1
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sounds like he likes you ... but after your date, he started OVER-THINKING....and now he is freaking out. Imagining sex, a relationship....and even gasp, marriage! I swear some guys really do think this way. Either they are loners, inexperienced, commitment-phobes or just overly anxious about relationships in general. They are incapable of relaxing and just taking it one day at a time. If it were me, I would take a pass on this one. He is already displaying behaviors that indicate he's got some issues. Either that or he is just not into you. You had one date. Don't chase him, that is what is scaring him in the first place. Or one of the things. Move on... Jmo
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 He's not interested in you. If he wanted to see you again you'd be seeing him. Sorry, but it really is that simple. Perhaps there's a reason he's never had a relationship or successfully dated! Someday he'll learn he has to put the effort in if he wants to make it work with someone, but chances are it'll take the right girl to make that happen, and you're not the right girl. Seriously, next time you date someone LET IT BREATHE! If you text him and he doesn't reply, don't text again. Leave it alone, he wasn't interested enough to bother replying so don't reward that apathy by chasing after him and confessing how into him you are after one date. It was too much. If you text him, and he doesn't reply, leave it alone. If he never replies then you have saved yourself the heartache of chasing after someone who doesn't even like you in that way. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Neither one of them have much experience with dating as she pointed out. There isn't anything wrong with cutting each other a little slack. If they handle the second date right and make sure they are on the same page about what they want for themselves out of their dating journey, there's nothing to lose and more to gain . . . a little more dating experience.
preraph Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I'd write this guy off right now and not waste any more time on him. Every other guy is trying to figure out how to escalate the physical and this guy is trying to figure out how to avoid it. It's a world gone mad. He's either not interested in you or he's struggling with either his sexuality or sexual identity. Either way, he's not ready for real dating. Move on. I mean, it's not like him taking you out twice means it gets physical, so this is either an excuse or just very big elephant in his head that's at the foremost of his mind all the time. Don't fight an uphill battle. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 She didn't waste a lot of time on him. It's only been one date and it went well. He's not actively trying to get into her pants. Plus 1. These two are newbies at dating. Let's not teach them to start over- analyzing, guessing and reading into things. Let them get out there and learn for themselves. Even if this guy has some kind of intimacy issue, what have you, she will have learned something. And, it doesn't matter what the big picture is right now. If they aren't on the same page about dating goals, there's nothing else to think about anyway.
Lansing Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Neither one of them have much experience with dating as she pointed out. There isn't anything wrong with cutting each other a little slack. The thing is, the OP is a guy. It is a same sex relationship. I am not sure why he didn't point it out in this particular thread because personally, the advice is a lot different with regards to these circumstances. I think that is why the guy said the thing about the "physical" aspect and why he is hesitant. This isn't a matter of a girl being overly aggressive.... So, maybe the guy isn't very cautious because although he is attracted to men he hasn't had experience yet with it so is just hesitant. OP, I say you back off and let him come to you. Sounds like he isn't ready yet.
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I met this guy and our first date went really well. We had a lot in common, there was definitely the spark. we're both in our early 20s and it seems like we both dont have a lot of experience with dating. after our first date though, he texted and said that he was sad that we didn't hang out more. we texted confirming we both wanted to meet again. This got me really excited because it seemed like he was interested. I waited a few days and on saturday I asked him if he wanted to go hiking at all over the weekend. No response......so yesterday, i texted again. I figured i put enough days between texts not to come across as needy. I said : "Hey, I'm terrible at the whole passive guessing game stuff. So I'm just gonna say that I think you're awesome, it felt great being in your company, and I'm interested in hanging out again. You game?" **** He responded with: "Sure, I just don't know if I want to break into the physical immediately. I'm sorry I'm a bit flaky chat wise, I don't mean to be, I've never tried the dating thing and I'm bad at allocating time" **** I'm not sure how I respond to this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Here is what I have put together so far. "I'm in no rush for any sort of physicality, though it did feel good kissing you and I'd be open to that . But, in all seriousness, that stuff can wait, that's not why I'm talking to you. I'm way more interested in the nerd in you than anything else. But, with that being said, I'm not going to waste my energy trying to get to know you if its not mutual". Thoughts? We're both hyper nerds encased in deceivingly athletic bodies. OP....If after one date, two text messages from you.... the first of which went ignored, and the second in which you expressed your feelings for him, THAT ^^ is what he responds with....do yourself a favor and move on.... Sorry....
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 The thing is, the OP is a guy. It is a same sex relationship. I am not sure why he didn't point it out in this particular thread because personally, the advice is a lot different with regards to these circumstances. I think that is why the guy said the thing about the "physical" aspect and why he is hesitant. This isn't a matter of a girl being overly aggressive.... So, maybe the guy isn't very cautious because although he is attracted to men he hasn't had experience yet with it so is just hesitant. OP, I say you back off and let him come to you. Sounds like he isn't ready yet. Well, maybe that does make it a "horse of a different color :)" However, the basics of dating still apply. It SOUNDS like he's not ready, but we don't really KNOW. I still say, there's really nothing to lose in this case. As long as the OP doesn't "push" it anymore now and the other guy decides to go out with him, there's not a lot to lose. One more date won't hurt anything one way or the other. And, you're right, the OP should let him come to him now, no more initiating for sure. 1
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 The thing is, the OP is a guy. It is a same sex relationship. I am not sure why he didn't point it out in this particular thread because personally, the advice is a lot different with regards to these circumstances. I think that is why the guy said the thing about the "physical" aspect and why he is hesitant. This isn't a matter of a girl being overly aggressive.... So, maybe the guy isn't very cautious because although he is attracted to men he hasn't had experience yet with it so is just hesitant. OP, I say you back off and let him come to you. Sounds like he isn't ready yet. Thanks for the info Lansing.....yeah that definitely puts a different spin on things. Anyhoo, since this is a gay relationship, I have no idea how to advise or even opine... Will leave that to others familiar with gay relationships.. Good luck OP!
Author Ouchouchouch Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 yeah it makes things a little blurry because there's no established role of who should be doing what, making the first moves, etc. im gonna reply to his text, but not initiate plans. if he wants to see me, he'll have to set something up. i sent two text messages in two weeks so i dont think ive been over the top at all. hes the one who got me all riled up by saying he was sad we didnt hang out more lol.
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