pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 So I’ve been seeing a great guy for the past two months. We see each other several times a week and text every day. We last went out Tuesday and as I left he said, “I’ll see you this weekend.” I said sure, but I was busy Saturday as my sister would be in town. It’s Friday and we have yet to hash anything out. I texted him this morning saying “TGIF!” and he replied, “I KNOW! !” I know it’s early in the morning and he's busy, but I’m not sure what to do. I'm not sure if its a lack of clear communication. I, maybe wrongly, assumed that since I was busy saturday, we'd see each other friday. So, do I initiate something or wait to hear from him? To be fair, he's done a majority of the chasing, but I always reciprocate. I have a feeling I’ll hear from him a little later today, but still, I can’t be 100% sure. Especially since we didn't agree on anything concrete.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 So I’ve been seeing a great guy for the past two months. We see each other several times a week and text every day. We last went out Tuesday and as I left he said, “I’ll see you this weekend.” I said sure, but I was busy Saturday as my sister would be in town. It’s Friday and we have yet to hash anything out. I texted him this morning saying “TGIF!” and he replied, “I KNOW! !” I know it’s early in the morning and he's busy, but I’m not sure what to do. I'm not sure if its a lack of clear communication. I, maybe wrongly, assumed that since I was busy saturday, we'd see each other friday. So, do I initiate something or wait to hear from him? To be fair, he's done a majority of the chasing, but I always reciprocate. I have a feeling I’ll hear from him a little later today, but still, I can’t be 100% sure. Especially since we didn't agree on anything concrete. You've been seeing him consistently for two months, there isn't anything wrong with you doing some initiating. And, really you're not initiating here, you're just nailing down something he said he would do but you both left hanging. You have a "mutual", for lack of a better word, responsibility to get clarity. Reach out to him and say something like "hey, you mentioned getting together on the weekend. I've got things going on on Saturday, so Friday or Sunday would work for me." Then you leave it there. The ball is in his court now and you wait Don't text or call him again if he doesn't get back to you. It's ok to reach out once to get clarity, doing it again and a bunch of times is pressuring and may come off as needy, clingy, etc. A woman needs to do some initiating in order to give the man a little sense of security about you as well. After you initiate once or a even a couple of times, you give the reins back to him so to speak and let him initiate for a bit. It just needs to be a little bit balanced. 1
losangelena Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 If you want to see him, just ask. You asking about tonight won't magically turn him off of you.
Lansing Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Yeah, I would initiate in a nice way... like "Are you free tonight? Since I am busy tomorrow would be great to do xydz tonight with you..." or whatever...
Author pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I guess I don't want to disrupt his "chase". He's into me and I don't want to seem 'caught' as I've been told men lose interest.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I guess I don't want to disrupt his "chase". He's into me and I don't want to seem 'caught' as I've been told men lose interest. This thought process is really more about very early in the dating scenario. He's been "chasing" you for two months already. If you don't do a little bit of reciprocating, he's gonna be wondering about your interest level. You're not telling him you're caught, you're nibbling at the bait, not swallowing the hook
Author pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I should also mention that last time I saw him, we fooled around a little. So I sort of feel like it's in his court. Or am I totally off the mark?
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Since *you* were busy Saturday, it was up to you to suggest another day/night --- tonight? So yes definitely contact him and ask him if he wants to get together tonight. Ideally, what you should have said at the time you agreed to see each other this weekend was "I am busy Saturday (with my sis or whatevs)....but how about Friday? And firm it up then. But you didn't, no biggee, call him...hopefully he is free tonight...if not then Sunday?
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I guess I don't want to disrupt his "chase". He's into me and I don't want to seem 'caught' as I've been told men lose interest. You are playing games. At the two month mark the chase is over. If you wanted to see him you should have set something up. It's already Friday. He probably already has plans but you can go ahead & ask if you like. Personally I think you asking him for tonight is worse then you asking. By asking now it shows that you don't have a life outside of him because your Friday night is free. I'd wait until Monday & ask him for next weekend but that is just me.
Author pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 It was a poor call on my part. I would like to see him today. I do not want to push him away though.
Author pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I could ask him what his evening looks like and go from there.
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I guess I don't want to disrupt his "chase". He's into me and I don't want to seem 'caught' as I've been told men lose interest. Sweetie, if he is the type of guy who loses interest once he "catches" you, you don't, or shouldn't, want him anyway... How long were you planning on making him chase you? Until he proposes marriage? If he is like most guys, he is probably getting sick of the chase. It's fun in the beginning, but two months in? Come on. Contact him! 2
Versacehottie Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 You are playing games. At the two month mark the chase is over. If you wanted to see him you should have set something up. It's already Friday. He probably already has plans but you can go ahead & ask if you like. Personally I think you asking him for tonight is worse then you asking. By asking now it shows that you don't have a life outside of him because your Friday night is free. I'd wait until Monday & ask him for next weekend but that is just me. I agree with this. You could contact him saying something to the effect of "my friend wants to get together tonight/or I'm thinking about doing xyz tonight, I know we talked about getting together this weekend, would sunday be ok?" That way you are owning up to confused communication about which day plans were going to be, bringing the tone back to neutral rather than a standoff, and are both initiating and keeping the chase on because you have something to do tonight. Also giving him humbly a bit of power to make the decision which I think works well with guys. As in you are showing you respect him and are considerate of his time by asking first before you "accept" your friday plans and giving him a choice. Though if you think he's at all a player or waffling, I wouldn't do this. Be careful which patterns you set up! If you feel like YOU still want and need him to chase you until you have assurances about your relationship, then seeing him at all this weekend should not outweigh your long term game. Basically if you want to train him for good behavior that you appreciate don't be overly attached to seeing him this weekend if it's more important that he not be flaky and vague.
Author pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I like the idea of Sunday. I'll contact him and ask a little later
Author pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Well, he just asked me if I'm free tonight. Ha-ha, now I'm torn between the advice of Sunday and seeing him tonight. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Well, he just asked me if I'm free tonight. Ha-ha, now I'm torn between the advice of Sunday and seeing him tonight. As long as he is not in the HABIT of making last minute dates with you, go ahead and enjoy. Right now it seems like you two are heading in the right direction If it's a habit, I'd offer Sunday instead . . .
Author pray925 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 As long as he is not in the HABIT of making last minute dates with you, go ahead and enjoy. Right now it seems like you two are heading in the right direction If it's a habit, I'd offer Sunday instead . . . Thabks! I think I will 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I say do both. Have tonight be a regular date night out. Then tomorrow, initiate a text inviting him over to your place Sunday. After all, it's supposed to be a day of "rest". Something like "Last nite was fun! But now it's my turn to show you a good time. My place Sun?" It's hot on multiple levels. 1) You're initiating, 2) You're making your sexual need vocal. 3) You're showing appreciation for the date.
losangelena Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Well, he just asked me if I'm free tonight. Ha-ha, now I'm torn between the advice of Sunday and seeing him tonight. LOL, you have more relationship anxiety than I do! Last year, one of the most romantic things a guy I was seeing did was call me up very last minute when his previous plans fell through and invited me to dinner. I loved the spontaneity! I accepted and we had a great time—this was maybe a month into the relationship. If you want to spend time with him, spend time with him. Relax and enjoy!
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