tom1666 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Hi all Just want to keep this short and sweet as there's not a lot to say except I was dating a girl for 2 months, which progressed into a relationship for a further 2 months. Things were going great, we spent the entire Friday, Saturday and Sunday together where she kept asking for kisses, smiled, cuddled me and told me I made her very, very happy. Great weekend, right? Monday and Tuesday she was very very distant with me and by the Wednesday I got the worst text- "sorry I've been so distant, I've been thinking and there's no other way to say this but it just isn't working out for me. Sorry" ... I asked why... After a great weekend and she said "she didn't see a future anymore". How can someone after 3-4 months?! I eventually saw her in person and she said she loved being with me, I was funny and caring but didn't want it anymore. Just don't understand after the great relationship we seemed to be having. I asked if she was upset about breaking up and all she said was "I'm a bit gutted. I'm not majorly sad, doesn't that mean something?" I just kept my dignity, told her how I felt and cuddled her. Kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye, thanks for everything. The last thing I said was please don't feel you can't ever text me. I've not heard or contacted for a week today. Just wondering about what people think? She's the nicest person ever and the way she broke up with me was shameful (by text)...but I just wonder if she misses me. I want her back, and I will try again soon as I know we had a great connection. Just waiting for her to contact me - She must feel a void in her life. I don't want to be weak and contact her now, that's all. Opinions?? Be brutally honest. The sudden breakup is just hard to come to terms with. Thanks for the advice in advance.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 She DEFINITELY shouldn't contact you ever again, and you DEFINITELY should want her to, or respond if she does. Please see the NC guide in my signature.
Author tom1666 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 She DEFINITELY shouldn't contact you ever again, and you DEFINITELY should want her to, or respond if she does. Please see the NC guide in my signature. Why will she "definitely" never contact me again? It was a great relationship and one day it ended. I gaurentee we will speak again.... Just wanting advice/perspectives on things based on what I wrote
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Why will she "definitely" never contact me again? It was a great relationship and one day it ended. I gaurentee we will speak again.... Just wanting advice/perspectives on things based on what I wrote I didn't say she will definitely never contact you again. I said she shouldn't. And I'm giving you very pertinent advice based exactly on what you wrote. The only reason she will contact you is for friendship, or to find out how you are coping with being single, which is a way of appeasing her own guilt for dumping you. You can't be friends with an ex, if you still harbour feelings for them, and you should never accept breadcrumbs. Read the Guide.
JewelD Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Hi all Just want to keep this short and sweet as there's not a lot to say except I was dating a girl for 2 months, which progressed into a relationship for a further 2 months. Things were going great, we spent the entire Friday, Saturday and Sunday together where she kept asking for kisses, smiled, cuddled me and told me I made her very, very happy. Great weekend, right? Monday and Tuesday she was very very distant with me and by the Wednesday I got the worst text- "sorry I've been so distant, I've been thinking and there's no other way to say this but it just isn't working out for me. Sorry" ... I asked why... After a great weekend and she said "she didn't see a future anymore". How can someone after 3-4 months?! I eventually saw her in person and she said she loved being with me, I was funny and caring but didn't want it anymore. Just don't understand after the great relationship we seemed to be having. I asked if she was upset about breaking up and all she said was "I'm a bit gutted. I'm not majorly sad, doesn't that mean something?" I just kept my dignity, told her how I felt and cuddled her. Kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye, thanks for everything. The last thing I said was please don't feel you can't ever text me. I've not heard or contacted for a week today. Just wondering about what people think? She's the nicest person ever and the way she broke up with me was shameful (by text)...but I just wonder if she misses me. I want her back, and I will try again soon as I know we had a great connection. Just waiting for her to contact me - She must feel a void in her life. I don't want to be weak and contact her now, that's all. Opinions?? Be brutally honest. The sudden breakup is just hard to come to terms with. Thanks for the advice in advance. 3-4 months really isn't that long. That's a reasonable amount of time to get to know someone and decide if you want to be with them long term or not. If it was a year or longer, yes, that'd be confusing because who spends a significant amount of time with someone they don't want a future with? Because it was such a short time, I don't think she was as invested as you thought she was. and therefore, she may be able to get over it rather quickly. You're also making yourself a bit too available. She said she doesn't really care too much about the breakup. That does mean something along with the brief history you guys have. Give her some time before trying to contact her. But consider this, what did you get out of those 3 months that you really need back? Can you find this with someone else? You're idolizing. she's not the nicest person ever if she broke up with you and essentially didn't feel upset about it.
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 You are projecting YOUR feelings onto her. YOU had a great time at the weekend - she obviously didn't YOU thought you had a great relationship - she obviously didn't. YOU thought you had a great connection - she obviously didn't. YOU didn't want to split up - she obviously did. She says she is not going to be majorly sad you two broke up, believe her please. Move on. 2
joseb Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 It wasn't a long relationship, and judging by her answer about not being too upset, it sounds like she was not too emotionally invested in it. These things happen. While text is a bit of a shyte way to do it, at least she didn't drag it out for too long. Follow NC and you will be wondering what you saw in her in a couple of months.
Author tom1666 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Appreciate the feedback, everyone. I take what you say on the chin. I just don't believe when someone says she's not that sad - maybe this is just a defensive mechanism. It wasn't all in my head that we had a great time, we did, she always use to text me every day- she did, not me. She arranged a lot of stuff, we got on so well. I went to her family events, her family loved me. Just very very unexpected, i honestly don't think it's the end.
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 while I can't tell you what it is, from her perspective there is something about you that made her conclude that you are on long term BF material. It could be anything -- another guy, you remind her of her father, something you said, a view you have on a certain subject, the fact that she had to ask for cuddles rather then you intuitively knowing she wanted them She could be nuts. Either way she voted with her feet & bailed. Let her go.
Author tom1666 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 while I can't tell you what it is, from her perspective there is something about you that made her conclude that you are on long term BF material. It could be anything -- another guy, you remind her of her father, something you said, a view you have on a certain subject, the fact that she had to ask for cuddles rather then you intuitively knowing she wanted them She could be nuts. Either way she voted with her feet & bailed. Let her go. Thanks for this perspective. All I said to her was that she didn't give it enough time, 3-4 months isn't that long in my opinion. How do I know what the future held for us both? I was just enjoying seeing our relationship grow. I'm staying NC but it just eats at me not talking or knowing what she's doing. We never argued once, just feel gutted.
Thistooshallpass21 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Trust me I know unexpected break ups suck. I recently went through it about a month ago with a girl I was with for over a year. It blows, but the only thing we can do is let them walk. If they can decide to leave your life they don't deserve to be in it. We deserve better. Just trying to let you know you are not alone.
mightycpa Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Appreciate the feedback, everyone. I take what you say on the chin. I just don't believe when someone says she's not that sad - maybe this is just a defensive mechanism. It wasn't all in my head that we had a great time, we did, she always use to text me every day- she did, not me. She arranged a lot of stuff, we got on so well. I went to her family events, her family loved me. Just very very unexpected, i honestly don't think it's the end. You're projecting again. If you read through the stories on these forums, you'll see a common thread in "the breakup out of nowhere." The dumper professes the height of their love for the person about to get their pink slip. I think it has to do with a combination of guilt, and trying to convince themselves that they still care, when in fact, they don't. The next thing you know, BOOM! You find yourself all alone in Splitsville wondering what the hell happened, and trying to cope with the huge change in reality. That's you right now. She doesn't hate you or anything, but she's done. Sorry, my friend.
john1992 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 You're projecting again. If you read through the stories on these forums, you'll see a common thread in "the breakup out of nowhere." The dumper professes the height of their love for the person about to get their pink slip. I think it has to do with a combination of guilt, and trying to convince themselves that they still care, when in fact, they don't. The next thing you know, BOOM! You find yourself all alone in Splitsville wondering what the hell happened, and trying to cope with the huge change in reality. That's you right now. She doesn't hate you or anything, but she's done. Sorry, my friend. I posted a thread about it, it's exactly the same as tom his story. My ex felt so in love with me even told me i love you so much and i don't wanna lose you. Couldnt stop touching and kissing me, and suddenly 4 days later i get dumped. Believe me it was hard for me aswell i only thought of getting her back and ways to get her back in my life. I broke NC a week ago stupid me but just wanted to know how her exams went. I still have a hard time with it cause it is different it happend so fast and you didn't see it coming at all, it isnt like you were expecting it and felt it coming. So it hurts alot cause you have no clue what you did wrong or why it all changed. But best thing is what took me a month to figure out is that; Even though i loved her so much is let her go. What will happen if i get back with her, what will happen next. Will i be some one to fill up her life when she feels lonely and when she meets another guy get thrown aside like garbage. I don't wanna feel this pain again and don't want to go ever through it again with her. She lied about her feelings exactly like your girlfriend did. She was also the nicest person i ever met and she was so gorgeous. So you should figure out for yourself if you ever get back with her, is it worth it? She lied to you about her feelings she dumped you through text. Will the same thing happen again if you get back with her? It's your life so you should take the choice what to do contact her or not. But what i experienced with my ex when i broke NC, Dont do it, if she doenst respond it will only hurt yourself more and more.
Recommended Posts