Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) I went to my cousin's party several days ago and I guess I had too many drinks. There was a point, I think must have blacked out and well only remembered fragments of the party, me dancing around and talking to my friends. I don't remember too much afterwards. Anyway I threw up in the following day and decided to ring my girlfriend. She was very upset hearing from me and was saying ''You have the nerve to call''. Then when I came to her house, she slapped and wanted me out, saying it's over. I didn't understand anything and she was like ''I don't think I need to explain why I'm breaking up, don't you know it''? Then she added ''Seriously don't you remembered'' and again ask me to leave. I don't get it. Remember what? She refuses to talk to me and is upset as if I have done something wrong. I know my girlfriend for nearly 3 years and this is so unlike her. Unless someone really wrongs or betrays her, that's the only time she would be this upset. Again I'm confused. Why does she want nothing to do with me? What do I do? Edited June 19, 2015 by Eddie94
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Getting so drunk that you do not remember anything, could be bad enough. Is alcohol getting to be a problem for you, perhaps? Or were you up to no good and you have conveniently "forgotten" all about it. I would ask your cousins, if you truly do not remember. 3
Author Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Going to hit the sacks now. Will come back tomorrow. Does anyone have an idea of what could I have done wrong that she's so upset? I really don't know what she's talking about and was honest when I said I didn't remember but she won't even explain it.
Author Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Getting so drunk that you do not remember anything, could be bad enough. Is alcohol getting to be a problem for you, perhaps? Or were you up to no good and you have conveniently "forgotten" all about it. I would ask your cousins, if you truly do not remember.Nope, I have never gotten this drunk to the point of blacking out. You're right I'm going to ask my friends and cousin. I want to get the bottom of this. If I really did wronged her, which I have a bad feeling (base on her reaction when I stop by for a visit) I really want to die on the inside. I don't deserve her if that's the case. Going to sleep now. Coming back tomorrow. 1
Satu Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Getting 'blackout drunk' shows that you have a problem with alcohol. At that point so much of your brain is shut down that you have become a beast in the shape of man. Red flag. 2
frogs88 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Getting overtly drunk? Maybe not a smart idea but it's not some horrible thing by itself. Depends on what you did while drunk. Especially when young it's easy to overestimate the effect of alcohol. 1
GoBlue Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 The answer is clear - talk to your cousin who hosted the party and ask what you did. Then decide that you may need some help with your alcohol issue no matter what happens between you and your girlfriend. 1
Author Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Ok as for the update yes, it does sound bad. The only information I got from two of my friends and my cousin who were at the party is that my gf stopped by as a surprise at the party because she got off work early. Then around 15 or so, they saw her leaving all upset, distressed and hurt. Someone described her as nearly in tears. She wouldn't tell why and just left. Had no idea she came at the party later on. 1
frogs88 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 This thread made me remeber a particular incident some years ago. I was at a party in the afternoon (student life back then lol) and had drank too much in too little time. Had fallen off my bicycle on the way to my gfs house. She knew I would drink but that evening was just weird. I remember not much eventful but apparently I behaved a bit like a grumpy jackass (totally not my style - I'm happy drunk). Later that night I woke up with a very upset girlfriend. No clue what happened but apparently I was in some sort of semi-conscious drunk/sleep state and said some scrappy stuff. Needless to say I regret it and apologized for it. We were together for several years already at that point so it wasn't a real problem. But it was damn weird and I kind of freaked myself out there. 1
preraph Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I went to my cousin's party several days ago and I guess I had too many drinks. There was a point, I think must have blacked out and well only remembered fragments of the party, me dancing around and talking to my friends. I don't remember too much afterwards. Anyway I threw up in the following day and decided to ring my girlfriend. She was very upset hearing from me and was saying ''You have the nerve to call''. Then when I came to her house, she slapped and wanted me out, saying it's over. I didn't understand anything and she was like ''I don't think I need to explain why I'm breaking up, don't you know it''? Then she added ''Seriously don't you remembered'' and again ask me to leave. I don't get it. Remember what? She refuses to talk to me and is upset as if I have done something wrong. I know my girlfriend for nearly 3 years and this is so unlike her. Unless someone really wrongs or betrays her, that's the only time she would be this upset. Again I'm confused. Why does she want nothing to do with me? What do I do? Seriously? As IF you had done something wrong? You are a blackout drunk. Blackouts are a sure sign of alcoholism. Anyone with a brain wouldn't stay with someone who was a blackout drunk. Blackout drunks and many other alcoholics also turn mean and ugly when drunk. Apparently you did and don't even remember. Your gf is right to leave once she knew you were a blackout drunk. Leave her alone and put yourself in AA or you can pretty much wash your life down the drain if you don't deal with it. 2
frogs88 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 No, when you are an alcoholic there's a good chance you're regularly black out drunk. Being black out drunk an sich doesn't mean you are an alcoholic. It's certainly something you want to avoid since its risky for you and your surroundings but it doesn't mean you are addicted to alcohol per se. 1
Satu Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) No, when you are an alcoholic there's a good chance you're regularly black out drunk. Being black out drunk an sich doesn't mean you are an alcoholic. It's certainly something you want to avoid since its risky for you and your surroundings but it doesn't mean you are addicted to alcohol per se. As someone who has worked extensively with alcohol abusers and other substance abusers, I can assure you that alcohol problems come in different presenting forms. The typical/steriotypical 'drinks every day, and is always drunk,' alcoholic is not the most commonly seen. More common are the binge drinkers, who think that they 'just like to party.' People who get 'blackout drunk' are people with serious problems, physically, mentally, and socially. By the time someone gets to the 'blackout drunk' phase, they have a history with alcohol which has become progressively more problematic and damaging. The guy who 'likes to party,' can easily become the guy who's waiting for a liver transplant. I've seen it many times. Edited June 19, 2015 by Satu 1
Author Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 This thread made me remeber a particular incident some years ago. I was at a party in the afternoon (student life back then lol) and had drank too much in too little time. Had fallen off my bicycle on the way to my gfs house. She knew I would drink but that evening was just weird. I remember not much eventful but apparently I behaved a bit like a grumpy jackass (totally not my style - I'm happy drunk). Later that night I woke up with a very upset girlfriend. No clue what happened but apparently I was in some sort of semi-conscious drunk/sleep state and said some scrappy stuff. Needless to say I regret it and apologized for it. We were together for several years already at that point so it wasn't a real problem. But it was damn weird and I kind of freaked myself out there.I'm beginning to read an angry reply I just got now on my email stating ''After you read this leave me alone''. Will take some moment to read it and in my case I think it was more than me just getting grumpy. If it was just that she would only be upset but not in this level. 1
eye of the storm Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 It sounds to me like you did/said something that crossed a boundary for her. And being drunk is no excuse. Just send her a note saying you don't know what you did but it must have been bad. You are sorry and will leave her alone. Tell her if she ever wants to talk you would welcome it but because you care for her and respect her feelings you will not contact her anymore. Then keep this off FB and don't let it become a source of gossip in your circle. Just a side note, I am not telling you to not drink, but may I suggest you learn some control with it. Getting that drunk is not fun for you, fun for others, or safe. 2
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I guess you said or did something that is seen as a dealbreaker for her. Other woman maybe? 1
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 If the e-mail doesn't explain what you did, I would send her one last e-mail. Say you are sorry for whatever you did. You didn't mean to get blackout drunk but you would really like to know what you did so you can make it up to her properly if that is possible or discuss it when you go to AA if that is the proper route 1
Author Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) Guys, I read it and it was shocking. I nearly wanted to puke at the details. What I did during my drunken state according to the message: To briefly summarize what she said happened is yes there was another girl in the picture, it involved performing cunnilingus on some random girl that apparently was drunk herself as well too and with her skirt lifted. I still kept going on for several more seconds, not caring in my state until the girl got up quickly and left. However, it doesn't really end there. After confronting me for several minutes and explaining that it was over, I blocked the door as she wanted to leave, kept saying ''you're not going anywhere'' and she was asking what the hell I'm doing. Next thing I know is backing her against the wall and trying to kiss her or something while her kept telling ''let me go''. Luckily, she knew everything what I had taught her during the 1st year of us dating. I'm the one that taught her how to get away from an attacker, its various and common positions and even how to use a handgun. She got away by kneeing me and hitting my nose with her palm. I truly feel beyond sick. No wonder she was that upset and disgusted upon seeing me. She has every right to be and I don't deserve her. Long ago, I told her how I would never hurt her but to not to be scared of even defending herself against me. She just did that. I feel like the lowest loser ever. I didn't only cheat on her but nearly hurt her and she felt forced to defend herself against me. These are things I never thought I would have done to any girl. Edited June 19, 2015 by Eddie94
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Wow. Just leave her alone. And take a long hard look at whether you have an alcohol problem. 1st test: can you go a whole week without drinking? 3
Author Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I will respect her wish in leaving her alone. There is no forgiveness to what I did and what it would have been like had she not defended herself. As she ended her message, she feels nothing but disgust towards me. I lost the girl I loved and even thought about settling down in the future, all my integrity as a man and values so fast. The hard part would be forgiving myself. 2
Satu Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I will respect her wish in leaving her alone. There is no forgiveness to what I did and what it would have been like had she not defended herself. As she ended her message, she feels nothing but disgust towards me. I lost the girl I loved and even thought about settling down in the future, all my integrity as a man and values so fast. The hard part would be forgiving myself. Go to see your doctor. You have a very big problem that you can't deal with by yourself. 1
darkmoon Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) you got out of your face, threw up then rung her look, there is no mystery, you just do not want to face the obvious you have a lot of apologising to do, i have sat thru a similar account by a guy friend, throwing up alcohol is just revolting, no decent potential dad, dtinks are dull slurring conversationalists, beyond merry into gross go teetotal tell her, say sorry, and buy her a big bunch of flowers Edited June 19, 2015 by darkmoon 1
Author Eddie94 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 you got out of your face, threw up then rung her look, there is no mystery, you just do not want to face the obvious you have a lot of apologising to do, i have sat thru a similar account by a guy friend, throwing up alcohol is just revolting, no decent potential dad, and a dull slurring conversationalist go teetotal tell her, say sorry, and buy her a big bunch of flowersNo amount of sorry nor flowers is going to bring her back nor erase what I did. She's never going to forgive me and she's in her rights not to. She already has said to leave her alone and that feels disgust towards me. I didn't just do that. I cheated and then backed her on the wall, trying to force myself on her. She had to defend herself against me.
Fleur de cactus Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Mygoodness!! So you are telling us that your cousin and friends do not know what happened with the other girl? or they did not have the courage to tell you the truth. Oh MY!, I think alcohol is not good for you. I don't think you are alcoholic, but alcohol is a bad drug for you. If you did what you girlfriend said you did, and you do not remember anything, not even a little bit, you need help. Talk to your friends, your family, ask them for support so that you can avoid alcohol or events that involve alcohol. You need to do something otherwise no one would like to have a friend like you. Good luck. 4
preraph Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Seriously, you must go to AA. There is a difference between getting so drunk you pass out and being blacked out where you don't remember anything. I drank like a lush for many years but I always remembered everything. And turns out I'm not an addict. AA people will tell you blacking out and not remembering things is a sign of being an alcoholic. You are an addict and alcohol affects you differently than it does non-addicts. Do get help before you flush your life down the drain. Tell her you're going to AA and you'll be apologizing more once you reach that step. 2
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 you got out of your face, threw up then rung her look, there is no mystery, you just do not want to face the obvious you have a lot of apologising to do, i have sat thru a similar account by a guy friend, throwing up alcohol is just revolting, no decent potential dad, dtinks are dull slurring conversationalists, beyond merry into gross go teetotal tell her, say sorry, and buy her a big bunch of flowers YOU haven't read the thread. Big bunch of flowers will not cure this. 3
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