Adyola Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Hello, my exgf (22) broke up with me (26) out of blue a week ago, via Skype. She said that the "feelings are gone", but she couldn´t tell anything more. Next day (wednesday) I visited her, and asked, why she can´t tell me this to my face, after we spent 3 years together. She told me, that she wouldn´t make it, it would be too hard for her. BUT, we spent that day in the way I can call the best day with her in past 6 months (laughing, watching tv, sex (3x), she even called off her work). We said, that we will meet next Tuesday, but she called it off next day. Because I wanted to know the circumstances of BU (I think there is another man included), because she didnt make it clear, we meet today. At first she agreed that it could be at her place, but then refused, because she said, she´s confused and she´s afraid of coming back to me (???), so we agreed the restaurant would be better. I really don´t understand this. I don´t understand her FEAR. I´ve never done anything bad to her, if you ask. Any Ideas? And there is something else I am scared of. It´s me. Like, I really love her, but...I haven´t cried yet. I miss her, I want her back, but...I am not sure HOW MUCH I want it, I´m angry, but more because the future with her is not gonna happen, than the actual loss. My body hurts, I dont eat, but in my head nothing weird happening. I don´t understand even myself (I´ve been through 3 hard BUs so far, so I know how I "normally" react).
jen1447 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Her being "afraid" she'll go back to you doesn't have to mean literal fear. It's just an expression of concern over doing sth you don't want to do and using bad judgment. If she's concerned that way tho, there has to be a reason. Most likely ones off the top of my head would be another guy or fear of settling. 1
Thistooshallpass21 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Dude girls are weird. I was supposed to meet up with my ex recently just to hang out because she wanted to keep in touch and I love this girl so I agreed. Went by a time line that she made (we've been broken up for a month as of today). When it came down to it she changed her mind because she didn't trust her self saying feelings would come back. She broke up with me...and I did nothing wrong in the relationship as well treated her the best anybody has treated her. It's just like why are you scared to feel something for me when we had a beautiful relationship. However, on to your question don't jump the gun about another dude. Our brains always think the worse is happening and most of the time it's just us overthinking. She seems confused with her life she's young trust me I know where she's at I'm the same age and it's hard. Just let her be.
GoBlue Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I think that jen1447 makes some very good points, besides she is the only women here so far! I would listen to her. I think that part of your dilemma, and why you aren't responding overly emotional yet, is that you really don't think that your are broken-up. I mean most people who end a relationship do not spend the next day doing what you said you did together. So, you are maintaining hope in your heart and the reality of it hasn't hit. Another issue here is this concept that she broke-up with you "out of the blue." Sorry buddy, but girls don't leave relationships like that. She has been contemplating this for a while even if she never communicated this to you. Your physical condition will return to normal eventually. Hang in there, things should become clearer in the near future.
Author Adyola Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) Thank you very much guys UPDATE So we met today. Firstly (call) she wanted to cancel and move it to the next week, but I told her, the sooner we talk about it, the sooner it´ll be done. She accepted and invited me to her place, but she didn´t forget to say: It´s over, I´m not coming back to you. I replied, that I know that and hearing it three times was more than enough. She apologized. So we talked, I asked her which needs of her I didn´t fulfill in relationship - I didn´t acted like MAN (beiing too polite) and that I did everything for her. Then I asked if there was another man, because she acted like that past few months (being busy all the time, "Not tonight honey", etc.) she said NO - I trust her. She told she just didn´t have the same feelings. Sometimes it was great, othertimes bad. And now she just want to be alone and meet new people. All the talking time I acted "cool" - smiling, making her smile and laugh, no begging or crying. She said, she didn´t expected it that way. Then she made me some food and after we finished it I slowly lay her on bed and we were making out (kissing, touching) - I did it very carefully, like the very first time. But friend (f) of her came to visit her, so we stopped and I left. She told me, that we could see each other next week again, but she doesn´t know for sure (work, best friends etc.). She(we) also forget to give me some money she owe me this time. Only time we´ve spoken about coming back together, was when I mentioned not saying me "it´s over...." again. Because even I accept the BU (in the way I kind of undertand her - she´s young; it was her second long-term relationship) somewhere inside me might be some hope, that we will be together in 4, 5 years. She added: or month or two.., who knows. I fell so much better now (both metally and bodily)... Altough I know it won´t last very long. But now I am smiling . Any Mistakes or Ideas? Thanks EDIT: I forget to say, that all the time she was listening and doing what I wanted. She asked me, if she could eat some chocolate, I laughted and say: No way. She really didnt take it. She changed her clothes and I told her to turn my way, she did (there is problem with windows placement in her room). Then her friends and MOM called her at least five times, I told her not to accept it, and she simply denied the calls, or said: I call you later, bye. THIS HAS NEVER EVER HAPPENED BEFORE . We agreed that communication we had this time was great. So much good emotions (even in this ***** situation). Edited June 19, 2015 by Adyola
Author Adyola Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 Guys, another week passed, no contact and... I am afraid she can call or text me, that she wants to meet up and talk or give me my stuff back. I don´t know what to do in this situation and I am kind of nervous. Should I accept? Should I reply and say that I´m busy? Shouldn´t I respond at all? (last time we met, we had quite good time together). I am sure, in case we´ll meet, that there won´t be any "come back" emotions (from my side) and the converation will be friendly-like - only about routine things. About NC: It´s surprisingly not hard for me, I don´t have any intentions to write her. I feel like I am kind of all over it. Sometimes I miss her, sometimes I feel quite angry, but oveall I´m not thinking about her in any "hopeless" way.
Itspointless Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 Should I accept? Should I reply and say that I´m busy? Shouldn´t I respond at all? What is there to accept? She wants to give you your stuff back. You ignoring her wont change anything of that.About NC: It´s surprisingly not hard for me, I don´t have any intentions to write her. I feel like I am kind of all over it. You did not have the time to miss her yet.
Author Adyola Posted June 26, 2015 Author Posted June 26, 2015 Thanks for the response. So we meet up, I take my stuff, say goodbye and leave? What if she wants to talk with me? I mean...I felt good with her and didn´t feel bad after last time (like I was not getting worse). I don´t and won´t write her first, but what to do if she writes me to have a talk in the future? My problem is, that I´d like to know if she´ll miss me, so I want to cut the contact. On the other hand there is possibility of making out anytime we meet (based on previous) - which I´d like to of course. And on the another hand I don´t want to "meet only when she wants", because I don´t want to become her "bell-boy" and/or friend-zoned. I am really confused by myself. [/b]You did not have the time to miss her yet. Yep, that is possible.
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