blueberry13 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Things have been going well since I last posted a couple years ago about my husband sending an inappropriate flirtatious text and lying about going to strip clubs with friends etc. Trust has been built up again, although will never be exactly the same. Recently, my husband had a urologist appt. for a legitimate reason and ck up. He told me his dr. gave him samples of viagra and told him he should try and would be a great experience with his wife. I am in early 40's and he 45. I didn't think we needed these pills at all. . One night a couple weeks later he asked me to get his phone charger from his briefcase bc he was already in bed and I went downstairs to get and found a prescription bottle that was filled for three Viagra pills and there was only one in the bottle. The next day I pleasantly asked him if he ever used viagra with me and he said no. I held off on saying anything further. I do not think he has any sort of problem sexually, not at all. Not that I have noticed. But then the next day, I saw in his draw next to bed he has a single packet of cialis with 12 pills missing and some other kind of meds that have the same function as viagra, with some pills missing from that as well. I should just ask him kindly if there is a problem he is not telling me about, however bc of my past distrust, I'm confused what to think. I peeked in the briefcase again which he leaves lying around and open, and pill bottle no longer there. Might a guy use this for himself recreationally? Should I not have any suspicious thoughts..
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Are there any red flags that make you suspicious he might be having sex with another OW or multiple OW? Is he working a lot of late hours? Traveling? Secretive with his phone? If yes, then directly tell him that you WILL NOT put up with him cheating, that you're not going through that again. I think since he has past and he's hurt you, you have the right to just ask him. If there are no other red flags other than missing meds, then assume that he is using it with you and he's just embarrassed/self conscious/upset that he has to rely on that stuff for performance and he doesn't want to tell you.
SammySammy Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Before we assume he's cheating, I think there could be a couple of other possibilities. One, he could just be trying the meds to see if he needs them and which one works best for him. I mean, he did tell his wife about them and she "didn't think they were necessary". Which leads to the second possibility. Secondly, maybe he's starting to feel a little less virile. Some men are very sensitive about sexual performance problems. Considering her previous response, he might be afraid she'll feel he's less manly or simply chooses to deal with it on his own. If he was going to hide pills to cheat, why mention them to his wife at all? He mentioned it, got a negative response which suggests to me something else is up (or not up) than cheating.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sorry, but a guy who uses Viagra with his wife DOESNT carry his pill bottle in his briefcase that he takes to the office every day. Unless he uses his briefcase as a damned medicine chest, there's absolutely no reason to be taking them WITH him. My hubby uses it occasionally and the last place on earth he'd keep it is his briefcase. That doesn't even make sense. I don't believe for one single second that he's hiding the pills in his briefcase because he's 'embarrassed' and doesn't want you to find them because you already found his OTHER stash in his nightstand. So we can scratch 'embarrassment' off the list. I know a few guys that are a bit embarrassed to admit they take it, but that isn't what's driving your husband's need to keep his secret briefcase stash a secret, because now they've suddenly disappeared after he realized he screwed up asking you to go in his briefcase. I think he mentioned the samples to you because he planned on using them at home and figured it would explain away any pills you might accidentally find. So he obviously has a stash he uses in the house, and one he uses out of the house. And he doesn't have to travel anywhere, or come home late or work overtime in order to be using it. MANY men get away with full blown affairs conducted during the day and still get home right on time every night from work. Unless your husband spends hours masturbating and makes a huge all-night production out of it, there isn't a reason in this WORLD to medicate himself just to do that. But I guarantee, he'll lie and tell you that's exactly what he's been doing. Viagra and Cialis aren't sugar pills - they're not to be taken all the time just for someone to jerk off. That's overkill. He's proved himself to be a cheater and liar already. All signs are pointing to just more of the same crap. 8
spanz1 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) this poor henpecked husband sees a urologist, tells him he is starting to have ED, comes home, musters the strength to mention it to his wife, she pisses all over him and gives him NO support.....and you guys are wondering why he is hiding his pills where she can not see them? Maybe the question should be "Why the heck is she going thru his briefcase?" he obviously took a tablet while watching some porn, but knows if he told his wife that she would freak out again. Edited June 19, 2015 by spanz1 2
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sorry, but a guy who uses Viagra with his wife DOESNT carry his pill bottle in his briefcase that he takes to the office every day. Unless he uses his briefcase as a damned medicine chest, there's absolutely no reason to be taking them WITH him. .... ^^^ good point^^^ Viagra is not a drug you take regularly daily, it is a drug that is taken when needed... He's proved himself to be a cheater and liar already. All signs are pointing to just more of the same crap. I guess so too. Sorry. PI, if you can afford it, may be your best bet here. VAR in his car otherwise. Confronting him will just mean more lies and send him underground. 4
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 he obviously took a tablet while watching some porn, but knows if he told his wife that she would freak out again. At work? ...... 2
spanz1 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I'm sorry did I miss something? he is a "cheater" because he went to a strip club? well I guess 70% lf the men in the world are cheaters then. how do you know he did it at work? all she knows is that two tabs were missing some time later. he probably wanked in the bathroom, getting away from her.
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I'm sorry did I miss something? he is a "cheater" because he went to a strip club? well I guess 70% lf the men in the world are cheaters then. how do you know he did it at work? all she knows is that two tabs were missing some time later. he probably wanked in the bathroom, getting away from her. OK you haven't read the thread, drawer in bedroom with Viagra and Cialis and >12 tablets missing. Plus bottle with three tablets in his brief case. He said he never uses them when they have sex, so OK he wanks a lot, but why were they in his brief case? 2
Lois_Griffin Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 this poor henpecked husband sees a urologist, tells him he is starting to have ED, comes home, musters the strength to mention it to his wife, she pisses all over him and gives him NO support.....and you guys are wondering why he is hiding his pills where she can not see them? Maybe the question should be "Why the heck is she going thru his briefcase?" he obviously took a tablet while watching some porn, but knows if he told his wife that she would freak out again. What part of the OP's post did you not comprehend where she says she caught him inappropriately texting women a couple years ago? There's probably a lot more to that than she knows. And what part of her post did you not comprehend where she explained that HE ASKED HER to get his phone charger out of his briefcase? Golly, I'm sure you're right. Guys take Viagra ALL THE TIME at work so they can jerk off in the bathroom stall real fast in between their coworkers coming in to take a dump. Jesus. Here's a conundrum. He already HAS pills in his nightstand drawer, so why the need for them in his WORK BRIEFCASE??? 6
Mr Carson Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I have to say the last place I'd want a four hour erection is work. Although it might make my 2:00 meeting/presentation more interesting. 9
autumnnight Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I could buy the "tesing them out" theory if there weren't also TWELVE pills missing from a cialis package. No pill needs that much "testing." 4
Babs22 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sorry, but a guy who uses Viagra with his wife DOESNT carry his pill bottle in his briefcase that he takes to the office every day. Unless he uses his briefcase as a damned medicine chest, there's absolutely no reason to be taking them WITH him. My hubby uses it occasionally and the last place on earth he'd keep it is his briefcase. That doesn't even make sense. I don't believe for one single second that he's hiding the pills in his briefcase because he's 'embarrassed' and doesn't want you to find them because you already found his OTHER stash in his nightstand. So we can scratch 'embarrassment' off the list. I know a few guys that are a bit embarrassed to admit they take it, but that isn't what's driving your husband's need to keep his secret briefcase stash a secret, because now they've suddenly disappeared after he realized he screwed up asking you to go in his briefcase. I think he mentioned the samples to you because he planned on using them at home and figured it would explain away any pills you might accidentally find. So he obviously has a stash he uses in the house, and one he uses out of the house. And he doesn't have to travel anywhere, or come home late or work overtime in order to be using it. MANY men get away with full blown affairs conducted during the day and still get home right on time every night from work. Unless your husband spends hours masturbating and makes a huge all-night production out of it, there isn't a reason in this WORLD to medicate himself just to do that. But I guarantee, he'll lie and tell you that's exactly what he's been doing. Viagra and Cialis aren't sugar pills - they're not to be taken all the time just for someone to jerk off. That's overkill. He's proved himself to be a cheater and liar already. All signs are pointing to just more of the same crap. Blueberry, This is absolutely spot on. I could see keeping Viagra in the night stand, possibly the 12 Cialis are missing because he sneak pop one before he has sex with you, but keeping Viagra in your briefcase and two pills are missing? I believe you might want to start keeping an eye on your H. This does not look good, unless he is whacking off at work, but then I think he has other problems. I wouldn't say anything, but I would go into PI mode. 3
loveboid Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 It's possible he had them in his briefcase because he got them from a coworker. This could also explain missing pills. I can imagine men share these pills with each other to try out. 2
OldRover Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sorry, but a guy who uses Viagra with his wife DOESNT carry his pill bottle in his briefcase that he takes to the office every day. Unless he uses his briefcase as a damned medicine chest, there's absolutely no reason to be taking them WITH him. My hubby uses it occasionally and the last place on earth he'd keep it is his briefcase. That doesn't even make sense. I don't believe for one single second that he's hiding the pills in his briefcase because he's 'embarrassed' and doesn't want you to find them because you already found his OTHER stash in his nightstand. So we can scratch 'embarrassment' off the list. I know a few guys that are a bit embarrassed to admit they take it, but that isn't what's driving your husband's need to keep his secret briefcase stash a secret, because now they've suddenly disappeared after he realized he screwed up asking you to go in his briefcase. I think he mentioned the samples to you because he planned on using them at home and figured it would explain away any pills you might accidentally find. So he obviously has a stash he uses in the house, and one he uses out of the house. And he doesn't have to travel anywhere, or come home late or work overtime in order to be using it. MANY men get away with full blown affairs conducted during the day and still get home right on time every night from work. Unless your husband spends hours masturbating and makes a huge all-night production out of it, there isn't a reason in this WORLD to medicate himself just to do that. But I guarantee, he'll lie and tell you that's exactly what he's been doing. Viagra and Cialis aren't sugar pills - they're not to be taken all the time just for someone to jerk off. That's overkill. He's proved himself to be a cheater and liar already. All signs are pointing to just more of the same crap. I keep my meds (Rx stuff, aspirin, etc.), and a lot of other stuff in my brief case... it's my office. And, yes ED medicine is there, too. But I travel with her a bit, and just don't want to forget..... BUT, I don't have missing pills.... and that's a red flag. However, the bulk of meds, and stuff are at home, and that's where I normally use them.
loveboid Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I just re read your post. The prescription was in his name,right? He still could have taken them to work to share with his buddies. 1
autumnnight Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I just re read your post. The prescription was in his name,right? He still could have taken them to work to share with his buddies. If men are sensitive about having ED issues, would they really basically advertise to all their friends that they are taking them by handing them out? Do they have ED skittles parties in the break room 4
OldRover Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 If men are sensitive about having ED issues, would they really basically advertise to all their friends that they are taking them by handing them out? Do they have ED skittles parties in the break room Yes, we do.... I have SEVERAL buddies that share info and/or pills with their friends. Yes, we talk about it, quite common. What works, what doesn't, etc. And this group includes ages 40 to over 70. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) I could see keeping Viagra in the night stand, possibly the 12 Cialis are missing because he sneak pop one before he has sex with you I think this is the answer, he's using both meds with the OP. The briefcase location means nothing, he may be taking the pill at the end of his work day so he's "ready" when he gets home. I use ED meds because of a heart condition and they are a challenge to organically integrate into a spontaneous and active sexlife. The OP's original reaction may be causing him to be clandestine in his use. None of this addresses infidelity possibilities, a separate issue... Mr. Lucky Edited June 19, 2015 by Mr. Lucky
autumnnight Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I read where the OP said SHE didn't think he needed the meds. Did she actually say that to him? I'm missing the part where she told us she had some big reaction to his announcement of what his doctor said. If a man found a bottle of lube in his wife's briefcase (or even an extra tube of toothpaste), we'd have been getting recommendations of polygraphs by now.... 4
OldRover Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I read where the OP said SHE didn't think he needed the meds. Did she actually say that to him? I'm missing the part where she told us she had some big reaction to his announcement of what his doctor said. If a man found a bottle of lube in his wife's briefcase (or even an extra tube of toothpaste), we'd have been getting recommendations of polygraphs by now.... Not sure... my GF carried with her... so if we spend the night, we'ed have it. It all depends....
spanz1 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 sorry I am not buying it. there can be a ton of reasons he is taking Viagra. his doctor may have told him to take partial pills to increase blood flow to his penis, for instance (a common usage). Unless she is also finding condoms in his briefcase where they have bareback sex only, they I do not see a logical path to your conclusions he is cheating.
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 This is a guy who lives a playboy lifestyle when he travels for work. Spending his free time in city nightclubs and strip clubs around the world till 4 in the morning and lies about it. Found by his daughter, to be texting a 22 year old he met on one of those trips, he is 44. He is a "yeller, curses and gets angry frequently and is disrespectful" at home and who, when asked about his job came out with the lovely phrase "you want truth, do you really want to know about every hot girl I look at when I walk down the street or every woman I fantasize about when we're having sex?" and he brings up divorce every time he gets mad. So we can all go, "no everything is fine, he is just a normal guy with some ED". Yeah sure he is. 3
Lois_Griffin Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Not sure... my GF carried with her... so if we spend the night, we'ed have it. It all depends.... They're not dating. They're married - they LIVE together. No need to 'carry' it with him on the off-chance that they spend the night together. The briefcase location means nothing, he may be taking the pill at the end of his work day so he's "ready" when he gets home. It's absolutely LUDICROUS to believe he's got those pills with him just so he can take one at the end of the day to be 'ready' for his wife when he gets home from work. LMAO!!! The wait period is half an hour, for the love of God! Unless he's literally walking through the door when he gets home and throwing her on the floor, this silly excuse has ZERO merit. And unless this guy has a fantastic health plan that makes his co-pay only $5 for a bottle of 10 Viagra, then I cant see him handing them out at work like free candy to his erection-challenged buddies. We have a pretty decent health plan and it STILL costs a ton of money to get a bottle with 10 in it. Even my husband is laughing at the ridiculous excuses being made for this guy carrying his Viagra to work with him. 3
Lois_Griffin Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 This is a guy who lives a playboy lifestyle when he travels for work. Spending his free time in city nightclubs and strip clubs around the world till 4 in the morning and lies about it. Found by his daughter, to be texting a 22 year old he met on one of those trips, he is 44. He is a "yeller, curses and gets angry frequently and is disrespectful" at home and who, when asked about his job came out with the lovely phrase "you want truth, do you really want to know about every hot girl I look at when I walk down the street or every woman I fantasize about when we're having sex?" and he brings up divorce every time he gets mad. So we can all go, "no everything is fine, he is just a normal guy with some ED". Yeah sure he is. Good lord. I didn't know this guy was that big of a self-entitled douche bag. OP, get to your doctor for a full STD screening then divorce this hot mess. 1
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