johntev Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Hello people, my girlfriend are both 28 years old and have been together for 7 years now. I am still in love with her and I feel her love for me. 3 years ago I was suspicious and found out that she cheated on me, and I believe it may have not been the only time. I was inexperiened nieve and trusting, many factors lead to the train wreck. And Out of a mixture of stupidity and optimism I decided to forgive her and we gave it another shot , regardless of the severe emotional tourment , the chattered self esteem and many insecuritys I felt from the whole betral. On the premise that if we get through we'd have stronger relatiinship ( thinking back , that may have been a moment of insanity). Its 3 years since then and I feel things haven't progressed as they should , I know she loves me and I love her but I feel she does not respect me because I let her **** me over and essentially get away with it. Which in turn hinders me build ing my confidnce back and creates more anxiety towards my insecurity's. At the moment we don't trust each other , where notCommunicating properlly ,arguing over nothing . its become stagnate but everytime we hit breaking point we always end up staying with each other . I think right now I'm exhausted and tired of it being so emotionally draining for both of us . I feel like both our hearts will break but if we end it now it will be the best thing for both our live s . but I don't really no how to end it, with out hurting her and end it properly so were not back (lol) providing comfort for each other couple of hours later . alternativly if she can commit 100%and truly respect me as a man , and I can be confident, secure with myself and assert my self as the true man I am it has a hope . but something leads me to believe that maybe (jokingly) kicking the bitch out the door and getting reaquinted with dating and meeting new woman is that step to getting my balls back. Cause I must admit I feel cheated( pun intended ) really I stayed loyal and i let regretably now opurtunitys and just being out the living just slip away. While she was enjoying herself thinking we weren't to serious or whatever bull**** she try to justify it to herself . anyway longer than I wanted , any advice ?
AIJ Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sometimes you just have to let people you care about go. It's going to hurt a lot, but both of you will be much better off for it. 3 years post-cheating is quite an achievement, I would've booted her out of my life quicker than Usain Bolt. Best of luck to you, everyone here will be happy to help you through this 3
Satu Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Do you really believe that someone who cheats on you loves you? 3
Poppyolive Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Relationships shouldn't hurt this much. I feel your pain. You don't want to be in this boat 2,3,4 years from now, with more time wasted. Emotionally draining relationships do not support ones drive for life. All energies spent in conflict could be instead spent travelling, going to music festivals, new hobbies etc.... 7 years is a big chunk of life, please don't jump into another relationship, please if you're cutting ties, do so cleanly without false hope. Hey, buy a motorbike and plan an epic trip....watch the long way round (Ewan McGregor) get inspired, live life! 1
minime13 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Hello people, my girlfriend are both 28 years old and have been together for 7 years now. I am still in love with her and I feel her love for me. 3 years ago I was suspicious and found out that she cheated on me, and I believe it may have not been the only time. I was inexperiened nieve and trusting, many factors lead to the train wreck. And Out of a mixture of stupidity and optimism I decided to forgive her and we gave it another shot , regardless of the severe emotional tourment , the chattered self esteem and many insecuritys I felt from the whole betral. On the premise that if we get through we'd have stronger relatiinship ( thinking back , that may have been a moment of insanity). Its 3 years since then and I feel things haven't progressed as they should , I know she loves me and I love her but I feel she does not respect me because I let her **** me over and essentially get away with it. Which in turn hinders me build ing my confidnce back and creates more anxiety towards my insecurity's. At the moment we don't trust each other , where notCommunicating properlly ,arguing over nothing . its become stagnate but everytime we hit breaking point we always end up staying with each other . I think right now I'm exhausted and tired of it being so emotionally draining for both of us . I feel like both our hearts will break but if we end it now it will be the best thing for both our live s . but I don't really no how to end it, with out hurting her and end it properly so were not back (lol) providing comfort for each other couple of hours later . alternativly if she can commit 100%and truly respect me as a man , and I can be confident, secure with myself and assert my self as the true man I am it has a hope . but something leads me to believe that maybe (jokingly) kicking the bitch out the door and getting reaquinted with dating and meeting new woman is that step to getting my balls back. Cause I must admit I feel cheated( pun intended ) really I stayed loyal and i let regretably now opurtunitys and just being out the living just slip away. While she was enjoying herself thinking we weren't to serious or whatever bull**** she try to justify it to herself . anyway longer than I wanted , any advice ? You know that old cliche that people say, that relationships shouldn't be this hard? Yeah, that makes people walk away prematurely from relationships so many times because they misread "so hard" for "hard." In this case, though, it really shouldn't be this hard. You recognize it's a toxic relationship, and that's the first step. Some relationships can almost be like addictions - especially when you've stuck around for so long in a relationship that hasn't felt right in years. It's hard to separate yourself from that. But, you have to. The best thing to do is just sit down and have an honest conversation about it. You don't trust each other, you don't communicate well - those are two very important foundations of a relationship. You can work on both, to an extent, but I feel that you will never trust her because of her infidelity. Been there, thought I could work through it, and wasted about 4 years of my own life before realizing I never would. Just have the conversation. Let it all be said. Then go your separate ways. It does get better. 3
Author johntev Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 I see no other option that i must leave her. I have grown a hatred towards myself and i dont want to feel that way anymore. I want to write everything that im feeling, but i am withdrawing because i want feed back, i feel that i have to keep it brief because the song that ill sing will go on on and on, and im tired of IT. I know who i am am deep down inside, i have let her forget who i am and become a disgrace , But because of who i am i cannot blame her the hatred goes within. Still, i acknowledge how unhealthy it is and and identify how it is systematically destroying my life and what good qualitys i have. Which should be better shared with a woman and people who are appreciative and deserving (is it ok to ask for reciprication to ? It is not my reason to give but is it ok to desire but not expect?) rather than a singular Woman that takes me for granted and has severely had detremental effects to my psycologically health realistically messed me the **** up. Strayed a bit then. How do i break it off ? 1 part of feels that i should leave it simple, as in only touch base and dot point the main problems at hand - trust - communication - respect - commitment - non pregression for 3 years - lies. keep it humble clean The other part wants to lay all the emotions out there , reason not being to make her have guilty feelings , not vengful, if you can follow where im going, I just have burning desire / loving desire that i want her to understand . because i do i love her , and fact is at this point in time and for a lengthy period we're both going through pain. ( i can give a run down analysis on the ins and outs) The thing is i feel that i can accept my short comings , call me a narcissist if you like, but im comfortable to a degree with (in the sense that i do not deny and seek out to identify) my mistakes **** ups and purely what i am not capable of. her on the other hand i dont know. I dont want her to go out of this and repeat the her same mistakes ( maybe not my problem ) ... probably but on the other hand i still want her to know and be honest . . Really i need help leaving her. i need help to Heal, How? cut my losses and to em to success by making this this a positive character building experience.? Overcome my self esteem /inadequacy issues . How? trust , anger, view towards the woman of the furture.. how ? Enjoy life ! have fun ! be me again ! family friends ! people ! Adventure furture ! LIFE !LIVING!HOW Things i have just realised i have lost touch with please excuse my rant and please help me. please Things i have just realised
ConfusedMike Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I was in a similar situation. Found out my ex gf was cheating with her "ex" bf last May. She fed me some lines and like an idiot, I chose to accept her reasons. Her reasons meant nothing to me and gave me no comfort. I knew she was lying, but I loved her and willingly allowed myself to "believe" her story. Fast forward a year and there have been trust issues ever since. I second guessed everything she did, people she met, what she did at work, who she spoke to/texted...it was exhausting and some of the shady behavior didn't change. Couple weeks ago, I sent her a long email explaining why I was walking away. I provided a summary of some of those things and that was it. She emailed me back within an hour and basically told me to f off, that I wasn't committed to her, never intended to marry her and she ended it by saying that this would be the last time I'd ever get to contact her because she was blocking me and said she'd change her email address. I don't know if I feel better telling her the why I needed to walk away, but it was the right thing for me. I haven't heard from her since and I won't contact her again...just too toxic. I miss the person I thought she was, but not the person I know she is.
Tater Salad Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 It's hard to hear, but if she truly cared about you, she would not cheat. I'm not saying she doesn't love you, but she doesn't care and is selfish. Cheating isn't an accident. She had plenty of time to think about what she was doing, and had plenty of time to stop. The pain you will feel after you dump her is nothing compared to the pain you will feel if you stay in this relationship. Every time you kiss her, you will picture her kissing him. Every time you have sex, you will picture her spreading her legs for him. Cuddling, flirting, etc. It sucks, but it eats at your esteem and self worth as a man. You will never forget, and you will never trust her again. It's like a neighbor's dog that bites you when you walk by. You will never feel comfortable walking past that yard again. There are plenty of other yards out there to walk by. Take the long way home if you have to. You will feel better in the long run. But don't let this bad experience carry over into your next relationship. Trust her until she gives you a reason not to. Keep your chin up.
NopeNah Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 It's hard to hear, but if she truly cared about you, she would not cheat. I'm not saying she doesn't love you, but she doesn't care and is selfish. Cheating isn't an accident. She had plenty of time to think about what she was doing, and had plenty of time to stop. The pain you will feel after you dump her is nothing compared to the pain you will feel if you stay in this relationship. Every time you kiss her, you will picture her kissing him. Every time you have sex, you will picture her spreading her legs for him. Cuddling, flirting, etc. It sucks, but it eats at your esteem and self worth as a man. You will never forget, and you will never trust her again. It's like a neighbor's dog that bites you when you walk by. You will never feel comfortable walking past that yard again. There are plenty of other yards out there to walk by. Take the long way home if you have to. You will feel better in the long run. But don't let this bad experience carry over into your next relationship. Trust her until she gives you a reason not to. Keep your chin up. Damn!!! True! If you're not comfortable with her,don't be with her. Sure,it'll suck for a while,but you'll be ok.
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