maysj18 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Background: Moved to a new state and decided to use Tinder to get my feet wet after a long term relationship as well as meet new people. One day, I see someone from high school pop up a few miles from me and sure enough, he's living in the same place. We have some funny history as we dated for like a day when we were in earlyyyy high school and apparently he had a major crush on me for awhile after that though we never talked anymore just because we had different groups of friends and never saw each other. Fast forward a few years and I catch a glimpse of some new photos of him on Instagram. I'll just say that he grew up. Big time. We were hours apart from each other at the time so I would just creep occasionally for fun and that's about it. Well fast forward a few more years and now we're here. Found him on Tinder and it turns out he's living in my new town. So weird. I message him on FB, we meet up a few days later and the rest is history. Weve been virtually inseparable the last month and have already planned a small vacation together. The sex is MINDBLOWING. He's so attentive and affectionate all the time and has let me in to his little world a lot. The emotions I feel towards him are so unlike anything I've felt before and it's WEIRD. I had NO idea I would fall like this for him and vice versa. The circumstances are a bit crazy too with him living here, so far from where we grew up. Anyways, I'm not stupid. I know flings like this die out quickly. I also know how we feel about each other: the mutual respect, friendship, etc. I don't doubt him when he tells me his feelings for me, but I am concerned that the supercharged sexual chemistry is over exaggerating how we feel about each other. I know myself and I know that I want a relationship with him. He tells me the same (were exclusive but not openly bf/gf yet). In order to fully know if this isn't just fling, should we take sex off the table for awhile? Or just.give it time? We started having sex super early on- forgot to add that part. We just had an immediate connection and I guess the crushes we had on each other came flooding back.
minime13 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 That depends. Do you want to end the honeymoon phase after just a month? This is natural. Enjoy sex all the time while getting to know each other a little. The role reverses eventually. What you are talking about cutting off is the best part of the new relationship. Unless, of course, there are some red flags you have not mentioned that you should be concerned about. If there are, then maybe you should be concerned. If not, enjoy the early stage of the relationship.
Tribble Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Not sure why taking sex off the table would determine whether it's a relationship or a fling. Sex is part of a relationship, no? As long as your time together isn't all sex and short term plans, just see where it goes. It may fizzle out, it may grow into a LTR. But sex is no way to guarantee one over the other. If it's great, stick with it. Just get to know each other with clothes on at the same time to make sure you're compatible for a relationship.
Author maysj18 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) I should clarify that normally I would never want to take sex off the table, but I always hear that relationships with amazing chemistry that movve quickly end as quickly as they began. I really don't want that to happen. I just worry that the physical aspect may be over-inflating our feelings because it's so intense. Maybe not though? Maybe it's a good thing. We spend a lot of time talking and being together with our clothes on; it just seems "too good to be true". I've only had one boyfriend though (though I've dated a bit here and there) and I've never felt intense feelings like this. Especially since they're mutual. I'm just scared it's a bad sign? Especially considering the crushes we've always had on each other since we were 15. He says that a lot too: "I've wanted this for 10 years", etc. I just worry he may idealizing me? Edited June 19, 2015 by maysj18
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Background: Moved to a new state and decided to use Tinder to get my feet wet after a long term relationship as well as meet new people. One day, I see someone from high school pop up a few miles from me and sure enough, he's living in the same place. We have some funny history as we dated for like a day when we were in earlyyyy high school and apparently he had a major crush on me for awhile after that though we never talked anymore just because we had different groups of friends and never saw each other. Fast forward a few years and I catch a glimpse of some new photos of him on Instagram. I'll just say that he grew up. Big time. We were hours apart from each other at the time so I would just creep occasionally for fun and that's about it. Well fast forward a few more years and now we're here. Found him on Tinder and it turns out he's living in my new town. So weird. I message him on FB, we meet up a few days later and the rest is history. Weve been virtually inseparable the last month and have already planned a small vacation together. The sex is MINDBLOWING. He's so attentive and affectionate all the time and has let me in to his little world a lot. The emotions I feel towards him are so unlike anything I've felt before and it's WEIRD. I had NO idea I would fall like this for him and vice versa. The circumstances are a bit crazy too with him living here, so far from where we grew up. Anyways, I'm not stupid. I know flings like this die out quickly. I also know how we feel about each other: the mutual respect, friendship, etc. I don't doubt him when he tells me his feelings for me, but I am concerned that the supercharged sexual chemistry is over exaggerating how we feel about each other. I know myself and I know that I want a relationship with him. He tells me the same (were exclusive but not openly bf/gf yet). In order to fully know if this isn't just fling, should we take sex off the table for awhile? Or just.give it time? We started having sex super early on- forgot to add that part. We just had an immediate connection and I guess the crushes we had on each other came flooding back. should we take sex off the table for awhile? -- That is a bridge that is difficult to uncross. If you are not trusting his motives, you could do that but don't tell him that's what you're doing because that could come off to him that you are using sex as a weapon or tool of manipulation. Simply don't allow the opportunity for sex to happen for a little while. Keep dates public and don't go to each other's homes until you're feeling more comfortable. You are at least exclusive, so unless you're having some doubts that he is living up to that, I wouldn't take it away. Continue to observe the WAY he dates you. Is he making time for you consistently and taking you out? Is he keeping in good communication and it's quality (not overtly sexual or all sexual, etc.)? But at some point soon, I would simply open a casual, non-pressuring conversation to say something like "I'm happy we've reconnected and enjoying the time we're spending together. I hoping to have a long-term committed relationship with someone for myself?" and then let him talk. If you two are not on the same page in terms of dating goals, then you'd need to move on. Unless you're on the same page there, the rest doesn't matter.
kismetkismet Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Don't take sex off the table! But take the emotional stuff slowly.. Not in admitting your feelings for each other, but try not to spend every day together, don't move in together at a ridiculously early time, and make sure you still go on 'get to know each other ' dates. I don't think you should remove the chemistry, but just focus on building a foundation to the relationship as well. Get to know each other properly etc.
Recommended Posts