Stacymonster Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Any advice please...I left my LT BF a few months ago due to his lack of affection and lack of discussing our futrure together, (together 6 years) and he was still undecided about marriage. He says he wants to get back together and get married, but I don't see any action taken place..He lives 1100 miles away from me and has been unemployed for about 6 months (has been living on large inheritance) What type of efforts should he be making if he truely loves me!! any advice would be appreciated?? So far he has not even attempted once to visit me (I'm currently in school until June) I need to know if I'm doing the right thing by not getting back with him.. Thanks
DRAGONFLIES Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I hate to put it to you this way but im a blunt person. He's stringing you along honey. he probably thinks you'll come back to him so he can use you for what ever reason. If he has a large inheritance and he wants to marry you, he wouldnt live off of it, he'd save it for payment on your wedding. your doing the right thing. the best thing that I can tell you is to follow your heart.
BrotherAaron Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 He shouldn't be doing anything. You dumped him, and it's unfair to assume that he should be chasing you now. Maybe he respects your decision, and is moving on with his life. If you want him back, you should chasing him. If you dumped him for good reasons, I'd recommend leaving it at that.
morrigan Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 From your perspective, it sounds like it was for the best if you broke up about uncertainty of future plans, and your ex has yet to take any definitive action to make changes. Breakups aren't meant to be wake up calls for the other person, but the best way for both people to get on with their respective lives if they no longer feel compatible. From your ex's perspective, it's the end of the relationship---regardless of his feelings, or if he ever decides to change his undecisive ways in the future because he wants to. As Brother Aaron said, he's doing the right thing and respecting your decision.
RecordProducer Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 When he makes some effort, you'll know he's making it. He should find a job if he wants to marry you. But he might (un)intentionally lose the job sooner or later if he doesn't want to work. Why do you want to be with a guy who doesn't show you affection? Why do you want to be with a guy who is so lazy and non-ambitious that he doesn't even want to be employed? How does he find money for a living at all? I've read in some posts here that guys have made promises to be better if they get second chances, but a few months after they get it, they go back to their usual behavior. People don't change on someone else's request; they just temporarily pretend they have changed as a response to an ultimatum.
simon_uk Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by BrotherAaron He shouldn't be doing anything. You dumped him, and it's unfair to assume that he should be chasing you now. Maybe he respects your decision, and is moving on with his life. If you want him back, you should chasing him. If you dumped him for good reasons, I'd recommend leaving it at that. Exactly! Maybe he is completely heartbroken but doesn't want to be rejected further by contacting you! It is your job to make the first move not his.
Skullcrusher Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Stacy, you did the dumping. You are the person that has to reinstate the relationship. If you broke up because of some things, address that. I had a girl that dumped men, all she did was try to keep in contact - she never attempted to ask me out for a drink or whatever, I went looking for other girls and she was not pleased with that. Dumpers always grovel first - Never the dumped. The smart dumpees learn from mistakes and improve. If my ex want me back, she has to try harder than "keeping in contact." I'd prefer her to worship and pamper me for awhile. So here are the steps: 1. Contact him 2. Setup a date 3. ??? 4. Profit
theone44 Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by Skullcrusher First off, don't listen to advice from RecordProducer - her advice is produced from getting rejected from men all the time. Stacy, you did the dumping. You are the person that has to reinstate the relationship. If you broke up because of some things, address that. I had a girl that dumped men, all she did was try to keep in contact - she never attempted to ask me out for a drink or whatever, I went looking for other girls and she was not pleased with that. Dumpers always grovel first - Never the dumped. The smart dumpees learn from mistakes and improve. If my ex want me back, she has to try harder than "keeping in contact." I'd prefer her to worship and pamper me for awhile. So here are the steps: 1. Contact him 2. Setup a date 3. ??? 4. Profit Now that sound wisdom skullcrusher. I wish i could get back with my ex,but who know's what may happen..
BrotherAaron Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I'm with record producer here. Step one, her ex needs to prove that he has a longterm commitment towards the necessarry positive changes that would have been required for stacymonster to have decided not to dump him yet - that means he needs to be on his own and doing what she would have him be doing with no hope of her coming back, and doing it for a long enough time (6 months? a year?) that she could believe it's what he is committed to. Anything less, and she has no reason to try and get back with her ex at all, and the rest doesn't matter. He's still the lazy, unambitious apathetic man that she left.
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