Author stb90 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 OK, since you don't live together, how do you know she hasn't been drunk or going out? Her story about staying at that guys house for his birthday sounds suspicious, and the fact she hooked up on a ONS on Tinder before makes me think she isn't the innocent girl she pretends to be. Because she works monday through friday full time, comes home does HW (shes in online school), then calls me every night before she goes to bed. Wakes up and texts me every morning. And we hangout every weekend.
Author stb90 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Agree and bottom line is....OP if she were attracted to you, she would be having sex with you...she would be WANTING to have sex with you. I am sure you are a positive influence on her, which is swell... but it's not LOVE and never will be. I am sure she "likes" you, but as a woman I can tell you, when we don't wish to have sex with a guy, it's because we are not attracted to him. So then why is she keeping me around?
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 So then why is she keeping me around? Comfort, safety....like she said, or her mom said... you are in positive influence.... perhaps like the dad she never had. But women are not sexually attracted to their dads, are they. Nor do they have the desire to have sex with their dads. Nor do they "fall in love" with their dads. Think about it....
minime13 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 And the reason why I want to be with her is because I am her first serious relationship - like I mentioned - she has never been in love. She never has had a positive male influence in her life like me... yeah she hooked up with guys... but I have hooked up with way more girls. All that matters is we are happy now... I just wish we could have sex. But that sounds so shallow. The past problems were all in the past. Like I said, we have been on good terms for 7 months and never argue at all really, and if we do, it is extremely short lasting. That isn't a good reason to stay in a relationship. At all. Go date compatible people that you can have sex with. For real, dude. This isn't working.
minime13 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 So then why am I keeping her around? There, fixed that for you. Now, please answer. 1
Author stb90 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Comfort, safety....like she said, or her mom said... you are in positive influence.... perhaps like the dad she never had. But women are not sexually attracted to their dads, are they. Nor do they have the desire to have sex with their dads. Nor do they "fall in love" with their dads. Think about it.... I just don't get why she would keep me around for so long then and tell me all the things shes told me - she's never felt this way about anyone before... and that she knows shes gonna marry me
Author stb90 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 There, fixed that for you. Now, please answer. Because honestly, I feel like it would be so shallow of me to just dump her cuz she doesn't have sex with me
Author stb90 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Maybe shes just keeping me around cuz I'm convenient. She knows no one down here all her friends are back up north...
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 She never had a male role model. She wants that. She does not "view" you as a boyfriend. You would end up virtually being her "Dad" by proxy. She wants comfort and security she never received from her father. If that is the role she likely unconsciously wants you to fill, she could not/would not be wanting sex because a girl doesn't have sex with her father. If she does engage in sex with you, she will not be emotionally engaged in it. It will be an "obligation". She may be "wet", but that is not a voluntary response. And, although she may have had sex with others in the past, she wasn't doing it because it's something she really wanted, it was more about being close to a male, seeking comfort/security she lacked. I would part ways. You will never have a mutually satisfying relationship with her unless she confronts and actively deals with the emotional scars of a missing male parental role model.
minime13 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Because honestly, I feel like it would be so shallow of me to just dump her cuz she doesn't have sex with me And you really think that's your only problem? Please go re-read your first post. You're fixating on the sex because it's a tangible (well, maybe not) thought. The reason you gave for sticking around is shallow - because you're her first serious relationship. Dude. Come on.
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Because honestly, I feel like it would be so shallow of me to just dump her cuz she doesn't have sex with me It's not shallow it's smart. Come on, men need physical affection too....and yes SEX. That is what differentiates a romantic relationship from a friendship! It is not unreasonable to want your girlfriend to be attracted to you for chrissakes. It would be weird to NOT want that. You have a nice "friendship." But that's it.... If you want more, move on cuz this chick has no desire to have anything more than a nice friendship with you... Again, sorry. 1
Gemini_jo Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I just don't get why she would keep me around for so long then and tell me all the things shes told me - she's never felt this way about anyone before... and that she knows shes gonna marry me You know why she's keeping you around? Because being with you make her feel comfortable, more secure. She knows how you're like, she knows how you react, she knows your likes and dislikes, she knows YOU. The marriage thing man, everyone here will tell you. That's what happens when you're in love for the first time. There's no denying yall are in love after this long, but you have to realize yall come across as incompatible people. And that's just based off your opening statement. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did. Not listening to people's advice on here. When the majority of people on this forum tell you the same thing, it's always the right decision.
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) Maybe shes just keeping me around cuz I'm convenient. She knows no one down here all her friends are back up north... Exactly. And feeling sorry for her...or feeling guilt is NOT a good reason to stay in an unfulfilling, unsatisfying toxic relationship....with a woman who is not physically or sexually attracted to you, not in love with you, will never be in love with you....and who views you as her friend, or worse, her dad. Please. Edited June 19, 2015 by katiegrl
Author stb90 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 i just feel like she is not a very sexual person to begin with, she does not nor has never masterbated, the thought of BJs repulse her... one time it came up and I mentioned how I take pride in my stamina and how long I can last and satisfy a woman and she's like... "if you go longer than 20 minutes I am gonna tell you to just finish" like wtf?
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 i just feel like she is not a very sexual person to begin with, she does not nor has never masterbated, the thought of BJs repulse her... one time it came up and I mentioned how I take pride in my stamina and how long I can last and satisfy a woman and she's like... "if you go longer than 20 minutes I am gonna tell you to just finish" like wtf? All the more reason to end this fiasco... what are you waiting for?
CarrieT Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 i just feel like she is not a very sexual person to begin with, she does not nor has never masterbated, the thought of BJs repulse her... one time it came up and I mentioned how I take pride in my stamina and how long I can last and satisfy a woman and she's like... "if you go longer than 20 minutes I am gonna tell you to just finish" like wtf? So, with this in mind, is this someone you want to spend your life with? Do you want to get into old age never having another blow job?
Author stb90 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I just don't know how I go about doing this.... We have a trip planned for a wedding in next month up in her home state We are going to the mountains tomorrow.... what should I do? I think I need to let it ride for a bit and see? I mean is there even a point trying to have sex w/ her knowing she has HPV?
CarrieT Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I think I need to let it ride for a bit and see? To see what? If she changes her mind. She isn't going to. She has drawn the line in the sand and you can either live with it (and not complain when you aren't getting any), or move on and find someone more compatible with your philosophies on how you wish to live your life. 1
minime13 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I just don't know how I go about doing this.... We have a trip planned for a wedding in next month up in her home state We are going to the mountains tomorrow.... what should I do? I think I need to let it ride for a bit and see? I mean is there even a point trying to have sex w/ her knowing she has HPV? Are you asking us if you should honestly try to have sex with a woman who has an STD? Really? If you're that hard up, go masturbate. If you really want to make this about sex, and she has told you that she doesn't want to have sex until marriage, and you don't want to respect that, then break it off and go find someone who wants to have sex.
Elam Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 First off a little about us... My girlfriend and I are both 24. We met a little over a year ago when she first moved here. She does not have a father figure - it's just her, her mom, and her sister that she calls "family". Her sister has a fiance. She calls her dad her "sperm doner." They are from a different state. Her sister and mom moved down to here a year before she ended up moving here, as she was finishing up college in their home state. She decided to move to here once she graduated to be with her family. She was in a sorority in college and has a ton of friends back home and knows literally no one down here except me. Now onto our relationship. We met about a month after she moved down here which was a little over a year ago. We both fell for each other rather quickly. I am her first "serious" boyfriend... she did not date anyone in college, she only had a high school fling whom she broke up with before she went to college. She has never been in love. Me on the other hand, I've dated quite a few girls, although have only been in "love" once... back freshman year of college which was 5 years ago. Like I said, for the first two months of our relationship, things were great - as is with most new relationships. We didn't have a "title", so I thought after about two months of hanging out often and talking to each other every day that I would "ask her out". I planned dinner with her Friday night and I set up everything had balloons and flowers in the door for when we came back to my house she would see them and I would ask her (that was the plan). Well, she showed up and I got in her car (she didn't come inside when she arrived we just left for dinner) and she wasn't saying a word. She had just started a new job that Monday and said she was "tired". Knowing her how I know her now, its true that when she's tired she just gets quiet. But this is where I messed up. We got to the restaurant I was thinking "WTF is wrong with her" and getting mad. She continued to be silent, and I lost it. I got up and walked out of the restaurant. She came out, and I was like "just take me home" visibly upset. When we got back to my house I yelled at her, telling her to just leave, got out of her car and walked in my house and she left crying. She called and I didn't answer. She called again, and we got in a huge argument... Later that night, it began to sink in that I had royally messed up. I had no idea though what was to come. What was to come was 5 months of hell almost. She completely shut down from me and her already big walls, got even bigger. Over the course of the next five months, we argued a lot, but still talked all the time. We didn't have a "label" and things were really confusing, to say the least. We really really liked each other, and then I messed up that one time, and its like she made me pay for it big time. It got to the point where I tried to break it off with her about 4 times, and every time she would fight for me and be like no this is not what we want, We can fix this, etc etc... and I would not have the balls to end it. So things would be good for a week or two then just get horrible again. She literally would not show me anything it felt like, and here I was trying my hardest to show her I cared still and I messed up. I think it had to do with her not having a male father figure, it was hard enough to let me in in the first place or something, IDK. But anyways... so this continued for 5 months, Until eventually she told me a relationship was not in the cards for her and she wanted a break. I simply said "okay." We were on a break for about a month and a half, but still talked all the time. Fast forward to around December. Something finally clicked between us and its hard to explain but we both just seemed to finally give into each other and in the blink of an eye, things were better than they were in the very beginning! We both were extremely happy, and agreed to get "back together". We are officially boyfriend and girlfriend and are happier than ever. Every time we begin to argue or what not it never lingers because we have been through so much. She talks to me about marriage and how she views me as a potential husband and stuff. Now my question is - she told me she wants to wait til marriage to have sex. We tried to have sex in the very beginning but it was not good and we dont count it because it was literally like 10 minutes of me hurting her... sorry if thats too much info. So now, I guess she made a recommitment to God (she is very religious) to wait until marriage. She says she hooked up with only a handful of guys in college, but according to her "it was college" (she was in a sorority too). Now my thing is, I am really getting sexually frustrated because I want to have sex with her but i told her from the beginning its not all about sex. But at the same time, its been over a year now, and I'm still here. It's not like I'm gonna hit it and quit it. But i want to respect her... but part of it digs at me like... other guys got it easy and here I am a year later and cant even get it. And also, why did she have sex (even if it "doesn't count") with me in the beginning but not now? What happens if we wait til marriage and were not sexually compatible? Im scared of that as well. One thing she did mention though, was she isnt 100% about waiting til marriage, "if it happens it happens" is what she says... but I've tried and tried and tried and tried and she always eventually stops me.... even though she is soaking wet. It's gotten to the point where I'm really getting annoyed by it but I don't want to cheat on her. I keep reading that it's BS that a girl who has had sex makes a guy wait til marriage and that means she probably is getting it from somewhere else but I honestly don't think she's like that? Also, another thing - she recently had an abnormal pap and it turns out she has low grade HPV...so she got it from someone... even though it can take years to show up. Any advice? Dude, most of the guys who get cheated on by their girlfriends never thought their girlfriends were the cheating type until they found themselves being cheated on. If a woman isn't having sex with you she's either having sex with someone else or she has a very low sex drive. You're 24. You shouldn't be like my married friends who get laid maybe once a month, and they're paying a ton of money for the upkeep of a wife they don't even have sex often enough. Give up on that woman and find yourself someone who wants to have sex with you. And dude. I bet every guy in her building's block has banged her except you. Don't give a relatiosnhip to a woman until she bangs you. Unless you look like Luke Evans - what is her motivation to put out if you already give to her what she wants without you getting anything in return?
Photofinish Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Dont pressure her. If you're after sex then leave her . Let someone else care for her. If you want sex , there are tons of easy woman out there for you . If you broke up so many times then it's not meant to be anyways. What do you expect to change? She isnt going to have sex with you and shes not wrong. It's her body and her choice. Stop bashing and judging her for her choice. Just because shes not a virgin doesnt mean she loses respect in anyone's eyes. She can do what she wants. HER BODY
PogoStick Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Stop with the HPV scares. It's about the sexual equivalent of catching the flu. He could even get the HPV vaccine, but chances are, he's already had HPV, fought it off, and developed antibodies against it. I'm not concerned she is having sex elsewhere. I am concerned that she is damaged goods and simply not a good match for you. Anyway, OP this is a pathetic relationship. Even though you say things have been good, they're really not. After All, you're not happy and neither of you are having sex. There is nothing shallow about leaving due to sexual incompatibility. Either move the relationship forward and have sex or break up. Her excuses for avoiding sex are lame and let me tell you why: What is going to REALLY upset you is that she's going to have sex within a month with the guy she latches onto after you. 1
GoBlue Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I keep reading that it's BS that a girl who has had sex makes a guy wait til marriage and that means she probably is getting it from somewhere else but I honestly don't think she's like that? I don't know where you're reading - this is a woman you are talking about not a dude. Probably should eliminate these sources from your reading list because they are off in left field.
kendahke Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Am I a fool for staying? I don't know if I can end it with her cuz I care about her so much. If you really cared for her, you'd set her free so she can find a guy who wants to wait until she's married to them to possibly not even have sex then. If sex hurt for her then and she's turned her interest away from it, there is a good chance that unless you're trying to make children, she's not going to have sex for pleasure. She's basically showing you right now what it will be like with 30 years under your belt with her, except there will be 4 children, a mortgage, braces and soccer expenses. Seriously. Cut your losses now and find a girl who doesn't "make you pay" for damb near 8 months. That's called "being vindictive". And for someone who is so religious, how did forgiveness not factor into anything on her end?
guest569 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 You are holding onto the best aspects of this relationship and turning a blind eye to something that just isn't going to work. You continue to pressure her for sex but she has already stated that she wants to wait until marriage. Do you want to marry her? Do you want to wait until marriage? It sounds like your response is a resounding 'No!'. I wonder if she has a bit of anxiety about the pain and HPV etc. and wants to delay sex for those reasons. Doesn't matter because it is an incompatibility issue that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. Also, I have been in a similar situation (after almost a year he still didn't love me, and the sex was non existent) I will never put myself in that situation again. If there are no strong feelings/love after a year, I think it's time to move on. It is a very difficult thing to do, but can you see any way forward?
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