ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Hey LoveShackers, In need of some advice here. Those of you know my story know my ex left me a little less than two months ago. I was devastated. Well, there had been a gap of almost FOUR years between that ex and my first ex. I had had plenty of time to move on before I met him. The thing is, I met a really (seemingly) sweet guy last Friday evening that I could potentially have interest in. A friend of my friend introduced us. I had assumed she was just doing a sort of blind set up thing, which usually makes me very uncomfortable, so I was sort of distant from this guy the entire evening. We danced a few times, and he kept showing interest (putting his arms around me, conversing and hugging), but I thought at the time that he was only doing it to "be nice", so I was sort of cold. Turns out he had noticed me BEFORE this girl introduced U.S., and had expressed that he thought I was really attractive, hence why she wanted us to meet. Learning this made me feel really bad for my distant behavior. I saw him the next evening at the same place, BUT my ex was also there (see this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/533262-you-all-will-disappointed-me-but). The guy looked really nervous when he saw me that next evening. He kinda walked by slowly until I saw him, and came up and gave me a hug and started talking. He seems really shy. I was having a hard time that evening due to the presence of my ex and I lost track of where the guy went. So here's my question: from what limited interaction we had those two nights, I kinda like this guy, but would I be pushing "rebound" territory if I pursued anything with him? A lot of you guys know my story and have a pretty good feel for how I'm coping. Would you say I need more time before I start talking to or pursuing anything with other men? I wasn't getting anything out of my relationship for so long, that it would feel nice to meet someone new and feel appreciated again, but if I should heal more I guess I may need to do that. This guy seemed pretty interested in getting to know me, and in retrospect I feel I should have been a little more open to talking to him. I do feel that part of me still has a hard time opening up to someone because of my ex, and everything I've been through. Funny thing is, the way I met this guy was the EXACT same way I met my ex, I mean the same place and everything! If I see him again, should I get his number? This is a place my ex and all his friends frequent, so that may pose a problem. Open to advice here, and TIA.
mystikmind2005 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I have read quite a few articles that say a rebound relationship can be very beneficial and even work,,,, but it depends on the individual person. My marriage ended last January, so i did allot of research, ,, because i decided i did not want to make all the same old mistakes over again. And the more i researched, the more i realized how ignorant i was! So my advice is that by all means go ahead and peruse the relationship, but also don't neglect your emotions, do some internet research, understand your emotions, and keep an eye on how your doing.... oh and you should tell him your situation, its only fair.
jen1447 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Some people will say (astonishingly to me) that you have to wait literally years before you're emotionally well enough to date again after a breakup. I think that's BS. Go ahead and talk to the guy, date, have fun, follow the trail and all that good stuff, but do indeed let him know where you're at as mystikmind2005 said. It's the responsible thing to do for the both of you, just like living life is. 1
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