pondhawk Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 How many married men visualize another women while making love to your wife? Also, does your wife know? Care? Sometimes in the middle of lovemaking, I feel a disconnect. I can't put my finger on it in a concrete way...but there's a certain far off feeling. He has admitted that he did this in his first marriage because his wife was obese and he had to think of someone that turned him on. Now we've been married over a year and I am very fit...but I can't shake off the feeling that he's doing this to me too. He denies this in our case, but I don't know. My imagination? Or is this a common thing in marriages??
GorillaTheater Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Of all of the awful stuff that runs through my mind at times, this isn't one of them. I'm totally present with my wife, 100%. I'm no saint, though. Masturbation is another story. 8
central Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Occasionally. She knows. She doesn't care. She does the same occasionally, and I don't care. Most people do - pretty normal stuff unless it becomes obsessive or interferes with the relationship and sex. Sometimes a little extra - mental - stimulation is needed to get off, particularly if it's round 2 or 3.
davidromero43 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Can't think of any time. We are very visual. And it's right in front of us to look at.
nucking_futs Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 not while with wife.... solo different story 2
redtail Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I have to echo the current sentiment, I'm only too happy to be making love with my wife so my mind doesn't have time to go anywhere else. Like savoring my favorite wine, I linger over every sip.... 5
Author pondhawk Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Occasionally. She knows. She doesn't care. She does the same occasionally, and I don't care. Most people do - pretty normal stuff unless it becomes obsessive or interferes with the relationship and sex. Sometimes a little extra - mental - stimulation is needed to get off, particularly if it's round 2 or 3. That's a good point. How would you know it's becoming obsessive? Or more importantly, how would you know if it's their standard way to go? I guess you just don't know. Unless the other person is completely honest. And with that....if thinking about other people is normal, is it making love? Or is it just getting off because your partner can't do it for you. I guess I'm just a romantic and wish for true intimate love. Scared it's not.
carhill Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 How many married men visualize another women while making love to your wife? Also, does your wife know? Care? Not currently married but, when it did happen, the very first time, I knew it was time to get a divorce. No, wife didn't know and, in general, didn't care, which was essentially how the fantasies started. 2
spanz1 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) some people (both men or women) have a rich sexual fantasy life. Others never fantasize about anything. Neither approach is "wrong", so long as the fantasies stay just that. this is just anecdoatal, but it seems the spouses who never fantasize about sex are also the ones that their mate are complaining about as "never initiating", "same old boring sex", "called me a pervert for wanting more/kinky sex", "we only have sex once a month" types....so I would guess one spouse fantasizing while the other does not to be a real long term problem in a marriage, i.e. sexual incompatibility Edited June 19, 2015 by spanz1 1
OldRover Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Not for me. When I've been in a significant relationship, wife or SO, they have been my focus, especially in bed. Don't thing of someone else in bed. 1
Morro72 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Sometimes, and I assume the same is true for my wife. We've never talked about it, presumably because neither of us cares one way or the other. Come to think of it, I'd find it disappointing to think that my wife's erotic imagination is so limited that it never happens, and if she has really good fantasies I wouldn't want to risk disrupting them by interrogating her as to their content.
jsp32020 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Not married but might as well be... and I've had to fantasize about other women/past encounters to get me to the "finish line" on several occasions. I feel bad for doing it, my woman has a great body and I was initially attracted to her physically. I think the dynamics of our relationship changed to where I don't always view her as a sexual object like I should, either between her always in mommy mode or some of the power struggles we've had. But...for yesterday mornings sex I was all there lol so it comes and goes.
Davey L Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I have never fantasised about anyone other than my wife when we have sex. Same goes for all my previous relationships. I like to enjoy the time with the person I am with. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I have to echo the current sentiment, I'm only too happy to be making love with my wife so my mind doesn't have time to go anywhere else. Have to agree with this. Not only am I not thinking of anyone else, I'm not thinking of anything else. Work, lawn maintenance and Scarlett Johansson can all wait for another day and time... Mr. Lucky 3
S_A Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) Been with my SO for 4.5 years. I've never fantasized about someone during our love making. Actually, in any relationship I was in I never fantasized during love making. When I did try it early on in my sex life (did not feel like I needed to try it, was just curious about it), I would lose some of my erection. So yea... No fantasizing on my end. Don't think my GF does either... Well, except maybe when I give her oral. Once my finger goes in her bum I am sure she fantasizes about a DP scenario because she's always sort of had a DP fantasy lol. Edited June 19, 2015 by S_A
GunslingerRoland Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Been with my wife for 17 years, married for 12 and never do this. I think about all sorts of women and all sorts of crazy **** alone, but when I'm with her, I'm focused on her... 1
understand50 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 As for myself, I am in the moment when I am making love with, and to, my wife. As for thinking or fantzising about something else, or someone else, I see no harm. There was thread a couple of days ago, about a wife talking in her sleep. My post was what happens in dream is personal, and stay in the night. Does it really matter? The world in your head is the only thing that is really yours. Actions and deeds in the real world are what keep relationships, life, love together. 1
Mrin Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Was married for 10 years and never did this. Granted, the last few years the sex was few and far between but ya, never did it even occur to me.
Soxfaninfl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I was with my first wife for 13 years, and I never fantasized about another women during sex with her. I've been now with my 2nd wife for almost 2 years, and when I'm making love to her all that goes through my mind is how wonderful it is to make love to her how and good it feels. Don't get me wrong, I have always looked at porn when I got turned down for sex. I have also never preferred porn over making love to my wives. Not even once. I have never turn down my wives for sex in 16 years. I've always had a high sex drive my entire life.
elaine567 Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Interestingly, up to this post the only person who admits to fantasies about other women during the sex act, is the one who is in an open relationship and who with his wife have introduced other people into their marriage over the years
Dutchman1 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 How many married men visualize another women while making love to your wife? Also, does your wife know? Care? Sometimes in the middle of lovemaking, I feel a disconnect. I can't put my finger on it in a concrete way...but there's a certain far off feeling. He has admitted that he did this in his first marriage because his wife was obese and he had to think of someone that turned him on. Now we've been married over a year and I am very fit...but I can't shake off the feeling that he's doing this to me too. He denies this in our case, but I don't know. My imagination? Or is this a common thing in marriages?? Hey Pondhawk, I hope you are still doing ok, but in any case: sorry trust your gut. Your H can F ...you silly when he's thinking of other girls, this is more than a midlife crisis. See, i.m 50 + and waiting for my MLC, but mates of mine tell me about it over a beer. In the pub they nag and make fun of the old lady, while checking out and chatting up other woman. Not my style, but they ( not all of my buds) say that it makes it easier or bearable for them to be intimate with there W. look after nr 1. Regards Dutchman 1
Cant_Get_Right Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 It's always my wife. I don't have to think of others during sex. Do I close my eyes? Sure, so does she sometimes. Buts it's enjoying the moment not trying to make distance from reality.
sheberiding Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I always fantasize about my wife doing dirty things when we make love. I am particularly fond of the her posing nude fantasy.
TX-SC Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Even after 20 years of marriage and two kids, I still find my wife extremely attractive. I can get completely lost in the moment with her and don't need to visualize or fantasize about someone else. I know it sounds way too sappy, but I honestly don't need to think about anyone but her. 1
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