Dumed by my sick, possibly depressed girlfriend, how do i go about getting her back?

[Mattaius]

Hmm what does everyone think to this?

 

I recently broke up with my girlfriend, well she dumped me, here is the story.

 

We met at uni, she was in the year below me and had a man when we met so although i found her very attractive i didnt nurture any interests in her. Her ex was a bit dim and just ignored her for most of the relationship, so she finnally got rid of him after a couple of months at uni. My mate then said he like her so I still didnt do anything, but i did actually have a number of lectures with her and we used to hang out a lot in a group of mutual friends and we bacame close. I started being interested in another girl but nothing ever came of that, then my mate tried his luck and she turned him down. So now the way was clear and through our friendship we became a lot closer, until finally one day i asked her out telling her i had feelings for her, she said she like me to and was really pleased that i like her back.

 

So we started going out, but it was the end of the year at uni and i had to go home for the summer only a couple of days after we became a couple. But we made it through the summer seeing each other whenever we could. Then started back at uni at the end of september. Everything was amazing we were so in love and neither of us had been happier. I had had a sexual relations before, but the last girl i was with broke my heart by cheating upon me. She was a virgin and so i never put any pressure on her to sleep with me. One night in october she told me she was ready. This presented a slight problem as it meant i had to tell her a really personal secrect, that i may have herpes. From the last relationship i had thought i had contracted it but had not been in a position to ever have it confirmed. She was understandilby shocked by it and went really cold. It took her until january to be ready to sleep with me again and i dont feel she was properly up for it and we only did it a couple of times.

 

Anyway everything had been perfect until after xmas, when we staretd to have some difficulties. I had a lot of stressful deadlines to meet and when i wasnt working i wanted to relax with her, but she started to tell me that she wanted to spend more time with her mates and was making their feelings out to be more important to her than mine. whenever i complained about it, she would tell me that when i felt that way it made her feel like a bad girlfriend and shed start crying and id feel bad. I told her that she didnt make me feel loved and she told me that hurt her because i was being insecure and it wasnt her fault it was my ex who cheated on me and that i needed to deal with the issues. Dispite not in full agreement with her i wash my hands attitude, i agreed i would try and become less sensitive to her not being particularly full on with me. I did make the change and things started to become better.

 

However just when they did start to turn around, she got ill and has been suffering with cronic fatigue syndrome for the eversince. I have been really good to her during this time, she has been at home 20 miles away the whole time she has been ill and i took two or three days out a week to go and see her. I would always take her a little present to make her smile and tried to be something in her life that she knew she could depend upon to make her happy while she was sad. Everything in our relatinoship had been fine and we had kept good dialogue going for two months and were really happy. she sent me the most amazing love letter tellimg me how much i meant to her and i was the most amazing thing in her life. Then one week she just wouldnt engage me at all, we'd talk on the phone and she wouldnt give me much more than 'yeah or uh hu' a tactic she used to use on her ex when she didnt want to talk to him. So i said look the whole time you have been ill everything has been fine and now you are being wierd, im worried if things dont change then youll stop loving me or forget about me. Which may be over the top now i realise. But she turned around and said that she couldnt take me being insecure anymore and dumped me, just two weeks after the letter, she also stated that the herpes was a problem for her too.

 

Then in the following week she started saying she wished we hadnt broken up and that maybe we would be together again in the future. i said to her that wasnt fiar and if she wanted to be with me then maybe we should be on a break and not broken up. she then said she needed space to think because her mind was really confused. So i have had to stop talking to her. Since then she has had an mri scan to determine the cause of her cfs. I really worry about her and want to talk to her to know how she is going on but know she doesnt want to talk to me. I sent her flowers and i did talk to her the otherday, this may have been a mistake as i think chasing someone makes them run further away. Have i done too much chasing now tho.

 

I want her back but i need to leave her alone i think for her to realise she wants me back, rather than chasing her which i think only stiffens her resolve to be apart from me. I hate her being alone now without me and it kills me that i cant be there for her anymore while she is sick. I think depression from the illness maybe part of the problem also as she is really sad at being so ill and missing out on socialising with her mates and will be retaking the year at uni next year and having to make new firends.

 

Do you guys have any good stratergies for me to employ that will make her realise that she has made a mistake rather than resent me for talking to her, bear in mind that she is isolated in her house seven days a week and i am trying my hardest to not think about her and revise for my third year exams right now.

 

Ps i have since found out that it was thrush not herpes who knew men could get thrush, watch out for that.

[Angeleyez2583]

Difficult situations are always hard (cliche I know). I suffer from clinical depression and it's awful when I have my spells. It ruined one of my relationships, and the other one, I had an alcohol problem. But anyway, sometimes people who are clincally depressed or have other issues don't want to put the people they love through those episodes. She could be doing that to you. She sounds like she is in really bad shape.

 

I honestly think you need to stop communicating with her for awhile. That is the only way people realize they miss the person they love. Begging her back will only push her away.

 

You need to let her go. Love is like a butterfly. Let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be.

[Mattaius]

yeah she did say that she didnt want to be in a relationship because her being ill was unfair on me. as much as i dont mind putting up with it she still feels guilty about it and i can see why. but i think she has convinced herself that i have problems which she cant tollerate.

 

i am doing my best not to talk to her its really difficult not to, she actually sent me and sms this evening but i havent replied it just asked me football was and that she hoped work was cool tom. i dont know if i will reply at all. id like to but part of me thinks it maybe best not to talk to her at all