katiegrl Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) hi there. I'm feeling incredibly stupid, frustrated and peed off at myself at the moment. I was dating a man for a month or so 2 years ago from online, and he disappeared because he thought I was rude for not wanting to maintain a prearranged date (miscommunication on both parts). Anyway, a few weeks ago I received a message from him online again. He came to visit me that evening, and it was like picking up where we left off. Lots of banter and fun. I rarely feel excited by someone and I was determined to make it work. We agreed to meet up again when I got back from holiday. He was never great at texting and I got a bit frustrated at times. I returned from holiday and invited him round for dinner and tv (big massive naive stupid ass mistake I realise now). I was not going to sleep with him as I wanted to take things slow. We were cuddling and kissing throughout the evening. He did ask twice what time I had to get up the next day, but again this went over my head. I told him I would love him to stay but it's a bit soon. He said he wasn't staying anyway as he had work to do next day. He went home soon afterwards and I thought it was a perfect night. But guess what, low and behold he's not replied to my texts and I feel even more foolish for chasing him! I'm peed off at myself for not knowing how I came across and thinking it was ok to have a cosy night in. Harmless but so naive!! Now he's gone because he had expectations of the night in that I had suggested. But on the other hand, maybe I've saved myself the hurt in the future? I was hoping things would progress for us, but now it's nothing. I was so excited about him but it seems at nearly 30 years old, I know nothing about men and dating. I dislike myself right about now. Any help? Okay, hold on everyone... first off, to Missm86, what expectations did he have based on the night you "suggested"? What did you suggest, other than dinner and tv? Did you specifically invite him for sex? Because if not, then he should NOT have had any "expectation" that you were going to have sex! Second, I don't see from the above that he DID have an "expectation" for sex. A "desire" sure maybe, probably (that's normal), but did he actually come on to you sexually? You did not mention that he did. He asked what time you had to get up... and you responded you would love for him to stay but you had to get up early...he respected that and left!! So first off...how do you know the reason he is not texting you is because you did not have sex? You did not refuse sex, because he NEVER came on to you sexually! Asking a woman what time she has to get up does NOT equal a man coming on to you sexually.... Again, would he have liked to.... sure probably he's a guy. But he did not even HINT at sex....so I am not getting why you think he dumped you because you would not have sex with him. And how is this guy a douchebag? He never even came on to you sexually...and my guess is he went home, thought about the time spent with you and decided he does not wish to pursue it. Sex or no sex. Simple as that. Losing interest and/or deciding not to pursue a woman does NOT make a man a douchebag. Unless you left details out...how can a man reject you for not having sex, when he never asked for sex in the first place? Not getting the rationale there. He is just a guy who decided not to pursue it further. Does not make him a douchebag. At least not im my world. Edited June 22, 2015 by katiegrl
Ruby Slippers Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 This guy isn't worth your time. He already disappeared on you over a silly miscommunication. A man worth his salt who had real interest in you would have resolved the matter properly and would not have let you get away. He was never great at texting because he was never all that into you, or he's simply inept. In either case, he's not worth your time. Yes, it was a mistake to invite him to your home for a date. In the future, only do that with a man you trust completely, or a man you're ready to have sex with. He hasn't gotten back to you because he was only interested enough in you to make a halfhearted effort to pursue easy sex, and nothing more. You definitely dodged a bullet here. He wouldn't have been good for you on any level. Don't feel bad about being naive at your age. I'm 38 and only in the past couple of years started to truly understand how men operate. Now I'm falling in love with a wonderful man, a strong, capable, mature man who is lit up with joy every time he makes me smile, and I'm finally understanding what I've been missing all along. I settled for less than this in the past because I didn't feel I was capable or worthy of finding true love. Now that it's blossoming in my life, I wonder why I waited so long to invite it in. When a man truly cares about you, he will make it very easy and fun for you to date him. He will welcome you into his life and heart with open arms. If you ever find yourself troubled and unsure because of the way a man is treating you, he's almost certainly not the right man for you.
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