TeddyPSmith Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 It's been 2 months since I found out about her affair. I accepted that she wanted a divorce but it wasn't until she was moving out that I discovered her secret. I have dreams every night that we are still together and I catch her texting him or talking to him. But I don't feel the despair that I think I should feel. I haven't cried for days...or hours even. I feel like I'm still in shock. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of the weight of this thing...11 years down the drain, young daughter, she's still with him. And that makes me hurt and frankly scares the sh*t out of me. But it's fleeting. I'm wondering if anyone else experienced this? Is my brain protecting me from what I'm not ready to handle emotionally? Is it trickling out the painful emotions at a pace that I can handle? If so, does this make me a complete wuss? Or maybe I just don't care? Hmmm
aloneinaz Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Listen.. I'm a tough, alpha male, type A guy. Divorce is no joke on our emotions. Any LTR is tough on our emotions especially coupled with infidelity on top of it. You didn't mention the health of the marriage prior to her asking for the divorce. Was it in good condition or? Either way, accept that your emotions are going to be all over the place. Be kind to yourself and don't judge yourself if you feel like crying (great stress relief) or feel sad or anything else. What you should do in google "surviving divorce" or go to a book store and search for books on how to cope thru the process. People go thru many stages thru the process. It normal and natural.
Author TeddyPSmith Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Thanks and that's good advice. The marriage wasn't in good shape (mostly from her point of view). She was generally complaining about a lack of this or that. I wasn't necessarily happy but I could've been if she'd just stop with the constant criticism of our relationship. I was happy to have a daughter that we almost didn't get (infertility on her part). I decided that I could stick it out with her forever if I had to. Once she brought up divorce, I started reading books about repairing a damaged marriage. Too late! Nothing I did seemed to work and I now know that it's because she began a relationship with him. She seems as happy as a clam and just waiting on her pesky old STBXH to cheer up and stop being so mad about her affair. It really makes me hate her. To her family and friends that don't know about the affair, she appears to always take the high road by being so nice to me. If they only knew! Anyway, I started on a book about getting past a breakup. I should probably do the exercises in it with a little more passion but I'm time limited right now. Maybe IC is best. Thanks again
Lokin4AReason Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 dude, there is no shame in crying ( it shows the signs of emotions and the sign of the healing process IMO ), so let it out if you have to ... I am in my finally stage(s) in my divorce and I just can not wait to have it behind me ( closing that chapter of negativity out of my life ). it ll be rough in the beginning ( trust me on this ) and you ll need to submerge yourself in a positive atmosphere along w/ having good and supporting family ( and friends ) it ll make it easy on the long run ... and if you need US, well, we are here =0)
HowMightI-live Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) No, i dont think you're a wuss at all. I agree with you on the notion that your brain is still processing what happened and it might be initial shock. I can relate to you actually. For the first two months i didn't have much of reaction to the split. I think i might have also been in denial, a defense mechanism we all use to protect ourselves from feeling the pain. But, you can only deny that someone isnt really gone for so long. By the third month that i start experiencing that empty feeling you get get at the pit of your stomach when you've loss something important to you. And then the grief set in. Which is also...normal considering the circumstances. Edited June 18, 2015 by HowMightI-live
Author TeddyPSmith Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Howmighti-live - I think you're onto it...denial. It's not that I verbally deny what's happened but more that I'm denying myself the emotions that I "should" be feeling. Maybe it's because I'm so busy with work and taking care of my daughter. The glimpses of pain usually come when I'm alone on a weekend. Maybe the third month will be when I can't deny it anymore. I'm actually looking forward to it because I know it's necessary in order to heal.
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