Waiting on ex to leave rebound - male perspecitve appreciated

[mimiMobile]

I have a really long story. For the full version you can review my other posts but I will give you cliffs for ease.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/527842-male-insight-girl-fill-void-ex

 

I'm 28, he is 35. Together for 3 years, lived for 2. Beginning of this year I moved out because I was immature and threw the whole marriage ultimatum. Immediately regretted it and asked to come back. He didn't believe I could make a full 180 so quickly and stood his ground that he needed to process and take his time cooling off. I did a lot of stupid crap following BU - showed up unannounced, drunk dialed, I mean I lost it..

 

He began hooking up with his crossfit coach, who became a regular dog sitter (we shared three dogs) and hid it from me. When I found out and confronted him about it in May, it was the turning point. He began to reach out more, trying to "solve" things, figuring out how we can move forward or how our last year together was difficult and what needed to change if we were to take a stab at the relationship again.

 

Well, in the mean time, I began to move on. Though I loved (and still love) him, his indecisiveness was too much and I decided to go back to dating again, 5 months post BU. He found out. He began to panic. He wanted to see me in person and we met up. Granted I used to model, I had the attraction on my side and he pointed out how he's never met a more beautiful woman in his life, yada yada... he said he still loved me, never stopped, and we kissed, cuddled, came close to hooking up but I stopped it because - wait, don't you have a new girlfriend now?

 

I ask him about the crossfit girl. He said that she is not the girl of his dreams, the magic wore off long ago and that he was more or less with her to get over me / avoid loneliness, etc. I make it very clear that I do not want to hang out with him or be affectionate unless he is single. I hate this sneaking around crap and it goes against my moral code. He agrees and says he will take care of things, he just hasn't found the "right time to break up".

 

????

 

There is no right time to break up. I asked him to please not play with me and he swore up and down that he wasn't.

 

I just don't understand why it would be so hard to break up with someone if you are serious about making our relationship work. I don't get it. I feel like I'm being strung along but to what benefit? he's not really getting anything physical out of it. I don't understand. He keeps thanking me for my patience but it has been 1 month since I confronted him about the other girl, 2-3 weeks since he "went weak in his knees after seeing me," and I just don't get what is so hard.

 

Am I missing something?

Edited June 18, 2015 by mimiMobile

[Ariess10]

That last paragraph I think you answered your own question

[Satu]

He's probably more attached to the other woman than he says he is.

[ravfour4]

My story was somewhat similar, my ex gf who I dated for 4 years transitioned to another guy (older, married, but more physically fit than me) before ending things with me.

 

We lived together for 2 months and she constantly lied and tried to hide it. Then she came back saying she missed me and hated her new life, she said she'd end things with this other guy - but never did, she insanely told him she was going on a date with me which led to him going insane and sending flowers, texts and calls 24/7. She went back to him.

 

We didn't talk for 2 weeks and then she came back again. He was about to move out of his families house and if they didn't work out, she didn't want that burden. She supposedly ended things with him saying she needed to give me a second chance, but she def kept him on the side just in case. She never really gave us her all as I think she was scared of not feeling the same about me while also losing the other guy - resulting in her being alone, her greatest fear. After a few great weeks of hanging out everyday, she said she needed space and went back again - I found out he moved out anyways, that burden was gone so she went back. I doubt they'll work out, she's already broken up with him 3 times, but who cares I guess.

 

Like others said, he probably cares about her more than he's saying. He may logically want you two to work out, but is afraid of giving up her only to have you and him not work out - leaving him alone.

[aloneinaz]

A couple of thoughts-

 

 

1) He's having his cake and eating it too. Even w/out sex w/you, he has your attention and adulation and his GF's.. It feels good for him as it would anyone.

 

 

2) This is probably it. He has SERIOUS doubts about reconciling w/you. You two didn't work the first time. You acted a bit crazy when you both broke up. I'm betting he's not wanting to dump a girl he may be getting along with better and go back to what was a failed relationship the first time.

 

 

You're only option is to step out of the situation. Move onto someone who is available and that you don't have a history of failure with.