candie13 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) I've fallen quite hard last summer for a guy. He didn't exactly treat me right, I withdrew completely and stopped communication and in the end, I've blocked him out of my life. His best friend is one of my closest friends and I'm also on speaking terms with his sister. As the summer started to approach, I've hung around them, a couple of times, which was cool. So basically, since last summer, we haven't been in touch. I've eventually unblocked him and he came back crawling, asking to have drinks in winter and I've said no. Shortly after that, I met my most recent ex and we started going out. I've left my most recent ex one month ago. Anyway, all of sudden, not even 2 weeks after I became single, last summer's guy started to contact me, asking me to have dinner. I said no. Asking to have drinks. I said no. Insisting again to have drinks. I said no again. Mind you, I am not a fool, I was flirting, of course. We have friends in common and yeah, I did enjoy the ego stroke. Basically, he'd been insisting for like 3 weeks to see me. I am slowly healing from my most recent break up and it's good. I occasionally have very angry spell, and during one of those, me and last summer guy fought. I mean really. I told him everything that was bothering me (again, I'm not stupid to just dump it on him, but I did clear my heart and conscience). It felt... GREAT. Really great. So he drops me a lovely note asking me again to have drinks with me. Telling me he doesn't want to seduce me or anything, he just wants to make up for how we've ended it. In the end, I agree and we go for a drink. We played a fee games of pool and called it a night very quickly. It was cool - nothing romantic at all. I have male friends, we were totally on the friends zone and it felt safe (mind you, we did use to have this massive incredible attraction. but I've healed from it) Here's my question: the guy tore his knee - he destroyed his anterior cruciate ligament. I've had the same surgery so I know all about it. When we talked about his accident, I could not NOT notice he had it the exact same day he started to ask me to go out with him. Isn't that strange? I mean, he knew very well that I had strong feelings for him last summer. He had strong feelings too, but it didn't prevent him from treating me like and arse and it didn't prevent me from blocking him out of my life. It's just weird to have him insist so much. We did have drinks, nothing special happened. He was extra polite and kept his distance, nothing improper, which I have appreciated. Men are weird, I swear, I will never understand them... Edited June 18, 2015 by candie13
Author candie13 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 And you don't think girls are weird?!? oh, they totally are, but I understand those !
lgspot Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 oh, they totally are, but I understand those ! Wish I did. My life would be much simpler. 1
Author candie13 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Wish I did. My life would be much simpler. tell me about it ...
lgspot Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 tell me about it ... Perhaps LoveShack should publish instruction sheets...
jen1447 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Don't fool yourself about what he's up to here candie, he's playing the long game. I'm normally not an NC harpy but what good do you think could come from playing along w/him? 1
Author candie13 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 I know, I know, you're right !! It's just that... it felt sooo good to have that fight! I mean it, I let all the crap out and felt much lighter. And ... it also felt good to be pursued, you cannot imagine the amount of grief this man caused me. I absolutely enjoyed turning him down. Of course, every time I was doing it, I thought he would never come back, haha ! Anyway, you are right. It's done, now we're pals, we'll stop there. I do think that vanity is one of my biggest (if not my biggest) fault. I'll toughen up and send him straight to hell, if he contacts me again ! He has his knee surgery in 2 weeks. Is a short text allowed or just disappear?
jen1447 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Well I advocate being in control of your feelings and actions, not slavishly devoting yourself to NC. So imo as long as you're in control, you can text him good luck with his knee and not ignore him when he texts you, etc. (But your responses should reflect how neutral you are about him.) If you can't be neutral in your heart, then don't talk to him at all. I do understand the satisfaction of putting it all on the table btw, as well as getting some validation from 're-seducing' him and then letting him dangle. You win.
Author candie13 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Great answer, Jen. I'm sort of neutral, as in I don't really care, I'm dating. But seeing him last night did shake me up a bit, I won't lie. I was indeed, blindly applying NC before - and it's actually ok that I met him and that we've had drinks. Now we're civil. I won't die if I drop him a text before surgery. Most importantly, he is not coming to my favorite music festival and I get to enjoy it freely. Yaaaay!!! And to adopt the spirit of your post, I "won", if there ever is a winner in these sh*tty situations. As in, it's in the past. Started and ended. But it shows something, to see just how much progress one did, from one year to the next... I literally got to re-born from my own ashes. 1
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