single_beauty95 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 We've been dating for 3 months. We knew it would have had to end. Initially, it was casual... Then quickly, before we knew it, were seeing each other very seriously, making it known to friends/family etc. It was more than sex. We have one more month left together. We are planning a long week trip together before he has to go back to his home country. After that, we might never see each other again. Question is, is it possible to at least keep our email or contact details in case, if ever, in the possible future, we happen to reside in a local place together again? Is it too much to hope for? Moreso, I am thinking of proposing we go our seperate ways, yes, but then, if we ever we plan to settle down, we contact each other first. The love I have with this guy is indescribable. We are so compatible. I'm 21 and he is 23. I also plan on (even before I met him), furthering my studies at his home country in the long run... (the next 2/3 years). Is a relationship over once it over? Will we not be as in love after some time apart when we could both change? I don't want to try the official long distance thing as I feel that would then REALLY ruin what special thing we have. So, how could I go about the situation? Have fun and move on while still keeping him in mind for the future? Or just fully move on? Or try long distance (least ideal)?
Lois_Griffin Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Jeez, you're 21 years old. Just starting your life. Enjoy the time you have with him, end it on a high note and it will always be a wonderful, fond memory for you to carry through life. Sure, you can stay in touch as friends, but as is usually the case, the time between emails will lengthen each time until you eventually are no longer in contact but just a pleasant memory for both. Don't try to keep it going via text and Skype and all that nonsense while cutting yourself off from dating and meeting people and getting out there and enjoying life. That's what people your age are supposed to do, not shut themselves off for some kind of faux 'relationship' that you conduct on the computer and your cell phone. 1
Torii Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I agree. You're only 21 years old, don't be in such a rush to settle down with a man that has shown a little interest in you. There's also no guarantee he'll still want to be with you after he moves back home - sometimes all we have are flings, especially when we're away on our own. Don't overthink this too much. Just because you have chemistry now, in your three - month fling, doesn't mean you'll have it for the next 50 years. Some people are just looking for flings, and I think this is the case with your boyfriend.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Have you discussed how he sees things going? I would say enjoy your time together now, but don't expect a future. You're both very young and you could well change and fall out of love. I imagine you'll both eventually date other people also. Your twenties are such a formative time. Interest is difficult to maintain over a long distance and a long period of time, especially when you haven't been together very long. 3 months is relatively short in the grand scheme of things. My advice is to be careful how deeply you invest for this final month. I don't know that taking a trip together is a wise idea, given that you're already falling for him but the end result will be the same - he will leave. If you were still viewing this as a casual fling, then a little trip wouldn't be a big deal because you could chalk it up to a happy memory. In this case, you're risking more because the feelings are deeper Talk to him before you go. Ask him what he realistically sees after his departure. Be prepared to hear whatever he has to say. I would strongly suggest that you not cut yourself from dating other guys after, though.
Tayla Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 none of us has tomorrow. enjoy your plans with blessings of wonderful memories. its a flip of the coin if you meet up later in life. Keep the foundation in tact.
justwhoiam Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 We knew it would have had to end. Can you explain this? Did he tell you that right away when you started having sex with him? Because later in your post, you said that, even before meeting him, you wanted to go study in his country for 2 or 3 years. Initially, it was casual... I admit this is not for just anybody. In fact, so far I've been unable to be intimate with a man casually. If you have this "quality", I guess it shouldn't be a huge thing to part ways and not look back. After that, we might never see each other again. That depends on what you both want. If he made it clear to you right away when you met, then you need to respect his wish. You were given a deal and you accepted it. Stick to the deal till the end. If you find out the deal was not really for you, then you've learned a lesson for your future relationship(s). is it possible to at least keep our email or contact details in case, if ever, in the possible future, we happen to reside in a local place together again? I sense you know he might not be OK with that. I feel a sense of fear in your words. When fear sets in in a relationship, for whatever reason, that's never good. Be more open with him. Ask him what he wishes for you two. If he says: "that we both have a happy life", then you'll know it's not even the case to have his details. Let him go. Is it too much to hope for? No. I guess I'd have such details BEFORE doing anything with him, and it'd be implied that I'd keep them for a long time or forever. Here, things went differently. So, in general, no, I don't think it'd be too much. But you know who he is. We don't. I am thinking of proposing we go our seperate ways How so? What's the urge of saying that? After all, that was the original plan. Or are you scared that he will propose something different before you say that? If you're already saying farewell to each other, no need to propose to go your separate ways. Just say farewell and that's it. Is a relationship over once it over? Usually, yes. So use the words you really mean. Will we not be as in love after some time apart when we could both change? When two people are in love, they stay in love even when they are far from one another. One can fall out of love after a while, especially if contact slows down: you start thinking the other person forgot about you, you start needing someone by your side, you lose hope, etc. That's when you can fall for someone else. I don't want to try the official long distance thing as I feel that would then REALLY ruin what special thing we have. I don't know. If you're both in love and want to try, I see no reason not to. Especially if you'd be there where he lives in a few months from now. So, how could I go about the situation? As I said above, ask him what he wishes for you both.
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