Mark12345q Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Ok so I've been on this site previously as I found out my ex was cheating on me. Ive since moved on and I've been with my current girlfriend for the last 7 months now and I'm so confused about our 'status'. We initially dated for around a month before we wanted to date exclusively and it was going amazing. We both have our own homes and we live about 45mins apart so we mostly stay over at each other's homes. I realise this has escalated how close we have become as we virtually see each other every day (we still have time apart occasionally as I'm aware too much can be a bad thing!). I've met her family and some of her close friends but I'm not entirely sure if she wants me as a SO i.e. In Previous relationships my old partners would tell the world, wouldn't be ashamed to tell anyone who asks, plaster it over Facebook etc. But my current girlfriend is the complete opposite... She's obsessed with Facebook and social media apps but it's like I don't exist on there with her. If she goes out with friends there's pics galore and tags everyone, if we do it there's nothing... (She's still 'single' on them btw). We don't have any pictures of 'us' at all. Ever. (She blames her lack of confidence and that she doesn't take pics of herself as reason for this but I still see pics of her and her friends on facebook). And most recently we've been to her friends wedding (she is a bridesmaid) and she's sent the bride a card with her and her friends names in it instead of 'me and her'. I'm so confused!!!!! Especially as she keeps talking about wanting to move in together and how she wants us to get a dog etc.. I've no idea where I stand - she talks the long game but her actions say something completely different. What would you guys do? Am I just being paranoid or over thinking things?
Mr Carson Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Maybe she wants to keep her individuality on FB, don't judge your relationship off FB, for whatever it's worth I hate FB! 3
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Some people like myself, keep my private life private. I will have photos of me with my girlies because they put them on my page. I don't have any photos of family, or my husband on there. My brother and sister in law are the same way too. My brother even uses a different name. So never base your relationship by what is posted on FB.
twoneighty Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Sounds to me like she isn't 100% vested in you yet and wants to keep her options open. Possibly she love some guy she is friends with on FB and doesn't want him to think she's not available? This would bother me as well. If things are going well I would consider asking her why she is keeping your relationship private. I don't think that's a strange question. I'm sure you'd learn a few things from her reaction, especially if she hasn't had this happen before/planned for it.
Author Mark12345q Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 So what should I do with this? How should I approach this? Should I just sit back and put my feelings aside?
Gloria25 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 So what should I do with this? How should I approach this? Should I just sit back and put my feelings aside? I believe that you should tell her that no moving in (shacking up), no doggy, until this relationship "progresses" and "progression" where you become familiar with her friends, family, etc. Cuz, regardless of your situation, meeting and being recognized by an SO's family/friends is important cuz if we're serious about them we gain knowledge about their character/values/morals/customs through people who surround them. You also need to see if there's any red flags from the in-laws. I am not very photogenic and roll my eyes everytime I see endless selfies of people with a person they barely know. I would reserve posting pics of me and some dude unless we were serious...which brings me to my next point about shack-ups. While you may see a shack-up as progression in a RL and question why she won't put pics of you and her online, I see shack-ups as people having one foot outside of the RL - hence why she may not want to put pics of you two up online.
Author Mark12345q Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 Sounds to me like she isn't 100% vested in you yet and wants to keep her options open. Possibly she love some guy she is friends with on FB and doesn't want him to think she's not available? This would bother me as well. If things are going well I would consider asking her why she is keeping your relationship private. I don't think that's a strange question. I'm sure you'd learn a few things from her reaction, especially if she hasn't had this happen before/planned for it. That's my worry too. I'm not sure how I would approach this though, especially as I'd be almost stabbing in the dark as it could be anyone. I should mention I kinda brought up the whole Facebook issue with her and she said she's not a fan of public displays of affection. But I'm not 100% sure I believe her with that. Especially as her history shows that she didn't have that problem with previous relationships. I think you might be right about her not being fully committed. Do I wait and see if there's a change now we've talked about it or should I just walk away?
compulsivedancer Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 If you're worried about Facebook, YOU take pics and tag her in them. Problem solved. 3
Author Mark12345q Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 If you're worried about Facebook, YOU take pics and tag her in them. Problem solved. Good point, I'll try it and see what the outcome is
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Do NOT get a dog. This relationship is NOT on a firm enough footing to get a dog. 1
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It sounds fishy to me. If I were you I'd ask her "are you ashamed to be seen with me?" It's a fair question given all the evidence.
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It sounds fishy to me. If I were you I'd ask her "are you ashamed to be seen with me?" It's a fair question given all the evidence. Agreed. Someone who rarely uses fb, and who omits to update their relationship status or mention their new bf - no big deal. Someone who constantly uses fb, and who posts pics regularly and omits their bf completely - pretty worrying.
preraph Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It's probably too early to take a next step as far as getting engaged or anything, especially in light of what you're noticing. But if she's talking about moving in together and stuff, as long as you have had the conversation about her paying half and she's not just looking for a sugar daddy to pay her way, then it's encouraging. It's true she might have someone on her Facebook she doesn't want knowing ALL her business. It could be an overly eager Mom who wants her to marry and have kids or an overly critical dad who never thinks anyone is good enough. It could also be an ex or someone she is interested in who she thinks is watching that she doesn't want to rule out. Pay attention to her actions more than her words, but don't put a lot of stock in what she posts on Facebook. If I thought my parents were looking in, I wouldn't put any love interests on there at all!
Author Mark12345q Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Well I took the advice and posted the pics of us together and she hasn't got upset. She said she's not a fan of public displays of affection and I spoke to her about it all. She said she doesn't agree with how I feel and basically said she wouldn't be with me if she didn't want to be long term (basically a whole load of talk about kids, marriage etc). I'm just going to play along for now. I'm still not confident she will ever post pics herself of us or do anything else on there relating to 'us' but I guess I should just ignore and get over it. 1
mrs rubble Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Well I took the advice and posted the pics of us together and she hasn't got upset. She said she's not a fan of public displays of affection and I spoke to her about it all. She said she doesn't agree with how I feel and basically said she wouldn't be with me if she didn't want to be long term (basically a whole load of talk about kids, marriage etc). I'm just going to play along for now. I'm still not confident she will ever post pics herself of us or do anything else on there relating to 'us' but I guess I should just ignore and get over it. I can relate to her aversion to PDA's, I get quite embarrassed at my partner's OTT post's on facebook sometimes, my kid's and workmates tease me about it.
Author Mark12345q Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 I can relate to her aversion to PDA's, I get quite embarrassed at my partner's OTT post's on facebook sometimes, my kid's and workmates tease me about it. Well this is completely new to me tbh. I'm normally the confident loud person in a room so I've never been with anyone quite so shy or uncomfortable to PDA's. It's kinda thrown me out of my comfort zone! I don't really know what's acceptable or not. I mean I'm never OTT with my posts, so from an online perspective i should be fine but it's getting hard to know what's acceptable in RL situations...!
Author Mark12345q Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks for all the previous advice, just wondered if I could get a new opinion on what's happened since my last issue (Facebook etc). So I took the advice from here previously and spoke to her about why she didn't want any connection to me on Facebook and she, as expected, played it down etc. She said if it's an issue for me then she would start tagging me into things more often - I said it wasn't about that but more around how it feels to me like she doesn't want people to know about us. At the time she accepted it and for about a week she started acting like we were a couple on there. Well It's been a while since I last had the facebook conversation and we are now talking about buying a house together. My house has sold and the plan is for me to move in with her until the house we would like to buy is being built. (Expected next 3 months) The issue I have is that I have this horrible gut feeling that there's something not quite right for me. She literally goes on Facebook at least once a day but still nothing relating to us appears on there. From her profile you could think she was single as there are just pics of friends and random comments etc. Even her work colleagues appear on there at least once a week who she constantly moans about. Yet I've not had a mention for the last 3 months... The annoying part for me is that in her previous profile pics there's tons of her and her ex bf but, even after a year of being together, nothing whatsoever of me. I know it sounds petty now I'm writing it but I've got a gut feeling something just doesn't feel right - am I right about this or am I just being petty?
understand50 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks for all the previous advice, just wondered if I could get a new opinion on what's happened since my last issue (Facebook etc). So I took the advice from here previously and spoke to her about why she didn't want any connection to me on Facebook and she, as expected, played it down etc. She said if it's an issue for me then she would start tagging me into things more often - I said it wasn't about that but more around how it feels to me like she doesn't want people to know about us. At the time she accepted it and for about a week she started acting like we were a couple on there. Well It's been a while since I last had the facebook conversation and we are now talking about buying a house together. My house has sold and the plan is for me to move in with her until the house we would like to buy is being built. (Expected next 3 months) The issue I have is that I have this horrible gut feeling that there's something not quite right for me. She literally goes on Facebook at least once a day but still nothing relating to us appears on there. From her profile you could think she was single as there are just pics of friends and random comments etc. Even her work colleagues appear on there at least once a week who she constantly moans about. Yet I've not had a mention for the last 3 months... The annoying part for me is that in her previous profile pics there's tons of her and her ex bf but, even after a year of being together, nothing whatsoever of me. I know it sounds petty now I'm writing it but I've got a gut feeling something just doesn't feel right - am I right about this or am I just being petty? Look, Both you shut down and delete FB. If what my wife does on FB is a measure of us together, then our final divorce is tomorrow. FB, is a social site, and you do not have to be a part of everything in her life 24/7. Does she place you as in a relationship? If FB is a problem, get rid of it. My two cents........
Author Mark12345q Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 For me doing that just sweeps the issue under the carpet and away from my view as she is still going to remain on it even if I'm not on it. And The issue I have would still remain. and is it right for me to make such a demand?
RedRobin Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks for all the previous advice, just wondered if I could get a new opinion on what's happened since my last issue (Facebook etc). So I took the advice from here previously and spoke to her about why she didn't want any connection to me on Facebook and she, as expected, played it down etc. She said if it's an issue for me then she would start tagging me into things more often - I said it wasn't about that but more around how it feels to me like she doesn't want people to know about us. At the time she accepted it and for about a week she started acting like we were a couple on there. Well It's been a while since I last had the facebook conversation and we are now talking about buying a house together. My house has sold and the plan is for me to move in with her until the house we would like to buy is being built. (Expected next 3 months) The issue I have is that I have this horrible gut feeling that there's something not quite right for me. She literally goes on Facebook at least once a day but still nothing relating to us appears on there. From her profile you could think she was single as there are just pics of friends and random comments etc. Even her work colleagues appear on there at least once a week who she constantly moans about. Yet I've not had a mention for the last 3 months... The annoying part for me is that in her previous profile pics there's tons of her and her ex bf but, even after a year of being together, nothing whatsoever of me. I know it sounds petty now I'm writing it but I've got a gut feeling something just doesn't feel right - am I right about this or am I just being petty? Its not petty at all. I just broke up with a man I saw for nearly a year that gave me that same feeling. That he is keeping me a secret or not as thrilled as he should be at this stage. Quick question... whose money is being used to build the house? Why did you sell your house? Why didn't she sell hers too? Is her name going to be on the title for this new house? With you putting in most of the $$ to build it? While she keeps her existing house? I dunno. Sounds fishy to me. I ask, because lots of women will settle for a guy who a) wants to be in a relationship b) has money. If you don't feel she is that into you, you are probably right. Or she may be trying, but it is in a direction that doesn't make you feel loved. Either way, its a sign of incompatibility. I'd listen to your gut before you go to much further. For me, 6 months to a year is make or break time.... this might be break time for you. In spite of the fact that she's going along with the house thing.
Author Mark12345q Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Its not petty at all. I just broke up with a man I saw for nearly a year that gave me that same feeling. That he is keeping me a secret or not as thrilled as he should be at this stage. Quick question... whose money is being used to build the house? Why did you sell your house? Why didn't she sell hers too? Is her name going to be on the title for this new house? With you putting in most of the $$ to build it? While she keeps her existing house? I dunno. Sounds fishy to me. I ask, because lots of women will settle for a guy who a) wants to be in a relationship b) has money. If you don't feel she is that into you, you are probably right. Or she may be trying, but it is in a direction that doesn't make you feel loved. Either way, its a sign of incompatibility. I'd listen to your gut before you go to much further. For me, 6 months to a year is make or break time.... this might be break time for you. In spite of the fact that she's going along with the house thing. No she is also selling her flat and then we would be going 50/50 with the house - I made that clear if we going into anything financially together.
Lois_Griffin Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I don't get it. This has been an issue for you for MONTHS. Yet, you threw all caution to the wind and are being foolish enough to entangle yourself financially with her buy co-buying a house? Seriously?
Author Mark12345q Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 I don't get it. This has been an issue for you for MONTHS. Yet, you threw all caution to the wind and are being foolish enough to entangle yourself financially with her buy co-buying a house? Seriously? I guess it's because with it all happening (house sale) so quickly it's forcing me to think about these issues which I'd put to the back of my mind before. It's also come to light recently as I discovered she had been sending messages in a friendly manner to her sister back in August about how it's a shame they don't see each other etc. (This for me is strange as I was told she broke up with him)
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