yxalitis Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) It is widely accepted that superficial attractors, like looks, mutual interests, etc, while nice to have, are not essential for a good relationship, I won’t bore you all repeating what ARE considered the core components. But, I’ve been thinking… Take a hypothetical What if you happened to meet someone who had exactly the same interests as you? Whatever they are, movies, books, music, art, TV, you found someone who absolutely aligned with your tastes, perfectly. I guess I’ll have to add that they aren’t in some way totally obnoxious or repellent to you, but, not interesting otherwise. If you (to continue my hypothetical) had a relationship with this person…would it work? Would you fall for someone based on such deep common interests, do they in fact point to the total person that is you, and such compatibility is rare. I ask, because the girl I’m dating told me last night that she doesn’t like movies…at all, ever. Or tv. Or reading And her music of choice is Chinese Pop. We like Bowling, the sex is good, we get along well, are able to talk, but surely a long term relationship needs SOMETHING there to connect you other than an undying love? We aren't in love, aren't planning our future, it's just fun easy dating. but still...? Edited June 18, 2015 by yxalitis 1
minime13 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Some common interests are pretty necessary in a relationship, because there should be things other than physical attraction that you like about the person. Having every single interest be the same would likely get boring over time, so it's also pretty important to have your own tastes. Not only can you introduce new things into another person's life, they can do the same for you. Of course, you can always discover new things together as your relationship grows. This is a part of compatibility - it's pretty darned important to have a few common interests. 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Some common interests are pretty necessary in a relationship, because there should be things other than physical attraction that you like about the person. Having every single interest be the same would likely get boring over time, so it's also pretty important to have your own tastes. Not only can you introduce new things into another person's life, they can do the same for you. Of course, you can always discover new things together as your relationship grows. This is a part of compatibility - it's pretty darned important to have a few common interests. My debate was if the very nature of ourselves can be tapped into and analysed by a deep understanding of our interests. If I ever meet a girl who has the FSM symbol on their car, understands the difference between Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep, anf likes Gary Numan's latest album, but not as much as Exile... Yeah, that'd be amazing. 1
TheBathWater Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I don't know. I have gone out with women who I had zero in common with and we had amazing chemistry. I have also gone out with women who fit what I describe as my ideal woman, but I felt no spark. Then there's everything in between. To answer the question truly, I think it is better to put it within the context of what kind of relationship. If we're just talking sexual attraction and chemistry, it doesn't matter. If we're talking long-term and marriage material, it matters a lot more. But I think a better question to ask about is not common interests, but common values. 1
Gaeta Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I think common life style is more important than common interest. If you like going to movie theater that's an interest, if you like traveling abroad 6 times a year that's a life style. I don't think you can make it with different life styles but different interests sure if you respect each other's favorite activity. I've had relationship with mostly men that were big on sports and I have zero interest in football-soccer-basketball-hockey but I would let my mate fully enjoy his favorite sports and find myself something else to do. A while ago I met a man who enjoyed motorcycling. That's not an interest, that's a life style. Spending my weekends sitting on a motorcycles isn't my cup of tea, I know it wouldn't work to be in a relationship with this man. 1
Satu Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 It depends how strong the interest is. If it's just a minor hobby, it probably won't matter much, but if it's something like extended travelling, it will matter a lot.
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Take it from someone who has been with their partner for 25 years....yes it is important to share common interests/ personality traits (this is the same as "lifestyle") for the long haul. But as time goes on, we both picked up other interests, bringing new things to the relationship, which keeps things fresh. Changing and evolving "together" is key. Some marriages/relationships fail because of growing apart from career choices/interests/lifestyle changes takes one or both of you in different directions.
central Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I strongly believe that a couple should have at least one shared interest that both deeply like so that they can spend time together on that interest. TV doesn't count, as you're not interacting with each other much. I mean something like dancing, boating, hiking, travel (as long as you like some of the same destinations and activities), and maybe even golf. We share most of the same interests, a few unique to each of us, and with some we each prefer different aspects or genres. For example, we like most of the same books and share books routinely, but each have some particular interests that differ. Shared interests makes it more enjoyable to spend time together, which is necessary for bonding, good intimacy, and topics of conversation.
jsp32020 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) This is a question I'm asking myself as I read this. Me and my girlfriend share the basic interests (movies, sports somewhat, fitness as a lifestyle, long walks, traveling), but when it comes to the things that I get excited to talk about, the things that I sit and contemplate like current events, history... my core interests, there's no interest on her part, I mean like "don't even kill my vibe by bringing them up" interest. And I started a thread about the religious aspect and that's a whole 'nother animal in itself. I'm at home if I'm not at work and I don't talk to my friends as much and wind up not having much to talk about since she's not as passionate about current events as I am. She's more traditional in many ways and I aspire to be a free spirit. I always think about what Chris Rock said, that line that was like: "you'll never find that woman that's into Wu Tang and Seinfeld." I once met a women that had everything in common with me, to the point where it was scary (how many black chicks name Kevin Spacey as their favorite actor? Omg I've found my soulmate!). Our first phone convo was like 6 hours long and the following weekend was a 48hr sex fest when we weren't marveling at how much we had in common. A shame, I think we burned out too fast plus it was a rebound from a long time gf I had just broken up with only a few days prior. Oddly it sort of seems like the more I have in common with someone the less it works out, as much as I wish otherwise. Most of my married male friends seem to not have much in common with their wives hobby wise but they all seem to function okay. We do have a child together which further complicates things, so this isn't a simple break up and move on to the next type thing. Edited June 18, 2015 by jsp32020
Gary S Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Common interests mean absolutely nothing. If two people sat down and made lists of 100 things they like to do and compared notes, could they find some things to do together? Who does not like walks on the beach? Here is the kicker - people who are not interested say they have nothing in common. When they have the hots for somebody, they think they have lots in common. People make up excuses to fit their own desires. You are not looking for common interests. You are looking for mutual interest in each other. It's all about love folks.
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