SJ69 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 months, all together 8, and we're quite opposite in most ways. She's a drinker, likes to party, goes out frequently, etc. and I'm very smart, planning to attend law school, not so much into going out every night, etc. She used to be like me in HS but when we got to college she let the life get the best of her, having sex with multiple guys, drunk embarrassing times. She often cries because her mom is so disappointed and I'm trying to help her but she makes no effort at times. I know it really bothers her though that she let herself go like that. I've had my moments of drunkenness but nothing like her. Anyhow, in the summer we live about an hour away from each other and I constantly see and know that she's out doing something with friends or whatever and it's bothersome to me. I don't know if it's because I'm so concentrated on my life that I don't have time for that and get jealous, or if it's because she truly goes out too much. We argue sometimes because I'm bipolar and she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes, but she's very flirtatious and I constantly feel like she could leave at the drop of a pin. I don't know if that's because she could, although she claims to be in love and wants matching tattoos, or if I'm just wrong. Does anybody have any insight? Please. Edited June 18, 2015 by SJ69 Missed information
Keenly Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 She's a drinker, likes to party, goes out frequently, etc. and I'm very smart, planning to attend law school, not so much into going out every night, etc. Red flag ahoy, cap'n! Having sex with multiple guys, drunk embarrassing times. She often cries because her mom is so disappointed and I'm trying to help her but she makes no effort at times. There be another, Matey! I constantly see and know that she's out doing something with friends or whatever and it's bothersome to me. X marks the red flag! she's very flirtatious and I constantly feel like she could leave at the drop of a pin. Who wants to be in a relationship where you feel the other person could leave at any moment? It doesn't really matter whether or not they would, but if they make you FEEL like they would, red used car lot banner. See the bold, my friend.
Popsicle Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 You are mismatched. Try to meet someone in college who is more like you. This will be more evident now that you are out of high school.
HereNorThere Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 You're definitely mis-matched, but it sounds like you're also pretty judgements and jealous as well. You should focus on school and taking care of your mental illness. You judging her because she's more fun and social than you is only going to hurt her self-esteem and make her feel guilty for being human.
minime13 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 6 months, all together 8, and we're quite opposite in most ways. She's a drinker, likes to party, goes out frequently, etc. and I'm very smart, planning to attend law school, not so much into going out every night, etc. Opposites attract, but usually fizzle just as quickly. Also agreeing with the judgmental tone, as well. You two don't need to be together.
aloneinaz Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Run Forrest, rrrruuunnnn..... Compatibility is key in relationships. You two are not. You need to find someone who more like you with the same ambition, goals and values. You continuing to stay in this dysfunctional relationship is only going to add more stress to your already full plate with your studies. Bi-polar or not bi-polar, this isn't healthy for anyone in your position.
GoBlue Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 There is a little truth in all of the questions you are dealing with. Is there jealousy in your feelings towards your girlfriend? Yes, most men would not be overly excited about the fact that their girlfriend is out drinking when she has already admitted to several indiscretions while drinking in the past. Even if she had not had all of those sexual relationships, there would still be questions like "where is she? what is she doing? Who is she doing it with?" You are normal in this regard. There is a second question you are asking in this post although not put into specific words, "why is there so much insecurity in my mind about this relationship?" Well, you say that she is "very flirtatious" and that you feel she could "leave in the drop of a hat." Those are not the expressions of a confident and committed relationship. You also spoke openly about your "differences." I know one marriage expert who talks about differences and he labels them as "withdrawals" from a couple's love account, while shared interests and similar characteristics are "deposits" into that account. We all know the phrase "opposites attract" but that has more to do with characteristics and qualities that complement one another than they do with distinct "differences." I do not know whether this is a relationship that will stand the test of time or not (please think long and hard before doing the tattoo thing). There are certainly "Red Flags" that need to be addressed. The best way to make that determination is to take your time, don't get sexually involved, and listen to the input of family and friends who really care about you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Recommended Posts