angelrod Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) So I've been with my girlfriend for nine months, and I was head over heels in love with her. As a matter of fact, I thought she loved me too because truthfully everything was going great... there was no space in my find for any possibilities of her wanting to break up with me because she had never shown such intentions. About a week ago she texts me to go outside and accompany her while she walks her dog, and, of course, I say yes. I get all dolled up and cute being that I hadn't seen her in a few days, and I meet her in the park. We talk a bit about regular stuff and what not, and then all of a sudden she tells me to sit down on the bench because she wants to talk... this is when she tells me she wants to end things, and my heart breaks. I ask her why and her best explanation is that she has no feelings for me and she doesn't want me anymore, that we don't have a lot in common and we argue sometimes (although both things shouldn't really matter if you love someone as much as she apparently loved me). She watched me cry in front of her and didn't even flinch, her stare was cold, and she wouldn't even hug me. How do I move on when I have to live with thinking I was the problem? It hurts knowing that I meant nothing to her, that in the nine months we've spent together she didn't have enough compassion or empathy to even break up with me properly. I never cheated on her, I showed her love and affection every day, whenever she needed me I was there, and I literally did anything for her. She treats me like garbage now, doesn't even care that I speak to her or not, and she's so cold--I feel stupid for caring so much about someone who doesn't give a crap about me, but I can't help it because I love her. This relationship, while it was going on, was the best thing I had going on in my life, and now I cry almost every day because I feel like it's my fault for not keeping her interested. What's even more mind-boggling is that she wants to remain, friends, and she doesn't expect me to feel hurt, but every time we do talk as "friends" she just hurts me even more and I don't think I can take that. I reminisce over pictures, videos, and thoughts and it never occurred to me that within a week her feelings would shift so drastically. Four days before breaking up with me she was telling me how much she loved me, and then she drops a bomb saying that everything has changed and she doesn't want me as her girlfriend. How do I move on? Edited June 18, 2015 by angelrod
Satu Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Welcome to LS. Sorry to hear that you're suffering so. The best and most effective way to begin moving on is to implement strict No Contact. It works no magic, but it helps you to create a situation where you can heal without distraction or any further wounding. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Focus on yourself and your own needs. Take care.
JewelD Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 How was it not a proper breakup? She did it in person and explained to you her reasons. It's a breakup, there's no way to do it without hurting your feelings. Be grateful that she at least took the time to let you know. A lot of breakups are nasty, people get ignored, cheated on, their belongings destroyed, at least you've got some answers, although you may not understand them. None of this is your fault. You said you treated her well, accept that there was nothing more you could have done. Some people just fall out of love. It may have happened gradually. But love is not a logical feeling. Most people who get treated terribly in relationships are amazing partners. But just because you do everything for a person doesn't mean their mind is in the right state yo appreciate or value those things. They might be immature, think there's something better out there, or just don't want to get too serious with one person. One day, she may realize her mistake. but for now, you have to move on. Don't look at old photos and texts, they will make the pain 100X's worse, believe me. Do not focus on what was, focus on what IS. No contact, get a journal, watch some netflix, eat some good fast food, cry, scream, whatever you're feeling in the moment. Just don't contact her. and one other thing to consider is why this relationship was the best thing you had going in your life? Your happiness has to come from within. If you rely on other people for your happiness, you're never going to be truly happy because they can take it away anytime they want to. But if you're happy with being yourself and being alone, then when you do date again, you'll have other things going for you and your SO will just be an added bonus.
Author angelrod Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Thank you. I know I sounded kind of ridiculous, I've just been an emotional wreck and I'm looking for any little thing to make her seem like an an awful person. You're right, maybe she just isn't ready to be fully committed to anyone and needs time to mature. I also shouldn't count on anyone to make me happy...I guess I was just so sure of the fact that she had loved me, and maybe she did-I can't blame myself for her drifting away if I gave it my all. So I appreciate your logical thinking, and I will take everything you've said into consideration.
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