JunzQ Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Hey so I'm a 25 years old male. But havnt had much luck with women. I don't shy away from letting women know when I like them. But I've gone through numerous dryspells without a girl the longest being 4 years. There's a few problems. 1. I always notice telling myself I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not jacked enough. I don't have enough money blah blah blah. Excuse after excuse but they are excuses I feel justified about because it causes me my 2nd problem The 2nd problem being when I do get lucky enough and end up finding a girl the relationship never seems to last longer then a few months. The longest relationship I ever had was about a year and a half and that was to a girl I lost my virginity to in high school. It's a real confidence killer when you reel in a girl that you really like. Then have it end after a few months. That's how my last 2 relationships have been both were about 3 or 4 months. One had amazing sex the other was the worst. I can accept the sex reason because well you know it needs to be good for both people. Now the one that was really good in the sack called me out one night and told me I was a skinny good for nothing guy. I know it wasn't the best day for her but that stung and I broke it off. Wasn't that invested into her but that resulted in me working out for a year. Til I became pretty jacked. So I reeled in girlfriend number 2 but this time I had a gym addiction and that was my escape after work everyday and it seemed like I was just plane old boring and self centered and it was such a boring relationship and I mean I tried to do things to change it up I hate thinking I'm a boring person. Such a turn off. Now this is a little bit of a venting post but I'd love feedback from people in similar situations or people who know how to resolve it. I'm just now finally over my ex about 90 percent over her I'd say and I can start dating again I can feel my confidante rising again and string up conversations is not hard for me it's just the 1 to 3 month mark of a relationship that I tend to fail on.
fireflywy Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Hey so I'm a 25 years old male. But havnt had much luck with women. I don't shy away from letting women know when I like them. But I've gone through numerous dryspells without a girl the longest being 4 years. There's a few problems. 1. I always notice telling myself I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not jacked enough. I don't have enough money blah blah blah. Excuse after excuse but they are excuses I feel justified about because it causes me my 2nd problem The 2nd problem being when I do get lucky enough and end up finding a girl the relationship never seems to last longer then a few months. The longest relationship I ever had was about a year and a half and that was to a girl I lost my virginity to in high school. It's a real confidence killer when you reel in a girl that you really like. Then have it end after a few months. That's how my last 2 relationships have been both were about 3 or 4 months. One had amazing sex the other was the worst. I can accept the sex reason because well you know it needs to be good for both people. Now the one that was really good in the sack called me out one night and told me I was a skinny good for nothing guy. I know it wasn't the best day for her but that stung and I broke it off. Wasn't that invested into her but that resulted in me working out for a year. Til I became pretty jacked. So I reeled in girlfriend number 2 but this time I had a gym addiction and that was my escape after work everyday and it seemed like I was just plane old boring and self centered and it was such a boring relationship and I mean I tried to do things to change it up I hate thinking I'm a boring person. Such a turn off. Now this is a little bit of a venting post but I'd love feedback from people in similar situations or people who know how to resolve it. I'm just now finally over my ex about 90 percent over her I'd say and I can start dating again I can feel my confidante rising again and string up conversations is not hard for me it's just the 1 to 3 month mark of a relationship that I tend to fail on. Honestly, you're focusing on sex a whole lot and on the physical as a means of obtaining it. As a guy giving you advice, while many women slober on themselves over a jacked guy from across the bar, you need to be more interesting then "look at me! Lets just have a physical relationship" Develop some intellectual pursuits, volunteer, learn, seek other hobbies, improve conversation and listening skills. Just generally be well rounded.
Author JunzQ Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Thanks for your reply. But it's not so much about sex with me. I just had a bad expirence with my last one. I don't get laid all that much in fact I havnt since my ex other than the odd blow job or what not. I think it's more of a problem with women being bored of me. I'll take your advice and strengthen my skills beyond just the gym. There's gotta be more though. After every Break up the female always tells me it was a bad time I won't be dating again for a long time. This makes me feel like I bore them into not wanting to be in a relationship anymore. I have my own hobbies I'm a basketball player and gym rat. I never stay home always out and about but just can't figure out why or how women get bored. When I start to get bored of a girl I try new things I never just give in and say forget it. I have no idea why it doesn't go both ways. Also hot girls terrify me and make me nervous the ones that I normally persue are between average and good looking seem to be my bread and butter but even those don't last.
Author JunzQ Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Could it be that I've been single so long that I've learnt only how to handle myself and am incapable of caring for 2. I mean when I do get into a relationship I throw everything out and focus and this 1 woman. But I've already accepted being single forever it was something I accepted 2 years ago during my dry spell. I'm okay with it. I've told myself I'm incapable of caring for 2 people at once so why bother. And it comes out during a relationship. When I'm goal driven and no one can come in my way if I want something bad enough. That maybe where my relationships fall apart. I'm too caring and sometimes I come off as needy towards women even though I chase my own dreams. This neediness only comes once the relationship is over it seems I'm not strong enough to handle break ups they break me down mentally. Therefore I over persue after the first breakup in a relationship. It's not until I get over this person that I begin to realize again that I do not need anyone to make me happy. I'm a happy individual on my own....lonely sometimes but happy. I'm not one to really settle either, I chase women whom I think are worthy and there arnt many options where I'm stationed right now.
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Guys women don't think like you. I get it you think being the most physically attractive is what women want because that is what you look for in a woman, hot hot hot. But guess what....you are wrong. Women NEED a guy that can emotionally stimulate them...with confidence, substance, and intellectually ( based on compatibility). If you don't have the right MIND stuff, the physical part gets old and they can get that anywhere. Most women will take an average guy with a great, compatible personality over some buffy boy. 2
fireflywy Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Guys women don't think like you. I get it you think being the most physically attractive is what women want because that is what you look for in a woman, hot hot hot. But guess what....you are wrong. Women NEED a guy that can emotionally stimulate them...with confidence, substance, and intellectually ( based on compatibility). If you don't have the right MIND stuff, the physical part gets old and they can get that anywhere. Most women will take an average guy with a great, compatible personality over some buffy boy. And also make sure you just relax and just have fun. Humor is gold.
Versacehottie Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Could it be that I've been single so long that I've learnt only how to handle myself and am incapable of caring for 2. I mean when I do get into a relationship I throw everything out and focus and this 1 woman. But I've already accepted being single forever it was something I accepted 2 years ago during my dry spell. I'm okay with it. I've told myself I'm incapable of caring for 2 people at once so why bother. And it comes out during a relationship. When I'm goal driven and no one can come in my way if I want something bad enough. That maybe where my relationships fall apart. I'm too caring and sometimes I come off as needy towards women even though I chase my own dreams. This neediness only comes once the relationship is over it seems I'm not strong enough to handle break ups they break me down mentally. Therefore I over persue after the first breakup in a relationship. It's not until I get over this person that I begin to realize again that I do not need anyone to make me happy. I'm a happy individual on my own....lonely sometimes but happy. I'm not one to really settle either, I chase women whom I think are worthy and there arnt many options where I'm stationed right now. Until you said this above, the rest of what you have said indicates: YOU ARE NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Just like you keep making excuses for yourself at some point when entrenched in one. It sounds like you are conflicted now which may mean you're turning the corner to being ready. Your mind is giving you conflicted messages because that's exactly where you are mentally. Sounds normal for a 25 year old guy. Don't force it. Go super slow when you start one up. I know you said sex wasn't the only thing that mattered but you focused on it so much in your posts that I have to think you're not being honest with yourself. That could be overshadowing how you think and act and what your real motives are. And the source of internal conflict. Same with getting jacked up. Good for you but just tip of iceberg as far as being relationship material. You may have to work on yourself and know yourself better to attract the right person for you and be happy with what you get. BTW, recognizing all of what you said and posting or dealing with it is a good first step in right direction. You may still come to the conclusion that you're not ready though. Explore it by working on yourself in some other ways too and dating with low expectations as far as relationship goes and just try to have fun and see where it takes you. Good luck
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 What do you think women want to see in the guy they are dating?
Author JunzQ Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 I personally think women look for a guy who is financially stable, educated mysterious. Buff or at least athletic non smoker and great sex. Confidence and looks, good hygene. It seems like a lot of things. But I'm trying to get all these traits on myself soon. Maybe some hobbies smile more be humorous I've done so many things to cut my dopamine discharge in my head. For example masterbation and smoking. 2 things that give off a dopamine discharge. There's obviously many positives that come out of stopping these 2 things but the biggest reason for quitting was do I can get my dopamine discharge from things I do in life. In hopes that it would make me more fun of a person. Getting dopamine from physical activities and human interaction.
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