Zing Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Zing, there is no point in addressing what you call your "arguments," you are just throwing out here a bunch of ignorant stuff that evidently YOU believe about what it's like to be a woman and you refute any input from the actual girls here, there is nothing to address unless we want to tell you how it actually is in our lives -and then you say we're lying. Srsly I don't think that kind of thing is supposed to be allowed here you are very disrespectful. but I will forgive you, you seem very angry and also like you have not much life experience and I hope your attitudes will change when you get older! :bunny: What is "that kind of stuff" exactly? A different side of the argument? All you just did was describe a discussion, and I wasn't rude or disrespectful to anyone. You just don't like my opinion so you are attacking me as a person. I never said anyone was lying. There's a difference between lying and ignorance. Keep trying to discredit me all you want, but it's irrelevant, you don't know me at all.
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Oh my, this thread has taken on a life of its own! The questions were designed to be open ended and facilitate discussion. The last question of my original post was important, but I think it might be ignored now because the women have been attacked and will probably remain in a defensive posture from now on(which is understandable). The women have also attacked some of the men on here(with a dash of humor mixed in). **I was wondering if as a woman you have ever rejected a guy only to regret it later. The answer was a definite "NO".** I still believe some of you ladies have stories to share of a guy you rejected prematurely and then questioned your decision later..or downright regretted it. Perhaps this can be a topic for another thread:eek: carry on... Question in asterisk -- I'll bite. YES that HAS happened to me. Somewhere between boyfriend 1 and 2. Had a date with a great guy....the kind of guy a girl settles down with. Super nice, STABLE....really cared about me. We had about five great fun dates... I rejected him on the 6th. Why? He didn't *excite* me enough...ugh. Although at the time, I justified it by saying I wasn't *ready* for a relationship. Total BS....another ugh? NOT proud of that, in fact I am even embarrassed to admit.... even here among virtual strangers. I started to regret about a month later, but lost his phone number/email info...but I used to drive around where he lives hoping to run into him! Never did. I STILL think about him sometimes...(don't tell my bf..lol) hope he is happy. So yeah...I've regretted it...although in retrospect, I may not have met my current... everything happens for a rradon?. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 This exactly!! I was always looking at myself for my failures, not at others. As many know, I spent years here on this forum being introspective, getting outside perspectives, always trying to improve, figure out where I was going wrong. Sometimes it was hard to find any answers, but I at least was always trying. The men who weren't interested in me were not at fault. The common denominator was me, so I was always trying to work on myself. Why would you think that somebody who is getting rejected is not changing their approach? Back when I was in my 20s, I changed everything. Clothes, haircut. Persona, attitude. There was a time when I was trying to be masculine to try and attract women. And there was a time when I was trying to be more feminine/sensitive to try and attract women. Did you ever see that movie Bedazzled with Brendan Fraser? That was me. I was constantly trying to change who I was to try and see if I could get some better luck with women. I've read books and watched movies and learned to do things I had no interest in, in hopes that they would attract women. It wasn't until I hit my 30s that I decided to just be me and deal with the results. I can actually easily see how a good guy with a nice personality who isn't that physically attractive can get rejected by 100 women. And you can too if you visualize it. An average looking guy (as in 5'10", average body, average face), then yes, there's probably something wrong.
MGX Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 No can't say that I have....but IMO common sense would dictate that if you approach 100+ people and all 100+ people reject you...it's time to change (or at least tweak) your *approach*? That's what I would do, except I would not be waiting until after 100 guys rejected me. I would be looking "within" and introspecting about why it is I continue getting rejected after the first 10 rejected me...or even less! That is what makes the most sense to me anyway. NOT carry on with your same approach, continue getting rejected, and then blame the women for not being attracted to you. Definition of insanity -- repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result. Not gonna happen. My perspective....... That's assuming he kept trying to woo those women the same way. He could have tried different things and STILL kept failing.
Zing Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 No can't say that I have....but IMO common sense would dictate that if you approach 100+ people and all 100+ people reject you...it's time to change (or at least tweak) your *approach*? That's what I would do, except I would not be waiting until after 100 guys rejected me. I would be looking "within" and introspecting about why it is I continue getting rejected after the first 10 rejected me...or even less! That is what makes the most sense to me anyway. NOT carry on with your same approach, continue getting rejected, and then blame the women for not being attracted to you. Definition of insanity -- repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result. Not gonna happen. My perspective....... You do not understand the numbers game or why it exists. Men do this because they have to, they do not have the luxury of options or the freedom to be picky. What you're describing leads directly to putting women on a pedestal.
MGX Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Why would you think that somebody who is getting rejected is not changing their approach? Back when I was in my 20s, I changed everything. Clothes, haircut. Persona, attitude. There was a time when I was trying to be masculine to try and attract women. And there was a time when I was trying to be more feminine/sensitive to try and attract women. Did you ever see that movie Bedazzled with Brendan Fraser? That was me. I was constantly trying to change who I was to try and see if I could get some better luck with women. I've read books and watched movies and learned to do things I had no interest in, in hopes that they would attract women. It wasn't until I hit my 30s that I decided to just be me and deal with the results. I can actually easily see how a good guy with a nice personality who isn't that physically attractive can get rejected by 100 women. And you can too if you visualize it. An average looking guy (as in 5'10", average body, average face), then yes, there's probably something wrong. That guy might be so average that he doesn't stand out. A male version of a Plain Jane.
autumnnight Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 **** you and go rip us your pos bible and **** jesus and god too *******. Cool. If I get 99 more comment like this, can I generalize that all men hate Jesus?
Phoe Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Why would you think that somebody who is getting rejected is not changing their approach? Back when I was in my 20s, I changed everything. Clothes, haircut. Persona, attitude. There was a time when I was trying to be masculine to try and attract women. And there was a time when I was trying to be more feminine/sensitive to try and attract women. Did you ever see that movie Bedazzled with Brendan Fraser? That was me. I was constantly trying to change who I was to try and see if I could get some better luck with women. I've read books and watched movies and learned to do things I had no interest in, in hopes that they would attract women. It wasn't until I hit my 30s that I decided to just be me and deal with the results. I can actually easily see how a good guy with a nice personality who isn't that physically attractive can get rejected by 100 women. And you can too if you visualize it. An average looking guy (as in 5'10", average body, average face), then yes, there's probably something wrong. *sigh* I never said that people who get rejected clearly haven't changed anything up and need to do so. I was just agreeing with Katiegrls sentiment that those who would rather blame others instead of looking at themselves, really ought to rethink that mindset. I've tried a variety of different things and can honestly say that, for me, not a single thing worked any differently than anything else, but at I am glad that I put in the effort and remained positive instead of blaming others. And not every man blames women for their failures, but it is a sad common theme around here.
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 That's assuming he kept trying to woo those women the same way. He could have tried different things and STILL kept failing. Fair enough....and if that's the case.....perhaps try asking a few of them why? I mean like maybe when you hit no. 95? Yah it's a bit humiliating to ask, and maybe the women would not even be honest, or don't know themselves why....but might be worth a shot...IMO anyway. Or perhaps what needs changing is the *type* of women he is approaching??? Just a thought..??
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 *sigh* I never said that people who get rejected clearly haven't changed anything up and need to do so. I was just agreeing with Katiegrls sentiment that those who would rather blame others instead of looking at themselves, really ought to rethink that mindset. I've tried a variety of different things and can honestly say that, for me, not a single thing worked any differently than anything else, but at I am glad that I put in the effort and remained positive instead of blaming others. And not every man blames women for their failures, but it is a sad common theme around here. Nah, I agree with that mostly. I just don't think you should put the onus on yourself. If anything, just give up. Like seriously. I know this is a dating forum, but I know a number of men who have given up on women and they seem pretty content and happy with their lives.
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) You do not understand the numbers game or why it exists. Men do this because they have to, they do not have the luxury of options or the freedom to be picky. What you're describing leads directly to putting women on a pedestal. I don't understand that sorry. Can you elaborate or clarify? Something got lost in translation....I never said or suggested men should -- or that what I suggested leads to -- putting women on a pedestal...not sure where you got that. I was not even referring to just men anyway....I was referring to*people* which last I checked means both men and women... That if someone is constantly getting rejected...over and over....to look within and introspect to determine why. As opposed to blaming those you are approaching (generic you) for rejecting you. Edited June 20, 2015 by katiegrl
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Fair enough....and if that's the case.....perhaps try asking a few of them why? I mean like maybe when you hit no. 95? Yah it's a bit humiliating to ask, and maybe the women would not even be honest, or don't know themselves why....but might be worth a shot...IMO anyway. Or perhaps what needs changing is the *type* of women he is approaching??? Just a thought..?? You have to realize how easy it is to get rejected by 100 women though. If I went out to the bars tonight, and you tagged along, not only is it likely that I will get rejected by the first 100 women that I approach, I would give a betting person overwhelming odds that it would happen. In OLD, it is easy to see how that could happen as well.
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I don't understand that sorry. Can you elaborate or clarify? I think what he means is that by a man changing who he is fundamentally - to attract women - he is giving in to women - he is putting women before himself - he is hence putting them on a pedestal. 1
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 You have to realize how easy it is to get rejected by 100 women though. If I went out to the bars tonight, and you tagged along, not only is it likely that I will get rejected by the first 100 women that I approach, I would give a betting person overwhelming odds that it would happen. In OLD, it is easy to see how that could happen as well. How are you defining "rejection"? In OLD, messaging "Hi" to a chick and she does not respond? Or saying hi to a chick at a coffee shop or club (for example)...and she would rather be left alone? If so, that's not really a rejection...or a "personal" rejection ... because there could be any number of reasons the OLD chick did not respond back...or the chick at the coffee shop (or club) didn't wish to engage with you....reasons that have nothing to do with you. I know for me, when I was single and dating, I tried not to take everything so personally all the time. There are so many reasons why a stranger does not wish to engage....again most likely those reasons have little to nothing to do with you personally. They don't even know you for heaven's sake.... Now if they "reject" you AFTER a few dates..THAT would be different. And IMO if it happens enough...time to look within and introspect as to why. Jmo ... 1
Zing Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I don't understand that sorry. Can you elaborate or clarify? Something got lost in translation....I never said or suggested men should -- or that what I suggested leads to -- putting women on a pedestal...not sure where you got that. This: I think what he means is that by a man changing who he is fundamentally - to attract women - he is giving in to women - he is putting women before himself - he is hence putting them on a pedestal. I was not even referring to just men anyway....I was referring to*people* which last I checked means both men and women... That if someone is constantly getting rejected...over and over....to look within and introspect to determine why. As opposed to blaming those you are approaching (generic you) for rejecting you. Dating is totally different for men.
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I think what he means is that by a man changing who he is fundamentally - to attract women - he is giving in to women - he is putting women before himself - he is hence putting them on a pedestal. Not asking him or anyone to change who they are fundamentaly....or otherwise. Just to look within to determine why and tweak the approach....or try not taking it all so personally (see my last response).
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 How are you defining "rejection"? In OLD, messaging "Hi" to a chick and she does not respond? Or saying hi to a chick at a coffee shop or club (for example)...and she would rather be left alone? If so, that's not really a rejection...or a "personal" rejection ... because there could be any number of reasons the OLD chick did not respond back...or the chick at the coffee shop (or club) didn't wish to engage with you....reasons that have nothing to do with you. I know for me, when I was single and dating, I tried not to take everything so personally all the time. There are so many reasons why a stranger does not wish to engage....again most likely those reasons have little to nothing to do with you personally. They don't even know you for heaven's sake.... Now if they "reject" you AFTER a few dates..THAT would be different. And IMO if it happens enough...time to look within and introspect as to why. Jmo ... Like I said. Getting rejected is going up to a girl at a bar, trying to get a phone number and date, and getting rejected somewhere before getting a kiss. I'm not sensitive about it. I just said you should be able to see how easy it is for a guy to get rejected by 100 women.
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Zing....I have said my piece....if you wish to not look within... and instead blame the chicks...becoming bitter and jaded in the process...that's your prerogative. Whatever works for you and makes you feel better.. Good luck...
Zing Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Zing....I have said my piece....if you wish to not look within... and instead blame the chicks...becoming bitter and jaded in the process...that's your prerogative. Whatever works for you and makes you feel better.. Good luck... I do just fine with women, just because I'm complaining about the state of dating does not mean I am not successful with women or that I hate them(which is insane and totally against my biological nature). I have no need to be introspective, I have done plenty of that, I was a pathetic beta virgin until I decided to change myself. But some things are beyond the scope of what a man can do by bettering himself. I never "blamed the chicks", I've repeatedly stated that this is just how things are. I'm definitely a bit jaded, by society's reactions to these issues. Not bitter though, I just don't care anymore. I've checked out.
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Like I said. Getting rejected is going up to a girl at a bar, trying to get a phone number and date, and getting rejected somewhere before getting a kiss. I'm not sensitive about it. I just said you should be able to see how easy it is for a guy to get rejected by 100 women. Yeah that's tough...but not everyone goes to clubs hoping to land a date, a kiss, sex or whatevs. Some people go because they like people, like meeting and talking to different people, he/she may already be in a relationship. Her not wishing to kiss you, may have nothing to do with you....she enjoyed chatting but again she may already be in a relationship...just sayin. Try not to take everything so personally. Yeah easier said than done I know....but try looking at it from that perspective... instead of interpreting it as some sort of personal affront. Not everything that happens to you in this world is about you (again generic you)..
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I do just fine with women, just because I'm complaining about the state of dating does not mean I am not successful with women or that I hate them(which is insane and totally against my biological nature). I have no need to be introspective, I have done plenty of that, I was a pathetic beta virgin until I decided to change myself. But some things are beyond the scope of what a man can do by bettering himself. I never "blamed the chicks", I've repeatedly stated that this is just how things are. I'm definitely a bit jaded, by society's reactions to these issues. Not bitter though, I just don't care anymore. I've checked out. Fabulous! Glad to hear that....:bunny:
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Yeah that's tough...but not everyone goes to clubs hoping to land a date, a kiss, sex or whatevs. Some people go because they like people, like meeting and talking to different people, he/she may already be in a relationship. Her not wishing to kiss you, may have nothing to do with you....she enjoyed chatting but again she may already be in a relationship...just sayin. Try not to take everything so personally. Yeah easier said than done I know....but try looking at it from that perspective... instead of interpreting it as some sort of personal affront. Not everything that happens to you in this world is about you (again generic you).. I don't look at it as a personal affront. You're pinning that on me (and aggressively so). All I'm saying that it's easy to see how a guy could approach 100 single and looking women and be turned down for not being physically attractive (or not her type, or being boring). That's the end of my side of this conversation. Edited June 20, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 **I don't look at it as a personal affront. You're pinning that on me. ** I'm saying that it's easy to see how a guy could approach 100 single and looking women and be turned down for not being physically attractive. That's the end of my side of this conversation. JJS....quote in asterisk... no I am not...which is why I made a point of defining "you" as "generic you" not you personally. I read your response that *you* (specific you) are not sensitive to it...which is a great attitude. I only used your response to make a point, not specific to you. Apologies for not making that clear at the time... 1
Phoe Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Nah, I agree with that mostly. I just don't think you should put the onus on yourself. If anything, just give up. Like seriously. I know this is a dating forum, but I know a number of men who have given up on women and they seem pretty content and happy with their lives. And I can also agree with the idea of just stopping altogether sometimes. I know I've gone through periods of time where I decided there was no point in worrying myself and feeling bad over it, so I just focused on living life and being happy about it. I'm a fairly simple creature and can find happiness in many things, so I was always okay with this. 2
ZA Dater Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I think it is time to grasp the nettle, seize the day and get out there and kiss someone. She doesn't need to be the love of your life, she doesn't need to be someone you are immediately attracted to, or someone you have a deep connection with, just break the duck and do it. Get a new profile if you do not want to mess up your existing one, but post some fun pics and make up a less serious blurb, and like/swipe everyone in sight. Choose an extrovert, sexy girl(s) who you think would be up for kissing, girls who will talk the hind legs off a donkey and make the first move even on the first date and leave the quiet, shy and thoughtful ones well alone. Learn how to talk to them/kiss/make out - make it your priority and your new project. Once you have that under your belt, you will exude a new confidence and the next step is ... sex... but do not put yourself under too much under pressure, talking and kissing first, one thing at a time. All great idea's except I am not particularly interested in kissing or making out with someone I am not attracted to. I did the like swipe everyone on tinder and well got very few likes back, certainly none of interest. Life is to be defined by the experiences we have and how they in term create good positive memories and kissing someone I don't like wont be a good experience! In order for me even contemplate kissing someone she would need to 'wow' me and that's only ever happened twice before. Thanks again for the suggestions though.
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