DexterLS Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Hi guys, I will keep this short. Today it has been one of those days where I can't control my freaking emotions. The cheating ex and I parted ways on good terms and we agreed that she will do the right thing and block me everywhere as I would so that we can both move on. Yes, she is still with the other guy and stuff. However, she unblocked me a week ago and I know I shouldn't have checked but I did and it has been one hell of a week. I can't, for the love of god, figure out why she would do that. I am so tempted to just tell her to block me back again. I know it will make me look weak, like I can't get my **** together and stuff but to be honest, when I was blocked, it was going great. I had no access to her information and things were less rough than it is now. She is on my blocked list but I still can see her if SHE hasn't blocked me. It's been 22 days since we last spoke and 8 days since she unblocked me. I know this question is even more stupid to ask but what do I freaking do? This is getting on my nerves and I can't deal with this right now.
ravfour4 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Take a deep breath. She unblocked you to check on what you were doing and how you were doing. You don't just completely forget about someone after years of being together. Maybe she got in an argument with the new guy and had a weak moment, who knows. If you're checking to see if she still has you blocked everyday, you've still obviously got some strong feelings for her and are far from neutral at this point. Just stop looking at her page, on Facebook when I block them I can't search for them. Are you talking about other social media?
ravfour4 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I wouldn't ask her to reblock you. Translated that means "I can't stop obsessing over you so can you please block me so I have no choice but not to". Test your own strength and will by not looking at her page. Resist the urge as if it was a drug
Pastmen Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 You're overthinking it. Look at it this way, if she wants to contact you, or wants anything from you she will tell you in some way. Until that point she still wants nothing to do with you and she still stands behind her own decision. Off course she still thinks about you, and she probably just wanted to see what you're up to so she unblocked you. Just curiosity, maybe she wants to know if you have moved on already as well.
Author DexterLS Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 It's Whatsapp. She cannot see anything that I am doing online. I blocked her everywhere. So the only reason I could see for her unblocking me is to provoke me to talk to her. I haven't done it for a week but I wouldn't lie to you. It bugs me every single day.
Pastmen Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Maybe she just thought that if you wanted to talk to her you should be able to, so I unblock him. He probably didn't want me to block him but it was said in his anger. I don't think the reason is to provoke a talk. If she really wants to talk to you she always can. She should be the one initiating contact not you. 1
Author DexterLS Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Maybe she just thought that if you wanted to talk to her you should be able to, so I unblock him. He probably didn't want me to block him but it was said in his anger. I don't think the reason is to provoke a talk. If she really wants to talk to you she always can. She should be the one initiating contact not you. I agree. I have no idea why I'm even waiting for a cheating liar to contact me but I would be lying if I said I don't think about her everyday. I haven't even initiated strict NC yet. Maybe I should just concentrate on doing that now.
Pastmen Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Yes. You now have to accept that she isn't that same person anymore that you were in a relationship with. She's a cheating liar and you don't need that in your life, you need to avoid that sort of people. Like you say yourself. Go strict NC and heal. The faster you go NC, the faster you move on and are ready to date other girls. 1
brokengirl85 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I don't get how can you see your ex in whatssap if you blocked her?? I blocked my ex and I don't see him at all. Maybe your looking for her on purpose?
brokengirl85 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Actually, I just checked my blocked contacts and he's not there anymore. When I check on him it says "invite to whatssap" how weird is that? Maybe he blocked me or he deleted his account?
Author DexterLS Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 I don't get how can you see your ex in whatssap if you blocked her?? I blocked my ex and I don't see him at all. Maybe your looking for her on purpose? She is blocked on my Whatsapp and I can still see her photo and statuses. That's how it has always been for me. I'm on an iPhone by the way. And yes, I do check her out everyday (without unblocking her) -- I know I know, I shouldn't but I can't really help it at this point. I will keep on trying harder.
na49 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 And yes, I do check her out everyday (without unblocking her) -- I know I know, I shouldn't but I can't really help it at this point. I will keep on trying harder. Yeah, no one here can make you stop doing this. You need some self control. It's not her job to help you move on. Challenge yourself to go a week without looking. Promise yourself that if you have this urge next week, you can go ahead and do it. (hopefully you won't have the urge next week, or it won't be as strong). Also is Whatsapp that important to you? If you really can't fight your urge, maybe get rid of your app for a while.
justsounsure Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 let me re-post this reply, posted in the wrong area
Author DexterLS Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Yeah, no one here can make you stop doing this. You need some self control. It's not her job to help you move on. Challenge yourself to go a week without looking. Promise yourself that if you have this urge next week, you can go ahead and do it. (hopefully you won't have the urge next week, or it won't be as strong). Also is Whatsapp that important to you? If you really can't fight your urge, maybe get rid of your app for a while. I will just give my phone to someone for a month or so. I don't think I can do this as long as I have access to information. This seems like the last resort and I'm willing to take it.
Yummm Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Delete her number? Even if you know it, atleast it's alot more effort to go re-add her number to have a look at her whatsapp picture. 1
ravfour4 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Challenge yourself like others have said. Tell yourself that you can do it, you can go a day without checking her page and once you do that, reward yourself. You'll feel great about it. As taboo as it sounds, perhaps even reward yourself by taking a peek at her page. Then challenge yourself to 2 days without looking, then 3. Go for incremental change not an overnight miracle, it's much more realistic and you won't constantly be disappointed in yourself. 1
Author DexterLS Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Hi guys, Thanks for the amazing responses as always. I am quite proud of myself for not contacting her yesterday. I was at my lowest point in days but managed not to do it. I will take up your advices on this one and try to take it one day at a time. Thank you all 1
darkbloom Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Do you remember when you were a kid? And your mom told you the stove was hot and that you shouldn't touch it because it will burn you? Checking her social media is like sticking your hand directly on the stove and holding it there. Your mom warned you and you didn't listen. Everytime you get the urge to check, ask yourself if the burn is worth it. Lather, rinse, repeat. 1
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Sometimes I feel like exes WANT you to see their stuff, even if they're the dumper. I literally begged my ex to block me everywhere, and he refused. I told him that he needed to because at that time I was feeling very weak and emotional and would unblock him all the time, and send him messages when I had been drinking. He still wouldn't do it. I finally blocked him on Facebook a few weeks ago and haven't unblocked him. I know it made him angry, but you have to do what you have to do to move on. I don't understand the mentality of some dumpers. It's like they want to rub in their new romance in your face and break your heart all over again. 1
Author DexterLS Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Sometimes I feel like exes WANT you to see their stuff, even if they're the dumper. I literally begged my ex to block me everywhere, and he refused. I told him that he needed to because at that time I was feeling very weak and emotional and would unblock him all the time, and send him messages when I had been drinking. He still wouldn't do it. I finally blocked him on Facebook a few weeks ago and haven't unblocked him. I know it made him angry, but you have to do what you have to do to move on. I don't understand the mentality of some dumpers. It's like they want to rub in their new romance in your face and break your heart all over again. My ex is just like that too. She would make it known how happy she is in her new relationship and how she is loving every minute of her new life in Dubai and it was killing me. Right before we cut communication, she told me she wouldn't unblock me anywhere and rightly so, for 14 days she didn't. Then she did it but is still not initiating contact. I think there are two reasons as to why she is not initiating contact: 1) Her big ego wouldn't let her do it. She wants me to tallk to her and can't accept the fact that it's going to be nearly a month since we spoke <-- This, however might just be my wishful thinking. 2) She doesn't want her boyfriend to find out she talked to me. She could just tell him it was me who started talking if I did so. I will try reallyyyy hard not to talk to her though.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 ^^^ you never know, Dex. It may just be her ego. My ex has a huge ego, and he always has to be "in control". I stopped talking to him for 3 weeks and talked to him the other night. I expected him to be indifferent, but he showed that HE (the dumper) was angry with ME (the dumpee). People with huge egos don't like to be ignored. They feel they're the center of the universe and why wouldn't their ex be begging them back? That's when you stick to your guns. I won't be breaking NC again, but the blocking on FB does help. I admit I do wonder at times what he does, but knowing would probably hurt a lot more. I would just block her and do your very best not to unblock. Who cares if it makes her mad? It's about you healing.
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