Ashley S Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Hi, so I am dating this guy. He's really nice, and pays for everything. He's a good guy, and is respectful. I'm really close to my cousins, and my one cousin would always hang out with me and my new boyfriend. He always paid for her wherever he went because he was generous like that. Before I got to know him, he made out with my cousin. Then after hanging out with me a couple of times, he started to fall for me, and he is in love with me, and is loyal to me. These are his words, I am not assuming this. Well, my cousin backed off, and everything was cool. My bf would go to my cousin and talk about how much he's in love with me, and would always talk about me in a positive way. My cousin told me "this guy is really in love with you." Well my other cousin came over my house, and she was acting flirty towards him, when I think that is ultimately disrespectful. I left for 10 mins, and I came back to my one cousin and my bf fighting. My one cousin was asking to "see his stomach", and she kept brushing up against his leg, then my cousin was saying "I am a slut, and proud of it. I love being a whore." She was really flaunting that, and so my bf said "Well, don't act like a slut with me." Then a fight blew up. She started calling him names, and he was calling her a "whore" and saying she was being "disrespectful" towards me. My two cousins who are her two sisters were here, and witnessed it. So then, everything died down, but then my cousin came upstairs to tell me the whole story. She said "Becca said, you would **** me if you could." I didnt hear that part of the story, and so I said "wow! Why would Becca say such a thing? She has no respect for me to say that to my boyfriend! That's disgusting." So my cousin went downstairs and told her and another fight blew up. Now, all three of my cousins won't talk to me. They said they will only come over, and hang out when my bf isn't there cause they don't like him. They also said that he's a "player", and is going to."hurt" me, and actually "wants Becca." When everyone knows that is complete BS. I am not just saying that, it is BS. All of a sudden my cousins hate him. When their sister was being disrespectful towards me by flirting with my.bf while I was gone, and I'm her cousin So to me that is really low. They are acting controlling, and ruining my.life because I don't want this. I want everybody to get along. They said they will if I cut him out, but I can't do that. So, what does this sound like? Jealousy? Controlling? What would you do in a situation like this? Need opinions please. Thank you.
empresario Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Hi, so I am dating this guy. He's really nice, and pays for everything. He's a good guy, and is respectful. I'm really close to my cousins, and my one cousin would always hang out with me and my new boyfriend. He always paid for her wherever he went because he was generous like that. Before I got to know him, he made out with my cousin. Then after hanging out with me a couple of times, he started to fall for me, and he is in love with me, and is loyal to me. These are his words, I am not assuming this. Well, my cousin backed off, and everything was cool. My bf would go to my cousin and talk about how much he's in love with me, and would always talk about me in a positive way. My cousin told me "this guy is really in love with you." Well my other cousin came over my house, and she was acting flirty towards him, when I think that is ultimately disrespectful. I left for 10 mins, and I came back to my one cousin and my bf fighting. My one cousin was asking to "see his stomach", and she kept brushing up against his leg, then my cousin was saying "I am a slut, and proud of it. I love being a whore." She was really flaunting that, and so my bf said "Well, don't act like a slut with me." Then a fight blew up. She started calling him names, and he was calling her a "whore" and saying she was being "disrespectful" towards me. My two cousins who are her two sisters were here, and witnessed it. So then, everything died down, but then my cousin came upstairs to tell me the whole story. She said "Becca said, you would **** me if you could." I didnt hear that part of the story, and so I said "wow! Why would Becca say such a thing? She has no respect for me to say that to my boyfriend! That's disgusting." So my cousin went downstairs and told her and another fight blew up. Now, all three of my cousins won't talk to me. They said they will only come over, and hang out when my bf isn't there cause they don't like him. They also said that he's a "player", and is going to."hurt" me, and actually "wants Becca." When everyone knows that is complete BS. I am not just saying that, it is BS. All of a sudden my cousins hate him. When their sister was being disrespectful towards me by flirting with my.bf while I was gone, and I'm her cousin So to me that is really low. They are acting controlling, and ruining my.life because I don't want this. I want everybody to get along. They said they will if I cut him out, but I can't do that. So, what does this sound like? Jealousy? Controlling? What would you do in a situation like this? Need opinions please. Thank you. Are you happy with him? If you are, then read on... As I always say, I can only relate this to my own experience. In this episode, I will defer to my knowledge of owning a business. When I hire a new employee, especially around middle management...there is always drama and fallout. Always. It's never because the people innately hate each other. It's because they feel like they are competing for some reason. It is 99% of the time because one person or the other doesn't understand their role and how the other person's role affects theirs. I feel like this is very similar. My read, and correct me if I'm wrong, is your cousins are more extroverted than you are. Perhaps in your friendship with them they are the 'alpha' females? The second you got a good guy and they didn't, they felt that balance was upset. I don't know them, but if they love you then perhaps sitting them down and defining actual boundaries may help. Tell them how you feel, but don't use "I". Relate it to them. Say, "I know you would be upset if that happened to you". Try to empathize. Don't get fiery. If they do, remain calm. I know you can't actually device an "accountability chart" and create core functions for them, but you can get pretty close. There is an obvious misunderstanding, disregard, or disrespect for boundaries. It's not your BF's job to set and enforce those...it's yours.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 These girls are immature. I realize they're family but you don't need to be around them. They don't have to like your boyfriend, but they don't need to project that on to you. It's a silly highschool-type power struggle. I agree with them that it's better that they hang out with you when your boyfriend isn't around; they've all shown you they can't get along so there's no sense trying to force it. Frankly, I wouldn't hang out with anyone who so openly disrespected me and my relationship. On a related note, how long ago did your boyfriend and your cousin hook up?
MissBee Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Hi, so I am dating this guy. He's really nice, and pays for everything. He's a good guy, and is respectful. I'm really close to my cousins, and my one cousin would always hang out with me and my new boyfriend. He always paid for her wherever he went because he was generous like that. Before I got to know him, he made out with my cousin. Then after hanging out with me a couple of times, he started to fall for me, and he is in love with me, and is loyal to me. These are his words, I am not assuming this. Well, my cousin backed off, and everything was cool. My bf would go to my cousin and talk about how much he's in love with me, and would always talk about me in a positive way. My cousin told me "this guy is really in love with you." Well my other cousin came over my house, and she was acting flirty towards him, when I think that is ultimately disrespectful. I left for 10 mins, and I came back to my one cousin and my bf fighting. My one cousin was asking to "see his stomach", and she kept brushing up against his leg, then my cousin was saying "I am a slut, and proud of it. I love being a whore." She was really flaunting that, and so my bf said "Well, don't act like a slut with me." Then a fight blew up. She started calling him names, and he was calling her a "whore" and saying she was being "disrespectful" towards me. My two cousins who are her two sisters were here, and witnessed it. So then, everything died down, but then my cousin came upstairs to tell me the whole story. She said "Becca said, you would **** me if you could." I didnt hear that part of the story, and so I said "wow! Why would Becca say such a thing? She has no respect for me to say that to my boyfriend! That's disgusting." So my cousin went downstairs and told her and another fight blew up. Now, all three of my cousins won't talk to me. They said they will only come over, and hang out when my bf isn't there cause they don't like him. They also said that he's a "player", and is going to."hurt" me, and actually "wants Becca." When everyone knows that is complete BS. I am not just saying that, it is BS. All of a sudden my cousins hate him. When their sister was being disrespectful towards me by flirting with my.bf while I was gone, and I'm her cousin So to me that is really low. They are acting controlling, and ruining my.life because I don't want this. I want everybody to get along. They said they will if I cut him out, but I can't do that. So, what does this sound like? Jealousy? Controlling? What would you do in a situation like this? Need opinions please. Thank you. Wow... I probably wouldn't date a guy who made out with my cousin, that's just my personal boundary. But even though you are "close" to your cousins, I'd reevaluate being close if this is the kind of relationship you all have. Flirting with your bf, asking him to see his stomach, saying he would have sex with them, fighting, I mean it's all very dysfunctional sounding. They will always be your cousins but you don't have to be bffs esp if they are disrespectful and cause problems.
minime13 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 First off, is this unusual behavior for your cousins, or is this kind of the norm? There are two scenarios that could be happening here, but the answer to the above question greatly affects what could be going on.
GemmaUK Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I mean no disrespect but being honest your interactions are always drama filled so I expect nothing less. If you are happy..continue. If you are not happy discontinue.
Recommended Posts