Sarahbarker1994 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 My boyfriend and I of 4 years broke up 3 weeks ago, he left me because he was going on holiday for the summer with his friends basically is how I feel because I wasn't really given much of a reason off him. We hadn't spoken since but after that accident with those people on their j1s made me think of him so I texted him and just said I hope he's doing well and safe. He replied saying he was thinking of me that day too and he was making plenty of conversation and asking when I'd be coming to America, then he kept saying that he'd like to see me when I fly over and that we should meet up for a drink and I kept saying I don't think that would be best and I doubt it but we'll see since its 7 weeks away. And he was like well I really hope so because I'd like to see you and fingers crossed. Like what does that mean? Does he miss me? Do you think he might be regretting it? Or is he just trying to keep our break up civil and not on bad terms? He's been watching all my snapchat stories and when he heard I kissed someone else he was adamant as to who it was and if I slept with him (which I didn't of course) and he immediately went. Out the night after apparently and just kissed the first person he could (close knit group of friends is how I know all this). I don't get it is he jealous does he miss me? I'm moving on but obviously I still care for him he was sure a huge part of my life. Plus he's been lurking on me obviously because he mentioned how he knows I'm doing a gym transformation when barely anyone knows about it. I'm seriously confused. Any advice would be great!
aloneinaz Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 My gut reaction was he ended it with you so he could be single and on the prowl while on holiday with his buddies. Um.. you don't do that if you love you GF, especially after 3 or 4 years together. I'd never break up with someone I love knowing the chances where high that she'd move onto screwing another guy. Men are very possessive and would never accept "their" girl being w/someone else. He hasn't been contacting you. You contacting him is only letting him know you're still longing for him, waiting for him to contact you again. If he's spying on you on social media, it could mean many different things. He's curious if you're moving on. He is bored cause he's getting no new action from other girls. You should continue to move on and find someone who would never risk breaking up with you. He clearly lost interest in you and that relationship. Personally, you should block him on all social media so he can't see what you're up too. It's really none of his business. Then go NC and ignore him if he contacts you. Honestly, would you really consider taking him back if nothing better presents itself to him and he "settles" for you again when he's lonely and horny? I've known a lot of women who got dumped. They have very good self esteem and pride. After getting dumped, they'd block the ex on everything and never talk to them again. They did this so they could heal and move on to someone who would love them. They also would never settle for being a second choice or fall back to the person who dumped them. 1
Author Sarahbarker1994 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Thanks for your reply! I really appreciate it! I do agree with a lot of what you are saying but he's just not that kind of person he was always so into our relationship and he just got roped in with the wrong people, apparently all he's doing over there is smoking and drinking weed with the lads. I know I'll never lower myself back to that and being treated so harshly but I do just want him to feel some regret. I was always there for him and I did everything for him and put him before everyone else and he knew that. We travelled to so many countries together and he just tossed me aside. Do you think he just did it abruptly and without properly thinking and that he may regret it? My self esteem has hit a low I do admit but I'm doing great and so much to get over him. Like I don't want to sound at all vain I'm not, but he was always punching above his weight with me. I was constantly told that and constantly asked for numbers like I'll have no problem on that front. But I'm just sensitive and I do care about him but I don't love him anymore. I still want him to feel regret though because I did see a life with him.
JewelD Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 He might miss you because he's used to you. and of course, anyone will be jealous if they see their ex kissing someone, whether they are the dumper or dumpee. Don't read too much into it. If he regretted it, why hasn't he apologized? He might want to be friends because that means he gets all the benefits of being with you without actually having to be your bf. It'll also make the breakup process easier for him since he can still talk to you whenever he wants. I doubt he feels any regret just yet. You haven't really given him reason to. By allowing him access to your profiles and keeping in touch with him and letting him know you're worried about him, you're keeping your foot in the door. He probably thinks you have somewhat accepted the breakup and are okay with it. What would be the point in getting back with you if he can still talk to you and see you and still know you're worried about him? He's got the best of both worlds. He can do whatever he wants and you're sitting on the backburner. Just go no contact. Remove yourself from his life. How could he miss you if you've never really been gone?
Author Sarahbarker1994 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Yeah I completely agree with all of that. I feel to awkward to be the type to block him on everything because we live like 5-10 minutes from eachother in a small community so I don't want to make things awkward but I won't contact him again. I didn't plan to. I told him when he asked about meeting up that I don't want to. I'll go completely NC now. I do want to move on and I'm okay! A lot better than I thought I would be!
aloneinaz Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) I do agree with a lot of what you are saying but he's just not that kind of person he was always so into our relationship He was is the key expression here. If he was so into it, he would not of ended it. You have to understand that. People change. Relationships lose their luster and people grow apart. I know I'll never lower myself back to that and being treated so harshly but I do just want him to feel some regret. I was always there for him and I did everything for him and put him before everyone else and he knew that. We travelled to so many countries together and he just tossed me aside. You want him to have some regret? Vanish from their life. BLOCK him on all social media and don't reply to him IF he contacts you. Nothing bothers a dumper more than dead silence from someone they think is begging for another chance from them. Take away his mental "safety net".. Him thinking "well, if this single life doesn't work out, I can always go back to her".. Those thought will VANISH once he sees that you've blocked him on social media and you stop returning texts or other communication. The main reason to do that? FOR YOU to heal from this and move on. People have the right to end relationships they are no longer happy in. We've all ended a relationship. Yes, we can be pissed and feel rejected but..we have to accept their decision and find someone who does want us in their lives. You owe him NOTHING. No further communication. Do you think he just did it abruptly and without properly thinking and that he may regret it? My self esteem has hit a low I do admit but I'm doing great and so much to get over him. Like I don't want to sound at all vain I'm not, but he was always punching above his weight with me. I was constantly told that and constantly asked for numbers like I'll have no problem on that front. But I'm just sensitive and I do care about him but I don't love him anymore. I still want him to feel regret though because I did see a life with him. At this point, you should not care what his motive is or if he regrets it. You need to worry about YOU and you moving on to find someone who will appreciate you. If you're attractive as your stating, you'll find plenty of guys who will want to be with you. If you vanish from his life, block him on everything and not reply to any attempts for him to talk to you, he'll track you down. You need to be strong and tell him no thanks if he comes knocking on your door cause he's suddenly panicked that he may of lost you forever. He had his chance with you and kicked you to the curb. I've never accept being someone's 2nd choice and it sounds as though you agree. Edited June 17, 2015 by aloneinaz
minime13 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Whatever may be motivating his actions, I'm not sure why it matters. He made a very final decision with your relationship of 4 years without even discussing it with you. I think that is something you need to remember. It's one thing to have problems in a relationship that long and have a talk about what may be wrong (either to work on the issues or give reasons as to why you need to break up). It's another to just have one party abruptly end it without explanation. He chose the coward's way out, and most likely because he was going to be living it up in another country for the summer. Awful, awful person. Forget about him, block him on all your social media accounts, don't let him know anything else about your travel plans, and just move on. You deserve better than that.
Recommended Posts