galant Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I was in a relationship with a girl that I love very much. We have been together for almost a year and I really thought she’s the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve even bought the engagement ring waiting for the right time and moment to propose to her. During this one year we never sleep together as I respect her as she wanted to wait until she got engaged or married. Having such a conservative thinking girlfriend just made me want to cling on her even more and never to let go. But everything started to fall apart recently and it’s all because of one travel. She told me she will go traveling with some friends for couple of weeks to a neighboring country. I’ve no doubt or suspicion at all as I trust everything she said and always have been. During her travel we made calls and she seemed happy and joyful. Then she came back and everything was normal as usual. But little did I know that she was actually traveling with another guy! About couple of weeks after the travel I suddenly received a message from an anonymous person in facebook told me that I should know the truth about my girlfriend. Then he showed me the link of the guy’s profile and a video that he made for my girlfriend. I was so shocked watching the video. It’s a very romantic video with all the loving pictures and places that they went together! Oh my god how could she betrayed and lied to me! In the guy’s profile he also posted many pictures of them both together. For few days I was feeling very down. I couldn’t sleep well, no appetite to eat anything and my heart was beating fast all the time.I had so many complication thoughts in my mind. I didn’t confront or message the guy personally or her during these few days as I don’t know what should I react and afraid to know the truth from her own mouth. But sooner or later I must confront her and demand the truth eventually and so I showed her all of these during our usual date. The moment she saw it she became pale and silent for a short while. Then she started to explain everything with tears in her eyes. She admitted that she lied and she did travelwith the guy to few countries instead of just one. She did sleep with him in one bed eventhough she said they never have sex. According to her they want save on the hotels budget. Do you guys think I can possibly trust her that she didn’t have sex with him? Just look at him, I hate to admit it but he’s much better looking than me. And being a guy he wouldn’t want to make love to a girl he’s sleeping with? Not to mention for a girl, she won’t fall for such a good looking guy when they are in same bed together?? Gosh the more things she said from her mouth the more I think it’s all nothing but lies. She said he’s just a traveling companion and she didn’t tell me because I wouldn’t allow her to travel if she tells the truth. She loves to travel and I can’t afford to bring her many places with my low salary. The guy she went with was able to help paid for many things. After she explained everything, I felt so useless, hopeless, being cheated, betrayed and most of all broken hearted. Last words I said to her that day was 'I never want to see you again' and I just left. She tried to call and message me many times but I just couldn't respond to them. I am still feeling very hurt inside. It's been 2 weeks now since then and I'm still feeling very depressed. Wish someone out there can help me and give some advises
Woon Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Even if she didnt cheat on you physically, she lied and cheated on you emotionally. I know its not what you want to hear, but you did the right thing. You sound like a good guy (with low self esteem though) and if shes to stupid to see that, then she doesnt deserve your love 2
aloneinaz Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I would NEEEVVEERR trust that women again. Sex or no sex, she cheated on you and traveled with that other guy while lying through her teeth. You absolutely did the right thing. While it hurts like hell, you need to stay NC and heal from this girl. Be strong and recognize that you deserve MUCH better than a lying, cheating girl in your life. 2
Chi townD Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Dude, she had sex with that dude. What guy would travel around with a girl and then go out of his way to make a romantic video of them together and post it online for the entire world to see. If it was strictly a platonic relationship, then a complete stranger would have no cause to send you to that dude's facebook page. Dude, you were getting played. Time to heal and move on. 2
GoBlue Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I am with the first two - whether she had sex with him or not is a mute-point. She lied because she "wouldn't get to travel if she told the truth." So, where would that line of reasoning end if the two of you got married? Intimacy is based on open and honest communication and commitment. When dishonesty enters the picture, trust is the first thing that suffers. When trust is gone, the basis of commitment is put into extreme doubt. People make mistakes, sometimes it's right for second chances, but you have to decide for yourself if you could ever get past this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 1
Author galant Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 I am with the first two - whether she had sex with him or not is a mute-point. She lied because she "wouldn't get to travel if she told the truth." So, where would that line of reasoning end if the two of you got married? Intimacy is based on open and honest communication and commitment. When dishonesty enters the picture, trust is the first thing that suffers. When trust is gone, the basis of commitment is put into extreme doubt. People make mistakes, sometimes it's right for second chances, but you have to decide for yourself if you could ever get past this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thanks you've written stuffs that really got me into thinking more deeply. I've thought about giving her a second chance but what about in the future. As you've said the trust won't be the same from now on even if we get back together again. This thing will eventually come back to hunt me. But then I couldn't get her out of my mind as I still keep thinking about her everyday. Should I confront this guy? But being a guy, he will probably just say things to his own interests.
Chi townD Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Should I confront this guy? But being a guy, he will probably just say things to his own interests. Why? He didn't give a damn about your relationship. Why would he give a damn about what you have to say? 1
Author galant Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Why? He didn't give a damn about your relationship. Why would he give a damn about what you have to say? Guess you're right i can't think straight properly. Thought I would tell him to delete the video he posted as it really makes me feel terrible looking at all those pictures. I did told her to tell him remove the video but doesn't seems like he's doing it. Probably not a good idea to share but what the heck. Here's the video that damn guy made. They literally travelled around Europe especially Santorini. Seriously Santorini?? It's more like a honeymoon trip for her rather than travelling companion
beautifulinside2 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Wow, I'm sorry this happened to you. Honestly, it appears she was using both of you one emotionally the other financially and by the way he is not all that good looking. I think you should talk to the guy and at least let him know that you have been dating for a year a contemplating marriage although I wouldn't give him anymore details. I do t think it will matter much to him though because he seems very in love. She is not a good person. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 So sorry to hear about heartbreaking situation. Yes talk to the guy , let him know that you were about to marry the girl. It may help him to think. Regarding the girl, NO, No, No second chance. She a player, she is selfish, it is all about her, she is blaming you ( you dont have money to take her everywhere) . No future of you together! She may tell you in the future i am going on a trip with Z , because i like to travel and he can pay for me , remember honey you cannot afford it. End it . But talk tothe guy. One more thing, the true is on youtube , did she really think that you never find out! Do youself a favor and end it. You deserve better.
Ariess10 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I'm sorry but that video I would have to laugh at.. I mean really who does that? If I were you I'd be thankful it's him in that video and not you !!! I feel sorry
GoBlue Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Should I confront this guy? But being a guy, he will probably just say things to his own interests. What's the point of confronting the guy? He isn't the one who deceived you. Is he a common friend of both of yours? Do you know him? Does he know that the two of you are dating? The issue is between you and her and this character flaw that says "I can be dishonest with people I love so I can do what I really want to do no matter what" that's at the core of the problem. I certainly would not get engaged or even move forward without meeting with a counselor or Pastor. As far as "can't get her out of my mind" goes, there is always pain involved when someone loves another person and a break-up takes place. What gets you through is the realization that you may open yourself to greater and deeper pain by remaining in the relationship. Has she shown deep regret over her actions? Has she asked for forgiveness and committed to honesty?
Chi townD Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 He's better looking than you?!?! Dude, he looks like a Filipino Elvis impersonator. And I hate to say it, but those images look like it was more than just a platonic trip together. You stated that you told her to tell him to take it down? Are you talking to her again?
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