Breakup andNo Contact again after previous reconcilliation - Sheez!

[Kelsie]

I was in a 2 year relationship with "Jim". He got serious way too fast and rushed things, proposed then pressured me to get married when I wasn't ready and did some things I felt were disrespectful to me so I broke up after we were together for about a year. I ended it - and did the NC thing for four months then he suddenly showed up on my doorstep and pronounced his undying love for me, etc.

 

I missed him and still loved him so we got back together. Things were going great - he proposed marriage a second time and I said "let's wait and give it more time" - we dated for another 4 months then he once again did things I felt were disrespectful and during an argument he started yelling at me and it scared me so I made him take me home because I wasn't going to tolerate yelling.

 

It was totally uncalled for to yell at me because he had a bad week and was frustrated - he has a temper and lets it fly when he gets all worked up over something. I don't like it - it scares me. So after he dropped me off at my house I just told him the way he acted was totally uncalled for and I wasn't going to put up with it. He's 47 and should act like and adult - not a ranting child. He wasn't mad at me - just frustrated in general over financial problems and his job.

 

So after he dropped me off that was it - he never called to apologize and I haven't called him. It's been almost 3 weeks now.

 

He was extremely unhappy when we broke up - he came back saying he couldn't live without me and loved me so much - he begged me to come back to him and I did. Now this has happened.

 

I'm hurt because he lost his temper and I just happened to be in the line of fire - and now I haven't heard a word from him. I'm confused. Was I wrong in demanding him to take me home? Why am I feeling guilty when I didn't do anything wrong - he was the one who blew a fuse. I just wanted away from him because I didn't know if he was gonna start throwing punches or what. It scared me and I wanted away from him.

 

He's never lost it like that before and we've gotten into some bad arguments. When we got back together I kept my distance and told him it was too soon for marriage and I didn't like feeling pressured but I loved him and just wanted to give it time. He's always seemed too anxious to dive into marriage and I wanted to make sure he wanted to marry me not just have a wife move in and start taking care of him. I was unsure of his motives but then as time passed I got to know he really loved me. Especially after 4 months he still came back - I ended it and had just about moved on when he popped back in my life.

 

I'm doing the no contact thing - I did it last time for 4 months and never once gave it. This time it seems harder - I miss him and still love him but we can never seem to argue in a civil manner - it gets overheated. He also does things that are disrespectful to me and I've spoken to him about these things but he always says I rag on him too much. Yet he smothers me and rags on me all the time about not spending enough time together and why don't I want to get married and move in with him.

 

So - here I am - back to where I was this time last year - going thru strict NO CONTACT and wondering is he gonna call me again or is this it for good. He likes doing the silent treatment but you'd think he'd realize - I'll never make the first move - he started the fight he's gotta make the move. It's hard for him to swallow his pride and apologize so it's a waiting game.

 

I did no contact the first time and it worked - he came back. I'm not so sure about this time. But whatever - I'm not contacting him. I just am in limbo - I thought we were going to commit to making it work out so we could eventually get married but I just don't know.

 

Any ideas? Should I just do no contact and try not to think about it? He told me he was miserable without me when we last broke up - it took alot for him to come back to me but he did it. Now I broke up with him again. I don't know if he'll risk coming back again.

 

Do I want him to come back? Yea - I still love him but at the same time I'm still pissed off royal at him. He can be sweet and caring but then he can be disrespectful and a downright mean a**hole. I only rag on him when I refuse to put up with some of his crap.

 

I'm also mad because I had almost gotten over him this time last year after 4 months of no contact then he came back and I just let him waltz right back in my life. Maybe he thinks I'll let him back again and he's just doing whatever he wants?

 

If I call him - which I won't - he'll be arrogant and mean because he'll have the power in his corner. If he calls he'll be all sweet and lovey dovey but I'm mad and although I'd be happy to hear from him at the same time I'd want to tell him he can't treat me the way he did.

 

Sigh - I hate no contact - it's torture.

[Ty]

If I call him - which I won't - he'll be arrogant and mean because he'll have the power in his corner. If he calls he'll be all sweet and lovey dovey but I'm mad and although I'd be happy to hear from him at the same time I'd want to tell him he can't treat me the way he did.

 

Stop playing games with him, tell him how you really feel. You all can't just go breaking up and making up everytime you have a fight. Relationships take work. If you love him, swallow the pride and give the fella a call. You might be happy you did.

[wishfulthinking76]

I say wait it out ... if he comes back tell him the only way you will take him back is it the two of you go to discuss his anger problem with a therapist. That way it will prevent this problem from occuring again. But don't call him or ask him to change ... your relationship will only work if he is desperate to have you back and is willing to do anything to get you. You don't want to be with anyone with an anger problem ... no matter how rarely it comes out.

[BrotherAaron]

So after he dropped me off that was it - he never called to apologize and I haven't called him. It's been almost 3 weeks now.

 

Do either of you even know what is going on here?? You don't have to talk after you break up, but you need to talk in order to break up. I say call him... then you can go on with NC if things don't work out.

[Kelsie]

Brother - you have a good point. I don't know what's going on at all - other than I wouldn't tolerate his behavior and refused to be the brunt of his anger.

 

He likes the silent treatment. His ego won't let him call and apologize - he always insists he's done nothing wrong and pulls the silent treatment - always tries to turn the tables, torture me and make me feel like the bad guy. In the past whenever he gets mad he will stop speaking to me and not call, etc.

 

So I just give him a dose of his own medicine and do no contact. Then eventually he pops back up again.

 

This is isn't what I want in a relationship at all. His exwife dumped him for another guy and I think I now know why.