What does it mean if someone tells you they are guarded?

[jen1447]

My issue with this "I'm guarded" business though is that I don't think it IS honest. It's manipulative.

 

And I think that people who utter this phrase tend to do very well with women indeed. Because it works.

 

You could never possibly know that in every instance tho. Making broad generalizations is inappropriate when it comes to things like this, as virtually every person and situation is unique and distinct. Forex, this guy could be one of the far end guys but he got therapy, etc., etc. Who really knows?

 

Concluding all people who warn of being guarded are manipulative is just wrong, and even declaring a likelihood is reckless. It could be anything.

 

@Popsicle - bringing people back from the deep end is possible. I know this firsthand as I did it w/my BF.

[Redhead14]

You could never possibly know that in every instance tho. Making broad generalizations is inappropriate when it comes to things like this, as virtually every person and situation is unique and distinct. Forex, this guy could be one of the far end guys but he got therapy, etc., etc. Who really knows?

 

Concluding all people who warn of being guarded are manipulative is just wrong, and even declaring a likelihood is reckless. It could be anything.

 

@Popsicle - bringing people back from the deep end is possible. I know this firsthand as I did it w/my BF.

 

Generalizations, assumptions and guessing limits your dating pool/potential.

[blueskyday]

This is why communication and clarification is necessary. The word "guarded" means different things to different people. I'm guarded myself, meaning that I don't easily trust new people. But I try. I talk, open my heart, and trust as someone shows they are acting trustworthy. I take little risks. Does he show up when he says? Do what he says? Ok. Guard comes down a bit.

 

Normal stuff. That may be all he meant. Or he may be telling you he isn't going to be expressive or communicative, or even share his heart or mind with you. It could mean he is emotionally closed off and wants to keep your expectations low.

 

It's just a yellow flag. See how he behaves and responds to any conflict. Does he share things with you, even if it's just in a general way. As in, "I had a bad day at work. I just want to forget about it and watch TV." Ok, that's honest. No problem. I can leave it alone.

 

But, if he spends five minutes detailing a huge work problem, and you respond with some problem solving only to get a curt "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to check out," then that would give me pause. Relationships are a back and forth of sorts.

 

So talk with him. Easy.

Edited June 18, 2015 by blueskyday

[Halcyon]

You could never possibly know that in every instance tho. Making broad generalizations is inappropriate when it comes to things like this, as virtually every person and situation is unique and distinct. Forex, this guy could be one of the far end guys but he got therapy, etc., etc. Who really knows?

 

Concluding all people who warn of being guarded are manipulative is just wrong, and even declaring a likelihood is reckless. It could be anything.

 

@Popsicle - bringing people back from the deep end is possible. I know this firsthand as I did it w/my BF.

 

Pretty much me in a nut shell. I was a combination of oblivious and in denial about my trust issues until I got therapy a few years ago after the sudden loss of a close friend. I have never had therapy because of the stigma attached with mental illness with I have struggled with the shame that comes with that even though rationally I know I shouldn't feel that way. My therapist described me as a detached protector very loyal, caring etc but always kept people at arms length to protect myself. I didn't know any different and I didn't know this wasn't healthy for relationships it was all I knew growing up.

 

Now when it comes to dating and talking about pasts, families and such I used to omit the negative parts and I would feel horrible as a result because I felt like I was being disingenuous but I felt great shame in regards to my past. Even if they were bad experiences they are what helped shape who I am today and I like who I am today but I wasn't always this way.

 

Being honest for me isn't about being manipulative or attention seeking which I think is quite unfair to broad brush that on people who say they take a little bit longer to open up to people. For me it's about helping me feel more comfortable and was actually suggested to me by my therapist back then to get this stuff off my chest, if a person likes me it won't phase them otherwise back to searching. This has worked quite well for me thus far.

 

I guess though part of it is to weed out people who are either ignorant of that or have very negative preconceptions, I'm not going to open up to someone like that. But I digress as I said before if you are just unsure ask for clarification this could mean so many different things for different people. What it means for me might mean something completely different for someone else.

[Popsicle]

Generalizations, assumptions and guessing limits your dating pool/potential.

 

Be my guest, you can have all the "guarded" people.

 

I'm fine with limiting my dating pool.