chicaboom Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I met an amazing guy who told me on our second date that he was guarded. I don't get this. If you're guarded why are you telling me you're guarded? lol. What does this mean if someone tells you this? I've been on a few more dates with him and I do notice he is a little guarded. We always talk about me and the attention is usually on me. Which is really nice. but i want to get to know him too. Is this a major red flag?
SomeDude16 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I met an amazing guy who told me on our second date that he was guarded. I don't get this. If you're guarded why are you telling me you're guarded? lol. What does this mean if someone tells you this? I've been on a few more dates with him and I do notice he is a little guarded. We always talk about me and the attention is usually on me. Which is really nice. but i want to get to know him too. Is this a major red flag? Define "guarded" in your words so I can better understand...
Author chicaboom Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Define "guarded" in your words so I can better understand... I don't know those are his words. But i'm assuming he means he doesn't let people in easily.?
TunaCat Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I don't know those are his words. But i'm assuming he means he doesn't let people in easily.? That's the way I describe it. I am very guarded. It takes awhile for me to let people in. I think he's telling you this so you don't run away from him if he takes longer to open up to you. 1
Author chicaboom Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 That's the way I describe it. I am very guarded. It takes awhile for me to let people in. I think he's telling you this so you don't run away from him if he takes longer to open up to you. thanks, that's good perspective. I can't wait around forever though... I don't want to pursue this if he never opens up to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I can see maybe me getting hurt in the process. 1
TheBathWater Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 It could mean A LOT of things. I don't think you're just trying to decipher what he means by "I'm guarded", but also why he said he is guarded. The list for the latter is endless. Maybe he's using it as an angle to deepen your interest in him. If so, it seems to be working.
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 It means he's proud of it. So you will have a long, hard road ahead of you. 4
SomeDude16 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 He sounds like he's baiting you. Trying to get you invested, I'd be weary.... 2
ZA Dater Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Guarded simply means cautious, as most people are when they meet someone new. 4
Gary S Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Well, many people are guarded in dating and when he makes it a point to say it out-loud, it probably means he is too emotionally wounded to be a good catch, at least for now. Even if he were guarded at first, if he was falling for you, he'd let his guard down. It's a big red flag - the bottom line is, he's not into you. You heart is either closed down, or open for love. 7
Emilia Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 He is warning you OP, I agree. Self awareness and honesty are great traits. See how far you can go, what you can handle, what commitment he is matching. It's very idealistic to expect people to have a clean slate. Guarded people settle down too, good luck. 3
Redhead14 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I met an amazing guy who told me on our second date that he was guarded. I don't get this. If you're guarded why are you telling me you're guarded? lol. What does this mean if someone tells you this? I've been on a few more dates with him and I do notice he is a little guarded. We always talk about me and the attention is usually on me. Which is really nice. but i want to get to know him too. Is this a major red flag? He wants you to be guarded as well. This is a heads up that you should manage your emotions and not get too invested in him, yet, if at all. He likely has had relationships where the woman doesn't "feel" it from him. He will blow hot and cold while you are dating and especially if he starts to even perceive that your getting close to him. He'll pull back now and again to dampen your eagerness. We always talk about me and the attention is usually on me. Which is really nice. but i want to get to know him too. -- He's guarded. He's guarding himself. If you get into a "relationship" with him, it will be FWB. He may like you enough and want your company, but it will be mostly sex. He may not call it FWB but that's all it would/could be. He's emotionally unavailable. You'll think sometimes that he's your boyfriend, but somewhere deep down you won't be getting what you need emotionally from him. I'd date him cautiously and casually. Don't be intimate with him either at least for some time until you see that he's opening up. Some times they do if their history hasn't been too "significant". He may be coming off of a recent break up too. So he's being careful. Find out about his history with family. Does he have a good relationship with them. Does he have a nice circle of friends? How many relationships has he had and how many long term? If he's got a good family relationship, a nice circle of friends and at least one long term relationship, you could give it a little time just don't expect too much. These things indicate that he has the ability to bond at least. 1
elaine567 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Dating An Emotionally Guarded Man Is Like Rescuing A Dog | Ms. Kristina Marchant | YourTango Unless you want to spend lots of time "rescuing" him and "fixing" him then leave him be. Dealing with emotionally unavailable men is a lot of hard work, that may not be rewarded in the long run. You may want to fix him, but that doesn't mean once he is fixed, he will choose to stay with you. I bolstered up an insecure, emotionally unavailable guy once - so much so he thought he was God's gift to women... Personally, I think if he is coming out telling you he is guarded from the get go, he most likely has a serious issue there. 6
Lois_Griffin Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I met an amazing guy who told me on our second date that he was guarded. I don't get this. If you're guarded why are you telling me you're guarded? lol. What does this mean if someone tells you this? I've been on a few more dates with him and I do notice he is a little guarded. We always talk about me and the attention is usually on me. Which is really nice. but i want to get to know him too. Is this a major red flag? It's not a red flag. He's just letting you know he's not going to be falling for you anytime soon.
Redhead14 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 It's not a red flag. He's just letting you know he's not going to be falling for you anytime soon. Yes, guarded is not necessarily emotionally unavailable. Everyone should manage their emotions and expectations with each new dating scenario. SHe doesn't know enough about him yet to make the determination that he is emotionally unavailable. 2
Keenly Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 There isn't necessarily a negative connotation to this as people would implY. It simply meand he has been hurt in the past and he plans on being more cautious and less reckless with his feelings in the future. 1
kendahke Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) I met an amazing guy who told me on our second date that he was guarded. I don't get this. If you're guarded why are you telling me you're guarded? lol. What does this mean if someone tells you this? I've been on a few more dates with him and I do notice he is a little guarded. We always talk about me and the attention is usually on me. Which is really nice. but i want to get to know him too. Is this a major red flag? Hmm.. Prends guard à toi, indeed. Yes. It means they're not going to let you "in". And he intends not to let you "in". He may have been hurt by someone, but you know what? We've all been hurt by someone. We hopefully learn the lesson in that pain and we move on, knowing that not everyone is the person who hurt us. Punishing you by intentionally being withdrawn is pointless--then just don't date if you're that damb wounded. Edited June 17, 2015 by kendahke 2
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 If someone told me he was guarded I would interpret it as he expects me to work extra hard to break his walls down. The thing is it's not my job to fix what ever got him guarded in the first place. Dating is about getting to know someone, creating a connection, sharing yourself, bonding. You cannot do that with someone guarded. I would let him go fix what ever he needs to fix. How long he's been single? 1
elaine567 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 If someone told me he was guarded I would interpret it as he expects me to work extra hard to break his walls down. The thing is it's not my job to fix what ever got him guarded in the first place. Dating is about getting to know someone, creating a connection, sharing yourself, bonding. You cannot do that with someone guarded. I would let him go fix what ever he needs to fix. How long he's been single? I agree, it is not the op's job to fix him or cajole him into telling her a bit about himself. If he is not ready for even that, then he has no business dating and messing up other people. 2
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 If someone told me he was guarded I would interpret it as he expects me to work extra hard to break his walls down. The thing is it's not my job to fix what ever got him guarded in the first place. Dating is about getting to know someone, creating a connection, sharing yourself, bonding. You cannot do that with someone guarded. I would let him go fix what ever he needs to fix. How long he's been single? Exactly. Like someone said above, your heart is either open or closed. Why would anyone want to deal with this? It's unfair. We've all been hurt, I don't know why someone would think they are more entitled to extra work and more withholding than me. They just aren't ready for a R then. 1
Cinnimon Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Isn't everyone guarded on some level? I mean isn't that why everyone is on here asking questions and seeking advice on dating and relationships, trying to figure out if we are we led astray. I'd be very cautious with this guy, it almost seems like he is forewarning you of future bad behavior. 3
Redhead14 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Isn't everyone guarded on some level? I mean isn't that why everyone is on here asking questions and seeking advice on dating and relationships, trying to figure out if we are we led astray. I'd be very cautious with this guy, it almost seems like he is forewarning you of future bad behavior. That's the thing. Everyone should manage their emotions and expectations early on in each new dating scenario. And, communicate. If it wasn't clear to her what he mean't by that, she should have asked a couple of non-pressuring questions. Find out a little bit more about him. Communicate! He showing interest in knowing her a little more by asking her questions and she's tell him ALL about herself, why doesn't she turn the tables. If they aren't forthcoming at all, then I'd be a little concerned. 2
Cinnimon Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Do to past experience, guarded means one of two things: 1. I like you and I'm afraid you are not for real and eventually going to hurt me and I'm hoping that you are listening. Or 2. I got screwed over in the past and am intending on making you pay for all the sins of my ex, so put your hurdle jumping suit on. Lol
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Isn't everyone guarded on some level? I mean isn't that why everyone is on here asking questions and seeking advice on dating and relationships, trying to figure out if we are we led astray. I'd be very cautious with this guy, it almost seems like he is forewarning you of future bad behavior. Sure we are being cautious, everyone tries to be but when you are SO guarded that you have to warn your date you are 'guarded` that's another kind of game. 1
Emilia Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I don't agree. He is showing self awareness. Someone who wants to make you pay for others' sins or puts himself first, won't make that admission in the first place. 2
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