Matfox Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I have been dating my best friend of 4 years for several months now, and everything is going great, except for some information that has been sort of rotting in my mind for awhile. Basically, my girlfriend confessed to me that she has not had sex before, though she had plenty of opportunities in the past. I think she was trying to prove to me in her mind, that she is not "prude". She was also under the assumption that I had a fairly active sex life of my own, though I'm slightly conservative as I do not do anything sexual outside of a relationship. So she offered some general information about previous hookups, not giving me tons of details. A few times since then she's vaguely hinted at previous hookups etc and for some reason it is eating away in my head. I keep getting these haunting images of things I don't want to imagine and would rather not know. I know that I should not feel angry at her, and I don't, but I feel very uncomfortable knowing some things. I'm not sure how I should go about removing these thoughts from my head. They're driving me sort of crazy. If anyone has any insight, I'd love to hear it. Thanks!
StalwartMind Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) I'm certain people are split on this one. Some people love to hear about their partner's past, because it helps them move limits and to gauge where the other one is at. Others like you would greatly prefer to not hear about it as it can bring up a kind of jealousy or envy. There may naturally be other reasons and feelings too on this subject, but the one thing you do need to know is this. She is with you now, she chose to be with you. Whatever past relations she has had, they do not matter now, only you do. Yes her past is a part of her, perhaps one you don't really want to hear about which is perfectly understandable. Unless it is very difficult for you to do, I would tell her how you feel about it. A considerate and loving partner would have little issue with respecting a simple wish such as this. Do not be angry with her even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. This is why communicating your preferences and desires is of such high value. You may feel like you are competing with her past, and perhaps in some sense you are but guess what, she still chose you and that is because you have some qualities that she is attracted to. Feel good about yourself for that, yep it's alright to give yourself a pat on the back. Enjoy your time with her and be truthful to yourself and her. Edited June 17, 2015 by StalwartMind 1
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