renaissance_2589 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I've come to this forum to pour my heart out and I am looking for a completely honest opinion and some reflections on where to go from here and chances of reconciliation. And thank you for any contributions in advance Basically, my ex and I had been together for 3 years, after a year we moved in together, got a cat, had a perfect time, well, aside from the usual arguments, we really loved each other. I really thought/know he is still the one. So we spent so much time together, literally every minute of every day, we cut off from our friends and did everything together. After a while we started to get on each other's nerves and the arguments became more and more frequent. In March of this year, we took a break. He told me he needed space. This was awful, I was heartbroken. I moved back to my parents' house and after a week he asked me to come back. We were in love again, everything was perfect again. I agreed to make some important changes. Three weeks ago he told me that it wasn't working out, basically to get my stuff and leave, so, we split. I went home and I cried for a week, gave him the space to reconsider, came back and was told he hadn't changed his mind. I more or less begged him to take me, promised him things would be different. In all of this I was confused because he still said he loved me. And I mean we had been through so much together, I couldn't believe what was happening. Something didn't seem right, I went on his laptop and saw some dirty and flirty messages to his 'friend', I went mad. I couldn't believe he could do this to me. It killed me. They exchanged revealing pictures. He assured me this happened because he was lonely, (while I was technically split from him). But I couldn't get over that he had been sexting her, or whatever, arranging to meet, saying he was naked in bed,begging her for pictures. To me, a man who loved me would not do this. And although they never met and he said that was because he couldn't go through with it, I am sill cut up about it. He says he's sorry, that it happened when we were split and he didn't mean to hurt me. So we had a massive fight, he left and went to his family's home. I stayed here alone. Although we are technically split, we were still in contact. He came to collect most of his stuff, I stayed out of his way. We talked on the phone and he told me that we needed space, time to think about us. That he's been going through old messages and thinks the space is the best thing for us. If we're meant to be together, we will come back, and if not, we can still be friends. We were so close, and I know he loves me, but he has made no move whatsoever to get back with me, so I have got it into my head that I should do no contact with him, give him this true space, since before it was never really space because during the split where I moved to my mum's we still texted, he said he missed me and hoped I was okay etc. But at this point i did not know about the pictures to this girl. I feel an absolute fool for loving him after he's done this to me. I seem to be living in hope that since the lease is up in July, he has between now and then to initiate something, come to his senses and give us one more try. I have told him we can date, we don't need to live together. I know he loves me and cares for me but he just isn't displaying anything to me. Am I right to wait until the end of July for him, see how the ground fairs? If he truly cares then he will come for me, right? I can forgive him for what he's done because I love him so much, and it's killing me. I need him to see that we can make it work,but if he won't let me show him, how can I ever get him back? If he doesn't initiate by end of July, is it properly over? What if he comes back when we're both moved out and in another place separately? I miss him so much and I know I am coming across as pathetic but the way I see it, if he comes back, he's mine and if he doesn't, he never was..... Here are the messages he sent me: But right now, we are meant to be having space, not analysing all the final details and friends saying this that and everything else - this is about me and you so we just need to be amicable and try and get on with our lives as best as we can and if we are meant to be then we will come back together, if not, we won't but will remain friends - all this longing and these questions and other people getting involved makes it 999 times more difficult for both of us Yes exactly - and like you said to me, forget about external forces and other people, no one is swaying my opinion and I haven't said a bad thing about you to anyone - just getting on with things and doing what we said. We just need the space and no matter what we will be friends if nothing else Chat conversation end Will this space when I don't contact him make him realise he's lost me and I'm gone and en-still a sense of realism with him? Is it possible he can come back after this? He's looked at old messages and listened to old songs, surely it's meaning something? I can't comprehend it all and I know I am looking at it from within only...
mightycpa Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 This sounds exactly like something I read yesterday! I think both you and the other poster are going to have to get used to the idea that you're going to be apart for a good long while. In other words, you're done. It's really pretty cowardly. Both of you are being let down easy, and slowly. He should have given you a nice firm kick to the curb, so that you could come to terms with reality more easily. Sorry. That's my opinion.
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