ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 (edited) My gf (23) and me (23) were together for last 5 n half years we knew each other since school, met in college and fell in love there were ups and downs but our relationship was great. We just clicked together we were very connected emotionally too..loved each other then coz of her studies and family pressure she wanted to break up about 2 years ago from now , handled it some how worked my ass off for 3 monhs with her to make things good..so everything becomes fine and we are in love all over again this time it's better now fast forward two years that is this month i found out that she was emotionally cheating on me since april. She met this dude online around in jan and confessed there love in April...mind you she hasn't met this dude..she met him on some online forum..they were preparing for the same test.. dude is older than her by 3 years..now after getting caught she was very miserable i asked why she didn't tell me before she told she didn't have the courage ok so we had this big break up on 10 of this month..im madly in love with this girl..she told me that the other guy is more mature and she thinks this could be it and how she felt trapped in our relationship n all..so we break up..i go all mad texting her like crazy asking for second chance. We meet the next day..we have a great time ( we always were great together) she tells me that she wants to take a risk with this online dude and not give our relationship any chance then while leaving she tells me she wanted to kiss me..i started no contact from 13 on 14 i get this message how are you?i don't reply..in the morning i get this..you will never talk to me again ? After a while i told her its ok nothing like that..we talked a bit and i told her not feel guilty and pursue what she wants without any guilt.. She says thank you are the best n all kindaa crap..now i have strated nc again..i really love this girl and i think this is a clear case of gigs so i want to give her some time..but it's really hard ? I really love her in like 6 years yesterday was the firt day that we didn't talk.. Im confused right now as what to do..as of now i want her coz the connection that we have is very very strong... N I don't know what to do right now..im not able to eat haven't slept in four days..even she is a mess right now n i can't see her like that that's why i texted not to live with guilt..im hurting real bad..n i want her back..what to do.. Edited June 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Itspointless Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 There seems to be little you can do here. Sorry dude. I suggest you try to move on as hard as it is. She has the age to do something like this, especially after your long time together. It does not make you feel better a bit, but I wish I have had such a long time (and a happy time) to look back to with someone: and I am a lot older than you. Try to be kind to yourself the coming time. 2
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the reply..i have kinda accepted this fact that I can't to anything.. Im trying to focus on other things but it's really hard..thought of her being with other man kills me..is there no hope now..should i completely give up.. Edited June 16, 2015 by ssandeepsingh02 2
Satu Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 You'll be hurting emotionally for a while, but it will get much easier. Live your life, do new things, meet new people. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 @sata- yes brother i get your point i have already deleted her number pics n everything.. I want to use nc as a way to make myself better..but i do secretly hope that she might come back one day.. 1
Itspointless Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Thanks for the reply..i have kinda accepted this fact that I can't to anything.. Im trying to focus on other things but it's really hard..thought of her being with other man kills me..is there no hope now..should i completely give up.. I know how much it hurts I unfortunately lived that a few times. Satu is right, you will feel like this for a while, but eventually you will feel better. In the end you will have learned that you are really capable of loving. That my friend is the most beautiful gift that you can give someone. 2
Satu Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 @sata- yes brother i get your point i have already deleted her number pics n everything.. I want to use nc as a way to make myself better..but *i do secretly hope that she might come back one day..:( Your future is golden. Believe it. Take care. 2
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 You know now i think about it..i think i loved her way too much..even now all i want her to be is happy..i have my strong hours and weak hours..i know i will make it..it's just i never expected cheating from her..she wasn't the type of girl who can cheat.. 1
Satu Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 You know now i think about it..i think i lobed her way too much..even now all i want her to be is happy..i have my strong hours and weak hours..i know i will make it..it's just i never expected cheating from her..she wasn't the type of girl who can cheat.. You deserve better. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 I know i do..thanks for your supporting words..guys 2
Chi townD Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Okay, this wasn't a case of GIGS. GIGS is wanting to see what else is out there. In this case, she already knew what she wanted and went straight for it. She put more of a value on this online dude than you and your 6 year relationship, that she would rather give up the relationship and you to pursue this guy that she's never met. You need to move on, and you need to ignore her. If she texts, ignore it. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she feels guilty, then that's not your problem. Remember, this isn't what you wanted. This was her choice. Therefore, she needs to live with the choices she's made for herself. And the choice she made is to have you out of her life. Therefore, she needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 It's just so not very like her..i always thought that we were meant to be together. But she still hasn't met the the dude and he doesn't know that she is or was a commited girl..she ended the relation..my feelings for her are still there..she is all in this honeymoon phase right now..i just don't understand how she could move on so fast after spending such a long time together..i try to stay strong but sometimes it's just not possible.. Everything that i have right now has her touch..every single thing remind me of her..how one can forget this deep rooted connection in just 3-4 months time..
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 There was always this spark between us whenever we were together even after break up when me met..it was bad..but it wasn't awkward..it's very sad to see that she is ready to throw what we have..for some online guy..at the end of relationship she stopped talking about problems.. She told me that day we met..that she wished she had talked when the problems started coming up..im just so sad right now..accepting that she ia not right here..n never gonna be is the hardest thing i ever did
ravfour4 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 My situation is similar with my gf of 4 years. Never thought she'd do something like this but she bundled up all her frustration and anger, moved her to feelings to someone else and by the time she told me, it was essentially too late. All we can do is focus on ourselves and try to become the best we can be. I also cared about her way too much and put her happiness above mine. I did all I could to get her back and she sort of came back twice, but then went right back to "see what happens with this other guy". These women are weak and all they want to do is feel love and they fear more than anything that they'll be alone. They aren't in love with us anymore so they feel they must go to the other person because if they don't...they'll have no love. We must let them do it and maybe one day they'll come back, but by then we'll have found someone much better. Someone much more emotionally stable. Someone willing to fight. Someone who will share their feelings and frustrations rather than bundle them up until it's too late. 1
Familia Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 My situation is similar with my gf of 4 years. Never thought she'd do something like this but she bundled up all her frustration and anger, moved her to feelings to someone else and by the time she told me, it was essentially too late. All we can do is focus on ourselves and try to become the best we can be. I also cared about her way too much and put her happiness above mine. I did all I could to get her back and she sort of came back twice, but then went right back to "see what happens with this other guy". These women are weak and all they want to do is feel love and they fear more than anything that they'll be alone. They aren't in love with us anymore so they feel they must go to the other person because if they don't...they'll have no love. We must let them do it and maybe one day they'll come back, but by then we'll have found someone much better. Someone much more emotionally stable. Someone willing to fight. Someone who will share their feelings and frustrations rather than bundle them up until it's too late. Spot on, they are the truest words and totally echo what happened with my g/f of 7 years - It hurts but they are gone and getting the love they desired or seemingly think they are. Chin up we will get there
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 The truth is likely that she was emotionally checked out of the relationship for a while, especially if they've been talking since January. It's hard, but also totally normal to outgrow a relationship at this age. She probably has never dated around much and I'm sure she's curious. You will find someone who will value what you have to offer. Continue no contact. Don't respond to her. She chose to leave; she needs to live with that choice now. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 My situation is similar with my gf of 4 years. Never thought she'd do something like this but she bundled up all her frustration and anger, moved her to feelings to someone else and by the time she told me, it was essentially too late. All we can do is focus on ourselves and try to become the best we can be. I also cared about her way too much and put her happiness above mine. I did all I could to get her back and she sort of came back twice, but then went right back to "see what happens with this other guy". These women are weak and all they want to do is feel love and they fear more than anything that they'll be alone. They aren't in love with us anymore so they feel they must go to the other person because if they don't...they'll have no love. We must let them do it and maybe one day they'll come back, but by then we'll have found someone much better. Someone much more emotionally stable. Someone willing to fight. Someone who will share their feelings and frustrations rather than bundle them up until it's too late. may i ask what you did to ger her back..not getting my hopes up..just curious..i have decided to let her do what she wants..im focussing on moving on..
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) The truth is likely that she was emotionally checked out of the relationship for a while, especially if they've been talking since January. It's hard, but also totally normal to outgrow a relationship at this age. She probably has never dated around much and I'm sure she's curious. You will find someone who will value what you have to offer. Continue no contact. Don't respond to her. She chose to leave; she needs to live with that choice now. ya i was the second guy she dated..but what kills me the most is that she is ready to throw all away over this dude she hasn't met..i going nc for now..i know she would be contacting me in 3-4 days but no matter what this time i plan to stick to it..focus on moving on..but i do really love her and she says that she loves this guy..this guy she has known for 4 months..that dude is going to practically live my dream with her..a female co-worker told me..she is just loving all this because it's all new and it's all infatuation that is getting the best out of her..the fact is that she still cares about me..so if i go nc she might think about what she is gonna lose.. Edited June 17, 2015 by ssandeepsingh02
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Okay, this wasn't a case of GIGS. GIGS is wanting to see what else is out there. In this case, she already knew what she wanted and went straight for it. She put more of a value on this online dude than you and your 6 year relationship, that she would rather give up the relationship and you to pursue this guy that she's never met. You need to move on, and you need to ignore her. If she texts, ignore it. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she feels guilty, then that's not your problem. Remember, this isn't what you wanted. This was her choice. Therefore, she needs to live with the choices she's made for herself. And the choice she made is to have you out of her life. Therefore, she needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. i don't understand why this is not gigs..she talked to this guy..online she thinks he is more mature (he could be) and everything is new and lovely right now..she thinks he is the right guy for her n all..
ravfour4 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 For one, I'd highly recommend not trying to get her back because as anyone who has read my story can tell you, it made me look like a fool and ended terribly. I did it by texting her every now and then things that would remind her of the good times. I made sure to show her how I changed (in a non obvious way) anytime I saw her and acted calm and confident (being far from calm and confident on the inside) each time. Id wear an old cologne that would remind her of the good times. It worked....sort of, but not really, and ended terribly In retrospect, my chances would have been much higher if I had focused on myself for multiple months, then contacted her when I was actually calm and confident, but my fear of losing her permanently to that guy wouldn't let me give up. I'm finally feeling better this week after knowing that I gave it my all, my state of mind is much calmer and logical. This is the mindset I needed when she came back, but instead I let fear make me needy and everything went to hell. 1
ravfour4 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 The difference between GIGS and them actually moving on is the level of thought that went into it. If it was well thought out for a long period of time and they're confident in what they want - they've moved on intelligently and consciously. If on a whim they leave to "find someone better" or to someone in particular who they think is better without giving it much thought, I'd call it GIGS. These people, once the honeymoon phase with the new person wears off or once they meet a few ****ty people or no one new out all - often come back. But by then, the ex has usually moved on and for good reason.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 For one, I'd highly recommend not trying to get her back because as anyone who has read my story can tell you, it made me look like a fool and ended terribly. I did it by texting her every now and then things that would remind her of the good times. I made sure to show her how I changed (in a non obvious way) anytime I saw her and acted calm and confident (being far from calm and confident on the inside) each time. Id wear an old cologne that would remind her of the good times. It worked....sort of, but not really, and ended terribly In retrospect, my chances would have been much higher if I had focused on myself for multiple months, then contacted her when I was actually calm and confident, but my fear of losing her permanently to that guy wouldn't let me give up. I'm finally feeling better this week after knowing that I gave it my all, my state of mind is much calmer and logical. This is the mindset I needed when she came back, but instead I let fear make me needy and everything went to hell. ya that's what im trying to do..focus on myself..learn from past mistakes..i did texted her like crazy nut..but from last two days i have stopped and i'm not goin to do that..i don't want to be a better person so that i can get her back..i just want to learn and improve..so that if she came back and im single by that time (mind you i'm a good catch ) we could actually be in a adult relationship..but i also know that she might never ever come back..so just focussing on moving on.. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 The difference between GIGS and them actually moving on is the level of thought that went into it. If it was well thought out for a long period of time and they're confident in what they want - they've moved on intelligently and consciously. If on a whim they leave to "find someone better" or to someone in particular who they think is better without giving it much thought, I'd call it GIGS. These people, once the honeymoon phase with the new person wears off or once they meet a few ****ty people or no one new out all - often come back. But by then, the ex has usually moved on and for good reason. i understand that now..but that dude doesn't know that she was in any kind of relationship..she tells me she fears she might lose him..but it all don't matter..coz i'm going to try to move on. 1
ravfour4 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I like your attitude. Keep staying positive and thinking that way.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 I like your attitude. Keep staying positive and thinking that way. Thanks man..
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