ShatteredLady Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 It's a completely messed-up situation. Sadly you can't control the way the OW or your W behave but you can control YOU. "I want to f##k with them" isn't healthy for your children. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 This is insane. You need to live seperate lives. Your children don't need to see this kind of unhealthy marriage. You flipped from saying you loved the OW and wanted to sleep with her, to not being attracted to her in a couple of days. The OW can see in her warped way that you don't love your wife. You only get one life, why live in this misery, continue to complain and do nothing. It's fine to vent, but marriage shouldn't feel like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 I know I messed up.... I did want at a time to sleep with OW... that's before I knew she was freaking crazy. I wanted to be a cake eater.. But through this I realized that I do love my wife... and I can see OW messing with her..... I am learning what trust is that's for sure Wife told me the other day out of the blue that when this went down she imagined me doing things with OW.... things I never said You know I really deserve this .... I started it.... now I have to figure out how to fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 You sound so much calmer today. That's a good thing. You've gone from saying, "my bitch wife still talks to OW" too saying that through this experience you've realized that you do love your wife in one day! I think you really need to take some time to really process what you've been through AND what your WIFE has been through. Do some thinking.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 You sound so much calmer today. That's a good thing. You've gone from saying, "my bitch wife still talks to OW" too saying that through this experience you've realized that you do love your wife in one day! I think you really need to take some time to really process what you've been through AND what your WIFE has been through. Do some thinking.... I never wanted to take the chance , to be the one that is vulnerable... to actually act like I care, for fear of being hurt.... Now I feel that I have no choice but to take the chance or this will never be better and I will continue to live in constant turmoil. It seems right now that all three of us are hurt. I never realized that doing what I did caused the OW to have feelings for me that she did not want to have because of the friendship with the wife. But she allowed it to happen as did I ... but to me it was just sex, to OW it was connection , like the connection I betrayed with my wife by doing this. Women are emotional creatures... I knew that I could say things to OW that she wanted to hear, needed to hear.... to get what I wanted ... and when she realized came to her senses, that I was playing her, and that once I got what I wanted I would just toss her, she got really really pissed... then the wife found out and she got pissed.... I have learned that O cannot be a psychopath and use people I should be protecting. I should cherish my wife and if her single friend needs a hand with something, be able to have enough class to help her without seeing her as a sex object. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 well, nothing changed much, I don't text OW, she does not text me.... her and wife are not texting as much , they do some.... marriage is better, we are both working on it... wife still asks me if I want to **uck her. Of course I say no I do not... We started working on the house, fixing what needs to be fixed... doing the family stuff, kids, college etc... I am not looking for anyone else, I doubt wife is.... she does not think the way I do, she likes family things, kids, stable life.... I still would enjoy the run around life, but realize I cannot have both... so I choose my wife and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 well, nothing changed much, I don't text OW, she does not text me.... her and wife are not texting as much , they do some.... marriage is better, we are both working on it... wife still asks me if I want to **uck her. Of course I say no I do not... We started working on the house, fixing what needs to be fixed... doing the family stuff, kids, college etc... I am not looking for anyone else, I doubt wife is.... she does not think the way I do, she likes family things, kids, stable life.... I still would enjoy the run around life, but realize I cannot have both... so I choose my wife and kids. Sounds like you are just plodding along. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 .... I still would enjoy the run around life, but realize I cannot have both... so I choose my wife and kids.Honestly, I can only hope if my husband ever has THIS glum of an outlook, he'd be honest with me because I sure as hell wouldn't want to be married to him. I wouldn't want any man staying with me simply because I'm only slightly higher up the food chain than being single and running around. And OP for what it's worth, just because you think you'd live your life as a swinging bachelor living it up and beating the ladies back with a stick if you were single, doesn't make it so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 (edited) I don't think I would be a swinger single dad at 48.... Strange things have been happening lately... W is a bit more crazy in the bed.... and she has decided to kiss me everyday before she leaves for work... I don't ask her about OW/Best Friend... sometimes she will mention her... she seems to be getting over what her friend and I did, but will never forget it. I really do not care about OW anymore, I'm over it. ok that's a lie... In fact W showed me some of the texts I sent when i was drunk, I should have never said what I said.. Edited November 30, 2015 by nucking_futs Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Are you enjoying her craziness in bed? And the morning kisses? Perhaps she wants to satisfy you in every way possible and make the best of the marriage. Those texts? Were they sent a long time ago when you were in the affair or recently? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Well it's been a year since the OW and I were texting... Wife has been exceptionally bitchy.. and I found out they are on the "outs" and wife claims not so close anymore.... So now wife hates me again... whew..... it seems they do not want to take the slightest bit of responsibility... blaming me 100% is their way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Well wife and her friend are still friends talking , texting etc... makes it hard to forget about all this. I do not want to be with OW.... I think she is toxic, but I miss the thrill Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Well wife and her friend are still friends talking , texting etc... makes it hard to forget about all this. I do not want to be with OW.... I think she is toxic, but I miss the thrill How are things with you and your wife? Minus the OW. Did you write the letter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 I wrote the letter, and at first not much... then a week or so I think it helped. She might have needed time to absorb what I said... We are going much better, I hate that OW is still around, but at this point I don't have feelings for her . In time she will go away, and if not then we will all learn the boundaries and adjust. It is better, and I think I am snapping out of my MLC realizing I cannot have everything my way for a reason. The thrills of EA PA etc are short lived and then the fallout is terrible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 it's been a year.... OW is still around... I aksed wife if they still talk and she said not much... and I asked when was the last time and she said today... For some reason I still think about OW...... maybe I am having a flashback Link to post Share on other sites
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