rakkm5555 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Hey all long time reader first time poster on the forum. I'll get right to it...Have been dating this girl for about 6 months now, and everything was great, we hung out as much as possible. Usually 3-4 times a week, the weeks she didn't have her kids. Knowing her time is valuable as a single mom of two, I made myself available when I knew she would be around. I thought I was a good caring boyfriend, some nights would have dinner waiting when she got home...would leave flowers on her doorstep, etc, basically just showed her what my intention was and that was a relationship with her. She said she was ready and willing to commit to a relationship. I had my doubts, but I assumed a single mother wouldn't be into playing games but was I wrong.... I finally met her children about 4 months in, things went great. She told me how lucky she is to have me blah blah blah. Then a few days later I could tell something wasn't right. I asked her about and she said shes not excited to see me anymore, and is really confused about the whole thing. I was a little taken back, but considering how much time we were together, I assumed the honeymoon phase was over and back off a bit. The past few weeks she has still been more distant and acting extremely hot and cold, has me come over one night, then won't respond to a text for days, then she will call and puts me on the phone with her kids? The hot and cold continued for a few weeks, seemed like basically she would talk to me when she was bored. Finally I got sick of it and said you're either in or you're out, you can't keep stringing me along, talking to me when it's good for you then otherwise forgetting about me. She responded with, you know how i feel. I said that's fine, I do know how you feel, and as much as I don't want to do this, i'm going to give you all the time without me to figure it out... She seemed shocked, the crying started and more talk about when can I talk to you next, when can i see you next? I said that ships sailed, i've had nothing but good intentions, treated you good, then out of the blue i'm scared to call you or ask to hang out because that apparently annoys you? I went NC or at least that was my plan...She contacted me two days later about how she hates not talking to me and thinks we made a mistake. Next day she calls me saying the same stuff, I want to take this all back etc. The next day she invites me over to talk, I ended up taking her back as she seemed genuine in what she was telling me...We decided the texting and phone call weren't an issue and that we should cut it down to spending time together to 2-3 times a week, fair enough. She texts and calls me the next morning, tells me what shes up to. I give her a call around 5 before her girlfriends came over for dinner, no answer as her friends were there, no problem obviously. So I was watching my friends dog and had to bring him to his cousins house, which happens to be the next road over from my girl....I let her know I was going to be in the neighborhood and if she wanted to run out front and say hi real quick, I wouldn't be opposed. No response and nothing for the rest of the night. Then her and her friends, who are between 32-45, started posting passive aggressive things on facebook directed at me....really girls cmon... The next day nothing, Monday nothing until I call her a 6 after work. She said she was really frustrated that I tried to weasel my way over, and is pissed I drove by her house?! I told her that wasn't my intention, and figured she'd want to know I was in the neighborhood, just as if she was driving by my house to go somewhere to let me know, i'd run out for a kiss. Then she says I think we got back together to quick!!! At that point I was like I was giving you the space you wanted, you came back to me acting genuine, why are you even doing this? I wanted to move on peacefully...It got turned around onto me that I wanted her back...well yeaa I didn't want to break up in the first place....She proceeded to say we have different definitions of hanging out less...we discussed this the other night and you were the one that said texts and calls are good whenever and 2-3 times a week to hangout, your suggestion girl. I said well I guess we do have different views on that, sorry I want to see my girlfriend....She said she was going into the gym and had to go and she'd call me later. Later came and got a facebook message, my phone fell in water sorry talk to you some other time. I can't figure it out, I almost feel like shes a narcissist, or bi-polar or something. Starts the relationship strong, is into it, shows all the love and affection to make someone think hey this is actually real!!...Then in a matter of days does a complete 180...Shes super insecure about herself and is always looking for constant reassurance from outside sources, usually men, though I gave her all the reassurance that she was beautiful, didn't seem to mean anything. Talks with most of her ex's, snapchats ex's and random guys alot, facebook chats with ex's and other friends. We got to the dinner then the bar and tells me how hot this guy that guy and the other guy is, gets mad that I saw an old friend I worked with and talked to her...the list goes on... I guess this was part rant. I almost feel like she was stringing me along from the get go, and never had good intentions of the things she was saying and doing. Just wanted someone there. I know I need to let go and get out, but I really care for her, though I am starting to resent her as the days go on. But I should've stuck to my decision to give her the space she needed, and move on. I don't think she could take the fact that I broke up with her, almost like she needs the power or something..... Any thoughts would be great!
aloneinaz Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Ever hear of Borderline Personality Disorder? You should google "dating a female Borderline". She sounds like she has it. My advice, RRRUUUNNNN away quickly. What you've experienced is her getting over the "infatuation" phase and now you're seeing the real her. She's not going to change. She's playing you like a piano and knows she has all the power over you. She's testing your backbone and right now, you're losing badly. This is making her dis-respect you even more. Seriously.. there's NOT going to be a happy ending here and ask yourself why you'd want to take on and continue to deal with someone this bizzare?
Author rakkm5555 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Thanks for the advice. I've come to terms it's over, and surprisingly feels like alot of weight off my shoulders. It's just tough giving someone your all and feeling like shes reciprocating, then nothing but cold.... I did a google search....seems to hit the nail on the head!
aloneinaz Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Thanks for the advice. I've come to terms it's over, and surprisingly feels like alot of weight off my shoulders. It's just tough giving someone your all and feeling like shes reciprocating, then nothing but cold.... I did a google search....seems to hit the nail on the head! I've been there my man. I had an ex-GF that was just like you described this woman. I really dug her but she was just like this girl. Her moods swung from I love you to "I'm not sure this is working" in a matter of minutes. It was an emotional roller coaster ride from hell. As much as we get emotionally invested, it makes it harder to walk away. It took me a while to get there thru a few break ups. Looking back, I'm grateful to not be involved w/her anymore. BPD people don't mean what they do, they simply can't help it, especially the ones who don't get treatment for the condition. They show you their best behavior at first and then they "let their hair down" and you're wondering who the heck this person is. I know it's hard but these people don't change. For your sanity, try to move past her and find someone more emotionally healthy. 2
Latino4Lyfe Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 My ex is like this as well sadly. Good, loving, and giving me attention, wanting to fix her life one minute, the next she doesn't give a damn and it does get frustrating. Unless your up for a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride, like aloneinaz said...RUN and don't look back. Unless something BIGhappens that makes her see and actually change her ways(which is rare unfortunately), she is not worth it.
kasop Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 my ex is bi-polar. sounds alot like your ex. The beginning of the relationship was Amazing. she was the nicest, sweetest person ever. i fell hard for her. then i started to see her other side. explosive and angry. she would wake up the morning in these horrible moods. it was always one or the other. she dumped me because i didnt know how to handle it. she has been cold ever sense. trust me when i say this... you dodged a bullet
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