MoreAmore Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 A few other threads have made me curious how common it is to have sex with someone you are dating and him/her then disappear. Have you ever bailed on a person post sex when that wasn't the explicit arrangement discussed prior to sex? Have you been bailed on? I have ended things post intimacy short of sex because we were clearly from my perspective incompatible. I would do the same if we had sex with the same result, but I've picked up on that before sex thus far. I've never had sex with a guy and then have him disappear in the following weeks. I'm 30, for reference. I've had sex anywhere from the end of a second date with what was a stranger (my ex husband) to having known each other as friends for years first. The guy I'm with now, we'd only known each other for less than a month. I think I would be shocked if that happened. If anything, guys seem to always get way more attached after sex, in my experience, and it takes me some time to catch up. Is it really that common? What is your experience and what is your age group?
Renton Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Have you ever bailed on a person post sex when that wasn't the explicit arrangement discussed prior to sex? Have you been bailed on? Yes and yes. I felt like dog **** every time, for different reasons naturally.
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 A few other threads have made me curious how common it is to have sex with someone you are dating and him/her then disappear. Have you ever bailed on a person post sex when that wasn't the explicit arrangement discussed prior to sex? Have you been bailed on? I have ended things post intimacy short of sex because we were clearly from my perspective incompatible. I would do the same if we had sex with the same result, but I've picked up on that before sex thus far. I've never had sex with a guy and then have him disappear in the following weeks. I'm 30, for reference. I've had sex anywhere from the end of a second date with what was a stranger (my ex husband) to having known each other as friends for years first. The guy I'm with now, we'd only known each other for less than a month. I think I would be shocked if that happened. If anything, guys seem to always get way more attached after sex, in my experience, and it takes me some time to catch up. Is it really that common? What is your experience and what is your age group? Well, in my book, (I'm 56) exclusivity is the period where you've decided to focus on a particular man to further evaluate compatibility and potential. So, if I've agreed to exclusivity, I wouldn't bail after only one sexual experience with him. That's not fair to you or to him. You've agreed to focus more and give it a chance. But after a few times, you both have to understand that either of you could and should bail if it's not working for you. Up to the point of exclusivity you should at least be having enough of a sense of compatibility on a few levels to want to give it that opportunity. And, this also "allows" the one who isn't quite there yet, to catch up, if it's going to happen. All that being said, yeah, lot's of times they bail after sex, usually not because they didn't really like the sex, they just weren't invested enough in the person before the sex anyway. That's one reason for waiting a little while at least. And, usually, it's not that they got more attached after sex, they were already attached, this just "highlights" and enhances the attachment.
losangelena Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 As much as bailing is seen as the province of men, I have to admit that I did it once, too. It was after a second date with a guy who I liked enough. The thing is, I waited a really long time to have sex (into my 30s), because I used to be very religious. So this guy actually was my first, and it shocked me that I could sleep with someone so casually, so much so that I kinda freaked out and, after a few rounds of texting, I never responded to him again. That's so awful, I know. It was really inexcusable, but ... it happened. But it had absolutely nothing to do with the guy, he was great. He had no idea he was working with a 33-year-old virgin.
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 No and no. I pretty much know where I stand and what I'm getting into. I don't play games, I'm very verbal about expectations and sometimes going into something without expectations. Depends on the person, situation and my mood lol. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 It never happened to me. If anything, men got more attached.
alphamale Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 What is your experience and what is your age group? hi, i'm alphamale and i'm 50. i have bailed after sex a number of times. most of which i regret now. my goal was to date women and she how fast she would "put out". The women who held out were the most valuable and sought after.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I've never done it, and it's never happened to me. After sex, they always want to get more serious. Except for a few times, I've always screened carefully for relationship-minded men. But even the casual guys wanted more. I think it would be very low to just disappear on someone after sex.
candie13 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I find it hard to believe that if sex is steaming hot, irrelevant how soon or late one gets to have sex, their partner bails out... I mean, supposing both are single and unattached. They usually come back for round 2, 3, etc 1
TheBathWater Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 If anything, men got more attached. I agree. I've always wondered why this. Part of me used to think it was because most women have more mating options (i.e. men actively pursuing them), but even the most attractive men I know can get super attached after sex. What gives? Is it some Freudian thing whereby closeness with a woman reawakens the long abandoned childhood attachment to the mother he had to give up to 'be a man'?
alphamale Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I think it would be very low to just disappear on someone after sex. why do you say that??
candie13 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I think it would be very low to just disappear on someone after sex. There is merit in disappearing after sex. It's clean, it's clear and nobody gets strung along. What's very low is to get the upper hand on somebody because of sex and then use them (for sex or ego boosting) whenever they feel like it. I have a male friend who does that all the time - he has 5 women on the go. I believe that on the long run, all of them would have wished he'd just have f*cked them good once and then left. Sex + bail is not the worse equation. The creative types such as sex+ mindf*cking + sex + mind****ing + mindf*cking are.
aloneinaz Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Yes and yes.. I dated one girl like 4 times. The last date, we had sex. She was simply terrible and all about herself in the bed. Kind of weird too. I was already on the fence w/her and the (bad) sex ended it for me. On the other hand, karma paid me back. 2-3 women I slept with early 1-2 dates, screwed my brains out and I never heard from them again. I felt so dirty and thought I should of asked them to "just put the $ on the dresser and get out".. lol Obviously, sometimes women don't feel it either and just want to get laid, or they were really married or who knows..
jay1983 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 its called pump and dump I grew up hearing smash and dash. Different demographics. 2
Emilia Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 No it has never happened to me but I think depends on what you mean by bailing after sex. Some will go back for it a few more times before they leave. I don't do FWB so it hasn't happened to me.
candie13 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 It's not a proper f*cking if you don't f*ck her mind too! must be, otherwise those chicks wouldn't come back for more, I guess... this proves the usual, even when it is all about sex... it's never just about sex
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