crimsontactics Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 As this is a controversial issue, I hope you all can listen to my back story first. Basically, my ex of 1 year and 4 months cheated on me and used me as rebound not once, but twice, each time dumping me. Right now, she is begging for me to give her another chance and wants me to return to her. I've been on NC for close to 2 months now and have not been sexually active for as long. I don't love her as much as before and am sick of being treated as a safety net, but I do admit that the sex was good and I honestly want to hurt her very much. I'm a guy and I have my needs. It's a little dry on my side at the moment and she seems like a good oasis. So I'm basically thinking of screwing her while giving her the impression of a stable relationship till I find someone better (ideally) or she leaves me again. Hopefully she'll be hurt by my action tho I doubt it. But the sex is still a good incentive. Of course, there is a stupid nagging part of me that says two wrongs doesn't make a right, and that's why I'm here. I seek your kind advices. Thank you.
GorillaTheater Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Integrity is one of those things that no one can take away from you, but that you can give away all too easily. F*ck her? I wouldn't even talk to her. 7
jen1447 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Actions motivated by revenge and animosity are never good. You'll hurt the target obvs but you'll also hurt yourself ultimately thru a loss of dignity and self respect. So no, this isn't alright. Did she really dump you three times? Wow. That's not very nice of her but you probably have some self esteem issues of your own helping this train wreck along. 3
Yummm Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 All I can say mate is that I know your pain and emotions as a dumpee and know that this could be the ideal 'revenge' you would want to take. You need to think to yourself, do you really want to cause pain like that to somebody else? I bet you'll feel like $hit later down the road. Perhaps make it clear to her that you just want to be FWB?
Author crimsontactics Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Integrity is one of those things that no one can take away from you, but that you can give away all too easily. F*ck her? I wouldn't even talk to her. But integrity and faithfulness had served me no purpose. I hope you understand why am I so spiteful. 1
OK_computer Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 You can treat your ex anyway you want as long as you maintain NC. 3
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Listen to your better angels. Two wrongs don't make a right. Say no to this fake reconciliation. Your life gets immensely better once she is completely out of it. Lying to her & using her only prolongs your pain by keeping her in your life.
NopeNah Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Honestly..You'll get some saying "Don't do it, it'll set you back to square one,ect.." I say: It's your call. Can you really handle being left a third time? Is it worth the chance you can't?..Will you always be walking on eggshells,waiting for her to cheat and do you care if she does? Be honest with yourself and go from there. If you can do it and feel you will not get hurt....go for it.
GorillaTheater Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 But integrity and faithfulness had served me no purpose. I hope you understand why am I so spiteful. Sure, I understand the spitefulness and desire to stick it to her, both literally and figuratively. But thinking it and acting on it are two separate things. It kind of comes down to what kind of man you want to be. 3
Author crimsontactics Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Actions motivated by revenge and animosity are never good. You'll hurt the target obvs but you'll also hurt yourself ultimately thru a loss of dignity and self respect. So no, this isn't alright. Did she really dump you three times? Wow. That's not very nice of her but you probably have some self esteem issues of your own helping this train wreck along. Yeah. Back then I thought I couldn't live without her. I thought that she would appreciate me for sticking with her despite all these. But guess I was wrong, and with this window of opportunity for revenge, I'm seriously very confused.
aboucher21 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I too have shared similar thoughts but what is the point? It will ultimately create unnecessary drama and conflict IMO.
JewelD Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 As this is a controversial issue, I hope you all can listen to my back story first. Basically, my ex of 1 year and 4 months cheated on me and used me as rebound not once, but twice, each time dumping me. Right now, she is begging for me to give her another chance and wants me to return to her. I've been on NC for close to 2 months now and have not been sexually active for as long. I don't love her as much as before and am sick of being treated as a safety net, but I do admit that the sex was good and I honestly want to hurt her very much. I'm a guy and I have my needs. It's a little dry on my side at the moment and she seems like a good oasis. So I'm basically thinking of screwing her while giving her the impression of a stable relationship till I find someone better (ideally) or she leaves me again. Hopefully she'll be hurt by my action tho I doubt it. But the sex is still a good incentive. Of course, there is a stupid nagging part of me that says two wrongs doesn't make a right, and that's why I'm here. I seek your kind advices. Thank you. You already know it's wrong or you wouldn't be on here asking for advice about it. You don't have any 'needs' that can't fulfilled by a new person or your own hand. If she cheated on you and you kept taking her back, I doubt she's asking for you back because she actually cares. She's probably just lonely or, like you, waiting for someone better to come along. And there's this little thing called karma. She's going to get what's coming to her naturally, but if you interfere and try to get revenge by having sex with her (while she's probably going to be having sex with other people on the side anyway), you 're putting some bad vibes in the universe and it will come back to you. Along with some potential STD's. I also highly doubt you'll find someone better while deceiving your ex and spending your time faking a relationship with her. A thief isn't going to win the lottery while robbing a bank. It's also time consuming to pretend to date someone and try to find someone to date forreal. You're seriously just blocking yourself from happiness. The best revenge is success. If you sink down to her level, you're no better than she is.
elaine567 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 ATM, you THINK you can treat her like a sex object, but you will be unable to. Feelings will come flooding back and you will have wasted all that NC time. If she has cheated on you/dumped you 3 times, I guess the chances of all this working out, is minimal so you will just be hurt all over again. Don't do it. 3
dyna85 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Keep your integrity. Don't stoop to her level. You will always have to live with the fact that you acted out of spite in this way. Could you live with that? I personally cherish my honor and integrity way too much and think more highly of those who walk away from cheaters than try to get revenge. Two wrongs definitely do not make a right. The fact that you're questioning what to do, says it all. Of course the temptation is there. Temptation arises many times in life. It's your decision as to how to proceed when it does. Make a decision you can live with and look in the mirror and have no regrets.
dumbass2 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Ignoring an ex that you have bad feelings towards, that is trying to contact you and wants something, is the best revenge you can seek and is at the same time beneficial to you as you move towards finding someone that wants to be with you. I don't think she'll care one way or the other. If you get back for the sex, she will enjoy it as well. You wont be able to reel her in emotionally because she's shown that she doesn't feel that way about you. It's a win/win for her and probably a win/loose for you in that you will get some sex out of it, but I just have a feeling you will want to try and stick with her again and she will get dump #3 under her belt. How will you feel then? Do you really want to be dumped for a 3rd time? It's not worth it. Don't even waste your time thinking about it. Stay NC 1
Trishern Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 But integrity and faithfulness had served me no purpose. I hope you understand why am I so spiteful. Just tell her to get lost and be done. Surely you can find another girl? Mrs. Trishern
Emilia Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Integrity is doing things in a way that's right, especially when you don't benefit. A selfish reason would be to keep that vindictive side away from the daylight. Some can sniff it out, especially those that are good relationship material. You want to attract the right sorts in your life, the only way you can achieve that is by being the man they want. You shouldn't have gone back to your ex in the first place. Take control by stopping being that man.
GoBlue Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 The fact that you are asking the question provides the answer you are looking for. You already know in your heart that you don't want to, but somehow you equate the lack of sexual activity as some kind of awful thing that needs to be overcome no matter what! Even if it means dumping all decency out the window just to have this "need" met. I am a dude. I am single and I have all of the same impulses and drives that you do, but sex is not the secret ingredient to a fulfilled life. Meaningful relationship is. If you go ahead with this plan what's the difference between you and her?
frankiesaysrelax Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 F&ck her once or twice real good and keep in mind it will be the last and then dump her and tell her you just wanted sex one last time. That will make you feel better by being the dumper this time and help you avoid the feeling she that got away without one last roast 1
Lizrd3000 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 F&ck her once or twice real good and keep in mind it will be the last and then dump her and tell her you just wanted sex one last time. That will make you feel better by being the dumper this time and help you avoid the feeling she that got away without one last roast This is really the only person I can agree with throughout this thread. He stated that he does not anymore have feelings for her due to being hurt over and over again by the damn girl. I can very much understand his situation, and having integrity really holds no value at all. What the hell does it matter? I say f*ck her once, **** her good, keep in mind it'll be the last time, and make a great ending. Think of something you're gonna do so it'll make you look/feel like a f*cking boss when you leave. I can also very much understand that you want her to hurt as much as possible. Do keep in mind that you *may* regret it down the road, but you know yourself the best, so I assume you can make the best of decisions for yourself. Good luck. Tell us how it ended if you decide to have sex and make a boss ending. 1
Author crimsontactics Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Thank you all very much for all of your advices! I'll take some time to consider the different options. Thank you all once again!
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I say f*ck her once, **** her good, keep in mind it'll be the last time, and make a great ending. Think of something you're gonna do so it'll make you look/feel like a f*cking boss when you leave. My only problem with this is he is the dumpee and less than a month ago was admitting to having deep feelings for her after she dumped him. She sounds pretty unstable and moved on to an abusive push pull relationship. She is now clamouring for attention from Crimsontactics. 2 years down the line, f*ck and dump, I doubt would affect him. 3 weeks after the dumping! He is going to be an emotional mess. All hate will turn to "love". He will be very vulnerable and I guess she will either renege on him totally having had a better offer AGAIN or dump him AGAIN, leaving him down and depressed AGAIN. Best not go there, asking for trouble. Keep up the no contact.
No Limit Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 If you really really want to, have a ONS with her and then dump her yourself - but whatever you do, don't stick around because that would be ego stroking only for her. And should you decide to have that ONS - go NC right afterwards, block her if necessary. You don't owe her anything.
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