brokengirl85 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 This made me laugh :-) You are talking to a 49 yo woman who doesn't think sex is a cookie to be hand out. I have sex because I enjoy it, not because I expect a relationship out of it. I stopped crying for men a long time ago. Oh ok, cool then. You should know by now why they disappear or promise you the world when what they actually want is to run away. It's not because you're ugly or old, it's because men act like that. It's natural for them. They don't get bonded by having sex, they only lie because they know you do.
Gary S Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 What I am retaining from Friday is he feels attraction and chemistry on several levels with me (it's shared) but he's not specifically looking for a relationship. He wants to enjoy it and if it materializes into something than good it's something he would welcome. I did not answer anything. Going with the flow isn't something I have been open to so far. I'm seeing it as a possible waste of time. To me it sounds too much like lets enjoy the sex and not think about tomorrow. - It sounds that way to me too. I can't believe you would have controlling tendencies.... you have way too much good intuition, those two things are opposites. I'm sorry Gaeta, but I don't like jewelry guy.
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) - It sounds that way to me too. I can't believe you would have controlling tendencies.... you have way too much good intuition, those two things are opposites. ** I'm sorry Gaeta, but I don't like jewelry guy***. Just wanted to chime in real quick to say...I don't either! Not one bit...I don't trust him....and think he's full of crap quite frankly. I don't care how *spontaneous* he thought you were.....he disappeared on you immediately after sex, ***after promising you expensive jewerly which was total BS (giving you the "expectation" this was going somewhere)***** ....returned again three weeks later for round two....disappeared AGAIN....after having sex and then announcing you were not "relationship material".. .....now he's back again for round three, flipping the script and blaming you for making a semi-snarky/sarcastic remark (which you had every right to make I might add)....essentially making it *your* fault he behaved like an asshat... ...and then has the balls to toss out more BS about how you are so beautiful, successful...controlling?? blah blah..that he felt *intimidated* and *scared*....BUT wants to explore it further (which includes sex no doubt)...but STILL isn't offering you a relationship! And you're buying it...as indicated by your agreeing to go out with him again... Gaeta, frankly don't know what to tell you anymore....except wish you the best and good luck.... Edited June 21, 2015 by katiegrl 3
fitnessfan365 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Just wanted to chime in real quick to say...I don't either! Not one bit...I don't trust him....and think he's full of crap quite frankly. I don't care how *spontaneous* he thought you were.....he disappeared on you immediately after sex, ***after promising you expensive jewerly which was total BS (giving you the "expectation" this was going somewhere)***** ....returned again three weeks later for round two....disappeared AGAIN....after having sex and then announcing you were not "relationship material".. .....now he's back again for round three, flipping the script and blaming you for making a semi-snarky/sarcastic remark (which you had every right to make I might add)....essentially making it *your* fault he behaved like an asshat... ...and then has the balls to toss out more BS about how you are so beautiful, successful...controlling?? blah blah..that he felt *intimidated* and *scared*....BUT wants to explore it further (which includes sex no doubt)...but STILL isn't offering you a relationship! And you're buying it...as indicated by your agreeing to go out with him again... Gaeta, frankly don't know what to tell you anymore....except wish you the best and good luck.... Seriously Gaeta. I don't understand how you can appear to be a smart dating woman with advice you give to others, and then make such bad decisions in your own dating life. I mean a guy disappearing on you after sex not once...but twice? Yet, you're still spending time with him and buying his crap. Step outside of it for a second and be impartial like you would if it was happening to someone else on here. What would your advice be?
Redhead14 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Seriously Gaeta. I don't understand how you can appear to be a smart dating woman with advice you give to others, and then make such bad decisions in your own dating life. I mean a guy disappearing on you after sex not once...but twice? Yet, you're still spending time with him and buying his crap. Step outside of it for a second and be impartial like you would if it was happening to someone else on here. What would your advice be? We've all said this to her before. She can and does give good advice to others, but it seems more like "parroting" what she hears from others rather than actually applying it for herself. 100+ dates and still trying to figure out the basics? We love you Gaeta and want you to be happy. You'll find someone I'm sure, you're awesome, but it's just gonna have to happen on your "terms", whatever they are. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 You guys are writing chapters to my story that don't exist. There is no disappearing after sex round 2. Because there was no sex round 2.
Author Gaeta Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 I am not controlling and he did specify I am not the typical flat out controlling woman you come across it's more about the undertone and the vocabulary I use. If he looks at what I say he I cannot accuse me of being controlling but it's there. So I reported this to my daughter, if someone has a good insight in who I am it's her. When I said apparently I am controlling, I give men attitude, and I jump the gun, she started laughing and she said I think he's on to something mom. Maybe not as bad as he puts it but yes you can be like that.
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 You guys are writing chapters to my story that don't exist. There is no disappearing after sex round 2. Because there was no sex round 2. Okay there was no sex, but if my memory serves me correctly (and I admit it might not be)....the only reason there was no sex was because when he returned for round two, you told him you wanted a relationship to which he responded you were not "relationship material".... ...to which you replied "forget it" (paraphrasing)..and that was that. In any event, if you feel comfortable exploring this further with him....if you trust he is sincere....then go for it! You are a grown woman...you really should be relying on your own intuition and street-smarts anyway.... So again wish you the best and good luck! :)
Author Gaeta Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 This update is not about him, it's about me. It's about finally for the first time a man is telling me what vibe I put out there. I am looking for answers, you guys know that, I want to know why men don't stick around whether we have sex or not, whether I am spontaneous or conservative. And having too much attitude make sense. I could always contact a couple of exs I shortly dated to confirm this.
Author Gaeta Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Okay there was no sex, but if my memory serves me correctly (and I admit it might not be)....the only reason there was no sex was because when he returned for round two, you told him you wanted a relationship to which he responded you were not "relationship material".... ...to which you replied "forget it" (paraphrasing)..and that was that. In any event, if you feel comfortable exploring this further with him....if you trust he is sincere....then go for it! You are a grown woman...you really should be relying on your own intuition and street-smarts anyway.... So again wish you the best and good luck! :) Read my post 109, you concentrate on the wrong aspect of my update. I don't care if he drops off the face of the planet. I am interested at the fact I may just have learn something important about myself.
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Read my post 109, you concentrate on the wrong aspect of my update. I don't care if he drops off the face of the planet. I am interested at the fact I may just have learn something important about myself. I did read it....and I think it's fabulous that you learned something new and important about yourself! That does not stop me from thinking this guy is a douchebag...and it disheartened me to read that you agreed to meet up with him again, that's all. But it's your life....you do whatever you feel is right for you. All I can do is give my opinion.... the choice is ultimately yours to make. Edited June 21, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) This update is not about him, it's about me. It's about finally for the first time a man is telling me what vibe I put out there. I am looking for answers, you guys know that, I want to know why men don't stick around whether we have sex or not, whether I am spontaneous or conservative. And having too much attitude make sense. I could always contact a couple of exs I shortly dated to confirm this. Gaeta, I have so much damn attitude with my boyfriend sometimes (when it's deserved), it would put whatever *attitude* you think you have to shame. The right man will LOVE your *attitude*....it's who you are, along with being loving, caring, sensitive and beautiful (INSIDE and out)! And frankly from what you have shared with us, whatever attitude you put out there is well deserved... these guys are shyts. Their shyt behavior came FIRST....followed by your "attitude." Which makes your attitude the correct attitude! Unless you cop a shyt attitude with them before they disappear...and if that's the case...then yeah it's worth exploring within yourself to determine why you behave that way... But please don't feel bad or guilty for copping a bit of tude after these guys behave like shyts. Which I felt jewerly guy was attempting to do (elicit guilt in you)... That's all. Love ya...and want what's best for you girl! Edited June 21, 2015 by katiegrl
Author Gaeta Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Gaeta, I have so much damn attitude with my boyfriend sometimes (when it's deserved), it would put whatever *attitude* you think you have to shame. The right man will LOVE your *attitude*....it's who you are, along with being loving, caring, sensitive and beautiful (INSIDE and out)! And frankly from what you have shared with us, whatever attitude you put out there is well deserved... these guys are shyts. Their shyt behavior came FIRST....followed by your "attitude." Which makes your attitude the correct attitude! Unless you cop a shyt attitude with them before they disappear...and if that's the case...then yeah it's worth exploring within yourself to determine why you behave that way... But please don't feel bad or guilty for copping a bit of tude after these guys behave like shyts. Which I felt jewerly guy was attempting to do... That's all. Love ya...and want what's best for you girl! *sigh* you're right..... I do want a man that has enough character to point to me my attitude though.
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) *sigh* you're right..... I do want a man that has enough character to point to me my attitude though. Of course you do....when it's warranted and deserved. But when he points to it as a way to deflect from "his" bad behavior... that is manipulative....and you should stay away from men like this... I am sorry G...I don't mean for this to sound so preachy....and hope it doesn't....again I really just want what's best for you... (hugs)) Edited June 21, 2015 by katiegrl
Gary S Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I don't know how to fix my picker guys :-( A couple of days ago I made a new contact. He seemed fine. It was hard to get online at the same time so last night we exchanged numbers. This morning he sent me d0ck pictures at 6h45! My picker is off from the very beginning when I chose to reply to a man and not to another one. - that happens to most women on dating sites, it's no reflection on you whatsoever.
Author Gaeta Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) It did not appear deflective to me or to excuse his behavior. He was 100% non accusatory and he initiated the conversation and went in the depth of it on his own. I had not said one word about our previous history together. I was just there to enjoy myself on neutral ground. If his objective was to gain something he could have just stroked my ego. Some of your advice is right on the spot, but on other points you are way too rigid. Example: He did contact me after sex the following morning. After that I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. You all sound horrified by it and I was at the time but now I know he flew to another continent for important family matter. Under these circumstances I don't think any of you would have thought OH ya got to warn that girl I had sex with the day before. Some of your advice are just too rigid and not considering the context. Edited June 21, 2015 by Gaeta
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) It did not appear deflective to me or to excuse his behavior. He was 100% non accusatory and he initiated the conversation and went in the depth of it on his own. I had not said one word about our previous history together. I was just there to enjoy myself on neutral ground. If his objective was to gain something he could have just stroked my ego. Some of your advice is right on the spot, but on other points you are way too rigid. Example: He did contact me after sex the following morning. After that I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. You all sound horrified by it and I was at the time but now I know he flew to another continent for important family matter. Under these circumstances I don't think any of you would have thought OH ya got to warn that girl I had sex with the day before. Some of your advice are just too rigid and not considering the context. Okay Gaeta....I really don't want to argue with you about this...it's not my place and it's your life. But the way I see it....you just shared a special (okay hot) connection with the guy (via sex)....he promises you expensive jewelry... which suggests he is into you and wants to continue pursuing you. Fabulous! That said, common courtesy and consideration for your feelings would dictate he would want to send you a *quick* text or call letting you know he has a family emergency...and will be out of town for a few weeks... but will be in touch when he returns. So you would not be wondering what the hell happened to him....and possibly think he had suddenly lost interest! Which is precisely what you DID think! NOT just disappearing for three weeks leaving you to wonder god only knows what! JMO... but when a man is interested, that is what he would have done. If believing that and expecting that makes me rigid....then so be it. It's all cool...I hope it works out if that's what you want. Edited June 21, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Nice photos Gaeta.....thanks for posting! It's great to finally put the face with the posts! :) 1
Gary S Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Well, it really does not matter why he disappeared for 3 weeks - it is what it is, and it breaks momentum.
Author Gaeta Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 So, I was browsing pof tonight and got a message from a man I went on 3 dates with last summer and he's one of those who bailed without a word (no sex). He sent me a short message hello and asked how I have been doing. I stayed friendly and asked why he had stopped calling me and he told me I was too intimidating :-( I asked if I was controlling or something and he said not at all but I am just intimidating because of my self-confidence and my professional position. He said even nowadays a man likes to be the one with the most success and bigger earning, there is still the need to be the good provider. I said it was normal for me to be ahead of him as I am 10 years older. What a learning weekend it's been.
Gary S Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 So, I was browsing pof tonight and got a message from a man I went on 3 dates with last summer and he's one of those who bailed without a word (no sex). He sent me a short message hello and asked how I have been doing. I stayed friendly and asked why he had stopped calling me and he told me I was too intimidating :-( I asked if I was controlling or something and he said not at all but I am just intimidating because of my self-confidence and my professional position. He said even nowadays a man likes to be the one with the most success and bigger earning, there is still the need to be the good provider. I said it was normal for me to be ahead of him as I am 10 years older. What a learning weekend it's been. - Oh Gaeta, please forget those party-poopers and find a real man. You just have not met the right one yet, you will. Men are like cars on the street - there will be another along any minute. 1
Curious-One Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Usually if a guy is not into you after sex he will look to make any excuse he can to GTFO of your bed and leave the place. If the guy is still cuddling or talking nicely to you after sex then he liked it and does care about you.
lgspot Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 So, I was browsing pof tonight and got a message from a man I went on 3 dates with last summer and he's one of those who bailed without a word (no sex). He sent me a short message hello and asked how I have been doing. I stayed friendly and asked why he had stopped calling me and he told me I was too intimidating :-( I asked if I was controlling or something and he said not at all but I am just intimidating because of my self-confidence and my professional position. He said even nowadays a man likes to be the one with the most success and bigger earning, there is still the need to be the good provider. I said it was normal for me to be ahead of him as I am 10 years older. What a learning weekend it's been. You are definitely learning. What this guy says speaks of truth. But...... Gaeta, He is using some truths to try to disarm you so he can get in your pants while your guard could be down. He knows you are confident and intelligent so using that to his advantage if he can. Reality is, men looking for love and relationships value a woman's confidence, success, position, and earning ability. Those are just bonuses. He, like many like him know you are out of his league so will try getting your guard down "using" flattery that is entirely true to distract just long enough. He knows you will figure him out, just wants all he can get before you do.
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