After first time sex with a man you date ?

[Arieswoman]

Gaeta,

 

This morning he sent me d0ck pictures at 6h45!

 

ha ha ha ha ha ! Sorry but I nearly choked on my cup of tea !

 

I hope they didn't put you off your breakfast?

 

Seriously though, the guy is a £w@£ and not worth wasting your time on.

[lgspot]

You're probably younger than I.

 

Honestly there is no way I can wait 2 months to have sex with a man I date. Sexual compatibility is too important to me. I can't imagine investing 2 months in a man, creating attachment, then we end up in bed and he has a micro penis the size of my thumb, or he's full of sexual hangs up like he won't put his mouth here or there, or he's submissive in bed or...........you get my point.

Point taken Gaeta.

I try to be a decent guy. I take pride in that rep.

When I left my ex that wasn't always the case. I became a bit of a slut. I love sex, but I also wanted to get even with "her." Racked up some pretty good numbers. I learned real quick the type women that I could count on. It was like they were holding up signs. I fell into patterns. I was seeking the same type and rapid gratification. Key here is "patterns." They might have had big boobs, small boobs, short, tall. That didn't factor. It was about a personality that I could seduce to do my bidding. It was some ways fun, but many levels empty. 'Twas educational.

I learned I could become negatively stuck in a pattern.

Sure, I went back for seconds, or thirds if the sex was good. Didn't mean a damn thing about her feelings or mine. I would say and promise anything to keep the door open.

 

I also learned I could chase ladies night and day and would never keep pace with my ex. She proved over and over that a woman can get laid at their leasure even when they've completely trashed their reputation. I could never keep up. I've known her to knock off doctors, lawyers, married bank officers, janitors, and cops. Rich and poor. If the stories are true, she got more sex in a shutdown rehab than a hooker on roller skates.

Gaeta, I've taken a long way around to say you as an attractive lady with the Internet can get laid anytime you choose whether you are good or bad in bed. A guy will take bad sex over no sex any day.

As much as you like sex, there's no doubt you are very, very good so let's not go there.

I'm just saying patterns are so addicting when we search for gratification over substance. Been there done that.

I had to take a timeout from dating/sex to find my happiness and fix my F***ed up picker.

 

The biggest lesson I learned:

I would rather have a whole lot of sex with someone I cared about than sex with a whole lot of people....

 

Gaeta, I'm older than 49 and believe me---there's an abundance of sex still to be had. You ain't done yet girl. It's not a race! Age 50 was one of my most sexual and adventurous years. That's still ahead for you. 50 is the new 30 for a sexual woman.

 

My gentle suggestion is to take some time to tweak your "picker" and get back out there with the classy, upper tier guys you so deserve.

Don't settle for the manipulaters and wannabes you've become accustomed to.

You deserve so much better than you've been getting!!!!!

 

Parden my rambling and any sp and punctuation errors. It's hard for this old fart to drive and type on this frigging phone.

Oh what I wouldn't give to be 49 again and smart phone proficient.

[Gaeta]

Point taken Gaeta.

I try to be a decent guy. I take pride in that rep.

When I left my ex that wasn't always the case. I became a bit of a slut. I love sex, but I also wanted to get even with "her." Racked up some pretty good numbers. I learned real quick the type women that I could count on. It was like they were holding up signs. I fell into patterns. I was seeking the same type and rapid gratification. Key here is "patterns." They might have had big boobs, small boobs, short, tall. That didn't factor. It was about a personality that I could seduce to do my bidding. It was some ways fun, but many levels empty. 'Twas educational.

I learned I could become negatively stuck in a pattern.

Sure, I went back for seconds, or thirds if the sex was good. Didn't mean a damn thing about her feelings or mine. I would say and promise anything to keep the door open.

 

I also learned I could chase ladies night and day and would never keep pace with my ex. She proved over and over that a woman can get laid at their leasure even when they've completely trashed their reputation. I could never keep up. I've known her to knock off doctors, lawyers, married bank officers, janitors, and cops. Rich and poor. If the stories are true, she got more sex in a shutdown rehab than a hooker on roller skates.

Gaeta, I've taken a long way around to say you as an attractive lady with the Internet can get laid anytime you choose whether you are good or bad in bed. A guy will take bad sex over no sex any day.

As much as you like sex, there's no doubt you are very, very good so let's not go there.

I'm just saying patterns are so addicting when we search for gratification over substance. Been there done that.

I had to take a timeout from dating/sex to find my happiness and fix my F***ed up picker.

 

The biggest lesson I learned:

I would rather have a whole lot of sex with someone I cared about than sex with a whole lot of people....

 

Gaeta, I'm older than 49 and believe me---there's an abundance of sex still to be had. You ain't done yet girl. It's not a race! Age 50 was one of my most sexual and adventurous years. That's still ahead for you. 50 is the new 30 for a sexual woman.

 

My gentle suggestion is to take some time to tweak your "picker" and get back out there with the classy, upper tier guys you so deserve.

Don't settle for the manipulaters and wannabes you've become accustomed to.

You deserve so much better than you've been getting!!!!!

 

Parden my rambling and any sp and punctuation errors. It's hard for this old fart to drive and type on this frigging phone.

Oh what I wouldn't give to be 49 again and smart phone proficient.

 

Gosh, thank you so much you got me all chocked up.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta,

 

 

 

ha ha ha ha ha ! Sorry but I nearly choked on my cup of tea !

 

I hope they didn't put you off your breakfast?

 

Seriously though, the guy is a £w@£ and not worth wasting your time on.

 

I said: our contact ends here and delete my number. He replied something is Spanish that I didn't care to google.

[Gaeta]

Point taken Gaeta.

I learned real quick the type women that I could count on. It was like they were holding up signs.

 

After sex Adonis told me, first time we met, he knew by my walk I was a good lover. Maybe I have one of those sign.

[BlueIris]

The quick-meet, chemistry-first, sex-test approach is so common on OLD that it became a cliché and is now a turn-off to lots of people who are looking for a more substantial relationship that can grow for the long term. There are far more good-looking and charming people who can form a connection in a first date or two than there are people who have any given personality trait or way of life, so filter by the narrower parameter. Choose by smarts, personality, goals for a relationship, or whatever it is you feel has been lacking in the men you've been getting.

[lgspot]

After sex Adonis told me, first time we met, he knew by my walk I was a good lover. Maybe I have one of those sign.

:p I can read it from here!!!:p

No doubt about it. You can turn a guy inside out sexually if you so choose.

Probably sway many women while you're at it.

Some people are just gifted.

Enjoy it!

But don't settle for less than...

[Gaeta]

:p I can read it from here!!!:p

No doubt about it. You can turn a guy inside out sexually if you so choose.

Probably sway many women while you're at it.

Some people are just gifted.

Enjoy it!

But don't settle for less than...

 

But I don't want to be holding a sign up saying 'come and get me' lol

[lgspot]

But I don't want to be holding a sign up saying 'come and get me' lol

Exactly!!!

Your sexuality is a gift to be treasured and not squandered on manipulaters and d*ck pic bandits.

[Carm]

After sex Adonis told me, first time we met, he knew by my walk I was a good lover. Maybe I have one of those sign.

 

 

OMG Gaeta, absolutely a sign! I have a pretty female friend who when you look at her even though you don't know her you can't help think this woman exudes sex. Like you, she is attracting guys that are great lovers but not ones that necessarily want a relationship. Your picks of men remind me of hers.

 

 

If you only want sex then that's fine but since you a relationship it's time to do better. Hopefully, your eyes are opening up because if you know better you'll do better.

[Ruby Slippers]

As I've been saying to you for a long time, I think your results are much more about your approach than anything. You're "advertising" quick, casual sex, so you're attracting men who want that. The interactions are shallow, so the commitments are correspondingly shallow. Their comments about what comes next are basically polite, meaningless chatter to pleasantly wrap up the casual encounter.

 

I've gotten more and more clear about what I want - real love - and as I've gotten clearer, I've gotten better and better at attracting men who are clear about wanting the same. My new boyfriend initiated discussions with me on the first and second dates about what we want - love, marriage, many children, and a happy family life. After a short time of dating, this morning he gave me the key to his home and said I'm welcome to let myself in any time, for any reason.

 

Get very clear about what you want, make that very clear to the men you date, and I think you will see immediate effects.

[Leigh 87]

As I've been saying to you for a long time, I think your results are much more about your approach than anything. You're "advertising" quick, casual sex, so you're attracting men who want that. The interactions are shallow, so the commitments are correspondingly shallow. Their comments about what comes next are basically polite, meaningless chatter to pleasantly wrap up the casual encounter.

 

I've gotten more and more clear about what I want - real love - and as I've gotten clearer, I've gotten better and better at attracting men who are clear about wanting the same. My new boyfriend initiated discussions with me on the first and second dates about what we want - love, marriage, many children, and a happy family life. After a short time of dating, this morning he gave me the key to his home and said I'm welcome to let myself in any time, for any reason.

 

Get very clear about what you want, make that very clear to the men you date, and I think you will see immediate effects.

 

 

You just got exceptionally lucky Ruby.... You found a guy with whom you shared great sexual chemistry with AND he's as into you as you are into him. Congrats. I'm very happy for you!

 

Unfortunately, it is exceptionally rare to find mutually strong sexual chemistry with a man who is also into you for more than just sex.

 

I believe Gaetas issue is simply down to the scarcity of men who are able to catch genuine feelings for her on top of dynamite sexual chemistry in the bedroom.

 

It is legitimately that rare to find great sexual chemistry and a true love connection .

 

I am not sure Gaeta is portraying herself in a negative light or a quick and easy light.

 

People heavily make out and sleep together early all the time and end up dating long term. I have. With me I lasted years with. It was on the second and third dates I slept together with them.....

[katiegrl]

After sex Adonis told me, first time we met, he knew by my walk I was a good lover. Maybe I have one of those sign.

 

 

Like I have always said.... true sexuality comes from WITHIN.... not from how a woman dresses, or how much makeup she wears, etc.

 

 

Gaeta, you could put a bag over your face and dress in overalls...and you would still exude sexuality.

 

 

That's how it is for some people...embrace it! But don't squander it.

 

 

It can be both a gift AND a curse.

[Gaeta]

I know many of you have tried to hammer some common sense in me (and I thank you for it) without much success but lgspot really reached to me today. Maybe his choice of words didn't put me on the defensive that's why I was more receptive, what ever it is, it really resonated with me.

[Gaeta]

I got a date tomorrow with an accountant, 50 yo.

How fast do I learn :-)

 

Ok Ok Ok it took me a long time lol

[lgspot]

I know many of you have tried to hammer some common sense in me (and I thank you for it) without much success but lgspot really reached to me today. Maybe his choice of words didn't put me on the defensive that's why I was more receptive, what ever it is, it really resonated with me.

 

Aw shucks. You're welcome ma'am...

Reality is you've known it all along.

You once wrote you were dating beneath you. Nothing you've written has spoken more truth.

I expect your daughter was telling you the same thing.

What has actually happened is numerous LS people with your best interests in mind have posted common sense you already knew.

 

Most of these guys are cookie-cutter. Basically all the same. Some will be better looking. Some dress better or have more money. Others exude a bit more chemistry, more polished approach, or are hung heavier. Still boils down to same $hiT different guy.

I've been that guy!!!! I would say and do just about anything to get into your pants and into your bed. Once in your bed and our fun was done, I would say whatever I thought you wanted to hear to keep the door open, Preferably on my terms and timing

The answer to your question Gaeta, is yes a guy will say things in the afterglow that might not reflect his true intentions.

I didn't much like or respect myself when I was that guy Gaeta, but it got me laid. That I did very much like.

 

Once your eyes are open its usually easy to spot the manipulation whether it be the random insincere teaser text, the request for pictures of you in work dress or play clothes here there and over there, the pillow talk promise, or be it even the crude d*ck pic.

 

If you're just wanting sex that day Gaeta, then play the player and enjoy the gymnastics. Chances are he's got some bedroom skills. Just don't believe promises coming out of his mouth.

Perhaps take a lesson from my ex. She defined a player as a "d*ck with ears." Use that visual and their manipulation diminishes. The balance of power shifts to YOU... He's just d*ck of the day---your heart doesn't break and your head doesn't get messed with....

 

 

When you get done with that, grab yourself a good man and hang on for the real ride.

There are good guys out there Gaeta. Ya just gotta recognize them.

Value yourself and they will value you.

You definitely deserve better than you've been getting!!!

Date wise, use your head and before you know it you'll find that great guy you've been looking for. He's looking for you too.

 

Don't fear 50. Its going to be a very good year!!!!

[Gaeta]

UPDATE

 

I've spent the evening with jewelry guy. We had a little heart to heart, he initiated it. he asked me what I wanted. Yes, imagine that, a man asking the dreaded question. I said I am looking to fall in love, the real thing, the kind that last.

 

He asked if I was sure cause it's not the vibe I am sending out. He said I am the type of women that scares men. I am beautiful, successful and I carry an Ora of confidence and it's intimidating. It's like I don't need anyone. He also said I am controlling. I am not flat out controlling, it's very subtle but it's there, I want to control and I want things under my terms and he said he knows I don't even realize I am controlling but he understands why, I have been in authority for years and in a male dominated field.

 

Then he said he felt this incredible chemistry between us and even though I told him to back off 2 times since our last date he couldn't forget about me. He used the expression I scratched the surface of his heart.

 

He said it's not about the sex because he'd be out the door right after, there is something else and he would like to explore it with me.

 

It was an interesting evening.

[GemmaUK]

Which of your threads was about Jewellery Guy Gaeta?

I wanna go back for a read.

I agree that possibly you don't come over as wanting a RS due to exactly what he said. I've wondered before whether your work 'stance' overlaps into dating (mine does to an extent too and I have to remember I am not at work sometimes! Lol!).

 

As for the sweet nothings after sex I don't take them seriously and don't read anything into them until a point where the guy and I are longer lasting and much more connected in all ways.

Before that point in time/point in the RS I will change the subject even when they come out with that kind of stuff.

There are other words and behaviours from a man that I pay much more attention to early on than what he says after sex and that's whether I've dated him 3 weeks and jumped in the sack or 2 months and jumped in the sack.

[katiegrl]

UPDATE

 

I've spent the evening with jewelry guy. We had a little heart to heart, he initiated it. he asked me what I wanted. Yes, imagine that, a man asking the dreaded question. I said I am looking to fall in love, the real thing, the kind that last.

 

He asked if I was sure cause it's not the vibe I am sending out.

 

**He said I am the type of women that scares men. I am beautiful, successful and I carry an Ora of confidence and it's intimidating.***

 

It's like I don't need anyone. He also said I am controlling. I am not flat out controlling, it's very subtle but it's there, I want to control and I want things under my terms and he said he knows I don't even realize I am controlling but he understands why, I have been in authority for years and in a male dominated field.

 

Then he said he felt this incredible chemistry between us and even though I told him to back off 2 times since our last date he couldn't forget about me. He used the expression I scratched the surface of his heart.

 

He said it's not about the sex because he'd be out the door right after, there is something else and he would like to explore it with me.

 

It was an interesting evening.

 

Quote above in asterisk -- oh so THAT is why, after you flat out told him you wanted a relationship with him, he responded he did not think you were *relationship material"?

 

Because you are beautiful, successful and confident...and that *scared* him? Wha?

 

Oh but not before he screwed you.. disappeared, returned three weeks later, screwed you again ...... and *then* announced you were not relationship material. Nice.

 

Maybe he thinks you are controlling because YOU told him you wanted a relationship with him (and after telling you you didn't fit the bill, you said buh bye), instead of just going along with his agenda....allowing him to call all the shots? Which no doubt included screwing you, promising gifts like jewelry, disappearing, returning weeks later for more sex...disappearing again...adda yadda.

 

And this guy is a lawyer, right?

 

I don't know what's up with this guy....sounds like he's got a ton of issues.

 

I would be very skeptical right now if I were you.....because frankly, given his past behavior and words, he's not making a whole lot of sense.

 

But good luck....

Edited June 20, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Quote above in asterisk -- oh so THAT is why, after you flat out told him you wanted a relationship with him, he responded he did not think you were *relationship material"?

 

Because you are beautiful, successful and confident...and that *scared* him? Wha?

 

Oh but not before he screwed you.. disappeared, returned three weeks later, screwed you again ...... and *then* announced you were not relationship material. Nice

 

Maybe he thinks you are controlling because YOU told him you wanted a relationship with him (and after telling you you didn't fit the bill, you said buh bye), instead of just going along with his agenda....allowing him to call all the shots? Which no doubt included screwing you, promising gifts like jewelry, disappearing, returning weeks later for more sex...disappearing again...adda yadda.

 

And this guy is a lawyer, right?

 

I don't know what's up with this guy....sounds like he's got a ton of issues.

 

I would be very skeptical right now if I were you.....because frankly, given his past behavior and words, he's not making a whole lot of sense.

 

But good luck....

 

We cleared all of that. I didn't leave one stone unturned. Some of the things he did was reactive to me being controlling. He gave me examples and I recognize I have controlling ways.

 

He said he pushed it too far when he said I was not relationship material and he apologized. I had just kicked in him in the nut about something. He said I have a way of using words, at the surface it's always politically correct but the message and the undertone are killing.

 

He is not looking to be in a relationship tomorrow morning and he's not on any dating sites. He would like to see me and If it happens it happens.

 

Nothing has changed from 24 hrs ago. Life goes on. I have a first meet later tonight.

 

Yes he's a lawyer. They are usually very good at judging character and reading people. It's also not the first time I am told I come across as someone who doesn't need anyone and men want to be needed.

 

I see my evening with him as an opportunity to learn and seriously look into my ways. You guys have told me so many times I have to look within my self to find my answers. There it is.

[Gaeta]

Which of your threads was about Jewellery Guy Gaeta?

I wanna go back for a read.

I agree that possibly you don't come over as wanting a RS due to exactly what he said. I've wondered before whether your work 'stance' overlaps into dating (mine does to an extent too and I have to remember I am not at work sometimes! Lol!).

 

As for the sweet nothings after sex I don't take them seriously and don't read anything into them until a point where the guy and I are longer lasting and much more connected in all ways.

Before that point in time/point in the RS I will change the subject even when they come out with that kind of stuff.

There are other words and behaviours from a man that I pay much more attention to early on than what he says after sex and that's whether I've dated him 3 weeks and jumped in the sack or 2 months and jumped in the sack.

 

There you go Gemma:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/523380-own-who-you

 

Now that I re-read it I can tell how I have changed in these past years. Him and I had sex on 2nd date. We left each other on a high but he didn't owe me anything. When he got back to me after 3 weeks explaining his absence I kicked him in the nut and told him to call himself an escort.

 

10 years ago the exact same thing happened with my long-term ex. We saw each other 2 times, he disappeared for 3 weeks, when he got back from out of town I reacted with hey look who's there. He invited me out and we never part for 4 years.

[GemmaUK]

Right, I had a read back..

 

Seems like from your update he was being pretty honest.

To be totally fair he perhaps figured you were more spontaneous early on too so your escort suggestion was a tad harsh. Obviously I don't know what he said when he suggested meeting that night and contacting you at 4pm on the day but there are other ways to set an expectation of wanting a day or so in advance for a date invitation.

 

Sounds like he has gone away and thought about this which could well be in line with his work too - he is a lawyer - analysis is a big part of his job.

 

Did he ask you to get together this time or did you ask him?

Did you also give indications to him that you would be interested in exploring this too? Do you still feel the chemistry?

[brokengirl85]

I think you have sex too early, without really knowing the guys.

 

They promise you the world because they feel guilty they are not going to call you again.

 

They realize after sex they're no longer interested in you but they will never admit it.

 

 

You gave your cookie way too early and there's nothing more revealing than a man who gets what he wants and just disappears.

 

 

You can call them and ask them what you want, they will never tell you the truth. Men hate to see a woman crying or angry.

 

Next time, make a man wait for the first course before you feed them with dessert.

[Gaeta]

To be totally fair he perhaps figured you were more spontaneous early on too so your escort suggestion was a tad harsh. Obviously I don't know what he said when he suggested meeting that night and contacting you at 4pm on the day but there are other ways to set an expectation of wanting a day or so in advance for a date invitation.

 

Agree. If I act spontaneously and have sex on a 2nd date I should not feel all offended if the man contacts me at 4 pm expecting to be speaking with a spontaneous woman again.

 

This is where I give mixed signal. If I want to be spontaneous I should be all the way. If I want to handle it in conservative way I should stay conservative all the way. What I did here is indicate I am spontaneous but I changed the rules with no warnings.

 

Sounds like he has gone away and thought about this which could well be in line with his work too.

He told me his father passed and he's in a middle of a big legal battle against his father's siblings. He traveled back to his home country. I did over react with my call yourself an escort.

 

Did he ask you to get together this time or did you ask him?

He had asked me 2-3 times already and I had declined but I finally accepted for Friday.

 

Did you also give indications to him that you would be interested in exploring this too? Do you still feel the chemistry?

 

I do feel the chemistry and even more this past Friday. We spent 5 hours together and it felt like a few minutes.

 

What I am retaining from Friday is he feels attraction and chemistry on several levels with me (it's shared) but he's not specifically looking for a relationship. He wants to enjoy it and if it materializes into something than good it's something he would welcome.

 

I did not answer anything.

 

Going with the flow isn't something I have been open to so far. I'm seeing it as a possible waste of time. To me it sounds too much like lets enjoy the sex and not think about tomorrow.

[Gaeta]

I think you have sex too early, without really knowing the guys.

 

They promise you the world because they feel guilty they are not going to call you again.

 

They realize after sex they're no longer interested in you but they will never admit it.

 

You gave your cookie way too early and there's nothing more revealing than a man who gets what he wants and just disappears.

 

You can call them and ask them what you want, they will never tell you the truth. Men hate to see a woman crying or angry.

 

Next time, make a man wait for the first course before you feed them with dessert.

 

This made me laugh :-)

 

You are talking to a 49 yo woman who doesn't think sex is a cookie to be hand out. I have sex because I enjoy it, not because I expect a relationship out of it. I stopped crying for men a long time ago.