GorillaTheater Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I am just trying to figure out after sex bliss. For me it often involves wanting to get a pizza. 1
Keenly Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 He initiated that conversation and at some point I offered my next free time. I did not reach out to him. If you don't show effort Why would.he? There is supposed to.be give and take. All I'm reading is take. Give a little.
losangelena Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Well, I'm like you, Gaeta, I am very skeptical about what a man says at any point before exclusivity. I think it's too easy to say a bunch of nice things and then not follow it up with action. If they DO back up what they say with action, then GREAT, that's amazing. But in my experience, it's much more typical for it to go the other way. In these scenarios, I doubt very much it has anything to do with you. 2
losangelena Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 If you don't show effort Why would.he? There is supposed to.be give and take. All I'm reading is take. Give a little. Just to steer the convo back on topic—Gaeta wants to know why these men disappear after being so complimentary to her after sex. We don't need to, once again, berate her for her supposed misdeeds. 1
Keenly Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Pillow talk though, now that varies. For some reason. I get really in the mood to teach. The first thing I want to do is explain some random thing I am passionate about in great detail, to teach her what ddr means or explain what would happen if a human being attempted.to exceed the speed of light. Yeah I know, she is usually not interested. But if she feign interest, she's a keeper.
lgspot Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Gaeta, Yes the guy is on a high. When the sex is good we are proud of ourselves and will promise the moon. It's the Bull$*** factor. I'm not trying to be negative Gaeta. The sex is good or you would have heard excuses and they make a rapid exit. What you are seeing happen is you are stuck on picking the same type man over and over and getting similar results. They may not look alike or use the exact phrasing but they are under skin the same. From description you have given over time, outside looking in---basically every guy you've talked about are manipulators with large dose of narcissism. If all you're wanting is sex---a hump, a blow, and a go, you are fine with the personality type guys you're choosing. They will put you on their to do list. If you're looking for something special and lasting, you need to set your sights higher. Just voicing an opinion as a guy. Take it for what it's worth.... Have fun out there...:bunny: 4
Keenly Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Just to steer the convo back on topic—Gaeta wants to know why these men disappear after being so complimentary to her after sex. We don't need to, once again, berate her for her supposed misdeeds. I'm Not berating anyone, I'm explaining to her why these men disappear. They disappear because she isn't showing any reciprocation or any proactive attempts to establish another get together. Would you keep talking to some one who made zero effort to reach out to you after sex? If one day you noticed you were doing all the leg work and he was doing none of it, would you still do it?
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 If you don't show effort Why would.he? There is supposed to.be give and take. All I'm reading is take. Give a little. Gaeta, please don't fall for this.^^ You *did* reach out by letting him know your free time and suggesting getting together if he was free. Again, he ignored. Keenly has selective memory...in refusing to acknowledge this. Clearly he is biased. You are doing the right thing by ignoring guys who mess with you like Adonis and jewerly guy....and whomever else pulls this type of crap. 1
Carm Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Gaeta, I agree with what many of the posters are saying. I think you are picking the same guy over and over again. By the time I have sex with a guy for the first time I know in my gut they will continue to call me and we will still be a 'we' and so I think that's your problem. You are sleeping with these guys too early and they will continue to smooth talk but it's bs. It seems that your picker is broken! 1
kendahke Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Just confirming with you all I should not believe any of it as I suspected. My philosophy is to not believe anything before I am offered exclusivity but I was curious about that very specific moment after sex when I heard so many times that it's a vulnerable moment for men. I call it the "fever breaking".
Keenly Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 He initiated that conversation and at some point I offered my next free time. I did not reach out to him. Here's my "selective memory " If she reached out to him more, aka positive feedback, it will show his efforts are bearing fruit. If she goes radio silence and never initiates a conversation, it comes across as cold and disinterested, therefore the guy moves on. I'm explaining why this happens from a guys point of view and you guys don't want to hear it.
Author Gaeta Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 I don't know how to fix my picker guys :-( A couple of days ago I made a new contact. He seemed fine. It was hard to get online at the same time so last night we exchanged numbers. This morning he sent me d0ck pictures at 6h45! My picker is off from the very beginning when I chose to reply to a man and not to another one.
Emilia Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 How much screening do you do before you exchange numbers? Once you have numbers swapped, how do you decide whether to meet?
Author Gaeta Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 How much screening do you do before you exchange numbers? Once you have numbers swapped, how do you decide whether to meet? I meet fast. If I like his pictures and he has the basic then I'll reply and ask questions like what he is looking for, how long he's been single, I check if we have common values, etc. I would say we meet on average within 3-4 days, sometimes on same day, sometimes longer if we work different shifts. I usually only give my number after we have made plans to meet.
Carm Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I don't know how to fix my picker guys :-( A couple of days ago I made a new contact. He seemed fine. It was hard to get online at the same time so last night we exchanged numbers. This morning he sent me d0ck pictures at 6h45! My picker is off from the very beginning when I chose to reply to a man and not to another one. Glad you agree on your picker. Right away, ANY man who speaks sexually to me early on (and I mean the first 3-5 dates) they are done. I wouldn't waste any more time on them. Secondly, I never rush to have sex with them and it's not because I'm not sexual (I love sex) but I want to get to know them first on many different levels. Once I've bonded with them I can get intimate but it can take a couple of months for me and at this point they have also bonded so I know they are not going anywhere. As a side note, I don't make them wait to have sex, for me personally, I need to have an emotional connection with them. The good thing about doing it this way is right away I get to see the guys who are only into me for the sex and those who genuinely think I'm just as beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside. 2
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 (edited) Here's my "selective memory " If she reached out to him more, aka positive feedback, it will show his efforts are bearing fruit. If she goes radio silence and never initiates a conversation, it comes across as cold and disinterested, therefore the guy moves on. I'm explaining why this happens from a guys point of view and you guys don't want to hear it. You are explaining it from *your* point of you, and perhaps other guys' points of view who are like you. Keenly, from reading your posts, you appear to be a super nice guy, a sensitive guy, who has been messed around a bit by various chicks. I am sorry about that, yeah girls act sucky sometimes. But so do some guys. For some reason Gaeta is drawn to these types of guys...they throw her some BS...she falls for it, has sex with them, and then they drop her. This has nothing to do with her not reaching out or initiating....she has done plenty of that. With one guy (aka jewerly guy)...she actually told him she was wanting a relationship with him...and he told her *he* did not see *her* as relationship material. This was after early sex....they had sex first night they met. Because you are so nice (and sensitive)...their behavior does not resonate with you, and your tendency is to blame the woman for not making more effort. Sometimes that is true, but with Gaeta, these guys are bad news/db's and are messing with her. She is right to ignore. Edited June 16, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Emilia Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I meet fast. If I like his pictures and he has the basic then I'll reply and ask questions like what he is looking for, how long he's been single, I check if we have common values, etc. I would say we meet on average within 3-4 days, sometimes on same day, sometimes longer if we work different shifts. I usually only give my number after we have made plans to meet. I think this is the problem. Guys who are comfortable with this pace are also more likely to do a hit and run. If your requirement was to keep them talking for a week, take time with the questions you ask, didn't arrange to meet until a few days later, you would lose the ones that weren't prepared to make an effort. People tend to be good at things they have done many times. I tend to like men who are a bit spaz at the initial stages. It means they haven't had much practice. Pacing it would give you a different mindset too. It would take some of the buzz out and you wouldn't look at it from an excitement point of view. 3
Author Gaeta Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Glad you agree on your picker. Right away, ANY man who speaks sexually to me early on (and I mean the first 3-5 dates) they are done. I wouldn't waste any more time on them. Secondly, I never rush to have sex with them and it's not because I'm not sexual (I love sex) but I want to get to know them first on many different levels. Once I've bonded with them I can get intimate but it can take a couple of months for me and at this point they have also bonded so I know they are not going anywhere. As a side note, I don't make them wait to have sex, for me personally, I need to have an emotional connection with them. The good thing about doing it this way is right away I get to see the guys who are only into me for the sex and those who genuinely think I'm just as beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside. You're probably younger than I. Honestly there is no way I can wait 2 months to have sex with a man I date. Sexual compatibility is too important to me. I can't imagine investing 2 months in a man, creating attachment, then we end up in bed and he has a micro penis the size of my thumb, or he's full of sexual hangs up like he won't put his mouth here or there, or he's submissive in bed or...........you get my point.
Carm Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 You're probably younger than I. Honestly there is no way I can wait 2 months to have sex with a man I date. Sexual compatibility is too important to me. I can't imagine investing 2 months in a man, creating attachment, then we end up in bed and he has a micro penis the size of my thumb, or he's full of sexual hangs up like he won't put his mouth here or there, or he's submissive in bed or...........you get my point. Nope I think I'm older (turned 50 recently). I can tell by the way we kiss how passionate the sex will be....and I've been right all the time. In terms of a micro penis, here's a way to tell have a look at the size of their hands...even a tall guy can have smaller hands and that usually means a smaller penis. Just say'n....not saying it's 100% true but from what I've learned over the years it's pretty true.
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I don't know how to fix my picker guys :-( A couple of days ago I made a new contact. He seemed fine. It was hard to get online at the same time so last night we exchanged numbers. This morning he sent me d0ck pictures at 6h45! My picker is off from the very beginning when I chose to reply to a man and not to another one. Gaeta, right now, is when your "picker" needs to be engaged. He sent you dick pics. Move on. I've "seen" you come here with similar early scenarios. We tell you not to bother and then you post later that you're going to meet or have a date with them. Don't do this with this one. He's already being disrespectful/sexual with you. It's ok to reply but observe and weigh what happens right away after that. You have to reply at least to be able to try to figure out whether you will move to a meeting or date. You can't tell before this point for sure. And, if there are a couple you think you want to reply to, reply to a couple and see who responds in the most positive way. If you can't get on line, don't just offer up your number because of that. Wait til you can or switch to another communication option besides the phone. Spend a little time emailing or I'ming at least before giving your number. It's still no guarantee, but you've attempted to screen a little better any way. It's just part of OLD. You never really know. And, if you decide to meet an OLD guy after a little period of screening and getting really good communication from him, you only have a short meet up. Coffee or drinks. Not an actual date. You go there with your own car and leave alone. This meet up is only to verify that he is who he says he is, looks like his picture and gives you a better sense about him. But you still let him "show" you who he is by reaching out for proper dates, consistent/quality/respectful communication, etc. 2
Author Gaeta Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 In terms of a micro penis, here's a way to tell have a look at the size of their hands...even a tall guy can have smaller hands and that usually means a smaller penis. Just say'n....not saying it's 100% true but from what I've learned over the years it's pretty true. Funny you mention that I did notice a parallel with hands. 1
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 (edited) You're probably younger than I. Honestly there is no way I can wait 2 months to have sex with a man I date. Sexual compatibility is too important to me. I can't imagine investing 2 months in a man, creating attachment, then we end up in bed and he has a micro penis the size of my thumb, or he's full of sexual hangs up like he won't put his mouth here or there, or he's submissive in bed or...........you get my point. Gaeta, I realize you love sex and yes it is super important and you want to get it *out of the way* quickly, but it is important to be cognizant of how the guy is interpreting your behavior. If you only want sex, great then who cares....but if you want a relationship be aware of your behavior, not just with respect to sex, and how it is being interpreted by the guy. Err on the side of caution, and hold off a bit before having sex.. Not two months, or even one month...but it is probably not wise to jump into bed five minutes after he walks though the door on your second meet/date. Lol Or even the first or second date. Not if what you are wanting is a relationship. If you don't want a relationship.. then fabulous, have at it! But it sounds to me like you do want a relationship, even with Adonis, and if he were to start to pursue you respectfully for a relationship... I have no doubt you would go for it. I know my bf and I had sex the first night, but we both felt an extraordinary connection, that went beyond the physical, hard to explain really. But that is the exception IMO. Very rare when it happens that way. Edited June 16, 2015 by katiegrl 3
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Honestly there is no way I can wait 2 months to have sex with a man I date. Sexual compatibility is too important to me. I can't imagine investing 2 months in a man, creating attachment, then we end up in bed and he has a micro penis the size of my thumb, or he's full of sexual hangs up like he won't put his mouth here or there, or he's submissive in bed or...........you get my point. I agree that sexual compatibility is important, however, sex should enhance a relationship. And, this is where the period of exclusivity becomes important. Exclusivity is the period where you are focusing on a man with whom most levels of compatibility are being met and you each decide that you want to focus on and more deeply with them and further evaluate the potential for a long-term relationship. This is when you're becoming intimate and finding out whether that element works too. You don't have to make that evaluation out of the gate. And, during this time you both have to understand that if the sex isn't enhancing the relationship for either of you, you should part ways. Dating for a relationship is a process, not an event. And, all through the dating scenario, you need to manage your emotions and expectations, so that as you go through the various stages, your emotional investment is at least minimized so as to allow you to see things clearly and accept it when/if it doesn't work out. I think you need a little patience. Don't push the gas pedal to the floor when you're on a scenic route, slow down and enjoy the ride for a while. 1
Phoe Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 As far as vulnerability is concerned, there's no telling whether that will make a man distant or not. My past experiences are usually that when that vulnerability comes through, he does not want to withdraw from me, but wants to be closer to me. In terms of the behavior after first time sex? Well, it has varied from the man going into total panic mode, to fairly non-chalant, to quite loving. But the one thing I can say for ALL of them, is that I waited to have sex until there was already a relationship formed, by which time I knew that there was never a worry that the man would take off after sex. There was already trust there, and I quite luckily can say that because of this I have never had a man "use" me for sex and take off, or start to fade out after sex has happened, and it has never been something I have worried about. While I may have never gotten much male attention, and may have struggled to ever get dates, I have never had the issue of men fading out on me. Those who I have been with as an adult, were genuine in their interest and pursuit of me. Seems totally backwards, haha. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 As far as vulnerability is concerned, there's no telling whether that will make a man distant or not. My past experiences are usually that when that vulnerability comes through, he does not want to withdraw from me, but wants to be closer to me. In terms of the behavior after first time sex? Well, it has varied from the man going into total panic mode, to fairly non-chalant, to quite loving. But the one thing I can say for ALL of them, is that I waited to have sex until there was already a relationship formed, by which time I knew that there was never a worry that the man would take off after sex. There was already trust there, and I quite luckily can say that because of this I have never had a man "use" me for sex and take off, or start to fade out after sex has happened, and it has never been something I have worried about. While I may have never gotten much male attention, and may have struggled to ever get dates, I have never had the issue of men fading out on me. Those who I have been with as an adult, were genuine in their interest and pursuit of me. Seems totally backwards, haha. one thing I can say for ALL of them, is that I waited to have sex until there was already a relationship formed - The foundation for a relationship has been established -- trust, respect, comfort and security. That is in place, then you add intimacy, to enhance it. If intimacy doesn't enhance it, then you've maybe found your first area of incompatibility. And perhaps, begins to test the quality of the relationship, i.e. do you want to and can you work together to make it a mutually gratifying experience? If one or neither party wants to or can do that, then you need to move on. But once you get to that point, you should be invested enough to do that rather than bail if the first experience isn't what you'd hoped for. If that's the case, and if the relationship is strong, you should be able to communicate effectively about it first. Then, if it can't be worked out, you move on. I think once you've gotten there, you kinda owe it to each other to at least make an effort. Being able to do this is an indicator of possible future ability to resolve other differences moving forward.
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