Lunay Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Hi Everyone, Some of you may have read my thread before (about 5 or so months ago) about problems I was having with my fiance and what an awful partner he was being. Long story short, we broke up, got back together after more "promises" and look here I am posting for advice again. What a surprise. He is completely and utterly disrespectful to me and my feelings, he pays no attention to me and I have caught him in lies and also caught him hiding things from me. He is hanging out with another woman all the time, albeit she is in a relationship but it makes me uncomfortable. I have told him this, and instead of toning it down he hides it. He says it is because of the way I react to finding out they hung out or talked. (He deletes their texts and sees her without telling me). I have texted this woman and she had no idea he was even hiding anything, and said it's not like that between them. Maybe not, but he sure spends a lot of time on her. Anyway, we bought a house together and we planned on getting married... Except, I can't live like this anymore. He is an awful partner, treats me like I don't matter and I can't trust him anymore. We talked last week and we both basically admitted we aren't in love anymore. I think he is just using me for sex at this point, at least that's how it feels. I mean, why be with someone you have no respect for? I just want out. It kills me inside because I do still love him, but I can't keep allowing myself to be treated this way. He is NOT going to change. I'm at the point where I am SURE that something is going on behind my back, either with this woman or with someone else. I can check phone records but I know I'll find something hurtful and I'm afraid to go down that road. All of my savings went into the house, my daughter is so happy with her new bedroom. I feel so lost and sad inside. I feel STUCK. My solution for now was to move into the spare bedroom until we got our finances in place enough for me to find a new place. He can have the house for now, I just want to move on and work on me. I just feel like once I tell him this he is just going to treat me worse and talk to all kinds of women... Any advice?
berniev Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Where's the dilemma? I'd suggest you move out immediately unless you plan to watch him banging other women in front of you.
Author Lunay Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Oh, and I forgot to mention that he said our relationship is in the state it's in because of me and the way I act (regarding the other women in his life that he hides). Hah.
Author Lunay Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Where's the dilemma? I'd suggest you move out immediately unless you plan to watch him banging other women in front of you. My dilemma is I have no means to move out. I can't afford to leave right now.
berniev Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Oh, and I forgot to mention that he said our relationship is in the state it's in because of me and the way I act (regarding the other women in his life that he hides). Hah. Why do you give a crap about what he says? 1
Author Lunay Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Why do you give a crap about what he says? I don't anymore. I have chosen the high road now. I just wanted to mention that so you can see his state of mind. He doesn't think he is doing anything wrong.
berniev Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 My dilemma is I have no means to move out. I can't afford to leave right now. That's not a dilemma. Can't you borrow against your house or sell your half of the house? You can find a tenant to live in your rooms so that you will have money to move out.
sandylee1 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Why do you tolerate being treated like this ? Let him go and text / hang out with every woman on the planet if he wants.......but not as your BF. Unless your a gluten for punishment , this is a no brainer . End this relationship and move on..pronto. 2
berniev Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Why do you tolerate being treated like this ? Let him go and text / hang out with every woman on the planet if he wants.......but not as your BF. Unless your a gluten for punishment , this is a no brainer . End this relationship and move on..pronto. From what I read, she already ended the relationship.
CarrieT Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Does he agree to buy you out of the house or are you giving up your investment in the property?
Author Lunay Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 He told me he would give me back what I put into it, and when it sells he will give me 20% of whatever comes out of it. I am fine with this, since I won't be living there. I think I should speak to a lawyer though, just don't have the funds.
sandylee1 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 From what I read, she already ended the relationship. Aahh. Even less of a dilemma then. Lunay - when a guy shows the signs this one has, run far and fast. You don't need your daughter getting upset by this kind of thing again .
Author Lunay Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Aahh. Even less of a dilemma then. Lunay - when a guy shows the signs this one has, run far and fast. You don't need your daughter getting upset by this kind of thing again . I am trying to. Believe me I want to run! I am in the mindset that "they can have him" because he is no prize. The front he puts on is pretty impressive though I must say. I fell for it once. Leopards don't change their spots, he will end up treating someone else the same way.
CarrieT Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 He told me he would give me back what I put into it, and when it sells he will give me 20% of whatever comes out of it. I am fine with this, since I won't be living there. I think I should speak to a lawyer though, just don't have the funds. Get that in writing! I seriously doubt he will give you "extra" money when/if he sees a profit. 2
Author Lunay Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 I told him if he wants to do that then we have to see a lawyer to get it in writing. He didn't like that idea. Honestly I feel like he treats me badly so that I WILL leave. He will get his wish if this is the case. 1
Author Lunay Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Also wanted to mention that he pays little to no attention to me anymore. This is a sign that someone else has his attention, is it not?
sandylee1 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I told him if he wants to do that then we have to see a lawyer to get it in writing. He didn't like that idea. Honestly I feel like he treats me badly so that I WILL leave. He will get his wish if this is the case. He wants to rip you off. Don't let him. Insist you have it done my a lawyer or he can pay you now if he has it. Otherwise stay there and treat him like a roommate. Once you detach from him emotionally , you'll find it easier. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. What if he puts buyers off the house. Ignore his crap and live like he's nobody. 1
Author Lunay Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 He wants to rip you off. Don't let him. Insist you have it done my a lawyer or he can pay you now if he has it. Otherwise stay there and treat him like a roommate. Once you detach from him emotionally , you'll find it easier. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. What if he puts buyers off the house. Ignore his crap and live like he's nobody. I am trying to still detach emotionally. Very hard. I know leaving is the best and easiest option for getting over someone but is there Anything I can do besides leaving to make it easier? Since I can't leave right away.
sandylee1 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I am trying to still detach emotionally. Very hard. I know leaving is the best and easiest option for getting over someone but is there Anything I can do besides leaving to make it easier? Since I can't leave right away. If you've both agreed it's over then try going out and socialising with others. Keep telling yourself you've dodged a bullet and although it's hard, be thankful you found out now. You don't want your daughter growing up around a man like him. That's the positive you need to take from this. Try not to hate him , but become indifferent towards him. See him as a guy who just isn't good enough for you, but you have to kiss a frog or two to find your man in the end . Chalk it down to experience with the knowledge that marrying him would have ended in divorce and you don't need that extra stress. Be safe in the knowledge that he's got to convince another woman he's a catch and you've seen through his crap. Stay strong 1
Babs22 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Lunay, I feel badly for you. You deserve to be treated far better than how he is treating you. I am glad you are ending this relationship. It is unhealthy. As far as the money you put into the house (all your savings), you said he told you he would pay you back what you put into it (plus 20% of what it sells for). If you just moved in, I would be happy if you at least got back whatever you put into it. How soon can he give you this money? I would not leave the house until he gives you that money or you might not see it again. I hope he is able to give it to you soon, so you and your daughter can find a place of your own. Until then, I would live there and not give him any more money towards the house. Tell him as soon as he reimburses you the money you put into this house, you will leave. I am sorry you are in this situation. Hopefully this time you have finally learned that he is not the right guy for you. Please find someone who treats you with respect. You need to do this for yourself as well as for your daughter. Good luck. 1
Author Lunay Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Lunay, I feel badly for you. You deserve to be treated far better than how he is treating you. I am glad you are ending this relationship. It is unhealthy. As far as the money you put into the house (all your savings), you said he told you he would pay you back what you put into it (plus 20% of what it sells for). If you just moved in, I would be happy if you at least got back whatever you put into it. How soon can he give you this money? I would not leave the house until he gives you that money or you might not see it again. I hope he is able to give it to you soon, so you and your daughter can find a place of your own. Until then, I would live there and not give him any more money towards the house. Tell him as soon as he reimburses you the money you put into this house, you will leave. I am sorry you are in this situation. Hopefully this time you have finally learned that he is not the right guy for you. Please find someone who treats you with respect. You need to do this for yourself as well as for your daughter. Good luck. Thank you so much... I am sure he can't give me the money right away, unless he takes out some sort of loan. I wouldn't care regardless of how he gets it, I just want my money back since I won't be living there. I truly would like to leave as soon as I can, but like you said I should get the money first. I appreciate your kind words. I agree it's not healthy and he treats me horribly. I am doing my best to detach.
oldshirt Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 What are you wanting from us? What are you wanting to accomplish from telling us all of this stuff? We can't change him and neither can we protect you from your own bad choices. What are you wanting us to advise you?
Author Lunay Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 What are you wanting from us? What are you wanting to accomplish from telling us all of this stuff? We can't change him and neither can we protect you from your own bad choices. What are you wanting us to advise you? I wanted advice on what I should do regarding the house and how to go about leaving. I already know he is not a good partner and I need to leave. It's my house and lack of money to leave that I am worried about.
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