hellogoodbye2424 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I broke up with my ex about a month ago, and the reason was because she booked a trip to visit a guy from her past who had pulled out his d when she was sleeping and tried to initiate something with her. She denied him and said that she was really weirded out by him and that she didn't want to talk to him after that (this was a few years before we started dating). Well, throughout the course of our relationship she has been communicating with him, and she refuses to stop, although she claimed he "doesn't matter." I guess the culmination of their communication was this trip which she claims is about trust (that I am too controlling because I don't approve of it and should be trusting her). To me, this is clearly over the line even if her intentions are good... it's so unnecessary. So I broke up with her and we've had very very limited contact. I think her trip is scheduled for July sometime, and I think she's pushing forward with it, yet last time we talked she said she wasn't happy with me out of her life, that our relationship ending will always make her sad and that she cares about me. I just find all of that hard to believe when actions speak louder than words. In short, she chose a trip to visit this guy over me and I was wondering if anyone has a similar story where your ex realized that they made a mistake, but it was too late.
ravfour4 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 It's never too late to cancel a trip - sure she may lose some money, but what's a few hundred dollars compared to a lifelong relationship? She knew what she was doing and she knew it'd make you mad - maybe she just wanted to assert her independence, but she could have done it in a different way.
Author hellogoodbye2424 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 I have the same viewpoint on it. In her mind this is something she has to do... I'll never understand why, but eventually I think I won't care.
JewelD Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I broke up with my ex about a month ago, and the reason was because she booked a trip to visit a guy from her past who had pulled out his d when she was sleeping and tried to initiate something with her. She denied him and said that she was really weirded out by him and that she didn't want to talk to him after that (this was a few years before we started dating). Well, throughout the course of our relationship she has been communicating with him, and she refuses to stop, although she claimed he "doesn't matter." I guess the culmination of their communication was this trip which she claims is about trust (that I am too controlling because I don't approve of it and should be trusting her). To me, this is clearly over the line even if her intentions are good... it's so unnecessary. So I broke up with her and we've had very very limited contact. I think her trip is scheduled for July sometime, and I think she's pushing forward with it, yet last time we talked she said she wasn't happy with me out of her life, that our relationship ending will always make her sad and that she cares about me. I just find all of that hard to believe when actions speak louder than words. In short, she chose a trip to visit this guy over me and I was wondering if anyone has a similar story where your ex realized that they made a mistake, but it was too late. I was dating a guy once who was very attractive (by society's definition). He also was a part time fake rapper and so the girls at his college were literally like fans. They knew we were talking and yet they'd write all on his fb trying to make it known that they had been in his room at some point, just basically being stans. One night he called me and I heard a cough in the room. He was high and asked me if I minded if he got 'serviced' by another girl while I was on the phone with him. He did a lot of cruel and dirty bs like that. Eventually it ended and he broke up with me. maybe 2 or 3 months later he was texting me out of the blue trying to apologize. I accepted it and that was that. Maybe 6 months after that, he added me on fb and started calling me and asking if I had a bf because he realized his mistakes and wanted to go out on a date. But by then, I had a boyfriend who I was very happy with, so I told him no. This guy was a total evil tool and even he eventually realized what he'd done was wrong. Women are a bit more in touch with their feelings, so I don't doubt that she will realize what she did was a mistake at some point. She knows it's wrong now, but she wants to do it. Using the trust issue is just a copout. My x did the same thing to me. He lied and told me he was going to the library to study with a group. I saw his phone and that he was actually going with a girl. Once I told him that he shouldn't go since he had lied, he went anyway and said "you should be able to trust me". Trust rarely has anything to do with it. It's just an excuse to try and make you look insecure so the focus is shifted off of them and their wrongdoing. I mean, how would she feel if the tables were turned and you went on vacay with a girl who whipped her cooch out in front of you one day. She'd be pissed. Let her go. She knows what she's doing is wrong and people who do things they KNOW are wrong have some serious mechanical issues with their sense of morality and ethics and tend to continue doing 'wrong' things because they make them feel good.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 She is most likely going because you told her not to. After I broke up with an EX, he eventually became the man I wanted him to be & he's now more social & wiling to travel. 1
Author hellogoodbye2424 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Yeah that may be, but it wasn't that I outright told her not to go. I explained the reasons I had for it making me extremely uncomfortable and she said she couldn't really back out of it. So, I think it's more plausible that she did this because she really wants to do it, or she never really cared about me (or my feelings). Did you end up talking to your ex again d0nnivain? I'm assuming so
fireflywy Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 She isn't worth it man. Pay no attention to her accusations about being controlling and don't let ANYONE here tell you that you are. She clearly sees that visiting him is more important then losing you and her accusations are just projections to justify herself. You did the RIGHT thing in letting her walk. Let her keep walking whike you walk the other way.
dyna85 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I broke up with my ex about a month ago, and the reason was because she booked a trip to visit a guy from her past who had pulled out his d when she was sleeping and tried to initiate something with her. She denied him and said that she was really weirded out by him and that she didn't want to talk to him after that (this was a few years before we started dating). Well, throughout the course of our relationship she has been communicating with him, and she refuses to stop, although she claimed he "doesn't matter." I guess the culmination of their communication was this trip which she claims is about trust (that I am too controlling because I don't approve of it and should be trusting her). To me, this is clearly over the line even if her intentions are good... it's so unnecessary. So I broke up with her and we've had very very limited contact. I think her trip is scheduled for July sometime, and I think she's pushing forward with it, yet last time we talked she said she wasn't happy with me out of her life, that our relationship ending will always make her sad and that she cares about me. I just find all of that hard to believe when actions speak louder than words. In short, she chose a trip to visit this guy over me and I was wondering if anyone has a similar story where your ex realized that they made a mistake, but it was too late. Give it 6-12 months and you will be out of this delusion of thinking this woman is worthy of a minute of your time. She isn't. She kept communicating with a guy who pulled his d out and she 'wasn't interested' hmm and then goes on a trip with him. Hmm, yes sure, I believe nothing happened and she was weirded out by him. So weirded out that she books a trip to see him?! I think your red flag radar is accurately signaling. When things don't make sense and seem off, there's usually a reason. And you are correct..actions do speak louder than words. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Did you end up talking to your ex again d0nnivain? I'm assuming so We never didn't talk we just talked less & less until we got to the point where we exchange pleasantries every few years when we bump into each other. I was very angry when our relationship ended. I'm the one who ended it because I was so hurt & had been for so long because he wouldn't marry me. Even when he tried to make amends I was too angry to listen but we were never rude to each other. I took his calls when he called. I thanked him when he sent flowers & gifts, but I also told him to stop & I returned the non-perishable ones. I called him & sent flowers when his father died.
dumbass2 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 "she didn't want to talk to him after that (this was a few years before we started dating). Well, throughout the course of our relationship she has been communicating with him" She lied to you right here and you didn't see it. Of course she talked to him after that. She was more than likely still seeing this guy recently before you two met. She said she hasn't been in contact for 2 years yet she is in communication with him since you start dating her? I will bet that she has been talking on the phone with him in a way that I'm sure you would not approve of. This is my opinion based on my past experience and from what you have said on here.
Author hellogoodbye2424 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 you may be right, that she lied to me and I didn't see it. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt, which just shows that I'm not a "controlling" or "overbearing" guy... Thank you all for sharing. It doesn't make this easier but it does make me feel a little better.
aloneinaz Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 She's deflecting her BS behavior and trying to make it about something you allegedly do or did. Good for you to kick this douche to the curb. I'd of told her to F-off if I was her BF and left to never be heard from again. Why you're continuing to talk to her w/her gross character flaws is beyond me, my friend..
ravfour4 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 To poster above, because he loves and cares about her obviously, enough to forgive her for her actions. Folks on here will say that means there's something wrong with you, that you must be dependent or have a low self esteem, which it might, but it mainly means you really cared about this woman and want to keep fighting for her because you told yourself early on that you'd never give up. People make mistakes and being monogamous isn't even a natural thing for our species - it's something we force upon ourselves in our society. Betrayal is a real thing and right now your ex has betrayed you by lying and ignoring your feelings - because of this you should let her do her thing and try to focus on improving yourself and becoming the best person you can be. It's the best plan of action whether she comes back crying or if you never talk to her again. You will make it through this, let her know how you feel and then stop talking. Let her initiate any contact after that and decide whether or not you want to respond as it comes in. If responding makes you feel nervous or anxious, it means you need to heal more before talking to her again. 1
Author hellogoodbye2424 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Thanks Ravfour4. I think you're right - I need to go no contact and move forward. If she is to contact me, I don't think she'll contact me until after her trip anyways, which should give me plenty of time to do my own thing and hopefully heal a little.
fireflywy Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 On second thought, and per another forum, maybe he's just a "cuddle b****" and nothing will ever happen so you have nothing to worry about. Sarcasm off. Seriously, walk away.
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