treehugger101 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 My parents always tell me to watch out for the guy I date because he will convince me to have sex with him. I have told them that all the guys I date I tell them I am not having sex until marriage. The guy I am in a relationship with right now knows I am saving myself for marriage and respects me for it and is wiling to wait and isn't pressuring me to have sex or has bothered me to have sex etc. But my parents keep insisting that the guy will go and ask me, "come on if you love me, let's have sex". I have had this happen before and I turned all the guys down. I don't understand why my parents can't understand that I have my foot down on waiting until I am married. But they keep thinking I am going to have sex. What should I do? Any of you ever been in this situation?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Ignore your parents, they sound like they're trying to keep controlling your life even though you're an adult. Are you waiting for marriage because YOU want to or because that's how your parents raised you? Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. 5
mystikmind2005 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 On the one hand, it is a good test of a guys character and intention if he is willing to go along with that..... but on the other had, the temptation/anticipation of sex will cloud his and possibly your judgement on weather or not marriage is the right thing?
Gary S Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Well, just be thankful your parents care and are still around. be thankful for what you have. And I applaud you for waiting for marriage. You don't have to have sex before marriage to have a wonderful and loving marriage. 2
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Give your parents an option. Harassment = no wedding invitation. STFU = wedding invitations. Telling you once is acceptable. Haranguing you about it is abusive. 2
Phoenician Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 It seems that you come from a culture similar to mine ; and now I have teen girls who in few years will be in your position . I admire the girl who stayed virgin till marriage and will do like your parents with my girls ; at the same time I fear that if she knows nothing about sex she will be deceived later in life . Op, your parents care about you , even if they are wrong , they are doing this to protect you ; and you will do in the future same things with your kids , it is normal parent behavior . let me give you an example ,my girl is 16 , she is a very clever girl academically ,she could easily get a degree in engineering or Business or some scientific major.She is now thinking about doing a psychology major ; so she asked me about it ; from my experience , such a major will not help her a lot to build a good future ; the liberal , western mentality would suggest that I should leave her do her choices ; I cant agree with that ; so simply I told her : if you choose a major Me and mom don't agree with , you will get only our financial support for a BS degree ; otherwise if you choose something we bless we will support you financially a lifetime . So I am willing to go in debt to get a daughter who would be a doctor ;but not a psychologist .
Phoenician Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 So yes , I am trying to control my daughter life , and she doesn't like it . The inportant thing now is that with this guy or any other guy you need to discover your identity before committing to vows; you don't want to end up like my wife who married a guy who wants sex more than her and ended up thinking that this not normal ; or end up like me having a mismatched desires with a partner . I advise you to look at basic rules to decide if you and partner are potential match for marriage , especially re your desires .
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 A lot of "virgins" have had sex before. Unless you expect to be paid back for schooling, why do you care what SHE wants to study? Sounds kinda controlling to me. 1
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 let me give you an example ,my girl is 16 , she is a very clever girl academically ,she could easily get a degree in engineering or Business or some scientific major.She is now thinking about doing a psychology major ; so she asked me about it ; from my experience , such a major will not help her a lot to build a good future ; the liberal , western mentality would suggest that I should leave her do her choices ; I cant agree with that ; so simply I told her : if you choose a major Me and mom don't agree with , you will get only our financial support for a BS degree ; otherwise if you choose something we bless we will support you financially a lifetime . So I am willing to go in debt to get a daughter who would be a doctor ;but not a psychologist . Horrible. Absolutely horrible. Then in 10 years when she hates her life you'll wonder why you don't hear from her on Father's Day. When my daughter turned of age to date I told her about the pills and condoms and I told her don't marry the first one like I did. She is now 27, has 3 degrees, she's independent, smart, fit, has a huge circle of friends, and doesn't let any man disrespect her. When she picks a man for herself it will be under HER terms. 3
lgspot Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 When my daughter turned of age to date I told her about the pills and condoms and I told her don't marry the first one like I did. She is now 27, has 3 degrees, she's independent, smart, fit, has a huge circle of friends, and doesn't let any man disrespect her. When she picks a man for herself it will be under HER terms. Congratulations!!! You done good mom... I love LS happy stories.
Emmie83 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 (edited) It seems that you come from a culture similar to mine ; and now I have teen girls who in few years will be in your position . I admire the girl who stayed virgin till marriage and will do like your parents with my girls ; at the same time I fear that if she knows nothing about sex she will be deceived later in life . Op, your parents care about you , even if they are wrong , they are doing this to protect you ; and you will do in the future same things with your kids , it is normal parent behavior . let me give you an example ,my girl is 16 , she is a very clever girl academically ,she could easily get a degree in engineering or Business or some scientific major.She is now thinking about doing a psychology major ; so she asked me about it ; from my experience , such a major will not help her a lot to build a good future ; the liberal , western mentality would suggest that I should leave her do her choices ; I cant agree with that ; so simply I told her : if you choose a major Me and mom don't agree with , you will get only our financial support for a BS degree ; otherwise if you choose something we bless we will support you financially a lifetime . So I am willing to go in debt to get a daughter who would be a doctor ;but not a psychologist . Completely off topic. I haven't read past this post, but you sound like an overbearing father that has unrealistic expectations. What is wrong with your daughter wanting to do psych? I've got a business degree and am nearly finished my psych one and have nothing but love and support from my whole entire family and friends. They are proud of me and so should you be of your daughter if that is what she wants to pursue. I think what you said is disgraceful. Edited June 16, 2015 by Emmie83 1
Emmie83 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 So yes , I am trying to control my daughter life , and she doesn't like it . The inportant thing now is that with this guy or any other guy you need to discover your identity before committing to vows; you don't want to end up like my wife who married a guy who wants sex more than her and ended up thinking that this not normal ; or end up like me having a mismatched desires with a partner . I advise you to look at basic rules to decide if you and partner are potential match for marriage , especially re your desires . Read the rest now. Even more disgusted.
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 It seems that you come from a culture similar to mine ; and now I have teen girls who in few years will be in your position . I admire the girl who stayed virgin till marriage and will do like your parents with my girls ; at the same time I fear that if she knows nothing about sex she will be deceived later in life . Op, your parents care about you , even if they are wrong , they are doing this to protect you ; and you will do in the future same things with your kids , it is normal parent behavior . let me give you an example ,my girl is 16 , she is a very clever girl academically ,she could easily get a degree in engineering or Business or some scientific major.She is now thinking about doing a psychology major ; so she asked me about it ; from my experience , such a major will not help her a lot to build a good future ; the liberal , western mentality would suggest that I should leave her do her choices ; I cant agree with that ; so simply I told her : if you choose a major Me and mom don't agree with , you will get only our financial support for a BS degree ; otherwise if you choose something we bless we will support you financially a lifetime . So I am willing to go in debt to get a daughter who would be a doctor ;but not a psychologist . Well, yeah I think it's very VERY wrong what you are doing, and also quite manipulative...and controlling. Sadly, she will probably choose to marry a man like you as well....I hope you will be around to support her then ...cause god knows she will need all the support she can get. My question to you though is...what exactly is your gripe with her being a psychologist, if that in fact is what she chooses to do? Having a psychology degree...there are many other options open to her as well, but even if she does choose to devote her life to helping others via psychology, it is a very respectable profession and can be quite lucrative as well. So curious what your issue is with that. 2
Lansing Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 [/i]She is now 27, has 3 degrees, she's independent, smart, fit, has a huge circle of friends, and doesn't let any man disrespect her. When she picks a man for herself it will be under HER terms. Sounds like the kind of girl I want to date... Re: the OP... Your parents do sound like they are hounding you. I respect your decision and felt the same way for the longest time but I never had my parents bugging me about it. I grew up in a religious home so that was definitely part of it but it wasn't my only reason. If your question is how to get your parents off your back, I would explain to them that you are very much committed to your goals/beliefs but having them remind you constantly isn't helping the situation.
Author treehugger101 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Sounds like the kind of girl I want to date... Re: the OP... Your parents do sound like they are hounding you. I respect your decision and felt the same way for the longest time but I never had my parents bugging me about it. I grew up in a religious home so that was definitely part of it but it wasn't my only reason. If your question is how to get your parents off your back, I would explain to them that you are very much committed to your goals/beliefs but having them remind you constantly isn't helping the situation. Yeah but knowing them they will just say something like but if we stop reminding you, then you will likely have sex! Like today my parents tossed it in my face about me just going over to my Boyfriend's place, they assumed I had sex and I am going to get pregnant etc.
Lansing Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Ha, Your parents sound super paranoid. Funny, the last girl I dated said that her parents didn't like her going over to sleep at guys places so she wanted to respect that. However, when her parents were away she invited me over and I slept at her place.... so, where is the logic there?
nadine5 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 This is going to sound completely bitchy and rude... but I don't understand the point of dating without sex.
Recommended Posts