HugosVoice Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 After feeling for a long time that something is "off" in my relationship and not quite being able to put my finger on what (we get along, there is no abuse, cheating, etc), I stumbled across an article a few days ago that really spoke to me and I am just curious to what everyone's opinion is on it. Have you ever experienced something like this? I am not looking for advice for my own relationship, just opinions on the article. Thank you. “There is a culture in our relationship-obsessed young women's world that has obfuscated a dark truth: We are so overly focused on fixing our relationships that we have become completely blind to the fact that we're in the wrong relationships. We read articles and talk and think for days about how to improve ourselves, our boyfriends and the health of our relationships. We give advice and listen to stories. But all this has desensitized us to the fact that we're just dating the wrong guy. Maybe if we actually told our friends this, many of us would have gotten out of relationships we wasted years trying to fix. As friends, we want to be supportive and often we're afraid of taking a stance against a friend's boyfriend, lest he turn into a fiancé and we find ourselves at the worst table at the wedding. But it's become so commonplace, I personally can't keep my mouth shut anymore. Part of the blame for this is the conventionally accepted wisdom that we're supposed to "work on our relationships." Today, men are expected to change: to communicate and share feelings and compromise with us women. But up until the sixties, if there were problems in a relationship, the woman had to evaluate the relationship, including the problems, because she would have never entertained the hope that her husband might change into a more sensitive, communicative man. Today, we evaluate our relationships and assume we can fix these problems because we're told to talk things out and tell our men what we need from them. But we've ignored the most important part of working at relationships -- determining if we're even in the right one to begin with. We as women have deluded ourselves into believing that if we talk things out we can fix things and then we will have just the good portion of our relationship left. I hear friends say all the time, I just need to trust him more, then we'll be great, or once we figure out where to live, our relationship will be perfect, or he makes me so happy, except for [fill in the blank] which we'll fix by communicating better. But there is very little you end up fixing in a relationship. Your relationship very often has the same problems two years from now that you have today. I'm not saying be pessimistic and forget about trying to work out problems. By all means, try. But suppose things aren't fixed, is this still the relationship you want to be in? We can get men to talk with us and share more, maybe even get a manicure once before they die. But don't let this blind you to the fact that you might just be in a relationship that isn't right or isn't as good as one you could be in with someone else. I've had to give up talking to some of my friends about their relationships because every time I get on the phone with them, they're depressed about the same problems with the same men. And of course they can see fifty possible answers but none of them include the obvious: BREAK UP WITH HIM. I used to think that finding the right person to be with was about finding the person in the world who makes you the happiest. And that if you achieve that feeling of such complete love and euphoria and bliss with someone, you know you're with the right person. But it turns out, you can achieve that feeling even with the wrong person.”
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Yup, I agree totally. I'd rather be single then be miserable in a toxic relationship. I just wish people weren't deceitful or play games in relationships. If you're unhappy, do the right thing & end it. Don't cheat or keep someone around as a backup.
Author HugosVoice Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Sorry fellas, I should have said this is more aimed at women. I tried to change the topic name and put it in there but I can't seem to.
Author HugosVoice Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Yup, I agree totally. I'd rather be single than be miserable in a toxic relationship. I just wish people weren't deceitful or play games in relationships. But the point is, what if the relationship isn't toxic/miserable/deceitful? What if it's OK but it just feels... wrong?
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Plenty of people are quite content to be in an unhappy relationship or marriage, because they are scared to be alone. They would even go so far as to lie to themselves and others once questioned, and say that they are happy just so they don't get pressure to leave. Are you one of these people or not?
Author HugosVoice Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Plenty of people are quite content to be in an unhappy relationship or marriage, because they are scared to be alone. No no… the relationship isn’t unhappy,it’s just wrong. Did you read my original post? The last paragraph about being happy even with the wrong person?
Recommended Posts