frigginlost Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) It happened. They always come back if you were a decent guy during the relationship. Didn't think I'd ever hear a word from her or from someone close to her regarding her. That all changed a week ago. It's amazing what happens in an ex's head when they find out that you're dating a drop dead gorgeous girl 10 years my junior. I'm 47 and now dating a 37 year old. In the words of my ex's best friend "she saw you out with her, and her world collapsed". I'll be honest, I felt bad hearing that, but she left me, and is still with the guy she left me for. I do hope she's happy... but there is a piece of me that is grinning knowing that it finally has hit her. I've moved on... and it feels good. Edited June 15, 2015 by frigginlost 12
gnick Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 That's awesome. The next best thing to that happening to me is hearing your story.congrats
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I dread that the most, hearing from or running into my ex in the future. 3
imbax Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I dread that the most, hearing from or running into my ex in the future. It would be easier if they were just gone for good out of your life. Unfortunately, sooner or later we will bump into each other again. The next time for me will be next month when I have a compulsory university thing with her. Seriously not looking forward to it because last time it happened, all hell broke loose, NC was broken by me and all feelings were unleashed. Hopefully this time I can regain my composure and act as if it doesn't phase me.
Author frigginlost Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 Update -- Since seeing me with the girl I was dating apparently the ex has gone off the deep end. She is an absolute mess. Through the grapevine I heard that her blinders fell off and has having a rough, rough, time. I did what I thought I never would, and reached out to her to check on her. 4 days ago was her little boys birthday so I thought I would send a quick note wishing him a happy birthday and seeing if she is okay. What I got back was not what I expected. This woman and I had a rough relationship, I'm not gonna lie. But there is some sort of connection between her and I, that just can't be put into words. In our conversation, we picked up right where our connection left off. She is no longer dating the guy she left me for, and has not been for over a month, although they are still friends. I am no longer dating the 37 year old, as it just did not work out. While we discussed what has been happening with both of us, she hit me with it; she wants to meet up. She says I'm the only guy that has truly ever owned her heart and that it took seeing me with someone else for the gravity of it all to hit her. I'm pretty confused here. It's been almost 8 months since she dumped me and I know we both have been working on ourselves... What are your folks' thoughts on agreeing to meet with her?
KBarletta Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I'd be very skeptical and reluctant if I were in your shoes. Specifically, I would want to know exactly what is her reason for wanting to meet up? I'd be suspicious that she is trying to "back burner" you given that she has just recently broken it off with the new guy. She left you for this guy, it didn't work out and now she is retreating back to you as the second choice, the safe one that has always been there. Honestly, unless you both are truly interested in a second chance, or there is some kind of unfinished business that must be addressed in person, I would probably opt out of meeting up. But that's just my feeling. If you are 100 percent over her and can handle seeing her without a flood of emotions and the possibility of a backslide, then go for it. 3
organizedchaos Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I'm confused. In two weeks you went from being happily dating a hot girl 10 years younger to breaking up? Why? And you were so over your ex too but now your not and entertaining seeing her again after gloating about how defeated she now felt?
Author frigginlost Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 I'd be very skeptical and reluctant if I were in your shoes. Specifically, I would want to know exactly what is her reason for wanting to meet up? I'd be suspicious that she is trying to "back burner" you given that she has just recently broken it off with the new guy. She left you for this guy, it didn't work out and now she is retreating back to you as the second choice, the safe one that has always been there. Honestly, unless you both are truly interested in a second chance, or there is some kind of unfinished business that must be addressed in person, I would probably opt out of meeting up. But that's just my feeling. If you are 100 percent over her and can handle seeing her without a flood of emotions and the possibility of a backslide, then go for it. Awesome advice, thank you. I know it was her that broke it off with him. She had started to detach from him a month earlier than when she saw me out and about. I don't know that I am 100% "over" her, but I am completely comfortable not caring about how either us moves forward regarding her and I, if that makes sense.
Author frigginlost Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 I'm confused. In two weeks you went from being happily dating a hot girl 10 years younger to breaking up? Why? And you were so over your ex too but now your not and entertaining seeing her again after gloating about how defeated she now felt? I hear ya. The younger girl, was just that; younger. While we both were having a great time, I think we both knew that there was not a "future" with us. We both were honest with ourselves and decided to remain friends. Not a big deal really. I'm a believer that if you truly love someone, you will always love that person in some sort of fashion until the end of time. Maybe not romantically, but as someone who has owned a special part of you. While yes, I was somewhat gloating about it, as I mentioned there was a part of me that felt bad for the ex. Maybe there was an unresolved feeling within me causing it? I'm not sure...
Ariess10 Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Oh I wouldn't meet up all that pain and nc would be for nothing I mean you broke up for a reason , that reason it is there.. Just my option 1
Simon Phoenix Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I would also say no dice to the meet up, mostly because I think that you should be looking to move forward in your life, not circle back. When you dig up the past, all you get is dirty. I also think that she might just be looking for an ego pick-me up. If you still have feelings, I just don't see much upside from your perspective. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I agree with the others and don't think the meet up is a good idea. From the first post, it's obvious you were no where near over her and I don't think you are now. It's been 8 months only, so that's probably normal. This site is littered with horror stories about people who used their heart instead of their brains and gave someone a second chance. Most of them where epic failures. She dumped you once. People don't end relationships w/out a lot of thought. It sounds like she met someone else and dumped you which is even worse. This is classic dumper behavior. They leave for someone better or think life will be better w/out you. They then date, have a rebound or two and then get lonely and sick of being single. Once the honeymoon phase of the reconciliation ends (and usually quickly) they remember why they where unhappy and dump the person the second time. 1
Bradt Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Dmn...Im in a very similar situation. My ex gf of 7 years broke up with me 2months ago.She is 6 years younger than me.Anyway, last Friday I hooked up with another very,very beautiful girl that is 13years younger than me.Me and the new girl spent Saturday,Sunday and lats night together.(I might be bragging a bit but after 2months of deppression I was feeling happy).I did not have such great intamacy in a looong time.My ex was always in a bad mood. The only thing that is not up to scratch with my new girl is the conversation.I have a lot life experience and she just getting started. So now my ex is bound to find out about her because she work at a place my ex go to almost daily.But my ex left me for someone else(I think). If my ex would come back now and want to try again I will NOT even consider taking her back. My opinion,your ex are jealous because you got a "younger woman". And once you 2 try again and she know you all hers,she will just dump you again.Thats what they do.I been through that before with my other ex.And will not fall for that again.They see you happy with someone "beter" and they let you,its hard for them.They expect you to sulk and be longing for them. So if I was you I would rather not put myself up more more hurt later on from the same ex. Even if you and 37year old dont work Like I said,this is just my opinion.You decide what is right for you. 1
Author frigginlost Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 I agree with the others and don't think the meet up is a good idea. From the first post, it's obvious you were no where near over her and I don't think you are now. It's been 8 months only, so that's probably normal. This site is littered with horror stories about people who used their heart instead of their brains and gave someone a second chance. Most of them where epic failures. She dumped you once. People don't end relationships w/out a lot of thought. It sounds like she met someone else and dumped you which is even worse. This is classic dumper behavior. They leave for someone better or think life will be better w/out you. They then date, have a rebound or two and then get lonely and sick of being single. Once the honeymoon phase of the reconciliation ends (and usually quickly) they remember why they where unhappy and dump the person the second time. Thanks, az. The whole crux in this thing, is the guy she left me for she had once dated in the past. It was not a new guy. My gut tells me she gig'd back to him to confirm to herself that ending it with him the first time was the correct thing to do. Extremely, extremely, selfish thing I know. But we are talking about a 45 year old woman who has been married and her marriage was extremely bad. Gun shy about commitment comes to mind. But, this is no longer about her. This is about me, and me only. She has been blowing up my phone this morning... Ugh. I'm just going to step back and really think this through. Thanks all.
candie13 Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 there's no break up (if there are real feelings) with no back and forth. I don't think you'll manage to stay away, the temptation to think "this time it'll be different" is too high. Do you best to understand why she drifted away in the first place. If you don't understand that, then you cannot control the RS this time anymore than you did the second time. Anyways, as usual, going through the same sh"t all over again might actually help you heal from her forever. this makes me think of that game: he who calls it quits first, wins... are you really really sure you want to try again?
Author frigginlost Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 there's no break up (if there are real feelings) with no back and forth. I don't think you'll manage to stay away, the temptation to think "this time it'll be different" is too high. Do you best to understand why she drifted away in the first place. If you don't understand that, then you cannot control the RS this time anymore than you did the second time. Anyways, as usual, going through the same sh"t all over again might actually help you heal from her forever. this makes me think of that game: he who calls it quits first, wins... are you really really sure you want to try again? Absolutely awesome. Thank you for that. I understand completely why she drifted. We talked about it and I understand my actions in why it happened. And no, I'm not really, really, sure. I am open to slowly, and I mean very, very, slowly, seeing where our recent communications take things. Any signs of "the previous pattern of events from her or I" and I'm out.
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Thanks, az. The whole crux in this thing, is the guy she left me for she had once dated in the past. It was not a new guy. My gut tells me she gig'd back to him to confirm to herself that ending it with him the first time was the correct thing to do. Extremely, extremely, selfish thing I know. But we are talking about a 45 year old woman who has been married and her marriage was extremely bad. Gun shy about commitment comes to mind. But, this is no longer about her. This is about me, and me only. She has been blowing up my phone this morning... Ugh. I'm just going to step back and really think this through. Thanks all. Ya know, she really sounds like a tree swinger. Jumps from one relationship to the next. You're now the easiest tree to reach since she's familiar with you. To recap, she left the one guy, then went to you. Then dumped you to go back to him. Now, she's single again and wants to potentially go back to you again? That's clearly not healthy. This women has issues that she needs to work thru alone for a while. Distracting herself from her issues by constantly dating someone isn't going to help her. My last ex was the same exact person as your ex. Her husband cheated on her and left her for the gal. She then started on a trail of destruction, jumping from one guy to the next. Always dumping the guys. She and I then dated off/on for a year of hell for me. She dumped me because I couldn't do it at the time. I'd had enough and finally figured her out. I healed and dated and then met my now 2 year GF. This ex did exactly what yours is doing. She was back on the dating sites a week later (can't be alone). Had a short relationship and then came back after me 5.5 months later or one week after her short relationship ended. I was w/my new GF then and told her "oh hell no" to another chance. I also think she has BPD as well. My man, I just think you'd be better off NOT recycling a failed relationship. I get you still have feelings for her but her behavior isn't going to change. As the other poster stated, once she has her claws back in you, she'll get bored and dump you again when the next guy that catches her fancy appears.
Author frigginlost Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 Ya know, she really sounds like a tree swinger. Jumps from one relationship to the next. You're now the easiest tree to reach since she's familiar with you. To recap, she left the one guy, then went to you. Then dumped you to go back to him. Now, she's single again and wants to potentially go back to you again? That's clearly not healthy. This women has issues that she needs to work thru alone for a while. Distracting herself from her issues by constantly dating someone isn't going to help her. My last ex was the same exact person as your ex. Her husband cheated on her and left her for the gal. She then started on a trail of destruction, jumping from one guy to the next. Always dumping the guys. She and I then dated off/on for a year of hell for me. She dumped me because I couldn't do it at the time. I'd had enough and finally figured her out. I healed and dated and then met my now 2 year GF. This ex did exactly what yours is doing. She was back on the dating sites a week later (can't be alone). Had a short relationship and then came back after me 5.5 months later or one week after her short relationship ended. I was w/my new GF then and told her "oh hell no" to another chance. I also think she has BPD as well. My man, I just think you'd be better off NOT recycling a failed relationship. I get you still have feelings for her but her behavior isn't going to change. As the other poster stated, once she has her claws back in you, she'll get bored and dump you again when the next guy that catches her fancy appears. Truer words have never been spoken, and that is exactly at the top of my mind right now. Thanks man.
Rainmkr555 Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I love this post Good for you bro!! It's nice to hear about a guy inflicting this type of heartbreak onto a woman for a change!! It always seems like women move on from break ups MUCH faster than us guys do. Probably cuz women know it is MUCH easier for them to find someone else than it is for us to.
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I love this post It always seems like women move on from break ups MUCH faster than us guys do. Probably cuz women know it is MUCH easier for them to find someone else than it is for us to. This isn't always true. Guys with good self esteem, reasonable looks and bodies can find women as fast as girls can find guys. Sadly, a lot of guys are insecure and fear rejection.
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