Why seek an extramarital relationship? (Updated)

June 15, 2015

Why would a guy seek an extramarital relationship? Is it just for the sex? I mean actually seek one as opposed to gradually fall into one with a good friend or colleague or something? I know some guys will never be faithful but others seem to genuinely want a connection with a soulmate. It seems so pointless to stay in a marriage if you feel like that.

June 15, 2015

I think it's more complicated than that. Ending a marriage is a very big deal. it has far-reaching consequences in terms of family relationships, children (if you have them), financial stability, living arrangements, and emotional security. Sometimes I think people look at the totality of those things and realize that they do not wish to upset the apple cart "just for intimacy." they figure they can get that on the side, enjoy the pleasure of a woman's company and closeness, but maintain the stability of the family home.

June 15, 2015

The reasons are as varied as the men (and women) who are seeking them. There's no single answer.

June 16, 2015

I think it's more complicated than that. Ending a marriage is a very big deal. it has far-reaching consequences in terms of family relationships, children (if you have them), financial stability, living arrangements, and emotional security. Sometimes I think people look at the totality of those things and realize that they do not wish to upset the apple cart "just for intimacy." they figure they can get that on the side, enjoy the pleasure of a woman's company and closeness, but maintain the stability of the family home.

It makes me sad how so much of this board is because of the different value the parties place on intimacy and how they chose to seek it. I think that connection is what gives us our humanity and pity the ones who choose life without it so as to not disrupt the status quo.

OP I agree with you, if they are fine with status quo then be content w it. Don't seek an EMR. But they can't be content w it because its such a driving force to want to feel/give love.

June 16, 2015

I think it's more complicated than that. Ending a marriage is a very big deal. it has far-reaching consequences in terms of family relationships, children (if you have them), financial stability, living arrangements, and emotional security. Sometimes I think people look at the totality of those things and realize that they do not wish to upset the apple cart "just for intimacy." they figure they can get that on the side, enjoy the pleasure of a woman's company and closeness, but maintain the stability of the family home.

Purrrfect post...

And to add, the court systems and divorce will more than likely leave the guy broke and kids in custody of the mother...Lots of women know this, so when they wanna pursue their careers, stop having sex, and/or just wanna let themselves go - they know they got their husband by the balls.

And, divorce devastates the kids no matter how much "visitation" is agreed upon by the courts and/or the parents remarry. Shoot over 70% of remarriages end up in divorce.

Some men simply can't stay "hostage" in a sexless and/or unhappy marriage - yet do not want to break up the family. Men need sex and approval/affection from their wives - wives have that much power over their man (transitioned from his mum to her). My fav podcaster recommends the men do like "sublimation" where they stay busy, get hobbies - anything to distract them from wanting to cheat and that makes sense...the busier you are, what time are you gonna have to think of sex/intimacy?

Lol, but then again, she tells the women 'What do you expect him to do...get a mistress, masturbate to porn, or divorce you?'

So, IMO, if you are a woman not holding up your end of the marriage then why should you get alimony and all the "perks" of being a wife? Lol...like a year or so ago, I think it was like in the middle east or something where the husband stopped paying the bills cuz his wife wasn't having sex with him and it went to court....

June 16, 2015

It makes me sad how so much of this board is because of the different value the parties place on intimacy and how they chose to seek it. I think that connection is what gives us our humanity and pity the ones who choose life without it so as to not disrupt the status quo.

OP I agree with you, if they are fine with status quo then be content w it. Don't seek an EMR. But they can't be content w it because its such a driving force to want to feel/give love.

I'm sure you'll notice a difference in the responses amongst men and women...

Cuz, women do enjoy sex - but they get their fulfillment in many other ways that men don't. They have the kids, family, friends, their husband just coming home every day - is enough for them. That's why when a woman cheats, it's not cuz of the "sex" per se - it's cuz some dude was giving her attention/excitement that she wasn't getting in her life...It's more "emotional".

Men are different. They need "sex". They need to be respected. They need to be nurtured...Women don't get that.

Like last week, this woman called my fav podcaster cuz she and her hubby agreed to take like an hr or so a few time a week - where on "her" night they did what she wanted, and on "his" night they did what he wanted cuz they were trying to make time for each other despite just having a baby.

Well, on "her" nights she literally wanted to sit around and talk...On "his" night it was sex, and she was upset about that. She just could not understand why he wanted sex on his night...Shoot, maybe him having sex with her (including penis in her mouth) would be the only way he could get her to shut up and just spend time with him!!!

Another call, this guy and his wife are both teachers...when he comes home, she wants to "talk" and he doesn't cuz it's like he wants to leave what happened in the classroom IN the classroom and just wants to unwind. Well, my fav podcaster said he should try to "train" his wife to unwind by giving her a massage, running her a bath, etc...But, I was upset that his wife was burdening him like that. I wouldn't do that to my man...I'd be the one offering to massage his feet after a long day and we both share a beer and wine and just unwind...then, "maybe" talk about how our days went...but women don't know and/or care how to treat their husbands - especially now a days.

June 16, 2015

Purrrfect post...

And to add, the court systems and divorce will more than likely leave the guy broke and kids in custody of the mother...Lots of women know this, so when they wanna pursue their careers, stop having sex, and/or just wanna let themselves go - they know they got their husband by the balls.

And, divorce devastates the kids no matter how much "visitation" is agreed upon by the courts and/or the parents remarry. Shoot over 70% of remarriages end up in divorce.

Some men simply can't stay "hostage" in a sexless and/or unhappy marriage - yet do not want to break up the family. Men need sex and approval/affection from their wives - wives have that much power over their man (transitioned from his mum to her). My fav podcaster recommends the men do like "sublimation" where they stay busy, get hobbies - anything to distract them from wanting to cheat and that makes sense...the busier you are, what time are you gonna have to think of sex/intimacy?

Lol, but then again, she tells the women 'What do you expect him to do...get a mistress, masturbate to porn, or divorce you?'

So, IMO, if you are a woman not holding up your end of the marriage then why should you get alimony and all the "perks" of being a wife? Lol...like a year or so ago, I think it was like in the middle east or something where the husband stopped paying the bills cuz his wife wasn't having sex with him and it went to court....

This does nothing to explain why women cheat.

June 16, 2015

In fairness, the OP sought answers to why men seek extramarital relationships.

Manifold, they are. Some are sexual, some are emotional, some are both. Why usually boils down to they don't want to end their marriage and do want whatever is gained from the parallel relationship. It's a choice. So, why? I choose.

For myself, once my lawyer secured my ability to continue caregiving without potential incursions from my exW, we got divorced. Prior, job one, absent spousal support, was the responsibility I had chosen. I got, and gave, my support elsewhere. No deception, no apologies, plenty of fair warning. It was a choice. In retrospect, it kept both of us alive and life is a good thing.

June 16, 2015

I'm sure you'll notice a difference in the responses amongst men and women...

Cuz, women do enjoy sex - but they get their fulfillment in many other ways that men don't. They have the kids, family, friends, their husband just coming home every day - is enough for them. That's why when a woman cheats, it's not cuz of the "sex" per se - it's cuz some dude was giving her attention/excitement that she wasn't getting in her life...It's more "emotional".

Men are different. They need "sex". They need to be respected. They need to be nurtured...Women don't get that.

Like last week, this woman called my fav podcaster cuz she and her hubby agreed to take like an hr or so a few time a week - where on "her" night they did what she wanted, and on "his" night they did what he wanted cuz they were trying to make time for each other despite just having a baby.

Well, on "her" nights she literally wanted to sit around and talk...On "his" night it was sex, and she was upset about that. She just could not understand why he wanted sex on his night...Shoot, maybe him having sex with her (including penis in her mouth) would be the only way he could get her to shut up and just spend time with him!!!

Another call, this guy and his wife are both teachers...when he comes home, she wants to "talk" and he doesn't cuz it's like he wants to leave what happened in the classroom IN the classroom and just wants to unwind. Well, my fav podcaster said he should try to "train" his wife to unwind by giving her a massage, running her a bath, etc...But, I was upset that his wife was burdening him like that. I wouldn't do that to my man...I'd be the one offering to massage his feet after a long day and we both share a beer and wine and just unwind...then, "maybe" talk about how our days went...but women don't know and/or care how to treat their husbands - especially now a days.

I'm not trying to be rude to you, but you really have zero idea of what it is like to be a married couple where both work and there are kids. It's not all about her wanting to avoid sex and him being some sex starved creature.

Both parents get home form work after picking up the kids, maybe around 5;30 or 6:00. Supper needs to be prepared or at least eaten, then there's help with homework, laundry to do, talk about the running of the household, dealing with issues with the kids education and recreational activities, getting the kids to bed at an appropriate time.

Then, maybe the couple have some time together, if they are lucky, and haven help them if they have a small baby or kids who need extra attention due to being special needs kids, or having some sort of problem in their lives.

there may be no time for the couple to come home, have a glass of wine together,have her rub his feet and then talk about their days for a while before tending to their kids.

If this is the life style they wanted, then they should not have had kids, or agreed that one parent would stay home well past the age when the last child starts school, but surprise! For many parents, that is not an option. things like health care, saving for their kids education, clothing, food, utilities, school fees and supplies, medications, plus the money that mom and dad need to spend on their own things all cost money, and sometimes even two working parents can't do it ( just go to any food bank or school breakfast program...you'll have your eyes opened).

Both parties need to carve out time for one another, but they also need to be realistic about what that will mean ( and before I get beaten down for saying it's okay for spouses to starve their husbands and wives of sex or intimacy, that is not what I am saying at all). What I am saying is that if mom or dad or both got up at five thirty to start the day, and don't get to bed until maybe eleven at night because they have so much to do around the house, they have to find time for one another as well, and there may be times when they can't do it. There may be months when they can't, and a "quickie" a few times a week is all they can manage ( again, I;m not saying they should go without sex or intimacy for years on end). PArt of a maure love is being able to be there for one another, and if that means a wife needs some time to talk to her husband and unwind before they hop in the sack, most men that I have ever met are okay with that, as it's a two way street. They are able to look at both as intimacy builders.

Most mature men that I have met want their spouse to be an equal, not a subservient. If feet are to be rubbed at the end of the long day, why aren't both husband and wife doing that for each other? It can be done lying down while they talk about their day and bond with one another and build the kind of intimacy taht leads to sex that is really satisfying for both.

Edited June 16, 2015 by truncated

June 16, 2015

I'm not trying to be rude to you, but you really have zero idea of what it is like to be a married couple where both work and there are kids. It's not all about her wanting to avoid sex and him being some sex starved creature.

Both parents get home form work after picking up the kids, maybe around 5;30 or 6:00. Supper needs to be prepared or at least eaten, then there's help with homework, laundry to do, talk about the running of the household, dealing with issues with the kids education and recreational activities, getting the kids to bed at an appropriate time.

Then, maybe the couple have some time together, if they are lucky, and haven help them if they have a small baby or kids who need extra attention due to being special needs kids, or having some sort of problem in their lives.

there may be no time for the couple to come home, have a glass of wine together,have her rub his feet and then talk about their days for a while before tending to their kids.

If this is the life style they wanted, then they should not have had kids, or agreed that one parent would stay home well past the age when the last child starts school, but surprise! For many parents, that is not an option. things like health care, saving for their kids education, clothing, food, utilities, school fees and supplies, medications, plus the money that mom and dad need to spend on their own things all cost money, and sometimes even two working parents can't do it ( just go to any food bank or school breakfast program...you'll have your eyes opened).

Both parties need to carve out time for one another, but they also need to be realistic about what that will mean ( and before I get beaten down for saying it's okay for spouses to starve their husbands and wives of sex or intimacy, that is not what I am saying at all). What I am saying is that if mom or dad or both got up at five thirty to start the day, and don't get to bed until maybe eleven at night because they have so much to do around the house, they have to find time for one another as well, and there may be times when they can't do it. There may be months when they can't, and a "quickie" a few times a week is all they can manage ( again, I;m not saying they should go without sex or intimacy for years on end). PArt of a maure love is being able to be there for one another, and if that means a wife needs some time to talk to her husband and unwind before they hop in the sack, most men that I have ever met are okay with that, as it's a two way street. They are able to look at both as intimacy builders.

Most mature men that I have met want their spouse to be an equal, not a subservient. If feet are to be rubbed at the end of the long day, why aren't both husband and wife doing that for each other? It can be done lying down while they talk about their day and bond with one another and build the kind of intimacy taht leads to sex that is really satisfying for both.

And attitudes like this here, is why when the kids are 18, up and out...couples divorce and people call it "mid life crises" and/or are "surprised".

Why?

Cuz the couple no longer nurture their relationship...it all becomes bills and the kids. Neither party cares to do anything for each other anymore, are waiting on a "feeling" to breathe life into the marriage and/or are waiting for the other person to do something first. I bet ya they didn't even have premarital counseling to raise and address these issues.

What's so hard in getting a babysitter and having a "date nite"? Is the dual income really necessary? Then only have one kid.

I could go on and on, but what do I know?

June 16, 2015

I'm not trying to be rude to you, but you really have zero idea of what it is like to be a married couple where both work and there are kids. It's not all about her wanting to avoid sex and him being some sex starved creature.

Both parents get home form work after picking up the kids, maybe around 5;30 or 6:00. Supper needs to be prepared or at least eaten, then there's help with homework, laundry to do, talk about the running of the household, dealing with issues with the kids education and recreational activities, getting the kids to bed at an appropriate time.

Then, maybe the couple have some time together, if they are lucky, and haven help them if they have a small baby or kids who need extra attention due to being special needs kids, or having some sort of problem in their lives.

there may be no time for the couple to come home, have a glass of wine together,have her rub his feet and then talk about their days for a while before tending to their kids.

If this is the life style they wanted, then they should not have had kids, or agreed that one parent would stay home well past the age when the last child starts school, but surprise! For many parents, that is not an option. things like health care, saving for their kids education, clothing, food, utilities, school fees and supplies, medications, plus the money that mom and dad need to spend on their own things all cost money, and sometimes even two working parents can't do it ( just go to any food bank or school breakfast program...you'll have your eyes opened).

Both parties need to carve out time for one another, but they also need to be realistic about what that will mean ( and before I get beaten down for saying it's okay for spouses to starve their husbands and wives of sex or intimacy, that is not what I am saying at all). What I am saying is that if mom or dad or both got up at five thirty to start the day, and don't get to bed until maybe eleven at night because they have so much to do around the house, they have to find time for one another as well, and there may be times when they can't do it. There may be months when they can't, and a "quickie" a few times a week is all they can manage ( again, I;m not saying they should go without sex or intimacy for years on end). PArt of a maure love is being able to be there for one another, and if that means a wife needs some time to talk to her husband and unwind before they hop in the sack, most men that I have ever met are okay with that, as it's a two way street. They are able to look at both as intimacy builders.

Most mature men that I have met want their spouse to be an equal, not a subservient. If feet are to be rubbed at the end of the long day, why aren't both husband and wife doing that for each other? It can be done lying down while they talk about their day and bond with one another and build the kind of intimacy taht leads to sex that is really satisfying for both.

Maybe she was referring to SAHM's ...? I dunno...

TFY

Edited June 16, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

June 16, 2015

And attitudes like this here, is why when the kids are 18, up and out...couples divorce and people call it "mid life crises" and/or are "surprised".

Why?

Cuz the couple no longer nurture their relationship...it all becomes bills and the kids. Neither party cares to do anything for each other anymore, are waiting on a "feeling" to breathe life into the marriage and/or are waiting for the other person to do something first. I bet ya they didn't even have premarital counseling to raise and address these issues.

What's so hard in getting a babysitter and having a "date nite"? Is the dual income really necessary? Then only have one kid.

I could go on and on, but what do I know?

Sorry, unless you ave been in that situation, you don't.

I's easy to say "if you are in that situation, only have one kid". Even with one kid, a dual income may be necessary, depending upon where you live.

You also assume that the kid, or kids, will never have any issues, and I can assure you, that is not the case.

We had three kids, and by some very bad luck ( an I suspect bad genetics) all of them had health issues, which meant I had to stay at home with hem. Even with my country's free primary health care and my husband's excellent health insurance, we still had to pay over a thousand out of pocket each month for medications, therapy, transportation to and form medical appointments at the children's hospital that is several hours away, special foods for them, etc., etc., etc.

These were not luxuries, but necessities.

We did the date night thing a few times when we were lucky enough to have respite care and my husband wasn't deployed or away somewhere, but that was all we could manage, and the idea of taking time off every day form what we had to do so I could rub his feet, drink a glass of wine with him and then talk about our day was, well, not going to happen.

We built our intimacy in other ways.

I juts irks me when people who have no idea what parenthood can be like for some speak as if they do. It just adds to the guilt they are already feeling for not being able to do it all.

June 16, 2015

The majority of affairs for both men and women are driven by a need for emotional closeness, appreciation, and respect. It's seldom just about sex, but sex is usually an expression of these other needs.

Of course, my position is that you either fix your marriage, end it, or negotiate an open marriage so you don't have the ethical dilemma of cheating. Most emotionally and sexually distant spouses won't entertain the latter idea, and it is very difficult and damaging to divorce especially when there are children and difficult financial issues. It may SEEM like cheating is the easiest solution with the least downside - unless you're caught. Even then, with no-fault divorce, you're seldom worse off that if you had divorced. Since it's estimated that over 80% of cheaters are never caught, it may actually work for many.

June 16, 2015

my mm went on to screw others, he liked sex

June 16, 2015

And to add, the court systems and divorce will more than likely leave the guy broke and kids in custody of the mother...Lots of women know this, so when they wanna pursue their careers, stop having sex, and/or just wanna let themselves go - they know they got their husband by the balls.

Why such a dim view on women? Lots? I think this view on women in general fuels infidelity- the OW and WS both feel like she (the BS) deserves it for "letting themselves go" while holding their husbands hostage- the blame shifting relieves people of their personal responsibilities, their integrity, etc.... except of course when the OW gets hurt, then of course she is the victim- I think if we, as women, held each other up rather than tore each other down there would be a lot less hurt and humiliation for all-

June 16, 2015

The majority of affairs for both men and women are driven by a need for emotional closeness, appreciation, and respect. It's seldom just about sex, but sex is usually an expression of these other needs.

Of course, my position is that you either fix your marriage, end it, or negotiate an open marriage so you don't have the ethical dilemma of cheating. Most emotionally and sexually distant spouses won't entertain the latter idea, and it is very difficult and damaging to divorce especially when there are children and difficult financial issues. It may SEEM like cheating is the easiest solution with the least downside - unless you're caught. Even then, with no-fault divorce, you're seldom worse off that if you had divorced. Since it's estimated that over 80% of cheaters are never caught, it may actually work for many.

This. Not any kind of approval of cheating, but the motivations behind it. There are probably as many "reasons" for cheating as there are cheaters, but a foundational commonality among all is selfishness.

June 16, 2015

my mm went on to screw others, he liked sex

And that's a reason for a good many of them.

I've known plenty of men over the years who 'sport cheated' simply because they liked the variety of something NEW and nothing more.

Their wives could be home in a negligee, hanging from a chandelier with a glass of wine in their hands waiting for him to come home, but she still couldn't morph herself into something NEW and different.

June 16, 2015

Sorry, unless you ave been in that situation, you don't.

I's easy to say "if you are in that situation, only have one kid". Even with one kid, a dual income may be necessary, depending upon where you live.

You also assume that the kid, or kids, will never have any issues, and I can assure you, that is not the case.

We had three kids, and by some very bad luck ( an I suspect bad genetics) all of them had health issues, which meant I had to stay at home with hem. Even with my country's free primary health care and my husband's excellent health insurance, we still had to pay over a thousand out of pocket each month for medications, therapy, transportation to and form medical appointments at the children's hospital that is several hours away, special foods for them, etc., etc., etc.

These were not luxuries, but necessities.

We did the date night thing a few times when we were lucky enough to have respite care and my husband wasn't deployed or away somewhere, but that was all we could manage, and the idea of taking time off every day form what we had to do so I could rub his feet, drink a glass of wine with him and then talk about our day was, well, not going to happen.

We built our intimacy in other ways.

I juts irks me when people who have no idea what parenthood can be like for some speak as if they do. It just adds to the guilt they are already feeling for not being able to do it all.

Oh pleeze, "me" feeling guilty cuz I did not decide to have kids?

Same way I could say that people with kids are jealous of the freedom us single people have.

There are people out there with kids who put more effort into their marriage than others do. While I may not have children myself, I have ears/eyes and I hear/see people doing it every day.

Unfortunately, many people don't have the organizational/homemaking skills and/or don't care about the marriage and default into "you are not me/in my shoes" argument in a defensive response.

Like my brother's wife? The other day she put up a selfie of her and her very "preggo" belly looking sexy in an evening dress. Mind you, they have two kids already and their house is cleaner/cuter than mine. Some people know/have their priorities. She always keeps up her appearance and the home. I thanked her (like I do on the regular) for taking good care of my brother.

June 16, 2015

And that's a reason for a good many of them.

I've known plenty of men over the years who 'sport cheated' simply because they liked the variety of something NEW and nothing more.

Their wives could be home in a negligee, hanging from a chandelier with a glass of wine in their hands waiting for him to come home, but she still couldn't morph herself into something NEW and different.

And yes, IMO, that is one of the "three" generalized categories of cheaters in my opinion (The dogs, starved guys, one-time mistake).

You can't do nothing about a dog. You have to leave him. And, quite frankly, a dog doesn't change it's coat - in other words, IMO, the women who marry these guys who are dogs saw the red flags, yet ignored them and when he started cheating in the marriage, they already had one/two/three kids with him in hopes they could "domesticate" their doggy

June 16, 2015

Another example?

One woman called my fav podcaster cuz her husband was cheating. Did you know what the cheating consisted of?

Like every morning, before he'd go to work, he'd have sex for 15 min in his car with his mistress.

Now, if his wife, would only make 15 min of time for him in their bed, before they go to work - mistress would have been toast.

Yes, I can get how people can get busy and stuff. But, this guy made time to get into his car, meet with his mistress, for only 15 min of sex in a car before he went into work.

Sex is important to men. If you're tired, 15 min of morning sex is too much? Last time I looked most men don't want sex that goes beyond a few minutes. You, taking the time out to give him that 15 min of sex will make him a happier person...In return, he might just be interested in listening to you blab about your day when he comes home.

That's what relationships are all about - giving. You give and the other person gives back. I'm sure a good man will recognize that you make 15 min of sex-in-the-morning time for him is a sacrifice and in return he will do things for you.

But, if you stay there upset and complaining about the kids and don't make time for him, he won't make time for you either and you two can play roommates until you die and/or the kids are 18 and out.

Women power...we women have the power to change the climate in our homes, marriages, and families. Unless you married a dog, if you simply do those little things for your man, you will be happier, he will be happier, family will be happier and mistresses will be put in the dust.

If we sit down and make a list of what we do 24/7, there's room where we can run things more efficiently. Now, it may require not running after the kids and cleaning up after them all the time - but that doesn't mean you let your house turn into a pig sty either.

June 16, 2015

Another example?

One woman called my fav podcaster cuz her husband was cheating. Did you know what the cheating consisted of?

Like every morning, before he'd go to work, he'd have sex for 15 min in his car with his mistress.

Now, if his wife, would only make 15 min of time for him in their bed, before they go to work - mistress would have been toast.

Yes, I can get how people can get busy and stuff. But, this guy made time to get into his car, meet with his mistress, for only 15 min of sex in a car before he went into work.

Sex is important to men. If you're tired, 15 min of morning sex is too much? Last time I looked most men don't want sex that goes beyond a few minutes. You, taking the time out to give him that 15 min of sex will make him a happier person...In return, he might just be interested in listening to you blab about your day when he comes home.

That's what relationships are all about - giving. You give and the other person gives back. I'm sure a good man will recognize that you make 15 min of sex-in-the-morning time for him is a sacrifice and in return he will do things for you.

But, if you stay there upset and complaining about the kids and don't make time for him, he won't make time for you either and you two can play roommates until you die and/or the kids are 18 and out.

Women power...we women have the power to change the climate in our homes, marriages, and families. Unless you married a dog, if you simply do those little things for your man, you will be happier, he will be happier, family will be happier and mistresses will be put in the dust.

If we sit down and make a list of what we do 24/7, there's room where we can run things more efficiently. Now, it may require not running after the kids and cleaning up after them all the time - but that doesn't mean you let your house turn into a pig sty either.

So....betrayal, deceit, and exposing your spouse to STD's is fine as long as you think your wife isn't doing enough?

Nice

June 16, 2015

I am confused, again- on why the woman is being blamed in these scenarios-

15 minutes of car sex leaves me with these questions-

what woman allows herself to be 15 minutes of car sex? Aren't we worth more than that?

What could the husband have done with those extra 15 minutes to improve his marriage/family life- maybe even romance his wife-

I don't get it-

June 16, 2015

I am confused, again- on why the woman is being blamed in these scenarios-
15 minutes of car sex leaves me with these questions-

what woman allows herself to be 15 minutes of car sex? Aren't we worth more than that?

What could the husband have done with those extra 15 minutes to improve his marriage/family life- maybe even romance his wife-

I don't get it-

Women always seem to get the blame.

Effort is required on both parts, not just the husband or the wife.

Some people who have affairs are just weak. They have a member of the opposite sex hitting on them and they can't say no.

Mrs. T

June 16, 2015

Spiderowl,

You asked :-

Why seek an extramarital relationship?

because they are selfish, have a sense of entitlement, weak boundaries and poor coping skills.

June 16, 2015

Spiderowl,
You asked :-

because they are selfish, have a sense of entitlement, weak boundaries and poor coping skills.

Honesty, at its core, it is as simple as this. Yes, there may be peripheral and completely separate problems, issues, or challenges. But none of those "cause" an affair.

An affair is a choice one makes because one has decided "I am entitled to do what I want, and I want this."

They may give all sorts of reasons why they think they are entitled to it, but it boils down to the same thing.

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Why seek an extramarital relationship? (Updated)

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