HunterGl7 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Long story, similar to many on here. I was dumpee and we were both in our mid-twenties when it happened. She left for someone else after our 5 year relationship. I went strict no-contact ( zero contact in any way) and she did the same. Didn't think I would ever hear from her again. Recently got an email from her (it's been 3 years since the breakup) wondering how I was doing and hoping to hear from me. Just checked social media and seems she's still with the same guy. Do I answer? Advice please
Marco Valerio Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I would say NO. If you think or feel she's in a relationship, is very possible she's just testing the waters. If she was single that would be different. I myself, would probably reach out to see what there is.
ravfour4 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 One of my ex gf from 5 years ago broke up with me, then we got back together and I caught her cheating. I left and never spoke to her again. She is still with that person, but I haven't felt a single emotion towards here since I met my most recent ex gf 4 years ago (met her a year after the last one). My new girl was an upgrade in every single way and I realized I wasn't even that fond of the first one. She reached out to me recently after my father passed away (5 years since we last talked) and has been somewhat flirty and apologized for the past. I felt absolutely nothing towards her, the apology meant nothing and the flirtatious nature made me think she was pathetic. I don't remember any good times with her and those emotions are dead and buried forever. If you still miss this ex, I wouldn't talk to her. If you felt like me, go for it. It didn't bring me back at all.
dyna85 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Did she hurt you and make you suffer? Then no. Why reopen that painful chapter? Plus, she's still with that guy....what could she possibly want? 1
SycamoreCircle Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 She dumped you for another guy? Fµck her. Consider this: by you never speaking to her again maybe it will finally sink into her reptilian skin that you don't treat people like that. You will, in effect, be helping some other poor guy. Besides, any energy directed her way might be directed towards someone who will deeply respect and cherish you. 1
dyna85 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 She dumped you for another guy? Fµck her. Consider this: by you never speaking to her again maybe it will finally sink into her reptilian skin that you don't treat people like that. You will, in effect, be helping some other poor guy. Besides, any energy directed her way might be directed towards someone who will deeply respect and cherish you. Truth. You are her lesson. You will teach her that she should not treat people like dirt and get the benefit of still having them lying around for her leisure. Eff that. Access denied. This is your chance to do what you probably wished you could have when you were deep in the depths of despair. Peace offering in disguise...long after the damage has been done... Don't forget how she made you feel. The hurt cannot be undone.
Author HunterGl7 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 Some good advice in the responses, thanks. It was a very rough breakup and completely one-sided. It was all her doing. Part of me doesn't wan't to reply because it might bring me back to a horrible time in my life. But I can't lie, there is another part of me that wants to see what she wants. I'm sure it's nothing and to me it sounds like she's simply curious to see what I'm up to. I've never been the type to hold a grudge forever and feel this might almost close things off on a better note since I never got any answers back when it happened. I'm still waiting for an apology. I know that's prob wishful thinking and I don't even know why I'm curious at all. Don't know what to do.
erklat Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 If she's with the same guy don't respond. I would never respond to my exes pathetic attempts to relieve her guilt. On the notion of some ex sex I could be tempted though.
SycamoreCircle Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Some good advice in the responses, thanks. It was a very rough breakup and completely one-sided. It was all her doing. Part of me doesn't wan't to reply because it might bring me back to a horrible time in my life. But I can't lie, there is another part of me that wants to see what she wants. I'm sure it's nothing and to me it sounds like she's simply curious to see what I'm up to. I've never been the type to hold a grudge forever and feel this might almost close things off on a better note since I never got any answers back when it happened. I'm still waiting for an apology. I know that's prob wishful thinking and I don't even know why I'm curious at all. Don't know what to do.You want to close things off? You want closure? Closure comes from you. Closure comes from saying I'm a worthwhile person who treats other people with honesty, decency and respect. In the course of my life I will encounter people who do not treat me with honesty, decency and respect. I cannot control them. I can control myself. I decide that if people can't treat me with honesty, decency and respect, then I will go my own way. They will not infiltrate or disrupt my life. I will move on, peacefully and without them. 1
ravfour4 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 If you're still waiting for answers or an apology, don't respond. I only responded to my old ex because I was and still am 100% neutral towards her
mightycpa Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Some good advice in the responses, thanks. It was a very rough breakup and completely one-sided. It was all her doing. Part of me doesn't wan't to reply because it might bring me back to a horrible time in my life. But I can't lie, there is another part of me that wants to see what she wants. I'm sure it's nothing and to me it sounds like she's simply curious to see what I'm up to. I've never been the type to hold a grudge forever and feel this might almost close things off on a better note since I never got any answers back when it happened. I'm still waiting for an apology. I know that's prob wishful thinking and I don't even know why I'm curious at all. Don't know what to do. Write her back and lay it on the line: Matilda, let's cut the "how you doin?" crap. What do you really want? You'll get your dissatisfying and disheartening answer, and you won't second-guess your actions for the rest of your life. Better to take one on the chin now than die the death of a million questions. 1
Zapbasket Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Well, no matter her motives, keep in mind that reaching out like that after three years takes a lot, especially when she has reason to believe a) that you were hurt by her decision to break up with you and b) that you might have no interest in talking to her. So, unless you REALLY believe she is a trite, thoughtless, depth-less human being, before you make any decision one way or other, consider what it took for her to reach out to you. As for her not apologizing right off the bat, that would be almost as presumptuous as one could say writing to "say hi" and "how are you?" is presumptuous. For all she knows, you're long over it, don't think about it any more, and maybe don't care at this point to be reminded of the bad times. At the same time, of course, sending off a casual "hi" as though you were just friends who lost touch is a bit thoughtless. So basically, no matter what she does or says, she's damned either way. The only way she is free of any complication is if she just doesn't reach out to you at all. This is why I say for her to reach out is a big deal, and a decision probably arrived at after a long time of wanting to reach out but talking herself out of it. All the same, some people are amazing in the levels of denial and emotional cowardice they are capable of. So if you do decide to respond, be reserved; something along the lines of: "Hi ___, What a surprise to hear from you after all this time. I'm doing well. What prompted you to get in touch? Best, ____." The real test then lies in how she responds to your reply, now that you've shown her you're open to hearing from her but understandably wanting to know why now, after three years. Good luck. I was in your shoes once, and while at the time I didn't reply because I didn't feel I could handle it, now I wish I'd been in a place emotionally where I could have at least replied to ask him what he wanted. The not knowing is a painful spur at times...but then again, it's also an answer, of sorts. 1
Author HunterGl7 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Well, no matter her motives, keep in mind that reaching out like that after three years takes a lot, especially when she has reason to believe a) that you were hurt by her decision to break up with you and b) that you might have no interest in talking to her. So, unless you REALLY believe she is a trite, thoughtless, depth-less human being, before you make any decision one way or other, consider what it took for her to reach out to you. As for her not apologizing right off the bat, that would be almost as presumptuous as one could say writing to "say hi" and "how are you?" is presumptuous. For all she knows, you're long over it, don't think about it any more, and maybe don't care at this point to be reminded of the bad times. At the same time, of course, sending off a casual "hi" as though you were just friends who lost touch is a bit thoughtless. So basically, no matter what she does or says, she's damned either way. The only way she is free of any complication is if she just doesn't reach out to you at all. This is why I say for her to reach out is a big deal, and a decision probably arrived at after a long time of wanting to reach out but talking herself out of it. All the same, some people are amazing in the levels of denial and emotional cowardice they are capable of. So if you do decide to respond, be reserved; something along the lines of: "Hi ___, What a surprise to hear from you after all this time. I'm doing well. What prompted you to get in touch? Best, ____." The real test then lies in how she responds to your reply, now that you've shown her you're open to hearing from her but understandably wanting to know why now, after three years. Good luck. I was in your shoes once, and while at the time I didn't reply because I didn't feel I could handle it, now I wish I'd been in a place emotionally where I could have at least replied to ask him what he wanted. The not knowing is a painful spur at times...but then again, it's also an answer, of sorts. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I always like getting perspective from people who have been through similar situations. I also appreciate the other responses from people saying to not reply as there are valid reasons for that as well. By responding there is always that possibility of being drawn back into a really crappy situation. I basically find myself in a similar mindset as GreenCove. I do think it's a bit strange to get in touch after so long and I don't get it, which is why I decided to come around these parts and ask the experts of loveshack If I do decide to reply, a short, cordial response is all I'd send. I guess I don't really expect an apology but I'd rather take the higher road and be civil and at least respond and not wonder in the future about it.
Chi townD Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Okay, here it is. It took her three years to get there, but I think she finally started to feel guilty about what she did to you. She probably seen or heard something that reminded her about you. And then she started to remember how badly things ended by her hand. One thing about a lot of girls, they can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates the or doesn't think that they are a nice person. Therefore, she's contacting you to see if this is the case. To see if you still hate her. Nothing more than that because you've obviously seen that she's still with the douche rocket so what other reason to contact you? Ignore it dude. She gave up the right to know how you are.
Beechy1973 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 After 2 years separation (she cheated, we have 3 kids) my ex asked for a reconciliation; for us to date and fall in love again. Against my better judgement I foolishly agreed and within 2 weeks had a letter from her backing off. Seriously regretted having dropped my guard only to be made a fool of. Self respect and dignity have to be safeguarded by you as once they get erased, they can be difficult to get back.
No Limit Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Breadcrumb and ego-polishing. Don't respond. Keep her out of your life.
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