RosieDunne Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I know this sounds a little selfish but it's becoming a problem for me and I don't know what to do. I have the perfect boyfriend, he's honestly the nicest best guy ive ever met and I couldn't be happier, we've been together about 6 or 7 months now and haven't had a single problem yet, I wouldn't change him for the world. But the problem is he's an identical twin and incredibly close to his twin which means we hang out together all the time. This was a bit of a shock at first because I'm used to having alone time with my boyfriend and it was strange to have a relationship that involved hanging out with another person so much but I quickly got used to it and did always have a really good time, and of course it helps that they're twins and very similar so I got on with them both really well. So hanging out as a three a lot didn't really bother me that much although ideally I'd have liked more alone time the two of us, I didn't mind. In a few months they're getting a house and my boyfriend asked me to move in with him when ive finished uni and I was really happy and excited. But now his twin had a girlfriend and it means the four of us have to hang out ALL THE TIME. I'm talking all day until about 4am when we go to bed for about 4 or 5 days in a row and it's starting to drive me a bit loopy. It's fine when we're at my house, we have all the alone time we want but when I'm at his we're a four all the time and I'm not a very sociable person anyway so I hate being forced into hanging out together all the time. I've mentioned wanting alone time to my boyfriend before but we always still seem to end up hanging out as a four. Don't get me wrong we do get alone time and I love it to pieces but when we're at his house we always have to hang out as a four until bed time. Now today she said "when we all move in together." She's expecting to move into our new house too so we're all going to live together and that's the worst thing I can think of. There won't be any alone time at all anymore because that'll be my house too, there'll be nowhere else to go. I love my boyfriend and I want to stay with him but I can't handle being a four all the time what do I do? It's driving me crazy and the thought of the four of us living together makes me want to cry
kendahke Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I know this sounds a little selfish but it's becoming a problem for me and I don't know what to do. I have the perfect boyfriend, he's honestly the nicest best guy ive ever met and I couldn't be happier, we've been together about 6 or 7 months now and haven't had a single problem yet, I wouldn't change him for the world. But the problem is he's an identical twin and incredibly close to his twin which means we hang out together all the time. This was a bit of a shock at first because I'm used to having alone time with my boyfriend and it was strange to have a relationship that involved hanging out with another person so much but I quickly got used to it and did always have a really good time, and of course it helps that they're twins and very similar so I got on with them both really well. So hanging out as a three a lot didn't really bother me that much although ideally I'd have liked more alone time the two of us, I didn't mind. In a few months they're getting a house and my boyfriend asked me to move in with him when ive finished uni and I was really happy and excited. But now his twin had a girlfriend and it means the four of us have to hang out ALL THE TIME. I'm talking all day until about 4am when we go to bed for about 4 or 5 days in a row and it's starting to drive me a bit loopy. It's fine when we're at my house, we have all the alone time we want but when I'm at his we're a four all the time and I'm not a very sociable person anyway so I hate being forced into hanging out together all the time. I've mentioned wanting alone time to my boyfriend before but we always still seem to end up hanging out as a four. Don't get me wrong we do get alone time and I love it to pieces but when we're at his house we always have to hang out as a four until bed time. Now today she said "when we all move in together." She's expecting to move into our new house too so we're all going to live together and that's the worst thing I can think of. There won't be any alone time at all anymore because that'll be my house too, there'll be nowhere else to go. I love my boyfriend and I want to stay with him but I can't handle being a four all the time what do I do? It's driving me crazy and the thought of the four of us living together makes me want to cry Don't move in with him if you don't want to be a part of a constant 4-some. He's known his twin since he was conceived and he really likes being around his twin. Twin's brother's got a new girlfriend and of course, he's going to want to spend as much time with her as your boyfriend did with you when you first got together. Right now, you know you can have alone time in your own place. Keep it. It makes no sense to willingly go into a situation you know before hand isn't going to be what you want nor will you be happy in it. It will turn you into someone grumpy and hard to get along with because you already know you don't like being around the others. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Twins are closer then people understand by virtue of the fact that they have always been together. If you don't want to be part of a foursome 24/7, don't move in. Understand that when you are there it will be all 4 of you all the time. When you want alone time go to your place. 1
fireflywy Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I certainly wouldn't move in. Your life will become one long Doublemint commercial. Give it more time and maybe you guys can get seperate lodging if you are keen on moving in together. 2
veggirl Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I have a twin and we are SUPER close. I loved having double dates with her! MANY of our hang outs were couple-hang outs with our SOs, but we also had plenty of alone time with our men too. Have you told him you want more alone time? What does he say? I would NEVER move in with a guy + anyone else. Don't do it. 1
fireflywy Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 ]I have a twin and we are SUPER close[/b]. I loved having double dates with her! MANY of our hang outs were couple-hang outs with our SOs, but we also had plenty of alone time with our men too. Have you told him you want more alone time? What does he say? I would NEVER move in with a guy + anyone else. Don't do it. Can you read eachothers minds? Jk. Always wanted to ask that.
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 You may have to rethink this relationship. I know twins that do everything together, and that includes living together. I doubt he will ever want or enjoy not being without his twin around. You could ask him, and see if you two can have time alone BUT if he just can't then you might have to consider departing this relationship. And for god's sake don't move in unless you can have set boundaries that you are comfortable with. It just might be a lifestyle thing that you can't live with and he can't live without. 1
MissBee Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) I have a twin and we are SUPER close. I loved having double dates with her! MANY of our hang outs were couple-hang outs with our SOs, but we also had plenty of alone time with our men too. Have you told him you want more alone time? What does he say? I would NEVER move in with a guy + anyone else. Don't do it. I agree. If I'm moving in with a boyfriend I will be moving in with just him...not him and his friend, not him and his brother, not him and his brother and brother's gf or anything like that. I think you need to be more firm about your feelings about this with your boyfriend. You have been very reasonable hanging out all day until 4am 4 and 5 days a week with him and his brother and with his brother's gf, that's more than what most would do. But if you live in a house with them all you will slowly begin to resent your bf and them and things will go sour fast. I'm a sociable person but I NEED alone time to recharge and it's very different coming home to a SO versus a house full of people or roommates. Even with my roommate, I like her, but I find that she sometimes wants to hang out way more than I do and sometimes I'm not in the mood and I wanna come home and not talk to anyone and just unwind. I would go craaazy in the situation you described! I think you should have another talk with your boyfriend and make him know your feelings as you've explained to us and come up with a better solution. If anything, it's probably better to live separately and visit so you can get a break and more alone time than go along with living with him, his brother and the brother's gf. He may be a great guy, but if for the foreseeable future he wants such an arrangement and wants to spend every waking moment with his twin then you may need to reconsider. I get that twins are close, I am not a twin but have a sister who is a year younger so we're very close, BUT even the twins I know don't all live together with their SOs or must always hang out 5 days a week and stuff and seem to be close while giving each other space in their romantic relationships. Edited June 15, 2015 by MissBee
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I don't see anything wrong with telling him "I just can't do this any more." You've asked him about more alone-time before, and he's always complied - briefly. Tell him you really do understand the closeness between him and his brother. You realise nothing can and should ever come between them, and that's not what you want. But this constant 4some, continuous company and sharing of everything is just not doing it for you. It's distressing, inhibiting, limiting and invasive. you cannot keep doing this until the early hours every night, and you're sorry, but if this is going to turn into a domestic situation, then you can't participate. You love him, you still want to date him, but it's possible that this incessant connection with all 4 of you will become unhealthy. What, are you supposed to all be intimate together under one roof? (I don't mean a sexual foursome; I mean absolutely zero privacy, lack of intimacy and no 'freedom of movement'.) No. I'm sorry it's going to have to be so hard, but you must tell him. He's your boyfriend; your partner. The guy you're making a life with. Not him, his brother, and HIS girlfriend.... Bear in mind you might lose the argument, here. Bear in mind it may not go your way, and he may feel that it's YOU who can't fit in. Yes, it's a risk. But there's no other way of dealing with this, other than being up-front and completely honest.
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